Help A Bitch Out

HaBO: Ocean Waves and the Wang Dang Doodle

Jan is looking for a book that's memorable in an oceanic kind of way: 

I think I read this in the early eighties.  A pirate or sea captain hero brings an innocent heroine to his Caribbean plantation. I can't remember how these two got together.

He keeps her with him at all times but never has sex because he believes she's a prostitute but I think they mess around in his cabin.

They make it to the plantation. 

Somehow, they end up in the ocean naked and he can't resist her charms anymore. They have some sexy times in the ocean where he takes her virginity.  It's the craziest scene because the waves cause her to bounce up and down on his wangdang doodle.  She's crushed because he doesn't realize what he's done to her. And of course, she doesn't tell him. 

The final 1/4 of the story is how he discovers her lost of innocence and how he makes it up to her.

I wish I could remember why the heroine was on that ship. Hell, I can't even remember whose plantation it was.  This book has stayed with me for years. Sound familar?

 

I think more books would be improved with liberal application of wangdang doodle's in the ocean, don't you? Do you recognize this book? 

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  1. JacquiCode says:

    I don’t know this one, but is it just me, or is the whole idea of an “accidental loss of virginity in ocean due to motion of waves” really crazy? Let alone the wangdang doodle…

    And when I first read this, I interpreted it to mean that he had not noticed having sex with her, not that he had not noticed that she was a virgin. That seemed beyond crazy, until I read it again and figured it must mean the latter… it does, doesn’t it??

  2. PamG says:

    This isn’t The Windflower by Laura London, is it.  I don’t specifically remember the bobbin’ on the waves scene, but I’m not the passionate Windflower fan that so many SBs are, so I only read it once.  The other details do seem to match.

  3. The Flame and The Flower by Kathleen Woodiwiss? I actually kind of remember the bouncy ocean scene.

    Doomed to a life of unending toil, Heather Simmons fears for her innocence—until a shocking, desperate act forces her to flee . . . and to seek refuge in the arms of a virile and dangerous stranger.

    A lusty adventurer married to the sea, Captain Brandon Birmingham courts scorn and peril when he abducts the beautiful fugitive from the tumultuous London dockside. But no power on Earth can compel him to relinquish his exquisite prize. For he is determined to make the sapphire-eyed lovely his woman . . . and to carry her off to far, uncharted realms of sensuous, passionate love

  4. Kathleen says:

    It’s got to be the Windflower – the bobbing scene is not something to be forgotten!

  5. carenlb says:

    I don’t think it’s the Flame and the Flower.  That captain thought she was a prostitute and knew exactly when she wasn’t.  Plus they got married before they went on an ocean voyage.  Sadly there wasn’t any floating wang doodles.  (More’s the pity.)  Sorry I don’t know what the book is, and as I often ask myself, why is it that I want to find out so I can read it now?

  6. Jan says:

    I really appreciate the effort you all are putting into finding this book for me.  This story has been with me for years-like a stuck song, that plays over and over.  I can tell you that it’s definitely not the Flame and the Flower.  Laura Landon’s Windflower is close, but in the HaBO book, the secondary characters weren’t a large part of the story or as defined. 

    To answer JacquiCode, hero knew he was having sex with her.

  7. Michelle C. says:

    I think I remember reading this. Maybe Pirate’s Bride by Lynette Vinet.

  8. CarrieS says:

    Definitely not the Windflower!

  9. Ova says:

    This sounds familiar. Is the heroine a redhead who doesn’t like wearing bloomers under   her skirts?

  10. Jan says:

    Ova, LOL It’s been soooo long ago. But I think she either had black or dark brown hair.  I would have remembered red-my favorite!!!

  11. apesmom says:

    I think I know this one!  Crystal Passion by Jo Goodman.

  12. apesmom says:

    . . . errrrr, or one of those Jo Goodman’s. . .  Hero is on board ship and out of his mind with fever.  Does the deed with the girl and doesn’t remember.  Then takes her to his family’s plantation.

  13. Jan says:

    I remember a plantation window overlooking the ocean.  It’s the heroine’s favorite brooding spot after the accidental consummation in the ocean. Hope that helps!  •sigh• I wish I could remember more.

  14. Moriah says:

    Could it be Island Flame by Karen Robards?

  15. Jan says:

    Moriah,  great suggestion.  Checked out the synopsis. Sounds like a good read but not the one I’m looking for. Island Flame seems darker than my story.  ; )

  16. Fahrenheit says:

    Maybe it’s Lost Lady, second of Jude Deveraux’s James River trilogy? The heroes in that series were plantation owners.

    In the first book, Counterfeit Lady, the hero, Clayton, is American and the heroine, Nicole, is French. In Lost Lady, the hero, Travis, is one of the friends of the hero of Counterfeit Lady and is also American. The heroine, Regan, is English. Travis went seafaring because he thought Nicole was very lovely and thought he’d try his luck finding a wife like her.

    I’m not sure if Lost Lady is the book you’re looking for, but I think I remember something about Travis thinking that Regan was a prostitute and them having sex in the ship. She was running away from something (uncle?) and hid in the ship. After reaching America, later on I think she ran away from him too, and he pursued after her and did all these crazy woo-ing which involves the circus and clowns to try to make up for being a douche. It was an interesting series because the start of the book, Regan was shy and timid, and then at the end, she became just as rich as Travis and had her own business. It was a funny read because Regan was very money-oriented and would do a lot of haggling and bargaining and is a bit of a miser.

  17. Fahrenheit says:

    Gah! Tell me if my previous post made any sense.

  18. SB Sarah says:

    @Fahrenheit:

    he pursued after her and did all these crazy woo-ing which involves the circus and clowns to try to make up for being a douche

    You know, I don’t know why more heroes don’t involve circus clowns to make up for being a douche. That’s totally what I’d want as an apology.

  19. FairyKat says:

    Maybe Lady Vixen? I’m sure I bought this book after a previous HaBO and read it with much wtf-ery… I wonder where it is now.

  20. Eileen says:

    It’s definitely not Lost Lady.  The heroine runs into the hero (literally) in the street and gets knocked to the ground.  She is running away from her guardian and fiancé.  Travis, the hero, takes her back to his room at an inn and takes her virginity on a bed.

    I loved those James River trilogy books back in the day and read them over and over again.

  21. Jan says:

    Could it be Surrender of a Siren by Tessa Dare? Heroine pretends she has vast experience and hero is a Pirate or free merchant type.

  22. PamG says:

    It’s not Tessa Dare if you read it in the 80s.  Besides her heroines don’t have accidental sex.

  23. Fahrenheit says:

    @SB Sarah
    I think there was a parade and that there were elephants too…

    @Eileen
    Ah! My mistake then. Memory’s a little murky. But I could swear there was cabin sex in there somewhere.

  24. Jan says:

    @SB Sarah @Fahrenheit Re:  Clowns—Maybe because the majority of us are psychologically scared from clowns in our childhood?  aka Stephen King’s IT.  I don’t want my heroes anywhere near those big ears, orange hair, and honking horns. 

    @Jan Re:  Tessa Dare -IT’S DEFINITELY NOT TESSA DARE.  She probably would have been ten if she wrote that novel. 

    @FairyKat I looked up the synopsis of Lady Vixen.  Definitely not it.  LOL I just bought a copy though.  Looks great!!  thank you!!

  25. Fahrenheit says:

    @Jan

    I could imagine you saying that. lol. But the clowns didn’t really take too much of that story. I think they were just mentioned in passing when Travis hired the circus and had a parade to proclaim his love for her. I think he did it because he wanted to apologize to something he did (?) and because Regan said something about American men not being romantic enough and are clueless on how to woo a woman.

  26. JanB says:

    Forgot to add my initial. I’m the one who suggested the Tessa Dare, not the original poster. Sorry.

  27. Kara says:

    Maybe The Hellion Bride by Catherine Coulter?

    Ryder Sherbrooke goes to Jamaica to visit his sugar plantation. Sophie Stanton-Granville has been forced into a scheme where she pretends to be a prostitute and drugs him so her relatives can either murder Ryder or rob him. So he marries her for real when the drugs wear off, and sends her to England. There’s some side story of Ryder’s mother sending another evil man to rape and kidnap Sophie because she hates her. There’s a ton of other wtf-ery going on.

  28. M says:

    Wild Bells to the Wild Sky?

  29. Chris says:

    It’s definitely not Wild Bells To the Wild Sky by Laurie McBain (it was one of my favorites) in that one he thinks she is a gypsy for a while and knows by the time they get together who she is and that’s she a virgin. Plus no ocean fooling around. They do fool around after a swim though.

  30. Jan says:

    Thank you @M. But I agree with @Chris. It’s not Wild Bells to the Wild Sky.

  31. Emily says:

    Is this one of Johanna Lindsey’s Mallory books?

  32. Could it be Meagan McKinney’s My Wicked Enchantress? The book was first published in 1988, and while the action begins in Scotland, it eventually moves to Georgia and Louisiana. There is a seaside plantation, and I’m pretty sure there is sex in the water as well.  Read through reviews of it and see if they jog your memory—the blurb itself doesn’t describe the American section, but the reviews mention it.

  33. Elli says:

    Absolutely no idea.  But losing your virginity in the ocean and—- shark!

  34. Jan says:

    @Janine Ballard I think you may be on to something.  I don’t remember New Orleans, but gosh darn if the review on Goodreads doesn’t sound exactly like my book.  I’m going to buy a copy if I can find it. 

    @Ellie OMG, the sharks!  I can just imagine them circling. Think of the poor heroine and the sting of salt water.  Ew!

  35. @Jan, I hope it is the book you’re looking for. I read it roughly twenty years ago, but I remember enjoying it at the time. McKinney was an award winning author in those days, well-regarded and successful. But youu should know that in 2010, she pled guilty to Hurricane Katrina fraud.

    For this reason, and also because I haven’t read them in years, I hesitate to recommend her books nowadays, but if you find you really like My Wicked Enchantress, you should know that back in the 1990s I enjoyed some of them a great deal— not just My Wicked Enchantress but also Lions and Lace, Fair is the Rose, A Man to Slay Dragon, and to a far lesser degree The Merry Widow. And although I wasn’t a fan myself, some of my friends loved Till Dawn Tames the Night as well.

    I have no idea how any of these would hold up today, though.

  36. Jan says:

    @Janine Ballard Oh, wow.  That’s so sad about Ms. McKinney.  Well, I bought My Wicked Enchantress from the big company that starts with an “A”  and shall not be named. 

    You bring up an interesting point. What does it take for an ‘old skool’ romance to transcend our current tastes and beliefs?  Do we even try to experience it again?  It’s hard for me to say.  I grew up on Barbara Cartland Regencies, so at Christmas I bought a lot of 20 to revisit.  (In a show of ultimate defiance to my mother, I refused to read her Harlequins.  I know don’t tell me—I missed some great stories!)  All the BCs are sitting on the bookshelf waiting for me.  I know I’m facing a big disappointment, but I’ll take the plunge.

    Even if there is disappointment, some of these stories stick with you forever.  That’s the way it is for my ocean waves and wang dang doodle. ; )

  37. Even if there is disappointment, some of these stories stick with you forever.

    Yes, I agree. Especially if we’re young and impressionable when we first read them.

  38. SB Sarah says:

    @Janine & Jan:

    That’s the fascinating and prevailing theme of the HaBO requests: “I can’t remember this book but I can’t get this one scene out of my head… can you help me find it?” There’s a sort of stickiness to some of the stories we read that adheres in pieces to our memory banks. And then those pieces TAUNT us. Sheesh.

  39. Sara says:

    The Hellion Bride by Catherine Coulter? Perhaps published too late, alas in the 80’s I had not yet besmirched my reputation with Those Pulpy Novels, as my mother was wont to call them.

    But speaking of mental stickiness, I remember reading it around the early 90’s and being aghast/intrigued by the sexy-times in the water on exotic island location(s). Shocking!!!!

  40. Jan says:

    @Janine Ballard and @SB Sarah,  I have to LOL!  I’m not really certain how ‘young’ I was but certainly impressionable.  Give me a romance I can identify with on some level and I’m in—hook, line, and sinker (sorry for the bad pun!) 

    @Sara That’s a great suggestion.  But the heroine in the HaBO was not living on the island.  She traveled to the plantation via the hero’s ship.  Truly, I love those Catherine Coulter stories.  I’m going to have to use some of my ebook credits on those.  ; )

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