The Librarians Premiere: Recap and Review

The Librarians Poster - five people posing in an inverted V with tense expressionsThe Librarian is a made for TV movie franchise about a badass librarian(played by Noah Wyle) who searches for magical objects .  Now that it’s a series (The Librarians, because now there’s more than one), the Bitches are not going to sit idly by while people quote shit from books while sword-fighting and flirting.  We’re not made of stone, here.

The pilot was a two-parter, so brace yourself for a long recap – or just skip to the end for our thoughts on this show.  This recap brought to you by CarrieS.

 

Episode One:  “And the Crown of King Arthur”

 Our story starts in Berlin, where Eve Baird, a counter-terrorism expert, is chasing some terrorists around and basically acting like an idiot.  Note to showrunners – now is not a good time to act like law enforcement officials with poor impulse control are amusing.  Eve finds a bomb just as Flynn, The Librarian, appears.  He’s there to defuse another bomb, only his is supernatural.  Flynn disarms the magic bomb while simultaneously coaching Eve through disarming the nuclear bomb.  It is highly amusing and also super sexy if you are into guys who talk very fast about brainy things while saving the world (which I am).  “Who are you?” says Eve.  “I’m The Librarian,” says Flynn.  YES YOU ARE. 

And…credits, and…New York.  Matt Frewer is killing people off.  While some of you know the actor from Max Headroom, others of us know him as Dr. Leekie from the stellar show Orphan Black.  I call crossover!  Can you imagine Cosima in this show?  Make it happen, people.  The character’s name is Dulaque, but he’ll always be Dr. Leekie to me. 

Eve gets a letter inviting her to be The Guardian. She goes to the Metropolitan Library where all is explained.  Below the mundane library is another one – one that is as big as it has to be.  The Librarian is chosen by The Library to go out and find magical objects and relics and bring them to The Library, so that they don’t fall into evil clutches.  The Librarian needs The Guardian.  Of course Flynn works alone, blah, blah, but we’ve already established that Eve hates being told what to do, so as soon as Flynn tells her not to be The Guardian, she becomes determined to do it. 

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Also working at The Library are Flynn’s mentors.  Judson, played by Bob Newhart, is dead (?) and speaks to Flynn from a mirror.  Charlene, played by Jane Curtain, has a more formal administrative role.  She’s in charge of, among other things, the budget, and she really wants people to save their receipts.  Flynn’s other Library Pal is Cal, short for Excalibur.  Excalibur is a sentient sword that flies around in the air under it’s own power.

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On to business.  Flynn is trying to solve that murder we saw earlier.  Hey, here’s a wacky coincidence – when a librarian dies, the library sends out hundreds of letters to potential new applicants inviting them for interviews.  Then it only chooses one.  The evildoers appear to be killing everyone who showed up for their interview.  Three people got letters, but didn’t show up – and they aren’t dead.  Yet. 

Flynn and Eve round up the three applicants who didn’t show up for an interview.  The first one’s in New York, so that’s convenient.  They find her working as a janitor in an ER, because of course we have a scene in which Noah Wyle is an an ER.  She’s a synesthete.  It’s a real thing.  She looks and acts remarkably like Willow from Buffy back in Season One, only older and with episodes of synesthesia that are so intense that they resemble seizures.  Her name is Cassie.

The second applicant is a thief named Ezekiel.  He offers to let Noah be his crime sidekick.  “We’ll call you ’Kid Crime’.  You can wear little green shorts.”  I love him instantly.

Applicant Number Three is played by Christian Kane, who also played Lindsey from Angel, so all my fellow Whedonites will want to take a moment here to ponder Lindsay’s finest moments.  Kane was also on Leverage which I keep hearing wonderful things about. 

While I’m contemplating Christian Kane’s career, his character, Jake, is drinking beer in a bar in Oklahoma, where he works on an oil rig and secretly studies art history.  Ninjas show up (in the bar, in Oklahoma) to kill him, but Eve saves his butt and brings him to New York.  I’m just going to interject here and point out that if any episodes succeed without Noah Wyle, it will be because of Christian Kane, who has by far the most charisma of any of the Scoobies.

OK, team’s assembled, cue wacky introduction to the library and its artifacts, which everyone geeks out about including me.  Flynn explains that his job is to make sure that the small amount of magic remaining in the world does not fall into the wrong hands.  The Serpent Brotherhood (the assassins) is trying to bring magic back into the world.  For this, they need the crown of King Arthur.  Just roll with it.

Turns out that our three extra Librarians, who I shall henceforth refer to as the Scoobies, know all kinds of handy things regarding the crown.  So after some posturing and exploration of feelings, they all go to Europe to find the crown before the Serpent Brotherhood does.  The Brotherhood wants to set magic loose on the world – under their control.  While Flynn concedes that magic is “cool”, he also points out that it’s incredibly dangerous, which is why The Library stores the artifacts that carry some of the last remaining magic in the world.The Scooby Gang goes to a museum and finds a painting that they realize (by pooling their talents) is a fake with a code in the frame.

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This leads them to a henge (a stonehenge, but not Stonehenge) and Flynn leans on the rocks considerably, leaving me craving another crossover.  But, instead of travelling in time to 18th Century Scotland, they stay put, and Cassie figures stuff out and Jake wins my heart forever by helping her calm herself when her symptoms become overwhelming.

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Je suis prest.

Meanwhile, Eve and Ezekiel run into the woods to fight the bad guys.  This leads to the line, “Hey Thief, can you hotwire a helicopter?”  The answer is yes, Ezekiel can hotwire a helicopter and he can blow it up, too.  We’re not even done with the first hour and already I am totally dating all the guys on this show in my head.  The helicopter belongs to the Serpent Brotherhood, so there’s a fight and the the helicopter goes BOOM and our team gets away and goes back to The Library.

But hey, all is not well in the Library!  Just as our team is gloating over having retrieved the crown of King Arthur (it was inside one of the henge’s rock, and Flynn made a welding torch out of picnic food, as one does) the Library is invaded by The Serpent Brotherhood!  Who could have let them in?  Why it’s sweet little Cassie, in a shocking twist!

It was revealed earlier that Cassie’s synthesia comes from a brain tumor.  The Brotherhood told Cassie that they would save her if she would give them the crown.  When?  Who cares.  At some point this happened, offscreen.  Roll with it.  Noah can’t believe she’s being such an idiot – he’s not mad, just disappointed.  Swordfight!  Lightning hands!  Glowing blue eyes!  Lamia, the second to worst bad guy of the bad guys, stabbed my ickle sweetums (Flynn) in the guts!  I’m very upset about this!  She also takes off with the crown – and because she has the crown, she can control Cal, so she steal Cal too.  To Be Continued!

Episode Two:  “And the Sword in the Stone”

Noah’s fine, due to a magic elixir – but he’s only fine for now, because a wound caused by Excaliber can never heal.  In an effort to protect the Library from intruders, Charlene and Judson do something magical involving terrible yet mesmerizing CGI.  It looks as though The Library is folding in on itself.  The bad guys plus Cassie escape out one door and the good guys through another, which drops them in the woods in Oregon.  They catch a ride from John Larroquette who is conveniently waiting around with a car.  Everyone is confused.

They are not in Kansas anymore.  They're in Oregon.
They are not in Kansas anymore. They’re in Oregon.

 So here’s the deal.  Larroquette is playing a guy named Jenkins.  His role is similar to that of Judson, only Judson got to oversee The Library and Jenkins is stuck with The Annex.  The Library is anchored to a specific time and place – and Judson and Charlene cut it off from that place, so now it’s drifting in space and time.  Jenkins is in charge of one library room – the Annex.  From The Annex, The Scoobies can access information from the library but not enter the library or get objects from it.  No artifacts for you, guys.  Flynn is all, OMG I’m dying, even though he seems to be bleeding teeny tiny amounts.  Seriously – I just donated blood, and I’m pretty sure that at the rate he’s bleeding he can last for years as long as he drinks a lot of orange juice every day.  Alas, the show disagrees, and Eve tells everyone that Flynn has 24 hours to live, tops.

Jenkins finishes his speech about how things work, and Flynn and Eve finish talking about how he’s dying.  Elsewhere, Lamia and Dulaque make evil speeches.  Jenkins makes a heroic speech to Eve.  Eve makes a motivational speech to Flynn.  If you were wondering when you should go to the bathroom or grab a snack, it’s now. 

OK, bathroom break is over.  The team is off to London to find Cal and the stone that Cal was originally pulled out of and it about to be returned to.  There’s lots of stuff about the sword and the stone but basically we are now playing macguffin tag.  The Scoobies have to find a) Cal  and b) the Stone from which Cal was originally pulled.  To do this, they have to find c) a compass, which is a precious stone located in the same vault as the crown jewels.  Ezekiel clarifies, “We’re not stealing the crown jewels.  We’re stealing the priceless artifact that’s right next to the crown jewels?”  Of course they are.  Cue heist scene.  I ADORE heist scenes.

Dr. Leekie, I mean, Dulaque, explains his evil plan.  That is thoughtful of him, although I have to confess that I still don’t really understand what it is.  I can see that this show will not be a bastion of practicality, common sense, or narrative cohesion.  Because of Reasons, The Scoobies have to break into Buckingham Palace by sneaking into a party.  Eve is appalled by all this breaking and entering.

Jake:  “It’s more fraud than breaking and entering.  Can you make me a Duke?”

See why I don’t care about practicality, common sense, or narrative cohesion?

Ezekiel forges invites but they are terrible and the Scoobies are promptly busted.  Fortunately Eve, who previously walked off in what seemed to be a huff, walks down a flight of stairs in a slinky dress, and says, “They’re with me.”  Remember how she used to work for a counter-terrorism agency and technically still does?  Of course you don’t remember – but Eve does, so she got them in legitimately.  It’s hilarious that Flynn and Jake are trying not to gawk at the glory that is Rebecca Romijn in full glam mode, while Ezekiel’s mouth is wide open.  Ezekiel is pure class.

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These people are so uncomfortable. Don’t try to make this romance happen show. It’s not meant to be.

We have both party comedy, and party heist, both of which I eat up with a spoon.  It’s really fun to watch everyone’s obsessions play out in both funny and competent ways.  The bad guys find the stone (it’s under the palace, and they tunnelled in instead of trying to sneak into the palace to look for secret passageways, which Flynn points out is much smarter than his plan).  Cassie has to solve a puzzle so that the bad guys can access the stone, which they do, and Lamia sticks the sword in the stone (it’s all very Freudian).  Lamia throws Cassie in a cell (“This is a dungeon, right?”).  Our guys find the secret passage just in time to hear another speech and a lot of zapping.  They rescue Cassie, who is forgiven extremely easily, probably because she wears cute flower dresses and her eyes are almost bigger than her actual head.

 Flynn comes up with a cool plan that involves teamwork, swordfighting, and a big battle won with science.  He gets the crown back and the sword back and wins the day.  Most of the magic released by The Brotherhood goes back into the stone, although enough is leftover to save Flynn and also to ensure that we have something to watch every week for the next eight weeks.  Cassie uses Cal to save Flynn even though he wants her to use it to get rid of her brain tumor.  Thus is redemption achieved.  Cal “dies” which is very sad.  Seriously – there’s whimpering.  What the Hell, show?

 The Scoobies and Flynn return to The Annex and Flynn makes a speech about working alone, blah blah, but then Judson gives him a pep talk from a magic mirror and Flynn has new purpose!  If he works with The Scoobies, then he will be able to devote time to being a regular on Falling Skies searching for The Library while The Scoobies track down the artifact of the week.  Eve agrees to protect them but first she give Flynn a huge kiss which totally stuns him.  while I feel their romance is contrived and lacking in chemistry, I must admit that flustered Flynn is, as my eleven-year old would say, “totes adorbs”.  Flynn demands new rules, including a rule that new Librarians be properly trained:

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Flynn promises The Librarians that they will save the world “Every week – twice by Friday.”  As he departs, Jenkins is showing them his scrapbook.  “Oooh!” he says with delight, “You’ll NEVER solve that one!”  End credits.

 

BEHOLD THE REVIEWS:


Carrie:

Is this must-see TV?  No, not unless you have a particular fetish. Which I happen to have.  This show is not edgy.  It veers on bland at moments.  The stakes are supposed to be huge but they feel small.  But for me, given my obsession with libraries, geeky stuff, mythology, and banter, it’s basically a big bag of candy.  I love that the main action character (in terms of combat) is a woman.  I love that she doesn’t have some magic makeover at the end of the pilot – she keeps things practical.  I love that the series is basically a love letter to knowledge and intelligence.

A lot of pilots have problems establishing characters.  The one with the most depth in this pilot is Flynn, who is supposed to be gone during about half of the episodes.  It felt very odd to spend two hours on character arc for a non-regular character.  I’m not sure how well the show will do without him, given that Rebecca Romijn is a little wooden and all the characters are cardboard cutouts right now, but that’s such a common pilot problem that I have faith that the characters will develop.

The tone of the series is great.  I’m not sure that empirically speaking, I can say that the series is “good” but I can absolutely tell you that the show is total crack.  Of course I’m gonna watch a thief, an art historian/oil rig driller, a secret agent, and a scientist/mathematician search for magical artifacts every week.  There’s just no way that’s not gonna happen.  This show is looking like so much, irresistible fun, and I can’t wait to see where it goes.

RHG:  

THAT WAS DELIGHTFUL.

TOTALLY DELIGHTFUL.

It’s crack, it’s silly, and we need to talk about Christian Kane’s comic timing.  I was introduced to him by way of Angel, but Leverage was where he really came into his own.  Also he’s adorbs when punching people out and that works for me.

Look, it’s not an objectively good show.  It isn’t in the same category as your West Wings or Breaking Bads or Downton Abbeys.  It is, however, a spiritual successor to the Silly Adventure Show genre of the 90s- Witchblade and Relic Hunter and Forever Knight and Highlander (oh, Highlander…).  It almost feels like Fringe on a LOT of pot and helium.

I mean, look, if I were going to Munich to steal a painting with an outside chance of running through the Black Forest, I maybe wouldn’t wear a pantsuit and definitely would be wearing rugged shoes or boots, but I do approve of Rebecca Romijn’s hair being tidily put away, and Christian Kane kicking ass and adorable Aussie dude and nerdy math girl- this is a fun team.

I have not watched any of the other Librarian movies, but I might, because Noah Wyle is adorbs and has only gotten better with age, and can wear a dippy looking ascot with aplomb.  But this?  This is season passed.  The show knows what it is and how seriously to take itself (not at all), and that’s the best kind of show.

Sarah:

What I liked:  it’s totally brain candy. Even when it’s being ridiculous, it’s smart ridiculous. Plus, both Hubby and I like it, and we never like the same stuff. I like shows with Australian actresses in 20s costumes fighting crime in Melbourne. He likes entrails and people getting their heads ripped off. Plus, as I’ve said, I’m not very good at watching tv.

But This? THIS has ALL THE THINGS. There’s travel and inexplicable magic and heists and codes and smart people who are smart in different ways. At one point, Noah Wylie wore knee-high leather boots because of course he did.

And of course there was a scene in an ER — the nicest most orange-y upholstered ER with what looked like carpeting (REALLY?) I’ve ever seen. Where people take medical advice from a rambling janitor with enormous eyes? Of course.

I fully recognize this is some high-grade catnip crack delivered entirely to the favorite things department of my brain, and I fully own being charmed by it.

BUT. There are some things that I disliked. Here is a list.

  1. Nothing ever goes wrong with Rebecca Romijin’s hair. It’s in that stubby bun the entire time, no matter WHAT happens. Helicopter? No big whup. Fight scene? Another fight scene? Whatevs. Her hair product needs to be discussed because CLEARLY IT IS MAGICAL.

    Bonus Hubby quote: “I keep waiting for her to turn into Mystique.”

  2. There is some terrible dialogue and some of the schmaltziest music I’ve heard on tv since Beauty and the Beast (the REAL one, with Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman). (I OWN THAT SOUNDTRACK ON CASSETTE. And I LISTEN to it.) That soundtrack is the pure auditory distillation of limburger cheese because Vincent reads poetry.

    The music for this show is worse, especially when Noah Wyle is muttering about having friends and families and whatnot.

    Bonus Hubby quote: “Is Eriq LaSalle going to do a cameo and yell at him about something?”

  3. The fighting. Oh my God. Eve knocks people over by bumping into them. She bumps into bad guys and they go flying down the stairs! If I did what she did when I was trying to get off the subway, I’d never reach the platform. I’d STILL be on the train.

    The fight scene in the bar was even more ridiculous. It was like choreographed poses: Ok, now, you, my dear, you will hold the wine bottles above your head like this! And YOU will attempt to cut her head open like a ripe melon with your sword. But the wine bottles will stop the blade because – don’t worry about that. Ok, Next Pose!

    Don’t watch this for any actual ninja action, is what I’m saying here. This is dialogue, brain candy, posing and magical hair products. And God willing an Eriq LaSalle cameo.

  4. The chemistry. There is none between Wylie and Romijn. Like, less than none. The scene at the end that established the connection between them (URK) and the reason he will Come Back from Looking For The Library (and being on Falling Skies) was so painfully bad I covered my eyes.

    It even included the line, The job’s more important than what we want. Then there was face grabbing kissing that was so awkward and unwarranted and moved along with giant leaps of emotional idiocy that I typed the following:

    GK  GAK GAK KISSING GAK.

    I do not EVER type “GK GAK GAK KISSING GAK.” I LOVE good kissing scenes. That was not one.

  5. HOLY SHIT THE COMMERCIALS.I’m not sure about you, but we were treated to an incredibly sexist commercial for Viagra about getting into bed with a good man instead of a good book (wat?) AAAAND then there was one about painful intercourse.I mean, yes, women’s sexual needs should absolutely be equally addressed but…during an 8:00pm program that’s supposedly family-friendly? WHAT THE CRAP TNT?

    Not only where there commercials every 4 minutes at one point, but the commercials were either sexist or incredibly awkward for who was watching. We’re lucky our kids are too young for this show.

So what about you? Did you watch? What did you think?

 

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