We’re resurrecting an older feature: Caption that Cover! You can see previous examples here and here, if you’re new to the site. Captioning is similar to Cover Snark, but instead of snarking, we want the Bitchery to really get to the WTF-heart of what’s going on.
Here is our first contender:
There are so many little things that, when put together, make no sense!
- What’s the top half of the woman doing?
- Where the heck does doomsday prepping come into play?
- Could he possibly have a foot fetish?
- Is that an elastic cuff on those jeans? Is she wearing jeans sweatpants? PAJAMA JEANS?!
Here are the rules for captioning that cover:
Comment below with your caption! Next to each comment should be a heart symbol. The Bitchery can use those to vote their favorites, or you can comment on which caption should be best in show.
The best captioner will receive a $10 bookstore credit to a book retailer of their choosing.
Standard disclaimers apply: We are not being compensated for this giveaway. Void where prohibited. Open to international residents where permitted by applicable law. Must be over 18 and ready to rack your brain, though “racking” may lead to some sort of snark brain freeze. Obviously, we’d like you to caption responsibly, but we think an adult beverage may help. Comments will close Friday March 23, 2018 around noon ET, and a winner will be announced shortly thereafter.
Good luck!
WINNER UPDATE: It was some stiff competition. After reviewing the comments, SBTB HQ has chosen Theresa (nebulopathy) as the winner! Here’s the winning caption:
One innocent little typo on the first page of the manual had Cade stockpiling gams not guns, but confusion has never been quite so romantic!
Thank you to everyone who participated and we look forward to doing this again in the future!
Who knew that discount airfare meant I’d have to hold someone’s feet the entire flight?
Sure I’ll hold your legs while you do crunches–just keep that stiletto OUT of my beard.
Welcome to the Apocalypse Auction! How much do I hear for this oil baron’s trophy wife’s cadaver? Sky’s the limit!
(PS thanks @Sarah for bringing it back!!)
His Doomsday Bunker was almost ready. All he needed was a Christmas bride. Togther, they would repopulate the world.
I don’t see any blood, Cardi B!
Hot Zach Galifianakis carries you to the Doomsday ball upside down so you can save your toes for running during the zombie apocalypse.
She found the perfect pair of shoes to wear. He found the perfect pair of legs to carry around with him.
Yo girl, do those legs go all the way down to the ground?
If the shoe fits, cut her off at the knees.
When hot Zach Galifianakis carries you to the Doomsday ball upside down so you can save your toes for running during the zombie apocalypse—you know it’s love.
(Ignore 1st entry! 🙂
She was insulting my beard, so I cut her off at the knees.
You didn’t know I was this flexible?
Pa, do the kidnapped heiresses get hung up with the venison, or put in the rifle rack?
It was then, with Lisa’s shimmering stilettos pressed against his hair and her crackpot doomsday plan ringing in his ears, that Noah began to second-guess his decision to sign up for that partnered breakdancing class.
Yes, I did have to special order these in my size.
Sometimes the worst position is the best position.
As their eyes met across the room, past the legs of his latest victim, Bob realized this was going to be one awkward meet cute.
Army Surplus didn’t have any disco balls, so I picked up this instead.
And the house came down right on my bunker, really! I don’t know who she is, but she refuses to remove her ruby glass slippers. At least the green body paint seems to have faded. Now if I could only figure out why there are monkeys roosting on the barn…
I got us a woman to repopulate the earth after the apocalypse! Where do you want me to put her?
Whaddya mean, we’re out of BBQ sauce???
So – I’ve built my doomsday bunker, filled it with food, weapons and ammo, found a woman and dragged her home to my lair – so why aren’t the nukes dropping, the zombies rampaging and the aliens invading???
One innocent little typo on the first page of the manual had Cade stockpiling gams not guns, but confusion has never been quite so romantic!
Into the pit these go with the rest of the parts for my new bride!
Yours? No, mine! Arrr.
The other preppers where unimpressed by Kyle’s contortionist abilities, until he blinged things up.
Shaking out her Pockets for loose change
Fancy Feet DIY with the Lumberjack Bedazzler
“I want my glitter beard to match her shoes”
I’d rather date your shoes than your face!
Kama Sutra positions for Lumbersexual Dummies!
He thought he’d found the perfect partner but when he discovered the shoes she’d packed in her “go bag” he determined she was too stupid to live.
She thought he looked like he could take care of her…boy, was she right.
She wants to shatter the glass ceiling. He’ll hold her feet close enough to give it a good kick.
This is almost the EXACT same photo used for Finders Keepers by C A Rose!
Same model, same heels and jeans, same expression on his face, looks like same photo shoot.
AND IT IS ON SALE FOR 99 CENTS
https://www.amazon.com/Finders-Keepers-C-Rose-ebook/dp/B01N24CF7O/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521477389&sr=8-1&keywords=finders+keepers++rose
My God. Happy Monday, everyone.
“Guys, look what the shoe trap caught today!”
The socialite and the lumberjack…Post-apocalypse ballroom dance has never looked like this. Slim pickings in the Doomsday shelter.
“Can anyone help me bury this body?”
I told her to leave the Louboutins OFF the go-bag list. Now guess who’s carrying her butt to the bunker?
“Will you quit trying to fish your makeup case out of the pond? Believe me, the zombies will still eat your face off no matter what you put on it.”
When the apocalypse comes, women will be hard to find. Yet ours now before it’s too late!