2014’s Sexiest Man Alive: The Bitches Have Opinions

Recently People magazine announced this year’s Sexiest Man Alive.  The winner:  Chris Hemsworth.  I’m rather fond of Chris myself, because he has twinkling eyes, is a great dad, has a fantastic sense of humor in interviews, and by all accounts is a pleasure to work with – just a really great guy.

Sexiest Man Alive People Cover

 Still, with no offense to Chris (he just adopted a puppy – DUDE), we at Smart Bitches feel that perhaps we should have been consulted on the issue of sexy guys.  Are we not romance experts?  We have thoughts.  Here’s what we think makes a sexy guy – both in real life, and in terms of our celebrity crushes.

Carrie:

In terms of celebrities, I usually develop crushes on characters as opposed to actors.  I like skinny guys from the British Isles who are bookish but badass, smart, funny, competent, and kind, and who show admiration for and appreciation of smart, competent women.

In terms of fictional characters, throw in some puppy eyes and a little angst and I’m a goner, although in real-life I’m thrilled to be married to a fairly angst-free man (angst is exhausting).  I get all woozy over characters like The Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who, badass librarian Wesley Wyndam-Price from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, and Marcus Cole from Babylon 5.

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Wesley in his scruffy phase (he went through many phases). Wes needs a hug and first aid. I’m here for you, Sweetie!

I do have crushes on two actual celebrities. Of course I have a massive, rather embarrassing crush on skinny, funny, smart, kind, openly feminist and British Tom Hiddleston.  The other is Hugh Jackman.  He’s not my type physically (too bulky) but I love his personality.  Any man who is willing to follow his Hollywood breakout role as the super-macho Wolverine with a role as a flamboyant gay man in a Broadway musical (The Boy from Oz) is a man to cherish – and I love that when he can’t have dinner with his family his wife brings the laptop to the table and he Skypes in so they can have dinner together every night.

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Tom Hiddleston, the uber-crush. Really. It’s embarrassing.

Which brings me to real life – and in real life, hands down, the sexist man alive is my husband Glen, a skinny, smart (lawyer-biologist), funny, kind (sadly, not British) guy.  While my husband is not adverse to the occasional traditionally romantic gesture, after fifteen years of marriage I’m changed my definition of romance.

To me, the real romantic gesture is not pretty.  It’s partnership.  It’s that time when our daughter had some kind of stomach flu and threw up Exorcist style all over the floor of her room, and he cleaned it all up while I got her in the shower, even the vomit that had inexplicably oozed into the closet and under the bed, because he knew that I so very much did not want to do it.  Seriously, I think that any contestant for Sexiest Man Alive should be required to pass the “Would you clean up vomit?” test in order to qualify.  I appreciate that he’s smart and funny and, frankly, really hot, but what I really appreciate is that despite the fact that we are serious bicker-ers, he has my back when shit gets real.

Elyse:

 I agree with Carrie that I tend to form crushes on characters, rather than actors. I might look at an actor and think “Ooh, he’s hot,” but I will obsessively fangirl over a character.

I’m rarely attracted to men my own age, but rather men who are older than me by 10 to 20 years. I’m sure we could unravel that in psychotherapy, but there ya go. Also, I dig guys with beards. 

I’m a sucker for the broken/wounded hero trope. Couple that with the celibate/virgin hero and I’m swooning. I have no idea why I’m so mean to these guys. I think maybe because my first real, fangirling crush was Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If you remember, Angel was paying for centuries of being evil, and he was cursed so that if he slept with his true love, Buffy, he’d lose his soul and become a monster again. Also he wore a lot of crushed velvet shirts and leather pants, but hey, it was the nineties.

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Leather trench coats and brooding never go out of style.

 The other Smart Bitches know of my obsession with Patrick Jane (played by Simon Baker) from The Mentalist. I watched an episode on demand a few years ago and I swear it was written with me in mind. Jane is a really smart, Sherlock-y type dude who used to pretend to be a psychic. He “helped” the police in their search for a serial killer, saying some not nice things on TV, and the killer repaid him by murdering his wife and child. He used to be an arrogant jerk, now he’s still kind of a jerk occasionally but feels bad about it. He helps the police solve crimes, while still looking for the Moriarity like serial killer, lives in the attic of the police station like the phantom of the opera, lives like a monk, and won’t let anyone close to him because he thinks he doesn’t deserve to be happy ever again. Suspense + Broken Hero + Virgin/Celibate Hero = All Elyse’s Catnip.

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Patrick Jane.  Why yes, I do need a ride to Paris, thanks! 

As far as literary dudes go, Darcy and Mr. Rochester feature heavily, probably due to my reading those books when I was an impressionable youth. Looking at both men critically with my older eyes now, I see a lot of “WTF, you asshole,” but I’ll always love them.

There is Eloisa James’ Duke of Villiers who plays chess and is atoning for his life of bad behavior. Plus, Daniel Craig as A Damaged James Bond.

There’s Joscelin Verreuil from Kushiel’s Dart, who again can’t touch the heroine because he’s vowed to celibacy. And hello Jamie from Outlander. Virgin. Tragic past. So. Much. Catnip.

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 In real life I don’t want a broken/wounded hero. I also don’t want to deflower anyone, frankly. In real life I tend to be drawn to men who are a little nerdy, but also kind. I think kindness is sexy in anybody.

Just yesterday I came home to find my husband sitting on our kitchen floor, carefully feeding our cat (who is stuck in the Cone of Shame) wet food off a spoon. My ovary exploded a little.

 I met Rich in a bookstore. He is thirteen years older than me and has a beard. He was the first guy I’d ever met who I could fangirl over Outlander in front of without feeling like a nerd or getting weird looks. He totally understood the joy of being immersed in a fictional world. Our ven diagram only narrowly overlaps in terms of what we like to read, but I felt like I’d met someone who got the soul of what meant so much to me.

I remember him telling me about a fantasy book featuring miniature giant pink space hamsters (yes, you read that right), and it was so delightfully weird that I knew this guy got it. When he asked me if he’d talked himself out of date with the pink space hamster thing, I thought “No, sir, you have talked yourself into one.”

 Shortly after we met he also rescued a baby duck from the middle of the road, so yeah. More ovary explosion. We’ve been together for thirteen years now. Kindness to animals and a love of books is obviously my thing.

Amanda:

 This is a tough one, ladies. I’d like to think I’m an equal opportunity ogler of the male species, but if I HAVE to choose (and you’re really twisting my arm here) what sorts of traits I found most attractive, I’d have to admit that I have a weakness for blue collar guys. Real salt-of-the-earth, works with their hands, flannels and blue jeans.

What I’m saying is I’m looking for a lumberjack. Is there a dating site for that yet?

Oh and that thick Boston accent…mmm….

But I digress. Most of my past relationship don’t really reflect this sort of thing, but Florida isn’t teeming with plaid-wearing mountain men. Of course, intelligence and humor are bonuses, especially when guys think my jokes are hilarious (and they are, I assure you).  I’m kind of in a cushy career; I read and work on books for a living. And while I’d love to have a reading man in my life, there’s something I find appealing about men with dirty jobs. Hello, Mike Rowe. It might also be why I love me some sports romances because athletes know how to work up a sweat.

 My boyfriend now is a little bit of both – crazy smart and a little on the rough-and-tumble side. He adores history and I could  honestly listen to him talk about WWI and WWII for hours. He’s currently in England doing an internship digging through the museum archives for the University of Kent. But he’s spent his entire life in New England. Played hockey in high school. Hikes. Loves to read outdoors. I’d say it’s a good balance of similarities and differences.

 In terms of celebrities, my go-to trio is Jake Gyllenhaal, Scott Eastwood, and Tom Hardy. Gyllenhaal has a weird mixture of being cute and being mind-numbingly hot depending on the movie he’s prepping for at a given time, though I like the latter option a bit more, I certainly wouldn’t kick him out of bed either way. Scott Eastwood (does he count as a celebrity?) is essentially a young version of his father. See photo for proof.

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SEE?! Told you. He definitely has that “man’s man” aura, which is probably a genetic thing amongst the Eastwood men.

Lastly, Tom Hardy. That man looks good in a suit and with a beard, but you also know that he’s probably been in a few bar fights. He has some extensive ink work, which I don’t mind in the slightest.

 

Tom Hardy hugging a puppy.  A PUPPY.  OMG.
Tom Hardy hugging a puppy. A PUPPY. OMG.

Overall though, I don’t really have character or celebrity crushes. Fandoms aren’t my thing in any sort of sphere, but I can appreciate a good-looking guy when I see one. I will admit though that I’m not on the Hiddleston or Cumberbatch train, but that means more of them to go around, right?

If you’re looking for literary heroes, I always appreciate a clash of some sort whether the hero/heroine are cultural opposites, occupational opposites, etc. The easiest example and one of my favorite books is It Happened One Autumn, in which the heroine is an American heiress in London and the hero is an uppity lord. I slow clapped it out for that book.

RedHeadedGirl:

My hot dude crushes have been dudes that are hot but also show that they are total dorks at heart.  I haven’t made a secret about them- Renner, Armitage, Evans- they’re all total dorks!

Renner, when asked what he does after shooting an intense movie says, “I’ll take a nap.  And then have a sandwich.  And then…. take another nap.”

Yes, Jeremy, it's true - dorks are hot.
Yes, Jeremy, it’s true – dorks are hot.

Or Richard Armitage, who reportedly wrote Thorin fanfiction to help him get into Thorin’s mindset, or talks about how he’s SUPER shy and finds parties difficult (I feel you, dude).

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LOOK AT HIS FACE AND HE IS TALL AND I AM TALL

 And then there’s Chris “Left Boob Grab” Evans.

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I mean look at him.

I wish I had a story about the real life dude, but I am, according to Sarah, Holding Out For a Hero, so…

 

Sarah:

Whenever there’s an announcement of Sexiest Man Alive or This Guy Is the Hottest One or Here is the Perfect Specimen of Manhood, I am always, every time, baffled. The standards of what is considered sexy for these particular lists are so far from what I consider attractive or interesting that I have that oh-so-familiar moment of, “Wait, am I on the wrong planet?”

For example: if there are pictures of dudes with incredible amounts of muscle development, with man-titty for days and ridged abdominals that look like those corduroy pants that I wore when I was 5, I start calculating their body fat percentage and wondering what muscles I’m looking at. Bulky and built never does it for me. The men with their shirts undone yet still tucked in on the cover of every romance cover? Meh. Does nothing for me. I know there are the readers out there who love the man-titty, and it does send a very clear signal to anyone familiar with the romance genre that This Here Be Romance, Matey! Alas, I’m not one of them (and that’s another time when I ask myself, “Hold up. Seriously, now, am I on the wrong planet?”).

And it’s not because I think the people who have those physiques are dumb – they’re not. It takes an enormous amount of dedication, work, and attention to diet and exercise progress to attain and maintain that kind of muscular development. It is impressive, and not everyone can do so. But for me, it’s external, and that’s the key.

Chris Hemsworth said at one point that the body he developed for Thor and all other Thor-related movies was like a prop, one more element to the character, which he then removed to play a race car driver:

First time I looked at a Formula One car in person, I just stared at the cockpit, figuring I’d never get in there. The drivers wear the whole car like a tight-fitting suit. So I just started training differently, shedding all that Thor. I’ve come to see size as just a kind of prop.

The Spymaster’s Lady
A | BN | K | AB
From my perspective on what I find sexy, the focus and admiration of sculpted muscle is similar to a prop – it’s external and isn’t really a meaningful indicator of the person inside (unless you want to know how much time they spend working out, in which case, probably a lot because musculature like that doesn’t happen accidentally). The cover models on the romance shelves don’t really match the characters inside. Notable example: The Spymaster’s Lady, in which the cover had allllll the beefcake and the hero inside was nondescript, easily able to blend into the surroundings, somewhat thin and nothing at all like the dude on the cover. I’m used to the disconnect and the accompanying feeling of discord when what I define as attractive doesn’t match the larger definition in the media, but I still mentally trip over the idea that the cover has to have acres of man-titty even if the dude inside does not.

Speaking of The Spymaster’s Lady, though: the clever guys, especially the ones who can be silly , and who don’t take themselves too seriously (see Hemsworth above, also Renner)? That is hot to me.

I’m with RedHeadedGirl. I’ve said many times that I like men who are short and dorky. I’ve said this to my husband, who is in fact both short and dorky. He’s also the smartest person I know, and I love most when we debate something, or try to figure something out together, preferably while drinking wine. We had a two-hour debate about different people’s reactions to holiday gifting and it was terrific fun, though to anyone who didn’t know us, it probably sounded like we were arguing (we totally weren’t). I love intelligence, curiosity, and the willingness to get shit done if done shit needs to be gotten. Add that to clever, silly, and not taking oneself too seriously, and I’m in.

I don’t have many character crushes, or actor crushes, really. I do, however, have deep abiding crushes on the relationships between characters, and the clues that develop over time that reveal one character’s feelings for another. In shorter language, I ship the hell out of things, and love the connection as much as I love the characters who have it.

So what about you? What do you find sexy? No shame – we all like very, very different things. Who’s your choice for sexiest person alive? 

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  1. S says:

    Richard Armitage in “North and South”. Now THAT’s sexy.

    Gerard Butler in “The Phantom of the Opera”.

    In visual terms alone, that’s my definition of the sexiest man!

  2. StarOpal says:

    In order: Tom Hiddleston; Hugh Jackman; Richard Armitage; Chris Evans. They’re just… I just… *dreamy sigh*

    Have you seen Alexis Denisof as Benedick in Much Ado About Nothing?

    And for S, for Gerard Butler you have to watch Dear Frankie.

    I really like movies and actors if you can’t tell. Much as in real life, I don’t have a particular physical type really (There’s just a point where too buly is too bulky and too skinny is too skinny), but they have to be talented – no just pretty faces here. Being funny doesn’t hurt (The moment I fell hard for Hiddleston was when I saw that skit/interview where does the dumbest pranks to “Loki” on MTV After Hours. http://www.mtv.com/videos/movies/765213/lokid-with-tom-hiddleston.jhtml I still call fake mustaches Wendy). I’m just gonna stop here

  3. Jan says:

    I’m in agreement with Sarah regarding the crushes on characters, actors/actresses, etc. BUT there are relationships between characters in my favorite romances that I still reread constantly. Sometimes authors really hit a chord in my what I perceive as the perfect ideal in romance.
    1. Evie and Sebastian in Devil in Winter (Lisa Kleypas) – I still sigh every time I read the scene where Sebastian tries to deny their relationship and Evie talks right over him (to his best friend, Marcus)because she understands his fear of committing.
    2. Sidonie and Jonas in Seven Nights in Rogue’s Bed (Anna Campbell)- OMG, the ending where she refuses to give him up.
    3. Andrew and Gemma in Master of Sin (Maggie Robinson) – Andrew’s the perfect tortured hero.

    Yes, I love the tortured alphas-sexy indeed!

  4. Friday says:

    I have recently discovered a penchant for the ‘Thin and Interesting’ type.

    Usually British.

    I will second the votes for Armitage and Hiddleston and add Ben Barnes.
    I’ve also discovered as I age, that while I can appreciate a well built man and sometimes even daydream about one, it’s the ones who don’t necessarily stand out who snag my attention. The ones who may not be classically handsome as such, but are good-hearted, genuine, intelligent, sweet men. And I agree with RedHeadedGirl. They should also be a bit daggy.

    Having said that, I still love to read about bad-asses who fumble and stumble when confronted by extreme emotion brought about by someone of the female persuasion. A man, competent and confident, discombobulated by his own emotional growth? MORE. MORE I SAY.

  5. Cate says:

    Gregory Peck… good looking, & Oh that voice. Hugh Bonneville .. that voice ! I remember going to see Notting Hill, & frankly not giving a stuff about Hugh & Julia, but falling for Hugh Bonneville’s pillock & Tim MacInerny & Gina MacKee’s characters !
    Hiddleston & Cumberbatch have been joined by James Norton. He’s gone from terrifying serial killer, to the marvellous Sidney Chambers(Grantchester… ITV’s adaptation of James Runcies Sidney Chambers books) in one brilliant year & again, Oh those voices 🙂
    I also admit to a very definite woman crush on Clark Gregg of Agents of Shield.
    As for book heroes…bestriding them all,for me, is Max de Vendenheim from Liz Carlyle’s No True Gentleman. I also have a massive soft spot for Turnip Fitzhugh.
    My own hero is a short, hilariously funny, & occasionally grumpy Welshman, who never fails to cheer me up when I’m down . Even if he is grumbling furiously whilst picking me up at 04.00hrs from somewhere in deepest,darkest Dorset,because I’d forgotten there was something wrong with the cars fuel gauge, & I hadn’t filled up with petrol before I went out on call !
    .

  6. I have a thing for guys with long hair, so Chris Helmsworth as Thor is so my style. Greyston Holt from Bitten has really grown on me too.

  7. Sarah says:

    Elyse, you and I are clearly kindred spirits. Angel? Check. Rochester? Check (and I hate myself for it now after realizing what a horrible person he is. But 13-yr-old me thought he was dreamy. Stupid formative crush). Jamie Fraser? Check. Darcy? BIG check. Except for Jamie, broody heroes are where it’s at for me.

  8. Rush — the Formula One movie that Hemsworth was in — is really good.

    This year, I really liked Sebastian Stan in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. His character started out so cold, menacing, and calculating, but Stan made you see how tortured he was by the end of the movie (and without a lot of lines/dialogue).

    Chris Evans was good in that one too, and Chris Pratt was cute and goofy in Guardians of the Galaxy. Looking forward to more Marvel movies.

  9. olivia says:

    SHEMAR MOORE!!!! HELLLLOOOO

    also Jeffrey Dean Morgan (dad from Supernatural), he’s always looked like a rugged man to me. 😀
    plus of course Jensen Ackles, but growing up David Boreanaz pictures everywhere! and of course right now, Nathan Fillion

  10. Janelle says:

    My problem with SMA is that it’s almost always a het white dude on the cover. In almost 30 years, the only one that wasn’t was Denzel Washington (to be fair, lots of ladies love Denzel, but he never did much for me). Chris Hemsworth is crazy good-looking (one of the best parts of that Star Trek movie, IMO), but there are so many other guys who could have taken the cover, if they were allowed to think outside of the Midwestern supermarket appeal box. Mike Colter. So Ji Sub. Common. Tom Ford. Wentworth Miller.

  11. Jace says:

    The most memorable crush that I had was with Gerard Butler–my fangirl-ing of him 7(!) years ago literally saved my and my family’s lives. He was badass in 300, and he’s awesome IRL. The Scottish accent was just a bonus.

    This year, my fangirl heart went to James McAvoy, Sebastian Stan, and Tom Hiddleston because of their excellent portrayal of woobie characters and their IRL awesomeness.

  12. jimthered says:

    As a heterosexual male confident in his own sexuality, I can give this topic a go.

    I think a large part of what makes a celebrity male seem sexy is the role he plays. For example, Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans play terrific guys in their superhero movies, so that makes them even more appealing. The same can be said for Simon Baker: I didn’t hear anyone swooning over him when he played an asshat in THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA, but he becomes a charmer on THE MENTALIST and everyone loves him. And a similar appeal can be found in the “bad boy” characters who may move from person to person, but sure act sexy while they’re with their current person: George Clooney on E.R., John Barrowman on TORCHWOOD (and on DOCTOR WHO, for that matter). When it comes to sexy men, to paraphrase PULP FICTION, personality (and roles with personality) go a long way. That said, I’d go with Chris Hemsworth from THOR: He’s got the looks, the buff bod, and the casual charm that combine together.

    (As for men, we’re generally more superficial. And for proof is tonight’s VICTORIA’S SECRET FASHION SHOW, in which we watch women who we may know nothing about walk down a runway wearing lingerie. And that works just fine for us!)

  13. Well now, THIS is a delicious topic. 😀

    Harrison Ford and Russell Crowe are my two major long-running celebrity crushes. Harrison Ford is predominantly for both Han Solo and Indiana Jones, two characters I’ve adored all my life, but also because in his prime he had that tall, rangy thing going on that I love, and while he didn’t smile often as either Han or Indy, when he did unleash a smile… _damn_. And his _voice_. Yum. Han and Indy though remain my primary means by which to love me some Harrison, so I have greater emphasis on character than actor here.

    Russell Crowe, likewise on the tall, rangy thing and the voice thing, particularly when I first saw him in The Quick and the Dead. But again, greater emphasis on character than actor here, since I found Russell’s character in TQaTD entirely adorable. My all-time favorite Russell character though remains Jack Aubrey from Master and Commander–Russell was _perfect_ in that role, with an added side bonus of actually learning to play the violin to lend weight to his role. Plus, Russell being an actual musician bumped him up considerably. I’ve seen that man sing with my very own eyes, and trust me when I tell you he’s got magnetic stage presence. More on the music thing below.

    While I am not actively crushing on any of them, I will absolutely agree that the various gentlemen in the MCU are very easy on the eyes–though I am another who tends to crush more on the characters than on the individual actors. When it comes to Marvel boys, though, I tend to ogle Thor and Captain America the most, with a notable side helping of Hawkeye, because _yes b’y_ I love me some archers.

    And my archer thing in particular can be traced RIGHT back to Elfquest, and in particular, Strongbow: http://www.elfquest.com/strongbow/

    Strongbow’s an excellent example of the things I tend to find sexy. He’s got that tall, rangy thing going on. He’s got _magnificent_ hair. He is the walking epitome of the strong, silent type–his character is renowned in Elfquest for almost always exclusively communicating by telepathy. You know if he speaks out loud, Strongbow feels _really_ ardently about something.

    Last but not least, the big big driver for if I find a man sexy is whether he’s a musician. The vast majority of men I crush on right now are musicians–and in particular, trad/folk musicians from Canada. I am _particularly_ fond of bouzouki players and that ties right in with my ongoing love of Great Big Sea. I am in fact the ONLY fantasy author you’ll meet who has a bouzouki-playing hero in one of her series, and Great Big Sea is entirely the reason for that. 😀

    And between Great Big Sea and several notable bands from Quebec as well (Le Vent du Nord, De Temps Antan, and La Bottine Souriante among them), if a band makes me go I WANT TO PLAY THAT TOO, then they have commanded my attention and made it _very_ much more likely I’ll adore the hell out of one or more of their members.

    And I’m just sayin’, romance writers–if any of you ever write a romance involving a hot trad musician from Quebec, I will _read the hell_ out of that. All these romances I’ve seen that involve rock musicians–don’t care, sorry! But a trad band? Go look up a Quebec trad band, and in particular look up the guys who do the foot rhythm for percussion while playing an instrument at the same time. With bonus _singing in French_. YUM. ^_^

  14. Crystal says:

    While I certainly don’t find Hemsworth hard to look at, I had other ideas. I like funny, so currently Chris Pratt and Tom Hiddleston do it for me. I also love intelligent and mysterious, so I’m also imaginary husbanding Benedict Cumberbatch. And possibly because he seems like a wonderful person outside of Arrow, I’m currently deeply interested in Stephen Amell (also, abs). As for fictional characters, there is oddly only one that I have a legitimate crush on. The one, the only Harry Dresden. He needs to be real so that I can comfort him and make all the injuries (he gets beaten up a lot in those books) so much better.

  15. This was so fun to read! You are all my people. Sarah, I’m meh on the abs covers too. I assume a hero’s attractive to the heroine, but his personality is what makes me want to read his story.

    Elyse, I love that your future husband won a date from you by talking about an unusual book. I think I won Mr. R over by wearing a Thriller t-shirt to a university book sale. I’ve always thought Mr. R was handsome, but I really fell for him when 1) he was working a book sale, and 2) he liked my Thriller shirt. Sexiness to me comes from humor, kindness (especially men who are good to women and girls), and intelligence. Oh! And talent. Someone who’s really good at something they love…rowr.

    As far as celebrities, it’s more character than actor. I don’t have a thing for Chris Evans, but I do for Captain America. See above: kind, smart. Plus you KNOW he hasn’t been around the block. I do like a virgin hero.

  16. LenoreJ says:

    All my perfect male crushes descend from Percy Blakeney, the Scarlet Pimpernel. I love the chameleons: Edward Norton being my current fave. (He’s terrific in Birdman btw.)

  17. Lozza says:

    Carrie, I agree with you on the vomit thing!
    When I was pregnant with my oldest, I had both terrible nausea and terrible insomnia, and ended up on Ambien. It helped me sleep, but seemed to make the nausea worse, so I’d kind of half-wake-up, stumble into the bathroom, puke EVERYWHERE, waddle back to bed, go back to sleep, and never remember a thing. While my fabulous, patient, never-accusatory-or-guilt-tripping husband cleaned up after me, night after night. That is pretty much my definition of everlasting love.

  18. Bea says:

    Oh, I’m with Elyse–the men I favor are usually older than me (my first celebrity crush was Jeremy Brett-as-Holmes, which both dates me and provides a perfect example): British. Older. Lovely voice. Dear god, just keep talking.

    Unlike others, I find angst very unattractive. Whenever I encounter characters steeped in it, I feel vaguely nauseous and have to leave the television. (Which is why I stopped watching Doctor Who and why David Tennant makes me cringe. Still haven’t gotten over that.)

  19. I <3 Hugh Jackman. If he was named People Magazine's sexiest man alive every year, I wouldn't be mad at anyone ever. With that said, I have no problem with Chris Hemsworth as Sexiest man alive because handsome Australian men who play superheroes are my catnip.

  20. chacha1 says:

    My first requirement for “sexy” is a resonant voice, preferably baritone. So even though I don’t find Benedict Cumberbatch physically attractive, he could probably get me in conversation. 🙂 I could listen to Sean Connery, George Clooney, Patrick Stewart, or James Spader all day long.

    I have different categories of Attracted To. I like to *look* at a particular physical type a la Ralph Fiennes, Nicolas Cage, Jeff Goldblum, Alan Rickman – that is, tall, long-limbed, slender but strong-looking, with large noses & eyes, and presenting as intellectuals.

    IRL the two specimens I have had the strongest physical reactions to are quite different from the above. Both athletes, half a foot taller than me, physically bulky though with no overhanging excess flesh, with a strong jawline. My husband is just under six feet to my 5’6″ and looks like a cross between Denzel Washington and Marlon Brando.

    Across the board I prefer gentlemen of color. Taye Diggs or Anthony Mackie or Jet Li or Naveen Andrews = perfect beauty in my book.

    When it comes to celebrity crushes I am, consequently, quite indiscriminate. If I had to choose a celebrity “sexiest man alive,” though, I might have to go with Patrick Stewart based on the following criteria: intelligence, talent, voice, sense of humor, overall personality, physical fitness, elegance of features.

  21. Chris Hemsworth totally gets my vote. While I’m not usually into ginormous muscles (although boy howdy are biceps hot!), he does have that well-rounded thing going on for sexiness. My favorite Marvel superhero in the current incarnation is Cap and yet I don’t really swoon over Chris Evans. I think it’s what others mentioned above–it’s more the character.

    Others on my “sexiest” list: Gerard Butler, Henry Cavill, Noah Mills, Michael Vartan, and the outlier–blondie Rupert Penry-Jones.

  22. mel burns says:

    I think Chris Hemsworth is cute and scruffy though not very sexy, but he is a safe choice for PSMA.

    Tom Hiddleston is (to me)the sexiest man since George Clooney. Both look incredible in a tux. Prince Harry who also looks good in a tux is getting very sexy as he gets older. Oh and David Muir the new ABC anchor….gorgeous!

    @RHG: Jeremy Renner is like Daniel Craig…mucho charismo…HMMMM

  23. Dbchen says:

    Janelle, I love you for mentioning So Ji Sub. I loved him in “Master’s Sun” To be fair, that’s the only thing I’ve seen him in.

    I”ve been watching pretty much only Korean dramas (the catch-all term for scripted TV shows) in 2014 so my votes for Sexiest Man not only in America go to:
    Daniel Henney
    Gong Yoo
    Han Jung Soo
    Nam Goong Min
    Song Jae Rim

    They all are very buff and lovely to look at. The Korean dramas always have a scene where the hero has to show off his six pack abs, biceps, and pectorals. They know who their audience is. And they’ve all played really adorkable characters. And look good in glasses. Mmmmmmm

    Anyway, of the guys on this list, only Henney is an American, but subtitled Korean dramas are available on Netflix streaming, Hulu, Dramafever, and Viki.com.

  24. jcscot says:

    Obviously sexy is a completely subjective thing, different to beauty – most of us can agree on a standard of beauty for men and women (which will differ according to our cultural preferences) but sexy is something other than beauty. A person can be sexy and beautiful but they can also be sexy without being classically handsome/beautiful.

    I tend to crush on characters rather than actors – Captain Wentworth (“You pierce my soul…”h for example but I have been known to crush on actors who embody those characters (Ciaran Hinds…yum!).

    What is sexy to me personally is partly physical and partly personality. I have been married for almost fifteen years to a man who is physically attractive in a very understated, elegant, English way – he absolutely rocks a bespoke suit, wears a DJ like Bond and looks fab in full-dress uniform.

    He has hands and forearms to die for (what is it about a man with strong, capable hands who knows how to use them?) and a typical but not overly “built” soldier’s physique. Yum.

    Personality-wise, he is honourable and believes in helping others (he volunteered at our sons’ school, teaching mapreading and orienteering) while being firm and disciplined with regards to loyalty and integrity.

    He has a wonderfully self-deprecating and sarcastic sense of humour and is relaxed and great with our three (soon to be four) children. He is the definition of a true officer and gentleman.

    And he looks great in combats too. *shallow*

  25. Maray says:

    Colin Quinn!! Ha I’ve had a crush on him since his (now cancelled) talk show Late Night with Colin Quinn. So funny and quick-witted and just adorable.
    I’ve always had a thing for funny guys. What’s the point of life without laughter? I can still remember the first story my husband told me (hitting a chicken with his car). I laughed so hard I cried. He still makes me laugh every day.

  26. I don’t usually go for guys with long hair, but THOR… mmmm. I also enjoy muscles, but I require brains with my beefcake. Example: Clay Matthews III is luscious, but he does not read. Whoops.

    Brains and beefcake: Chris Kluwe, former punter for the Vikings. Nice to look at AND smart.

  27. Jan says:

    Peter Wingfield can park his car in my garage today, tomorrow and forever.
    Close second is Aidan Quinn.

  28. Bea says:

    Oh, Angela Korra’ti–ElfQuest for the win!
    (Admittedly, I’m a Skywise girl, myself–I dearly love a laugh and Skywise certainly knows how to do that.) I do have a friend who’s entirely, 100% all-the-time Rayek, however. I celebrate our differences, because then I don’t have to share 🙂
    Is it wrong of me that I can’t seem to find Mender or Sunstream sexy? I think it’s because I knew the characters when they were children…

  29. KSwan says:

    Monday: Tom Hiddleston. Tuesday: David Tennant. Wednesday: Jeremy Renner. Thursday: Morgan Freeman. Friday: Liam Neeson. Saturday: Chow Yun Fat. Sunday: Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr.

    Rinse off. Repeat as necessary.

  30. garlicknitter says:

    I like smart, funny, honest, and kind. I like competence – loves something he is good at and is good at it at least partly because he loves it. I like long and lean, pretty eyes, and a great smile. Pretty hair is an excellent bonus.

    I also like something…unexpected. Unpredictable. In Dungeons and Dragons terms, I like chaotic good. I like the bad boys who are trying to be good, like Patrick Jane and Neal Caffrey. I like people who are honest in surprising but kind ways. I like ethical behavior combined with a wicked sense of humor, if you know what I mean, and I hope you do.

  31. DonnaMarie says:

    Cary Grant, totally did it for me. His heir apparent, George Clooney, a thousand times yes.

    In real life though? It’s the capable and kind. I generally use the Big Bro as an example of this. He will come over while I’m at work and fix things. Like plumbing things or electrical things. I mention I’m having a problem and he’ll just show up, use his key and viola, working toilet. Not to mention he lets me drive his very expensive car when he works on mine. Maybe that’s the hero I’m holding out for: Home and Car Maintenance Man.

  32. DonnaMarie says:

    Oh, funny coincidence that, featuring the cover of “The Spymaster’s Lady”. I just finished the Bourne’s latest, “Rouge Spy” and feel it’s only fair to issue a catnip alert for Elyse.

  33. I am another one who swoons for personality. And if someone is a jerk, it doesn’t matter how hawt they are, I they squick me out. (See: Mel Gibson, who I adored until he turned out to be an asshat.)

    I have a HUGE crush on Tom Hiddleston, from watching all the video clips of his interviews. I ADORE how he totally geeks out and doesn’t care who knows he is a geek. (swoon)

    I also had a GIANT crush for YEARS on Michael Dorn, specifically when he was playing Worf on DS9. He had the most expressive eyes. Seriously. (Plus, the chemistry he had with Terry Farrell (Dax) was fabulous). Plus, he was very good at playing the straight man. (Any DS9 Fans? “DEATH TO THE OPPOSITION!” Anyone?)

    I also have a crush on Robert Downey Jr, because at one point he was a train wreck who completely turned his life completely around. Plus, I adored watching him and Tom Hiddleston flirt. (swoon)

    (Showing my age much? Why YES!)

  34. Lora says:

    I’m gonna be the cliche girl here and say Cumberbatch. For looking at, I’d go Gerard Butler in PS I Love You, Daniel Craig in Skyfall, Liam Neeson in Love, Actually. But I could listen to Cumberbatch all day long. Also have an old crush on (wait for it) Jeremy Irons for the same reason…skinny british guy with a fabulous voice. And Ralph Fiennes in that overheated 90s version of Wuthering Heights. It was an impressionable age for me but that’s no excuse.

  35. Susan says:

    I like suave and debonair. Smart as a whip, but underestimated (sometimes with a more bumbling alter ego to hide their true selves/identity). Kind and funny, too. I like when a character moves with an easy, languorous grace (maybe because I’m such a klutz).

    Physically, I also have a thing for sexy voices, regardless of the rest to the package. (James Earl Jones, Mel Gibson, and William Hurt have amazing voices I could listen to for days.)

    Growing up, I watched a lot of old movies and was smitten with the various Fred Astaire characters (I didn’t have teen idol posters; I had a full-length poster of Fred in top hat and tails on the back of my door), William Powell’s Nick Charles, George Saunders’s Saint, etc. Cary Grant in almost anything. Gregory Peck in The Big Country. And later, both Anthony Andrews’s and Richard E. Grant’s Percy Blakeney/Scarlet Pimpernel. Remington Steele. (Most of these actors had/have the requisite sexy voices, too.)

    I’m having a harder time thinking of book characters who fit the bill right off the top of my head, but Cyn Malloren would be up there. Lord Vere (His at Night) for the alter ego thing. Nicky Lavrin in Ira J. Morris’s The Fortune Hunter (this is a really old one).

    Of course, there are some characters outside of that box that I still love: Jamie Fraser, Nathan Fillion’s Mal Reynolds and Richard Castle (maybe because NF himself is so darn funny and self-deprecating), Sebastian St. Vincent, and Horatio Cave (from Jo Beverley’s Rogue series).

    I think I need to do some re-reading now. . .

  36. Bea @ #29: High-five, fellow Elfquest fan! Amusingly, I played both Rayek AND Mender back in my time on Two Moons MUSH. 😀 I found Mender actively prettier, but Rayek was the far more interesting character to me.

  37. f_borto says:

    Yes, Mike Rowe, yes! I love a man who can get down and dirty and still have a great sense humor about it. I can also binge on the Mythbusters, Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman. Men who have so much fun blowing things up. Jamie is one of the few bald men I find sexy. Just had to geek out.

  38. clew says:

    I’m physically attracted to grace of movement, not just form. Jason Statham’s abs are, sure, nice; Jason Statham gathering his center of balance under him in a silly fight scene with spilled oil and a mini-bicycle… wow. Brandon Lee hopped bup onto a wall behind him in a really astonishing way once. And people are often graceful while doing the thing they love to do, so it’s easy to see in real-life people.

  39. Kathleen says:

    So, how long is this allowed to be?

    While reading the previous comments and the opinions of the Bitches I have to conclude I’m very fickle. I have my favourites who are characters but also celebrities, I’m a sad case. In no particular order Nathan Fillion, originally because of Firefly/Serenity but then followed by Castle. Hugh Jackman because…Hugh Jackman and he was also extremely sweet to my daughter when she met him a few years ago. Richard Roxburgh and David Wenham make up a particular trifecta with Hugh (see Van Helsing). First Richard played a delicious Dracula and now is Rake. David has played so many good roles, a laid back surfer, a bumbling monk, a wounded hero (See Lord of the Rings). Colin Firth is my ultimate Englishman, Mr Darcy, King Edward etc. Some literary characters are from my misspent youth. Kathleen Woodiwiss wrote two of them, Brandon from The Flame and the Flower and Wulfgar from The Wolf and the Dove. Pretty much any of the male characters from Anne Bishop’s the Black Jewels Trilogy I have a soft spot for but Daemon & Lucivar need to be real. One word – Roarke. Like I said I’m fickle but in my defense I read A LOT!!

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