It’s Monday! Oh, Mondays. If you’re reaching for another cup of coffee or tea and wishing you could crawl back in bed, hopefully these covers will help you get through the day!
Amanda: Arms aren’t that long, right?
Redheadedgirl: I think she’s missing an elbow.
Sarah: The angle is weird but I’m thinking she’s just got long limbs. I’m concerned about his proportions, though.
Amanda: He’s very…smooth.
CarrieS: They look like a Ken and Barbie doll doing ballet.
Amanda: I feel like this tie is absurdly long.
Sarah: It’s symbolic.
Of…something?
CarrieS: He doesn’t look like the sharpest tack on the bulletin board.
From Lisa: At a glance, it looks like the cover model has things well in hand.
Elyse: It’s business…it’s business time!
CarrieS: Is that a remote control or are you just happy to see me?
Elyse: The violet duke is the name of his penis.
Redheadedgirl: I think that’s his belt.
Sarah: It’s a wonderfully suggestive belt.
From SK: Can you tell what the hell is going on in this cover? I can’t.
Sarah: I’m confused. Very confused.
Amanda: That shade of yellow just makes me think of pee. I’m sorry.
Sarah: Is this like a Rorschach test except with arms, and pee?
…I failed the test, didn’t I.
Redheadedgirl: I don’t think you want to pass this test.
Okay well…
I just spent way more time than I want to staring at this.
And the part where her thumb is on his shoulder? Looks like a face in half shadow and now I’m scared.
Elyse: Is he supposed to be the Iron Fist?
CarrieS: I truly don’t understand anything about this cover. I don’t even have snark. I just have honest confusion.
Is there a small priest on the tattooed blokes shoulder? It might just be a shadow but now I cannot unsee a small priest watching them get it on.
SOMETIMES FALLING LOVE MEANS LETTING GO OF THE PAST.
The image should be an anvil with LOVE emblazoned on the side falling from the sky while a guy lugging baggage labeled THE PAST struggles to let it go.
“Falling Love”? Copyediting that bad on the cover is not a good sign.
*stares at last cover* Near as I can work out, she’s got her back to us, he’s got his arms wrapped around her, and they’re having a threesome with a demonically possessed version of Hoggle from Labyrinth.
First I thought the title was “Violet Duke” an interesting choice for a contemporary, and then I saw that the title was below, which at first glance I read as “Jackson’s Thrust.” And then “Jackson’s Trust.” Just now I looked again, and it was “Jackson’s Tryst.”
Re: (1) lunging vamp couple (1)
Wow, I never realised you could use a waterwall as a sexy filter. I will never look at the one at the National Gallery of Victoria on St Kilda Road the same way again.
…I guess it’s fun for all the family. Kids play, poking their fingers into it all day, and then after nightfall, the adults use it for support while they snog. Mm, multifunctional.
I FINALLY figured out where the guy’s face is on the last cover. It’s confusing and at first I thought there were two women, one with very muscular arms and a cascade of blond hair. I can’t.
I finally see the little face on the guy’s thumb in the last cover and I CANNOT UNSEE IT. *shivers* His thumb is very much a blurry face, like one of those, “Hey I photographed a ghost!” images where it kinda looks like they did in fact capture a spectral image staring at you not blinking…ok now I need to go turn on all the lights and put on loud music.
That’s a thumb? Right away I was, why is there a tiny portrait of some dude in an otherwise un-decipherable landscape?
Can anyone make out what is in the background of the tie one?
Also his face screams I don’t know how to work a tie and my valet fell over dead after struggling to get me this dressed.
@Qualisign – I also read it as Jackson’s Thrust and thought that was a bit too on the nose!
I think the dude on the tie cover looks like a knockoff of a knockoff of a bearded Channing Tatum, after he ate a lot of donuts.
Normally I like grey and yellow together (grellow!), but … why is it only his finger tips that are yellow?? Is this one of those blacklight things that reveal you haven’t washed your hands after using the bathroom? Because, ew.
Fighting Destiny–proving why I need my glasses.
Without them, I couldn’t see anything except yellow limbs and oddly enough the weird thumb face thing. I kept asking myself how anyone could tell where his shoulder was because I sure as hell couldn’t see it.
As for the extra large tie: is he supposed to be a Lilliputian playing with Gulliver’s tie because that’s the only reason a tie should be that big. Also, he looks stoned out of his mind. Maybe the tie only looks big because that’s how Mr. Stoned-face sees it in his mind?
I like what they tried to do with “Jackson’s Tr$st”, They found a way to showcase a guy’s abs without the the full-frontal, often headless, torso. And there’s no gym veins! He looks like a real person!
And then they had to go and screw it up with the belt. (The author’s penname is an unfortunate choice, but that’s not cover department’s fault)
This morning I was thinking, “I hope there’s Cover Snark, I hope there’s Cover Snark, I hope there’s Cover Snark” Thank you!
1) Can’t be Ken and Barbie because Barbie has ridiculously short T-Rex arms
2) He bought the tie from the Trump Over Compensation Tie Collection
4) If (IF) the guy has both arms around the super tiny female:
a. Is that the guy’s head behind her shoulder?
b. What is the limb behind his head?
c. Who does the giant hand with the thumb head belong to?
Cover snark makes the day so much better.
@YotaArmai it’s Tower Bridge, London.
I feel like the woman in the last one has proportion issues. She looks quite small, with a tiny little left arm, which is fine, but LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THE HAND ON HIS SHOULDER! It’s as big as his head! That arm must be freaky long to reach that far and keep her torso straight. Or there’s another player in this party. 😉
The ultra smooth man is a relief! He’s clearly found the best exfoliator and cream combo in the world. Would it work on legs? If so, he should share that information!
Meanwhile, I think we should not pass over the tie situation. If you look at the long end of the tie you will notice something is going on. I don’t know what is going on but the little round bulge might be alive. That might not be a tie. It might be a rare flat blue snake.
The Violet Duke, a better name for the book I think than Jackson’s Tryst, or Jackson’s Trust, looks like he can take care of himself. Yes, he trusts his hand to be able to deliver whatever he needs when he trysts, but really I am concerned about the swelling in his left shoulder.
And that brings us to Fighting Destiny. It has one of the worst covers in memory. The man (it is I think) has some physical issues. I think his body has a tendency to stretch and bulge in random places. This, generally, would be a problem for anyone, but look closely, he’s got what looks like a reflection of a man in his shoulder. That is the real problem. Shoulders do not generally reflect like mirrors, nor do little men tend to live in another man’s shoulder (an alternative). I live a pretty sheltered life, but I believe that statement to be true.
If the heroine of Jackson’s Trust/Tryst/Thrust is as hopelessly idiotic as the heroine in the Violet Duke book I DNF’d a few years ago, he is better off alone with his belt or his remote.
Is it just me, or do the weird bulge and crease on that tie look like a face? Why are there hidden faces? Are the covers now watching us?
That “Jackson’s WHATEVER IT SAYS” book. Because FONTS, people! They are important for readability. I mean who approved that? Who is the publisher? Because that author is NOT getting well served.
And the nightmarish Fae book at the end… Pro tip: pee yellow is not a good glow color for your hero’s hands.
Nocturne Bite: first thing I thought was that they are doing a very strange pas de deux.
Something Wonderful: He looks hungover. No tie is that long and what is that dingus behind him? Aberrant chess pieces glued to a tv?
Is Jackson’s Trust an example of self-fellatio?
Fighting Destiny: Why are his eyes the color of urine? Why is his left hand the color of urine? And I hate to say it but the size difference between them makes it look as if he is embracing a child in desperate need of resuce. Not to mention a hairbrush.
Mssr. Longtie on the cover of Something Wonderful has that glazed-but-struggling expression I see on the infant I babysit while she fills her diaper.
You’re welcome.
I def need new glasses, but that Fighting Destiny cover is hideous. I thought he had a big, yellow bug-eye showing. A big, pee-yellow bug-eye. Had to embiggen the pic to see that it’s a regular eye, just the placement of his hair, eyebrow, and pee-yellow pupil make him look like The Fly. *shudder*
On the last one, look at the relation of the woman’s leg to the rest of her. It’s like she’s made of modelling clay and someone grabbed everything above the hip and squeezed.
Now all I can see is the face on the tie, and the face on the thumb.
Candy @#15 you have confirmed yet again that it is safest not to drink while reading cover snark! Keyboard would be socked if I had been foolish enough to risk a mouthful.
And yes the colour is right, but I hope none of your pee glows like that!
@Lora
It’s confusing and at first I thought there were two women, one with very muscular arms and a cascade of blond hair.
That’s only fair: for the longest time I thought it was two men until I worked out that all the muscles belong to one body.
Is it just me, or does Mr Something Wonderful have an oddly lumpen forehead?
More like Jackson’s Thrust… No? Just me? Alrighty then.
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Yeah it looks to be filled with marbles.
Love love love cover snark!
About Fighting Destiny, why his eyes and hands are yellow? Special paranormal jaundice?!