Help A Bitch Out

HaBO: Ocean Waves and the Wang Dang Doodle

Help a Bitch OutJan is looking for a book that's memorable in an oceanic kind of way: 

I think I read this in the early eighties.  A pirate or sea captain hero brings an innocent heroine to his Caribbean plantation. I can't remember how these two got together.

He keeps her with him at all times but never has sex because he believes she's a prostitute but I think they mess around in his cabin.

They make it to the plantation. 

Somehow, they end up in the ocean naked and he can't resist her charms anymore. They have some sexy times in the ocean where he takes her virginity.  It's the craziest scene because the waves cause her to bounce up and down on his wangdang doodle.  She's crushed because he doesn't realize what he's done to her. And of course, she doesn't tell him. 

The final 1/4 of the story is how he discovers her lost of innocence and how he makes it up to her.

I wish I could remember why the heroine was on that ship. Hell, I can't even remember whose plantation it was.  This book has stayed with me for years. Sound familar?


I think more books would be improved with liberal application of wangdang doodle's in the ocean, don't you? Do you recognize this book? 


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  1. 1
    JacquiCode says:

    I don’t know this one, but is it just me, or is the whole idea of an “accidental loss of virginity in ocean due to motion of waves” really crazy? Let alone the wangdang doodle…

    And when I first read this, I interpreted it to mean that he had not noticed having sex with her, not that he had not noticed that she was a virgin. That seemed beyond crazy, until I read it again and figured it must mean the latter… it does, doesn’t it??

  2. 2
    PamG says:

    This isn’t The Windflower by Laura London, is it.  I don’t specifically remember the bobbin’ on the waves scene, but I’m not the passionate Windflower fan that so many SBs are, so I only read it once.  The other details do seem to match.

  3. 3

    The Flame and The Flower by Kathleen Woodiwiss? I actually kind of remember the bouncy ocean scene.

    Doomed to a life of unending toil, Heather Simmons fears for her innocence—until a shocking, desperate act forces her to flee . . . and to seek refuge in the arms of a virile and dangerous stranger.

    A lusty adventurer married to the sea, Captain Brandon Birmingham courts scorn and peril when he abducts the beautiful fugitive from the tumultuous London dockside. But no power on Earth can compel him to relinquish his exquisite prize. For he is determined to make the sapphire-eyed lovely his woman . . . and to carry her off to far, uncharted realms of sensuous, passionate love

  4. 4
    Kathleen says:

    It’s got to be the Windflower – the bobbing scene is not something to be forgotten!

  5. 5
    carenlb says:

    I don’t think it’s the Flame and the Flower.  That captain thought she was a prostitute and knew exactly when she wasn’t.  Plus they got married before they went on an ocean voyage.  Sadly there wasn’t any floating wang doodles.  (More’s the pity.)  Sorry I don’t know what the book is, and as I often ask myself, why is it that I want to find out so I can read it now?

  6. 6
    Jan says:

    I really appreciate the effort you all are putting into finding this book for me.  This story has been with me for years-like a stuck song, that plays over and over.  I can tell you that it’s definitely not the Flame and the Flower.  Laura Landon’s Windflower is close, but in the HaBO book, the secondary characters weren’t a large part of the story or as defined. 

    To answer JacquiCode, hero knew he was having sex with her.

  7. 7
    Michelle C. says:

    I think I remember reading this. Maybe Pirate’s Bride by Lynette Vinet.

  8. 8
    CarrieS says:

    Definitely not the Windflower!

  9. 9
    Ova says:

    This sounds familiar. Is the heroine a redhead who doesn’t like wearing bloomers under   her skirts?

  10. 10
    Jan says:

    Ova, LOL It’s been soooo long ago. But I think she either had black or dark brown hair.  I would have remembered red-my favorite!!!

  11. 11
    apesmom says:

    I think I know this one!  Crystal Passion by Jo Goodman.

  12. 12
    apesmom says:

    . . . errrrr, or one of those Jo Goodman’s. . .  Hero is on board ship and out of his mind with fever.  Does the deed with the girl and doesn’t remember.  Then takes her to his family’s plantation.

  13. 13
    Jan says:

    I remember a plantation window overlooking the ocean.  It’s the heroine’s favorite brooding spot after the accidental consummation in the ocean. Hope that helps!  •sigh• I wish I could remember more.

  14. 14
    Moriah says:

    Could it be Island Flame by Karen Robards?

  15. 15
    Jan says:

    Moriah,  great suggestion.  Checked out the synopsis. Sounds like a good read but not the one I’m looking for. Island Flame seems darker than my story.  ; )

  16. 16
    Fahrenheit says:

    Maybe it’s Lost Lady, second of Jude Deveraux’s James River trilogy? The heroes in that series were plantation owners.

    In the first book, Counterfeit Lady, the hero, Clayton, is American and the heroine, Nicole, is French. In Lost Lady, the hero, Travis, is one of the friends of the hero of Counterfeit Lady and is also American. The heroine, Regan, is English. Travis went seafaring because he thought Nicole was very lovely and thought he’d try his luck finding a wife like her.

    I’m not sure if Lost Lady is the book you’re looking for, but I think I remember something about Travis thinking that Regan was a prostitute and them having sex in the ship. She was running away from something (uncle?) and hid in the ship. After reaching America, later on I think she ran away from him too, and he pursued after her and did all these crazy woo-ing which involves the circus and clowns to try to make up for being a douche. It was an interesting series because the start of the book, Regan was shy and timid, and then at the end, she became just as rich as Travis and had her own business. It was a funny read because Regan was very money-oriented and would do a lot of haggling and bargaining and is a bit of a miser.

  17. 17
    Fahrenheit says:

    Gah! Tell me if my previous post made any sense.

  18. 18
    SB Sarah says:


    he pursued after her and did all these crazy woo-ing which involves the circus and clowns to try to make up for being a douche

    You know, I don’t know why more heroes don’t involve circus clowns to make up for being a douche. That’s totally what I’d want as an apology.

  19. 19
    FairyKat says:

    Maybe Lady Vixen? I’m sure I bought this book after a previous HaBO and read it with much wtf-ery… I wonder where it is now.

  20. 20
    Eileen says:

    It’s definitely not Lost Lady.  The heroine runs into the hero (literally) in the street and gets knocked to the ground.  She is running away from her guardian and fiancé.  Travis, the hero, takes her back to his room at an inn and takes her virginity on a bed.

    I loved those James River trilogy books back in the day and read them over and over again.

  21. 21
    Jan says:

    Could it be Surrender of a Siren by Tessa Dare? Heroine pretends she has vast experience and hero is a Pirate or free merchant type.

  22. 22
    PamG says:

    It’s not Tessa Dare if you read it in the 80s.  Besides her heroines don’t have accidental sex.

  23. 23
    Fahrenheit says:

    @SB Sarah
    I think there was a parade and that there were elephants too…

    Ah! My mistake then. Memory’s a little murky. But I could swear there was cabin sex in there somewhere.

  24. 24
    Jan says:

    @SB Sarah @Fahrenheit Re:  Clowns—Maybe because the majority of us are psychologically scared from clowns in our childhood?  aka Stephen King’s IT.  I don’t want my heroes anywhere near those big ears, orange hair, and honking horns. 

    @Jan Re:  Tessa Dare -IT’S DEFINITELY NOT TESSA DARE.  She probably would have been ten if she wrote that novel. 

    @FairyKat I looked up the synopsis of Lady Vixen.  Definitely not it.  LOL I just bought a copy though.  Looks great!!  thank you!!

  25. 25
    Fahrenheit says:


    I could imagine you saying that. lol. But the clowns didn’t really take too much of that story. I think they were just mentioned in passing when Travis hired the circus and had a parade to proclaim his love for her. I think he did it because he wanted to apologize to something he did (?) and because Regan said something about American men not being romantic enough and are clueless on how to woo a woman.

  26. 26
    JanB says:

    Forgot to add my initial. I’m the one who suggested the Tessa Dare, not the original poster. Sorry.

  27. 27
    Kara says:

    Maybe The Hellion Bride by Catherine Coulter?

    Ryder Sherbrooke goes to Jamaica to visit his sugar plantation. Sophie Stanton-Granville has been forced into a scheme where she pretends to be a prostitute and drugs him so her relatives can either murder Ryder or rob him. So he marries her for real when the drugs wear off, and sends her to England. There’s some side story of Ryder’s mother sending another evil man to rape and kidnap Sophie because she hates her. There’s a ton of other wtf-ery going on.

  28. 28
    M says:

    Wild Bells to the Wild Sky?

  29. 29
    Chris says:

    It’s definitely not Wild Bells To the Wild Sky by Laurie McBain (it was one of my favorites) in that one he thinks she is a gypsy for a while and knows by the time they get together who she is and that’s she a virgin. Plus no ocean fooling around. They do fool around after a swim though.

  30. 30
    Jan says:

    Thank you @M. But I agree with @Chris. It’s not Wild Bells to the Wild Sky.

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