Romance Novel Reader Workout V

Brawny arm with a stack of booksTime for Romance Novel Workout V! It's like Mambo #5 except a lot less bouncy. The possibility that a sex scene in a romance might harbor a cliche is…significant. So grab your book and get ready to read, work, and possibly scream obscenities.

Pray that nothing is lathed, y'all. Pray hard.

Like the last few workouts, can do all these exercises with a mat and your own body. No handweights are needed unless you want to use some. Go get that romance novel you love (or love to hate), and get ready!

Standard disclaimers apply: dude, I'm not a physician. I can recommend books to read but I can't discern your state of health or your physical limitations so by all means work hard but be kind to yourself. To put it another way, ask your doctor before beginning any exercise regimen. However, I am confident in my ability to offer the following advice: drink plenty of water and read plenty of books. Both are good for you.

And now, Romance Novel Reader Workout, Part V, in graphic form suitable for pinning, sharing, printing, and pointing at!

 

Are we ever going to be done with the romance novel sex scene workouts? No. When the following things happen, do the corresponding exercise. Then, when you finish the chapter, do that activity again.</p>
<p>There is discussion of wetness, who<br />
	it is for, or what it means        	     20 tricep dips<br />
He’s hard. Everywhere:*		 	   	     20 jump squats</p>
<p>Breasts are straining:*    				     20 pushups</p>
<p>There’s a hitch in someone’s breathing:*  1 min plank</p>
<p>Something is “laved”: 		 		     20 crunches<br />
Something is “lathed”:			 	     100 jumping<br />
										      jacks	 	Her hymen is located some distance<br />
	up the vaginal canal:		     		     50 burpees</p>
<p>There is a mighty thrust that<br />
	“breaks through”:  				     25 V-ups</p>
<p>There is a “momentary twinge”:		     1 min wall sit</p>
<p>*Special thanks to Ladyroy, BeccahW, & LenoreJ.

Expect your new workout to leave you a little breathless. We'll be back with a new one soon. If you have questions or suggestions for future workouts, please share, either in the comments or via email. And if you have pics of yourself doing the workouts, please share them with me. PLEASE. 

Remember, above all: KEEP READING! AND BREATHING! 

Thank you to BigStock for the booklifting image!
Categorized:

Fun And Games

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Tara Scott says:

    Evil. Looks like I have another reason not to read books with virgin heroines…

  2. 2
    Anony Miss says:

    You kill me. I am now deceased. Like like like like.

  3. 3
    MissB2U says:

    Ok.  If I’m going to do this I want a Bitchin’ t-shirt to wear whilst I sweat.  A v-neck one that says “Romance Readers Like a Good Hard Read”.  Or, you know, something to that effect.  Suggestions anyone?

  4. 4
    Lenorej says:

    OMG this is the worst yet, byotches. I definitely need the tshirt for motivation.

  5. 5

    I got done reading the HQ Blaze “Making Him Sweat”, by Meg Maguire.  He *IS* hard everywhere.  My butt and my legs are in pain.

  6. 6
    Jo says:

    Oh, Lord…I just read a book that featured almost all of these. If only I would have started it today, I could’ve gone down a dress size!

  7. 7
    Beccah W. says:

    Always have to giggle at both Laved and Lathed…is there a difference between the two? (I assume a “nubbin” is assumed to be the recipient of either verbage.)

  8. 8

    50 burpees?!?! The *author* should have to do 50 burpees as punishment for mis-locating the hymen. And is “lathing” really that common? I often skip the actual sex scenes (only so many ways you can “lathe” someone, ya know?) so I haven’t noticed it much. Maybe I’ll search my Kindle for people being lathed…

  9. 9

    May I submit a pic of myself having a “momentary twinge” instead?

  10. 10
    Felle says:

    The h notices her “effect” on the H and feels powerful. Really!?! We’ve come a long way, baby?

  11. 11

    Wonderful book, much like books that deal with this issue. It would be if there were relatively more authors dealing with this subject.
    Best regards

  12. 12

    LOL. This may actually get me to work out. I’ll find enough of them in so many books I’ll probably collapse on the floor from exhaustion and giggles..

  13. 13
    Kris Bock says:

    This isn’t sexual, but it seems like every book I’ve read lately has characters raising a single eyebrow. In one book, *every* character could do it! Is this skill really so common, and I just never noticed? Do I need to start practicing in a mirror?

  14. 14
    LaineyT says:

    How about something for everytime the hero talks or thinks about his commitment to remain a bachelor?

  15. 15
    Shal says:

    How about…she didn’t feel any pain at all!
    read this scenario just last nite….no pain baby, not even a little, not even at all.

  16. 16
    Music Kitty99 says:

    Lathe?  Doesn’t that involve a tool and some wood?

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