It’s cover snark time, where we assemble covers that are extremely subtle. As in, so extreme they are the opposite of subtle.
This first cover was sent in by Cammie, and we are most thankful for Cammie.
Elyse: …he’s in her vagina?
Amanda: He IS a vagina.
RedHeadedGirl: …or a forked penis or something
Sarah: Do gargoyles have forked penises?
RedHeadedGirl: I don’t know but he looks like one.
Elyse: He has a medical condition of some kind cuz veins should NOT do that.
Amanda: Ladies love a vascular man, Elyse!
RedHeadedGirl: He has a demon face on his abs.
Amanda: Which is a statement that I have on my Tinder profile.
And for the record, it gets a surprising amount of responses.
RedHeadedGirl: He’s possessed so go get the holy water and the salt.
Sarah: If Amanda swipes right does that make it worse?
Elyse: Here’s another. THATS NOT NORMAL.
Sarah: I’m 99.5% sure that’s the same dude and the same vascular abs.
Amanda: They just look dehydrated. Get that boy some water.
Elyse: Amanda you know it’s only vital that the bloodflow go to the pertinent organ. Those veins must be somehow diminishing circulation elsewhere in his body.
RedHeadedGirl: Brain.
CarrieS: I have questions. Does Alric turn into a kitty with an overbite? Or is the kitty his perfect mate? A lot of us love our kitty cats but you don’t want to over do it, man.
Amanda: Real subtle there.
Sarah: Wait. Where does the magic happen? I am confused.
Elyse: LOL
Sarah: Oh! His hat, right??! In his hat!
CarrieS: For someone with mistletoe adjacent to his penis, he looks pretty depressed.
Sarah: THIS COVER IS VERY SUBTLE.
Amanda: OH I’LL TOUCH HIM MORE THAN ONCE.
Sarah: WHERE EXACTLY COME ON NOW. I CAN’T QUITE TELL WHAT THEY WANT ME TO LOOK AT.
Amanda: Anywhere, everywhere.
I honestly will not be picky.
RedHeadedGirl: No one cares about your stupid boner Amanda.
Amanda: True that.
Oh, myyyyyyy…
The Magic of Mistletoe guy looks like everyone he’s approached, while holding that thing over his head, told him to go to hell.
I…kinda thought mistletoe berries were white, and holly berries were red. If that’s holly, he shouldn’t want anything that prickly even in that general vicinity O.O
That’s not mistletoe, that’s holly. Maybe if they made it the right plant it would be . . . no? Still not subtle?
Is that gargoyle BOWLING in that vagina?
You see demon abs, I see Jabba the Hutt with half his face obscured by manboob.
I know what that gargoyle looks like–it’s the Sarlacc beak from the updated version of Return of the Jedi!
I think the gargoyle is holding a dislocated clit. “WHOOPS! I know it goes somewhere around here. I’ll just hold it here, like this…”
You’re distracted. Those are cherry tomatoes, not holly berries.
I am #TeamAmanda on that last one
Also if it was mistletoe that’s poisonous (not sure about holly). No wonder he’s depressed no one’s going to kiss (or blow) him where the poisonous plant is.
Fairies are supposed to hide within holly trees for protection and warmth. Knowing this makes for a potentially far more interesting cover.
I’m all Team Amanda on Laura Moore’s new book. All the covers in the series are hot and the Silver Creek cowboy heroes inside are hotter.
I, apparently, don’t have as dirty of a mind as I thought because the gargoyle one looked like he was in the claw of a crab.
Statement that might make it worse: That’s a grotesque on cover one. Gargoyles have open mouths.
You have to look reeeaally hard (and I DID, bitches, I DID) to see this, but Alien Dude and Saber-Tooth Dude apparently go shopping (together?) at the same Manly Undies store. But Alien Dude needs some help with making his Devil’s Panties colorfast, because they seem to be staining his nether parts red. And STD’s volumptuous mantitty seems to have melted right into his left bicep (maybe he hadn’t finished shifting?).
Okay, I like the brown sweater. I’m really glad the cover model on The Magic of Mistletoe is dressed appropriately for reclining on a snowbank (by romancelandia standards). That’s the main part – and it’s right – of the cover.
However … mistletoe berries are white. The leaves are ovals with smooth edges, often with a hint of light brownish or rusty “fur” that isn’t all that attractive. You probably see it in little plastic baggies at the grocery store and walk right past, which is probably why so many people and photos say mistletoe but show holly.
Real holly – which we have spent years eradicating from our yard because it’s super-aggressive and the berries can sprout years later – has super-sharp points on the edges of the leaves.
Not the first time I have bemoaned a lack of horticultural knowledge (or curiosity) or even the clue to maybe double check what you *think* you know about plants from the art community.
Last week I went to an Impressionist exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum, and the audiotour described a Van Gogh painting of a distant field full of flowers as “tulips” – except they were blue. That blue specifically called hyacinth blue. There are no natural light blue tulips – only dyed ones (occurs after cutting) or hybridized (which aren’t that blue and didn’t exist in Van Gogh’s time). The audiotour caused a discussion with my kids about using/observing the world around you to push you to ask questions instead of just making assumptions. How could a person whose job is to be observant about art – which I think should include the colors and things in the daily world around you, like the tulips in plastic in the grocery store or in a neighbor’s planter – not have a vague sense that this blue stuff in the painting might not be a tulip? Instead it seemed that the curator sort of assumed that every flower in a Dutch field must be a tulip. I was slightly annoyed because if you’re an art scholar being paid to write the commentary on a Van Gogh, maybe – just maybe – something should have dinged.
And I’m also persnickety that way. Next thing you know someone’s going to put a Holstein on a cover and call it a pinto.
(Okay, I’ve ranted enough…)
[tan]If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get missile toe?[/tan]
Apologies for the horrible joke.
As always: hilarious! Methinks those are gargoyle boy’s wings. What I want to know is… Is he going bowling? ‘Cause it looks like he’s holding a bowling ball and focussing really hard.
I followed the link to the t-shirt and was confused & amused that it was a “man’s” t-shirt.
Also, I agree that the veined man is the same stock photo.