Knitting & Crochet Pattern: The Smart Bitches 2 Hour Scarf

The thing about being a knitter is that you tend to not actually knit things for yourself. So when our first snowfall hit this year (fuck you, Wisconsin), I realized that I don’t have a scarf.

The Mentalist DVDs

Sure, I have an Outlandish cowl, but I had given all my scarves away. Luckily, I had some cool birthday yarn and season 6 of The Mentalist on DVD and two hours to kill. I made a scarf for me and a couple for Christmas gifts as well.

You can make this scarf in 2 hours for about $10 worth of yarn.

This scarf is super easy, fuzzy and warm.

My husband looked at it when I was done and asked, “Which Muppets did you kill to make that thing?”

To which I responded, “I don’t know, which were your favorites?”

Things You Will Need:

Size 35 knitting needles –that’s right, we’re using our enormous cowl needles again!

1 skein Red Heart  Stellar (I used the color Nova)

1 skein Lion Brand Fun Fur (I believe mine was Orchid, but I lost the label).

A tapestry needle

Instructions:

1.  Look at this picture of Simon Baker.

Simon Baker with one hand against his lip, looking down away from the viewer - and also looking kinda hot, too

You’re welcome.

2. Hold together one strand of Stellar and  one strand of fun fur. Cast on 10. Knit every row until you are nearly out of yarn (save enough for fringe). Bind off.

3. Block if needed. Weave in ends.

4. Clip leftover yarn into 8″ segments. Use a tapestry needle or crochet hook to add fringe to edges of the scarf. If you’re not sure how to do that, here are some easy instructions.

Purple super fluffy scarf on a hangar

BUT WAIT! I HAVE CROCHET INSTRUCTIONS! Hookers rejoice!

1. Using a size 50 crochet hook, and one strand of each yarn held together, chain 12.

2. Work in single crochet until yarn is nearly gone.

3. Follow steps 3 & 4 above.

Happy hooking (and knitting)! As always feel free to send pics of your finished work. Here’s me with mine.

Close up of Elyse with a purple fluffy scarf


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  1. 1
    DonnaMarie says:

    Started Outlandish Cowl #2 last night. Now I have to go back to yarn shop. Like I need another excuse to hit the yarn shop. Curse you, Elyse. (Fist shaking to the sky)

  2. 2
    GHN says:

    Hehe, I’m currently knitting a scarf myself, it will be a Christmas preent for a friend. I’m knitting it in linen stitch, in grey, dark grey and orange, and it’s going to be seriously cool when it’s finished. :D I have also discovered double knitting, and have made three hats using the technique – two hats for the price of one, when you are tired of how the hat looks, turn it inside out for new look! :D

  3. 3
    Meredith says:

    Yay!!thanks for the crochet instructions! I’ve never tried to use this kind of yarn, and this looks fun! (I did something remarkably similar this week, except it was Elementary and a grey hat!)

  4. 4
    kkw says:

    For a second I thought the photo was of your husband, Elyse, and in that second I went from thinking your muppet response was hilarious to thinking you were awfully mean – he looks so crushed by the plight of the muppets.

    I have serious doubts about my current knitting project. I’m making a pencil skirt and then felting it, and it’s nerve wracking to try to judge the size.

  5. 5
    Elinor Aspen says:

    This project almost tempts me into trying to crochet again. The fun fur might hide my sloppy, uneven stitches. However, it would also cling to my long hair and create enough static electricity to animate Frankenstein’s monster. Now I remember why I rarely wear scarves, despite living in Wisconsin (though we’ve been lucky so far in the southern part of the state — only flurries, and nothing that stuck for more than a few hours).

  6. 6
    Mochabean says:

    Love it and all of its muppety glory. Don’t know if any of bitchery are old enough to remember the show The State but they had a very funny skit about eating muppet. You caught your dinner by opening your window and asking loudly “I wonder how to count to ten?” and then clubbed the muppets as they flocked over to answer. So, you know, if you need more yarn…

  7. 7
    Deborah says:

    I didn’t realize I was going to get knitting and crochet patterns in addition to great book news when I signed up for SBTB! I feel like I have won the lottery or gotten my Christmas early. It has just turned cold here and my fingers are itching to have yarn wrapped around them. Thanks a bunch!

  8. 8
    Marlene says:

    I’m laughing too hard to knit . . . but thanks for the great gift idea: to teach my nieces how to knit a fun, easy project!

  9. 9
    Kate Pearce says:

    Having knitted 8 Outlandish cowls for my family for christmas I was looking for a new project. This looks like fun!!!

  10. 10
    DonnaMarie says:

    @Mochabean, old enough and bwahahahahahaha!

  11. 11
    Pansy Petal says:

    I was going to skip this one because well, I don’t need another scarf. But I had to see what the Mentalist had to do with it. I see you knit/crochet the same way I do. Cool. Imagine my surprise when I fell in love with this scarf! My daughter needs it, I think. Thank you for sharing.

  12. 12
    Alexandra says:

    Re The Mentalist: Please tell me I’m not the only person out there afraid of Simon Baker’s eyebrows.

  13. 13
    Appomattoxco says:

    Every time I’ve given in and bought fun fur it’s become a Tribble for some friend’s cat. I don’t even know if I like to crochet with it because it’s always a great big knot instead of a skein. Am I the only one here? Pound of Love is AKA 1/2pound of frustration for this reason.

  14. 14
    Appomattoxco says:

    I meant to add its very pretty and temping me to try again.

  15. 15
    Elyse says:

    @Alexandra, I fear no part of Simon Baker’s body

  16. 16
    DonnaMarie says:

    @Appomattoxco the value of balling it, like in the good old days, can not be overvalued. You know, suddenly that sounds…

  17. 17
    Michelle C. says:

    Step 3.5 Look at the picture of Simon Baker again.

  18. 18
    Celia Marsh says:

    I also <3 the state, and just spent waaaay too long looking for the eating muppets skit on Youtube. Stupid Viacom, you should want people to be excited and interested in buying your 21 yr old tv show.

  19. 19
    ClaireC says:

    @Alexandra – I’m right there with you!! Those things are creepy …

    I’m going to sub in Supernatural for my holiday knitting marathons. Just recently got hooked (har, crafty joke!) so I have many, many seasons to look at Dean’s pretty mug.

  20. 20
    thefairishgodmother says:

    Hey Elyse! Thank you very much for the new knitting pattern! One question: I know next to nothing about crocheting, would you mind linking something that would help me combine the chain with the scarf? My google-fu is weak and I could only find links on how to make a chain. Thanks!

  21. 21
    Elyse says:

    @thefairishgodmother does this help? http://www.lionbrand.com/faq/114.html

  22. 22
    thefairishgodmother says:

    Thank you very much! I think I will stick with the knitting instructions for this particular one though, it will be less likely I will mess it up

  23. 23
    Shannyn says:

    Hi!! I was cackling with glee finding your site. Love me my Outlander knits!!!

  24. 24

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