Cover Snark: Something’s…Not Quite Right Here

There are so many books to browse each day. SO MANY. And when a book cover makes you do a double-take because something seems a little…off, it’s the best part of our day.

 

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Sarah: I am totally imagining the photographer at this shoot saying, “More side-eye. No, more. Still more… YESSSSSS.”

Amanda: That man has clearly seen some things.

Elyse:  He looks like maybe he thought he had to pass gas, but that’s not all that came out. And she looks like she’s just smelling it.

Carrie: I think they are both freaking out because of that giant tarantula on his shoulder. You can’t convince me that’s a tattoo.

 

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Sarah: This is the most subtly suggestive typeface font salad in the history of ever.  

Amanda: I mean, I was going to stare at his junk anyway. It’s not like I needed any help getting there.

Carrie: He looks uncomfortable. I think he’s questioning the wisdom of that belt buckle placement. Also something might be caught in a zipper. When you go commando you play a dangerous game.

 

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Sarah: This  cover is from Spinster, who wrote, “Did she eat his HEAD?”

Amanda: I would only read this book if it turns out she’s really a praying mantis, and the climax (heh) of the book is her shedding her human skin to eat his face.

Carrie: How to spot a mantis BEFORE it rips off your head, courtesy of Buffy the Vampire slayer:

Buffy: Factoid three: Her fashion sense screams predator.

Willow Rosenberg: It’s the shoulder pads.

Buffy: Exactly.

 

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Spinster:  …and now, zoomorphic chest hair. I have GOT to stop browsing the upcoming releases.

Sarah:  No, ma’am, please do not ever stop browsing the upcoming releases.

Also, now I have “I always feel like…chest hair is watching me, and I have no privacy” stuck in my head. Holy chest hair ear worm.

Amanda: Maybe he’s just looking for a way to express himself through manscaping. It really is an art form.

Carrie: Oh dear God now I can’t unsee it why do I participate in cover snark whyyyyy

Comments are Closed

  1. chamekke says:

    *promptly dies of laughter*

  2. MirandaB says:

    Side-eye lady on the top cover looks like Natalie Dormer.

  3. Lostshadows says:

    I think the couple on the first cover are worried about the helicopter hovering over them. Probably because the main rotor seems to have stopped turning and its about to hit them.

  4. KristieJ says:

    I have the joy of working today – a Canadian holiday and because I did all the work that needed to be done yesterday and Saturday I’ve nothing to do today except answer phones that aren’t ringing. So that gives me the whole day almost to do stuff like checking out blogs.
    My coworker on the other side of the baffle who is also working on a no work to do day asked what was so funny when I started reading your cover snark – heh, heh, heh.
    The first one really cracks me up with the eye placement comment
    And a missing head???? The head is a valuable part of the human body.
    And as if having chest hair done in a wolf shape isn’t bad enough, it’s growing up into his face!! *shudder* try kissing and getting chest hair in your mouth.

  5. That second cover looks like he is wearing a T shirt made out of someone else’s skin / sixpack. Disturbing.

  6. Deidre says:

    With cover 1 it looks like whoever did the photo editing went a little (a lot) crazy with the ‘whites’ of their eyes! Creepy!
    But really they are all ……

  7. Melonie says:

    “Next up on Tattoo Nightmares…” I can’t get over the fact the dude’s nipples are the wolf’s eyes – his man nips are literally staring at me.

    As to cover #1 – I’m thinking she has serious doubts about how well he can handle his weapon.

  8. Jami says:

    These all look like candidates for Kindle Cover Disasters.

    http://kindlecoverdisasters.tumblr.com/

    And seeing how that one says it’s Lilith #1 – I’m betting it’s the demoness Lilith who normally likes to fuck demons and kill newborns.

  9. helenel says:

    Why does it look like the top guy is holding the gun upside-down?

  10. Maria D. says:

    man…now I can’t unsee these…..lol

  11. Gretchen says:

    I can’t stop laughing!

  12. Tiffany says:

    I am so uncomfortable with the last image, part of me keeps saying “where are his nipples?” while the other part is desperately trying to break eye contact with his wolf eye nipple hair.

  13. harthad says:

    OMG! The return of the nipples that watch you!

  14. Alpha’s Claim…just wrong.

  15. Erin says:

    Cover 1 to me looks like he suggested some sex on the run and she stuck her finger up ass and asked him if he still thought it was a good idea.

  16. Protector: That helicopter is aiming for his head. Is she wearing anything other than that cami? Oh wait. That’s his left arm. Does he have a left hand?

    Cowboy Heaven: He’s thinking “The manscaping was a mistake.”

    Alpha’s Claim: I don’t think that’s chest hair. I think that’s a really creepy tattoo.

  17. Wench says:

    I see that I was correct, and the eyes ARE his nipples. Wow. WOW.

  18. LauraL says:

    The girl on the Feeding Her Hunger cover looks a bit hangry. Maybe if he had given her a Snickers or shared his Thai food, she wouldn’t have bitten his head off.

  19. kitkat9000 says:

    I can’t get past the woman on cover #3. She looks like she’s high and/or aroused. Or dancing badly. And what’s with the tattoo on her arm that looks like she was manhandled and subsequently bruised.
    As to book #4- I can’t even. That chest hair is nightmare inducing. Eyes for nipples with a nose above his navel, what’s at the happy trail I wonder?

  20. The woman on the hungry book looks like she’s just been reanimated and is about to join the legion of the walking dead. That’s creepier than the guy doing an impression of a chocolate Easter Bunny whose head’s been eaten (I’m not the only one that eats the head first, right?). Plus, he reminds me of one of the Headless Monks from Doctor Who, so it is more funny than creepy.

  21. Beth says:

    Based on your reactions to #1, I’ve renamed it “The Protector: He Dealt It, and She Smelt It.”

  22. Ms. Cats Meow says:

    As I scrolled down to number three the first thing that popped into my head was “His titties are staring at me” and of its own volition, my face contorted into the rictus of “DO NOT WANT”. That is just…unsettling. Horrifying. Realleh, realleh, ickeh. Ew.

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