Susan P. found a cover that was so fantastic, she took a picture of it and emailed it to me. YOU GUYS. This cover was so complete in every aspect of its WTFery that I had to buy a copy for my very own….so I could scan the cover into a huge, mondo-big epic-sized JPG of wonderment.
When it arrived, and I performed the embiggening scanning actions to my satisfaction, I called upon the posse to ask the crucial (and trick question): Front or Back? Which is Worse?
Let's start with the back:
Amanda: My immediate instinct is to go with the back since I read the entire thing with the hero's name being Cheese.
Elyse: Also I thought his name was Cheese.
RedHeadedGirl: …Cleese. His name is Cleese.
I also read Cheese. Women are fish? What is happening.
(I'm on a LOT of Sudafed right now)
Susan: “extra rod!” Hee hee.
Amanda: But then I saw the front…and those pants.
He's got the red, shiny face of a cartoon drunkard. Or maybe he's sunburned. BUT THOSE PANTS!! He better be packing something to make up for the unnecessary length in that denim crotch region.
Nice touch with the gold watch by the way. He's got enough money to wear a Rolex while doing yard work, but not enough to find pants that fit him apparently.
Elyse: I realize I'm going to hell for this, but when I saw his face I immediately thought of one of those “bad touch” PSAs we had to see in grade school.
Carrie: Which is worse? The front. The fishing metaphors on the back are dreadful, but they pass in comparison to the smarm on the front. Why is there cowboy gear and no fishing gear if it's all about fishing? Why do his arms look glued on? Why is his hair glued on like one of those Lego hair pieces? Why is he looking at me like that? Can I hit him? Is “He looked at me in a smarmy and patronizing way” legal grounds for assault?
Sarah: Y'all have missed the best part! Check out the white text on the cover!
Carrie: Still wasters? What? I thought I had a copyright on those kinds of typos. It is a typo, right? Or am I just not intellectual enough to comprehend this?
Amanda: I'll be honest, I have no clue what that meant. I assumed it had something to do with the uncomfortable fishing analogy on the back.
Susan: I'm guessing that because the cover painting dealt solely with the cattleman aspect of his life, the front cover blurb was supposed to handle the fisherman part.
Elyse: What if “still wasters” is some kind of code? Like how in movies spies communicated through personal ads?
Carrie: Shhh you're not supposed to tell everyone! It's a secret code! I mean it was, until you TOLD EVERYONE.
RedHeadedGirl: That's like, the slowest, most inefficient code ever.
Which is why I totally believe it.
Sarah: I have the cover of this book sitting upright on my desk so he's looking at me. I keep thinking his right arm is attached incorrectly. LIke one of those He-Man dolls where you could rip their arms off and reattach them?
Or wait. Maybe he IS MADE OF CHEESE.
RedHeadedGirl: I have a really good chiropractor that can fix that. (his arm, I mean, not the made of cheese part.)
Carrie: No, I think he's plastic. Like a Barbie, but one of those where sadistic children keep removing the limbs and sticking them back on until the limbs don't attach right.
Sarah: I feel like “still wasters” should be a useful phrase (aside from spy coded messages of course). Like, there should be some sort of regular internet event that could be described as “Still Wasters.”
So, what's your best idea for the true meaning of Still Wasters? Does it involve cheese? (We hope so.)