Happy Monday! And happy Memorial Day to those who have the day off and/or are observing the holiday. We hope you enjoy this edition of Cover Snark!
Amanda: I wanted to be Julia Sugarbaker when I grew up and neither of these people looks like Dixie Carter to me.
CarrieS: Well for starters, I think they should design their woman to be a little taller than that. I’m no professional, but that’s my opinion.
Sarah: I think she’s lying about how big his tape measure really is.
Elyse: They both have that nervous laugh look of people trying to bond with their hostage takers.
Amanda: At first, I thought those were two sticks of salami behind her. Why are they so red?!
Redheadedgirl: They ate too many beets?
Sarah: Can they bond over their shared need for additional sunscreen?
CarrieS: She looks like she can handle things fine on her own.
Amanda: LEAKAGE IS NEVER A GOOD TITLE.
EVER.
Sarah: NO. EW.
What’s the sequel, The Wet Spot?
Amanda: Seepage? Weepage?
Some other gross “leaking” word?
Sarah: I’m shuddering right now.
CarrieS: Someone needs to do their kegels.
Elyse: Didn’t they fix the Olestra issue with Lay’s?
From ChillyJen: “…all I can ask is what have they done to that poor young man? Dudes, that is not the torso of a high schooler. That is the torso of a hardened do-anything-for-my-heroine-but-still-emotionally unavailable former marine with a past. Or maybe a firefighting shifter with a penchant for bears. Also, what in the hell have they done to his neck?”
Redheadedgirl: …he looks dehydrated and needs some water. Probably Gatorade.
Sarah: I am so squicked by the discord between his face and the rest of him.
Amanda: Yeah, that’s definitely not his real face.
CarrieS: No. Just…no.
Elyse: Also why is he shiny? You know whatever the hell that is, it’s sticky. It’s gonna mess up your couch.
Fine print: previously published as Eight to Midnight
This means someone thought LEAKAGE was an improvement.
Eight to Midnight sounds like suspense. I don’t know what leakage sounds like.
Maybe the shiny in the bottom cover is related to the leakage?
oh my, Wil Wheaton, what happened to you?
Assuming it’s the true crime meaning of ‘leakage’, ie letting the mask slip.
Still sounds like sequel will be Sagotage.
What’s the sequel?”
“Moist,” of course!
They definitely didn’t copy-paste the same dude twice on that “Casey’s…” cover. What is the world would give you that idea?
With all the trademark nonsense happening, “Designing Women” has best watch it back.
Why is the word romance in ransom note lettering? That’s not creepy at all.
The “Designing Woman”‘s hand gesture is something I’ve seen before, monetised…
https://www.industrysuper.com/about/campaigns/look-for-this-symbol/
…but I was thinking more “ahoy, corporate sponsors” than copyright lawsuit. Crestfallen for my cynicism fail.
No one even mentioned the weird shadow girl on the “Leakage” sheets! Did he…leak her? Is she a very artful stain?
“I don’t know what leakage sounds like. ”
A medical condition?
@Heather M, are we sure it’s a sheet? It seems to me that he’s laying on the roof of a car, which would make her a reflection in the windshield. Which makes no more sense than than a reflection on a sheet.
@bnbsrose & Heather M, I found the stock photo, and it’s captioned “Thoughtful young shirtless man reading book while lying on the floor at his apartment,” with what is clearly a wood floor beneath him. The white expanse in the foreground is an artistic choice I choose to interpret as a woman he keeps frozen in a block of ice. He’s reading to her because she clearly likes it. Look how her frozen rictus lights up the room!
I had to look up “Leakage”. In the “From the Author” section on Amazon, she talks about regretting that title. I think I just might have to read that book.
Casey’s Warriors…ah, what to say? The one guy’s forearm is not reasonable. It isn’t. And I think he has a tiny pink hand sitting on it. What gave me pause was the other guy with the necklace. Look down a bit. That does not look like a belly button to me, it looks like a nipple.
Leakage makes sense. She seems to be leaking out of the book he is reading. I’m hoping once all of her is out she becomes solid.
Laws of Attraction. He could be a high schooler. If he is always changing schools chances are they kept him back a year a dozen times or so. I am, however, puzzled why so many people take a robust photo editing program and misuse it. If you do not know how to add a head to a torso practice! Look in the mirror. You should ask yourself: do I have lumps on the side of my neck? and, how long is a real neck? The torso itself appears to have a face coming out of it. It is Not a torso.
Despite those obvious failures, those three book covers are more interesting than Designing Women where both the man and woman seem to be anatomically correct even if they don’t add a lot of meaning to the book’s title.
Leakage: Whether it’s a car roof, mirrored sheets, a tabletop or his apartment floor, there’s no place that woman could be standing which would yield the reflection we see. I think it’s showing us the man’s interior, in which he sees himself as a woman. And if so, perhaps he is fiddling with his glasses (notice how they’re crooked) to shut out the mental picture.
Laws of Attraction: Never mind his neck. What on earth happened to his torso? Did he have six pairs of ribs removed in early childhood, and the bodybuilding has been his lifelong attempt to compensate?
I think Mr Leakage has one of those body pillow cases there like you get at various SF/Anime conventions that are preprinted with the image of some hot fantasy character, in this case whoever that faded-out woman is (clearly this pillowcase has been washed A LOT.) He has clearly just finished doing what a typical teenage boy would do with such a pillow and the leakage is the aftereffect.
@auntie knitting, I was thinking Spider-Man/Tom Holland myself.
The cover boy on the Designing Women cover makes me think of Joel McHale. Witty hero ahead!
LOL. I have nothing to add about Leakage so I’ll just wander off for a pre-dinner Mojito.
While I appreciate the fact that the Designing Women couple are completely clothed, they give off more of a Bank Loan For A Renovation ad vibe than a romance. Or is that the conflict? “Can Bill and Mary convince Geoffrey from Evil Mortgages Ltd that they really can afford the repayments?”
Casey’s Warriors are pink and hairless like newborn marsupials. And also tilting. Why are they tilting?
The first thing I thought of when I saw Leakage was when I was breastfeeding and how that was…messy. I had a moment of envy that the cover model was going topless. Then I realised that breast leakage was never going to be a thing for him. My second look made me think that he was reading by the pool (which would explain the lack of clothes). Except that the other books would have to be floating on the pool and that makes no sense. I then wondered why he was lying across a glass topped table – that would account for the reflection of the girl and let him have his books. But that doesn’t work either. So I just decided to appreciate a young man with no tats, a pleasing level of body fitness and chest hair.
Which means that that last cover just has a big NONONONO all over it. Scrolling back up to appreciate the young man with the chest hair. (sudden thought: Was eight minutes to midnight a reference to his obvious membership of the Bad Decisions Book Club and no-one got it? Is that why they chose to retitle the book?)
The last guy looks like the head of pre-Serum Captain America on the body of post-Serum Captain America
Does anyone remember when KFC published a romance book? Well Leakage made me wonder if Depends was also trying its hand at romance.
@Amanda: Tender Wings of Desire! I still have that on my Kindle. I’m having a rough reading spell and keep thinking it can’t be any worse than the allegedly serious efforts that are enraging me. Maybe I’ll test that theory next…
Cover 1: Y’know, that title’s just all kinds of wrong.
CarrieS: Well for starters, I think they should design their woman to be a little taller than that. I’m no professional, but that’s my opinion.
Ah, I was going to make that joke if you guys hadn’t already! XD Oh well. Maybe they’re designing Barbie dolls.
Cover 2: I…uh…um…I don’t know who’s more terrifying here, the woman or the men. Either way, I really would be uncomfortable being anywhere near this book. *small voice* It’s following me.
Cover 3: https://media.giphy.com/media/OaHSWGgZ0TxfO/giphy.gif
How…on Earth…did anyone think that was a good title? I mean…is leaking ever a good thing? Even in the case of something perfectly innocent like water balloons, for instance, leaking is not a good thing! How in the heck–
Also, “Friends-to-Lovers Romance”. Is that not…usually how it works? I mean, it’s nice to know they were friends first and all, but I can’t help but feel as if it’d be more notable if they were, say, enemies first. Then again, knowing the whole romance genre, maybe not.
Cover 4: They’ve genetically engineered a Super-Bieber!