You did it! We figured this one out! It is a truth universally acknowledged (by me for certain) that the Bitchery pretty much knows everything, and really, it's true. Scroll down to see the solution for this HaBO - and many thanks!
This HaBO request comes from Lisa, who really wants to find this heaping helping of crazysauce:
I am looking for a book I snuck out of my mom’s library book bag and read in snatches under the covers. From what I remember, it was full of crazysauce and my mom didn’t like it much either.
There are a few things that I remember clearly:
1. Heroine (Jane) was dependent on extended family for support when she was little. Extended family did not like her at all, treated her like a servant and forced her into an (obviously_ loveless marriage with a mommy’s boy (aka Norman), and is stuck living with her horrible old bat of a monster in law (Mrs. Bates).
2. At one point Jane gets pregnant and promptly cuts off all “relations” with Norman, ’cause hey, the heir is on the way. He responds with “you can’t, what will the baby eat while he’s in there?” (or something to that effect).
3. Jane, Norman, and Mrs Bates catch typhoid or cholera and Norman dies. Mrs. Bates insists that Norman left everything to her, not the heroine. Nobody can find the will, so everything goes to Jane as she is the wife. Jane eventually does find the will and he really did leave everything to Mumsy; I want to say the will was written on toilet paper…or maybe he died on the toilet? Something like that.
4. Hero is a childhood friend of Jane and isn’t allowed to marry her because her extended family wants him for one of their young women. To be honest, I only really remember him losing his hand, possibly in a poaching accident.
Does this sound at all familiar to anybody?
All I can say is wow.
There’s no way this is a real book…..
Is this historical? Contemporary? Hallucinated? 😉
Probably too many things are off, but in Karleen Koen’s *Through a Glass Darkly* there’s a secondary character named Jane who has a childhood romance with the main heroine’s brother, and is forced into a loveless marriage. The love interest/heroine’s brother loses his ear in a duel (not his hand in a poaching accident). Don’t remember a crazy mother-in-law or toilet paper will, but I never read the sequel, so perhaps I’m missing stuff. (I think Jane and wimpy husband eventually reach a kind of peaceful companionship in *Through a Glass Darkly* though, and the heroine’s brother eventually dies, because he’s a handsome twit, so it’s probably a different book.)
No idea what the book is, but it did take me awhile to realize that the “poaching accident” probably didn’t occur in the kitchen. (I think I need a nap.)
Could this be “The Girl” by Catherine Cookson? If so, there was a pretty good British movie of the book.
Thanks for everybody’s help. I’ve been perusing the Goodreads reviews of The Girl by Catherine Cookson and Genevieve Valentine’s play by play of the movie version and The Girl is definately the one. Thank you so much HeideMelissa, I muddled so many details up I’m surprised you recognized it!
I was pretty much goggle-eyed at “What will the baby eat while he’s in there?” and by the end was trying to stuff them back in my head like some kind of cartoon character. This HABO was def in the Crazy Top Ten.
This may not be historical, but it sounds hysterical.
crazysuace, for sure!
**crazysauce (sometimes, I type too fast and hit enter before proofing, ugh)
I know I have seen the movie version of this. I remember very little about it except how incredibly hot Jonathan Cake was in it. That’s probably enough to get me to rewatch. 😉 I’m pretty sure it had a happy ending.
While I am glad the book was identified and while I have no intention of reading it, I want to say I don’t when I have had greater enjoyment reading a HABO request or laughed louder at some of the comments such as @Nora “There’s no way this is a real book…..”
and @Phillippa Lodge “Is this historical? Contemporary? Hallucinated?”
Ha! I read ‘hand chopped off in poaching accident’ and instantly thought Catherine Cookson. Glad I was right.
I had to add a comment, too, just to say that this is one of the best HABOs out here, the comments are hilarious!
Also: is point 2 in the description accurate? I mean, it can’t possibly be… but is it??
Must watch the movie!!
@Aislinn Kearns-you had me at Jonathan Cake. I think he is incredibly sexy. Did you see him in Empire? He was so good as the gladiator protecting Octavius.