Cover Snark: Beware of Worm

Cover Snark is here for all your Monday needs! Enjoy!

For the Love of Nick by Jill Shalvis. A man who looks very much like Paul Ryan is shirtless and in bed. A woman is cozied up next to him and he looks very confused about it.

From Rom: I was going through my bookcase and found the 2002 edition cover of Jill Shalvis’ For the Love of Nick. There are so many things about it that are just… a bit off-kilter, that I highly recommend investigating it.

Sarah: There does not appear to be a lot of love there. Or comfort. Or relaxation.

RHG: Oh my god, that looks kind of like Paul Ryan.

Sarah: OMG.

And they look so stiff in a not-good way.

Amanda: I’m getting more of a Ted Cruz vibe, but it’s still pretty awful.

CarrieS: It looks like she’s totally into him but he’s thinking of someone else. Possibly Nick.

Elyse: It’s like Paul Ryan made out of silly putty.

Maverik's Ashes by Sandra Neely. A manbunned and bearded hero stands shirtless in an ashen wasteland. He has tattoos on his chest. He's looking down at his crotch, which is on fire with fingers coming out of the flames.

From W. Thanks W!

Amanda: That’s a pretty small fire. It also looks like more fingers are coming out of it, though I believe those are his own fingers.

Elyse: Only you can prevent pube fires

Sarah: That one finger in the middle of the fire right above the apostrophe and the “S” is really quite mesmerizing. And he doesn’t look all that concerned about the actual fire, which is even more alarming.

RHG: He knows he just had to use the cream again. He’s had this problem before

Sarah: You mean when the burning and itching flare up?

RHG: Yup. Yeast infection, most likely.

Sarah: Looks like it got a little out of hand.

RHG: Badumbum!

Beware Of Worm In Your Anus, a Guide Book About The Danger Of Worm In Your Baby And How To Avoid It by David Jems. A man is facing away from the cover and he's wearing a white shirt and jeans. He's clutching his butt.

Elyse: Butt worms.

You can get beef flavor chews for those.

Sarah: Wait…

You know, never mind. I’m just going to…back away.

Amanda: Just make sure you beware of worm, Sarah.

Sarah: In Your Anus, yes. Am now aware. And wary.

RHG: Also beware of WOrm.

CarrieS: What genre is this? What is happening? Why is it worm, singular? I have science questions. Shouldn’t it be “Beware of Worm in your digestive organs?” Sidenote: Ringworm is not caused by worms. It’s fungal.

Lightning Blade by D.N. Erikson. A woman stands in front of a black shadowy cityscape. There is a blue glow around her as she holds a shotgun across her shoulders. The woman looks very familiar.

Elizabeth S: Possible cover snark – is it me or does the model look exactly like Emma Stone with dark hair?

Sarah: Either that or Keira Knightley. Did someone merge them? Isn’t there an app for that? Is it making book covers now!?

Elyse: It’s one of those “if they had a baby” things.
Amanda: There’s no trigger on that gun, which is some mega gun safety. A+

CarrieS: That’s a gun, not a blade.

Elyse: Like HiddlesHem

A face mash up between Tom Hiddleston and Chris Hemsworth

It’s some uncanny valley shit

Sarah: That is seriously uncanny valley

Like my skin is crawling.

Elyse: RIGHT

He’s definitely a robot here to kill us all

Sarah: By tempting us into something. Like the hot tub of doom.

Comments are Closed

  1. ZyZyva says:

    #1. Yeah, even real-life pollies can’t body-horrify me anymore unless they’re wearing budgie smugglers. Jaded.
    The approximately Caucasian-flesh-coloured couch, on the other hand…

    #2. If I combine that dude’s phoenix tattoo and that Boccaccio tale with the innuendo about the bird singing all night long, I guess this is supposed to be some sexual awakening/rebirth metaphor?
    Maybe he’s reborn as whatever’s in fashion for men. This decade, hipster.

    #3. I’m actually impressed by the subliminal messaging in that stock photo. Love heart stylings sewn in the back pockets + hands in a protective gesture = “give your posterior TLC, urgently!”
    I bet in an earlier life that photo sold a lot of product in pharmacies.

    #4. I totally thought she was armed with a SuperSoaker. Which makes her the antidote to the fire guy.

    Have you seen the Caitriona Balfe lookalike cover?
    https://www.amazon.com/Kiss-Promise-Katie-Flynn-ebook/dp/B004TSXWAY/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

  2. Carol S says:

    Wow my son used to stand just like Beware of Worm when he was potty training. That stance didn’t end well for either of us.

  3. DonnaMarie says:

    Lightning Blade gives me a Lindsay Lohan vibe. Also, yes total disconnect:. why is she holding a rifle?

    Thanks for the HiddlesHem, it was everything I didn’t know my Monday needed. Unlike butt worms. Which no one needs with their morning coffee

  4. Megan M. says:

    HiddlesHem looks like another actor and it’s going to kill me until I figure out who the hell it is.

  5. Ren Benton says:

    @Megan M: I got a bit of a young Edward Norton vibe around HiddlesHem’s eyes and mouth.

  6. Jill Q. says:

    I think that Jill Shalvis cover made the rounds on “All About Romance/Laurie Likes Books” when it came out! They used to do a cover contest with a “worst” category. I don’t think it won, but it had some tough competition.

    Age has not improved it. I don’t need a man to be He-Man but something about his thin body, coloring, expression makes me think he has some wasting disease. She needs to hop out of bed in case it’s catching.

  7. LauraL says:

    Beyond the flames, did the misspelling (or maybe cutesy misspelling) of Maverick caught my eye on cover three. I’m guessing he’s told so many lies he no longer feels a burning sensation when his pants ignite. I really wish liars’ pants ignited when they told a lie ….

    Maybe Beware of Worm is translated from another language? Anyhow, I believe the worm we’re being warned of is the pinworm which are known to crawl out of its host’s behind at night. The beef flavor wormer may work on them, too.

  8. lunchable says:

    My favorite thing about Beware of Worm is that the subtitle, according to the amazon text, is a Guide Book About The Danger Of Worm In Your Baby And How To Avoid It.

    It definitely has a strong whiff of google translate about it, that’s for sure.

  9. Anne says:

    When a guy can be described as a cross between Paul Ryan and Ted Cruz, you know that ain’t good.

  10. Sandra says:

    Along with all the rest of Nick’s problems, it looks like he only waxed one side. Did he get the right side done, decide it was too painful and then wimp out? (Which reminds me of a Whoopi Goldberg routine I saw many years ago about a bikini wax.)

    Also, apropos of nothing, but appropriate to the site. According to Google Doodles, today is the 180th birthday of William Henry Perkin — the man who invented the color mauve while trying to synthesize quinine.

  11. LMC says:

    #1. She looks like she just discovered something distrubing. Excessive nose hairs? Is she kneeling beside the bed?

    #4. The strong shadow under her chin suggestions over head lighting, but no shadows on her face. I agree with Emma Stone and Lindsay Lohan. Emsay? Linma?

    How does HiddlesHem get such great definition on the lower lashes? I can’t get it even with mascara. Curse men and their beautiful lashes!

  12. Blandine says:

    Maverik’s Ashes, maybe the Dover designer was listening to K’s Choice Something’s Wrong?
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KOqU9_KW4aI

  13. Blandine says:

    May I suggest The Expérimental by Holly Hart for a future snark?
    https://www.dropbox.com/s/5fghr9towduh0i9/51PGlSTEZWL._SY346_.jpg?dl=0

  14. Penny says:

    #3. The book is seemingly a translation of this Swedish article https://www.metro.se/artikel/kliar-det-i-rumpan-det-kan-vara-mask-i-magen-xr

  15. hartahd says:

    Re #2: I cannot believe that no one has made the obvious joke about having a weenie roast. Or maybe in this case, it’s a bunch of Vienna sausages.

    Also, I am awed by the number of people who have presumably been inspired by this post to Google “butt worms.” I am in no way brave enough to do that, not with a vat of brain bleach in which to dunk myself.

  16. Charity says:

    HiddlesHem IS Tom Branson from Downton Abbey

  17. Emily C says:

    I’m getting an Edward Norton/Zac Efron vibe from HiddlesHem… maybe EfNor and HiddlesHem could be twinsies?

  18. Gisela says:

    #1

    Heroine: “What did you just call me?!”
    Hero: *Oh sh$t*

    LOL

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