Caption That Cover: Campire Edition - The Winner

It's time to announce the winner of our Caption That Cover: Campire Edition! But first, let's gaze upon the magnificence again: 

Book a poser image of a very pale almost white as in no blood in him vampire with very curly hair and strange abs looking at a smaller dude standing next to him. Small dude is wearing a speedo. no idea why


It's so amazing, isn't it? 

First, our honorable mentions, who are bringing it with the funny-funny:

Sarita: “He had the abs, he had the vacant stare…now all he needed was the body paint and together they would be unstoppable!”

Marina: In The Sims 4, there are even more ways to kill your character: start fires, remove the ladders from the pool, have him get together with a vampire…

Trix: “There’s no way we can lose the synchronized men’s diving event…unless they check your drug test for plaster.”

Janice: Abs of Alabaster, Boners of Stone: Gargoyls of Notre Dame Find Love

AnimeJune: “Little did he know, but Fernando was about to embark upon the supernatural romance of a lifetime with a mysterious lover of supreme quantum-erotic arts – SO LONG AS HE DIDN’T BLINK.”

CK: Don’t blink. Don’t turn your back. Don’t look away. Is that real or granite? You blinked!

Cate: Vampirism, where taupe is the new black…

And, becuase I'm a sucker for a good song parody:


And we’ll never be mortals (mortals!)
We just like to drink blood
Par’normal B D S M
Are keywords that we like to buzz
I hope that you’re necro (necro!)
Cause I look like a corpse
And baby this art – this art – this art- this art…
Is too whack for fantasy


Pygmalion’s Rhapsody
I’ve got a little stiletto of a wang.

Scary boobs! Scary Boobs!

Can you do the bed tango?

CGI and marble,
very, very ‘orrible.

(Galatea) Galatea!
(Galatea) Galatea!

Galatea, you’re my ho….



But in the end (hur) there were a few that were superlative and freaking hilarious. 

First, the runners up, who rule: 

PJ Dean: “That’s right. We don’t all look alike.”

Lindsay: “Well shit, even vampires are being whitewashed now.”


And the winner, for maximum heat, all too appropriate given that they're vampires in heat

Emily A: “Did anyone ever tell you that 50 Shades of Gray originally referred to the coloring of a vampires?

In fact, a lot of shades of grey ideas were originally inspired by vampires….”


Emma Stone from Easy A - saying OOOH BUUURN


Congratulations to Emily A and to all our entrants – thank you for making hilarity out of the horrible.

I'll be distributing the eyewash stations shortly. Please stand by. 


General Bitching...

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Gry says:

    Cover snark is such fun – I hope we won’t have an entire year to wait for the next one!

  2. 2
    P. J. Dean says:

    Thanks so much for runner up status. It was a blast to be part of captioning that amazingly strange cover.

  3. 3
    Sarita says:

    Excellent gif there.

  4. 4
    Jenn says:

    This is one of the creepiest things I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

    Seriously… This is going to show up in my nightmares…

  5. 5

    Get familiar with the shipping facts of an online retailer.

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