Happy Monday! Or, if you prefer, Happy Cover Snark Day! I like the latter better, don’t you?
From Elaine: This cover popped up on my Kindle (yeah, I get the ads, argh) and I’m just…well, I’m sure you get all sorts of WTF??? Cover Snark suggestions so I’ll just leave it to you to decide about a doctor, wearing some kind of not-scrubs pants, shirtless, a stethoscope draped over his very fit chest, and a…a baby hand in the background. It made me O.o and think of SBTB first. *grin*
Sarah: I love how a floating baby hand and a shirtless doctor wearing not-scrubs makes Elaine think of us. I am so flattered!
Elyse: I’m so fed up with my doctors showing up shirtless all the damn time
Sarah: NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR NIPPLES, DOC. OR YOUR PECS.
Elyse: I’M JUST HERE FOR MY FLU SHOT OK?
RHG: I am sorry about the nipples that you did not consent to.
Amanda: Also, can we just look at the weird denim sweatpants he seems to be wearing.
Elyse: WAIT IS HE MISSING A NIPPLE??!
CarrieS: Is this the baby hand of a dead baby? Is it a statue baby, like on a headstone? I would have serious questions about this. Why is he wandering the empty hospital corridors thinking about baby statuary? Is this a horror novel?
Amanda: It could be. That hallway does look haunted.
From Gloriamarie: Is he a Minbari?
Sarah: Is someone picking him up with their fingertips?
Amanda: Is he the giant or are the football players just really tiny? Like it’s a foosball game come to life down there.
Elyse: One word comes to mind. Moist.
CarrieS: Given how wet he is I was hoping this would be about synchronized swimming.
Sarah: I SWEAR I thought that said “bedroom Hymens” when I saw the thumbnail.
Amanda: I mean, I suppose if you’re looking for hymens, you’d find them in the bedroom. But what’s with the big beach hat? Is she blessed with a bedroom that gets a ton of natural light?
Elyse: Great, now I know beach hat fetishes are a thing.
From Jen: I have a cover snark submission, although I’m not really sure it is actually worthy of snark. It’s more like a case study in how not to Photoshop. If I’m supposed to believe that these two are into each other, and enjoy frolicking with each other on a warm, tropical beach, then the cover has failed miserably.
Amanda: If anyone has seen the Netflix show American Vandal, that dude totally looks like Kraz, which is totally believable to see him looking like a creep on a beach.
Sarah: WHOA.
Elyse: That poor woman is so unhappy to be there.
CarrieS: She does not have a tidbit of trust in that dude and judging from his smirk she’s making a good call.
I puzzled over Moistman’s Princess Leia buns long enough to determine this is a casualty of cropping—those are his own hands as he tries to protect his hair from the source of all that moisture. He looks perplexed, like he can’t explain it, either.
They should have left off all the white text and gone with MONSTER HYMENS in bloody red. I’d read that. My education has been sorely remiss on the subject of the hymens of monsters.
If I had a bedroom with a ton of natural light and a collection of hats, I would weave the latter into blackout shades to cover the former. Light is the worst. *hisses, shrinking into the shadows*
I too am a bit troubled by Dr. Nipple’s pants. They sort of look like pleated jeans (ACK) but then it’s not really a pleat it’s that weird shoelace belt/tie. I really feel like he should have just gone all out Hammer Pants and been done with it.
Moistman’s expression indicates he too is deeply confused by the cover and whatever is on his head. WHY?
Those two just totally look like they dressed to go to the beach. *eyeroll*
“From Gloriamarie: Is he a Minbari?”
😀 You just made my day.
It really looks as though when they photoshopped in the stethoscope they also removed one of his nipples. I realize I have boobs and not a flat male chest but I tried to arrange my stethoscope to hide my nipple thusly and it did not work
At first glance, the Bedroom Hymns model appears to have misplaced the rest of her church lady outfit and that big hat is for her divine entrance to church, but then I read a few reviews of the book on Amazon. Human trafficking. Yikes.
Maybe the A Tidbit of Trust guy told his girl to pack for a surprise vacation? But he’s a dope and didn’t mention anything about the expected weather, so she’s not feeling all that trustful at this point as her puffy jacket is hangs in the hotel room closet.
I deeply love the kindle ads. They’re either something good (which I usually already own) or, most often, COMPLETELY WACKADOO. Many a cover has been snapshotted to send to friends to discuss.
Omg, kindle ads. If I have to see that lost chihuahuas book one more time…
Things that are amazing about this post:
(1) Minbari joke!
(2) RaccoonLady reality-tested the stethoscope placement.
Trump’s hand was used as the baby’s hand.
My first reaction to the Bedroom Hymns cover was that she is wearing too many accessories. My second reaction is that this is probably not the sort of outfit Coco Chanel was thinking of when she made her “take one thing off” comment, but then who knows?
Props to Gloriamarie for the Minbari joke! But honestly that guy looks like someone is squeezing his head so hard it hurts and his skull is about to pop like a melon.
A tidbit of trust is more than that guy deserves.
And the only bedroom hymn I can think of is Madeleine Kahn singing “Sweet mystery of life” in Young Frankenstein.
I can just hear the designers for the Winning the Game cover:
“Which model should we use for the moist guy? The one with the giant eyebrows or his brother with the squinty eyes and giant lip?”
“Hmm, can’t decide. Let’s use half a face from each one.”
And the hands are there to hold the two halves together.
The thing that confused me most about the first cover was whether “Stone” is the last name of the author or part of the title, as the font fits neither, and the “the stone brothers part three” is printed so tiny that I overlooked it at first.
Also, the baby hand isn’t floating, it is actually placed in the palm of an adult’s hand. Which is floating along the corridor. Which doesn’t make any sense, either.
lol…I find this feature so entertaining
On the first cover, given that the title is “Stone Vows” and the floating hands show a baby’s hand in an adult hand, it looks as though the vows being made are a bit inappropriate. Is this a child bride situation?
At this point my reaction to shirtless hero covers is a sense of relief when they don’t digitally alter the stock photos to the point of giving them wonky nipples.
I looked it up. There are not one, not two, but three count ’em THREE different romance series called Stone Brothers.
By Samantha Christy: Stone Rules, Stone Promises, and Stone Vows.
By Tess Oliver: Stone Cold Bad, Heart of Stone, and Stone Deep.
By T. Saint John: So far only Finding Stone, but Amazon says it’s the first in a Stone Brothers series.
Move over, Hammer series.
Why have they used Barbie for the model on ‘Bedroom Hymns’?
Re Winning the Game: I came so close to sending that cover in to you many times but never got around to it. My first thought was some kind of growth, or maybe demon horns (you know, like in Kresley Cole’s Immortals After Dark series). So that was icky, but his face looking like the two halves don’t come close to matching just made it worse. I’m going with SusanE’s explanation! Doesn’t anybody sober look at these covers before they’re published (of course, if they did, we would lose out on some entertainment).
OMG I JUST NOTICED “Here there be monsters”! Are they referring to her breasts? Is Grover going to run out? The mind reels.
It could be Deadpool’s little hand in “Stone Vows” – although why he would be here, IDK.
I think that Cover Snark is my favourite SBTB features – especially the comments! Thank you, Bitches!
And like @Jazzlet, my first reaction to Bedroom Hymns was that they had borrowed someone’s awkwardly posed Barbie for the cover model.
Thank Dog I wasn’t the only one who read that as “Bedroom Hymens.”
Well, I think that the Trust woman is ticked because Bedroom Hymens, sorry, Hymns, stole her bikini.
I can’t look at Bedroom Hymens for too long. There are too many questions. Why is she wearing a bikini and sunhat inside? Why is she wearing a bikini and really thick stockings? Why is she posing for the beach on her loungeroom floor? And what do monsters have to do with Bedroom Hymens in the first place? Are the handcuffs for the monsters? What if there’s more than two monsters? TOO MANY QUESTIONS
re: Stone Vows. Anecdotally, most docs don’t look like that and, also, nothing about that meets the dress code. Also, the little and big dead hands – just went to a real life crash section and major resusc this week and that is not what I need to be seeing.
Are we sure that the Tidbit of Trust beach couple aren’t Justin and Kelly from the first season of Americon Idol?