An increasing number of animals are making their way onto book covers – pets, it seems, sell really well! Unfortunately, they aren't always well Photoshopped. When review copies arrive, all too often, one of my cats, Gracie, is on the kitchen counter, and she has Many Opinions about the animals on these covers.
Gracie: Yes. Ah have many of the opinions. Most notably that Ah am pretty. Move along.
Sarah: This doesn't look so egregious digitally, but the paperback just looks absurd. The shadows don't match, the dog looks confused, I can't tell if he's supposed to have a handful of her dress in his mouth, and…well, there's the pose.
Gracie: OH MAH GOD. Humans can fart a poochie? Is ZAT why you take so long in zee bathroom? Ugh. Disgusting.
Sarah: Yes, apparently Lord Jack will be VERY surprised.
Sarah: Which do you prefer, poodle or chihuahua?
Gracie: Neither if Ah have a choice. Poochies is yucky. Ah feel a little bad for ze doggy, though.
Sarah: Why, because they're trapped on a planet with more than one major light source and the shadows are all wrong?
Gracie: No, because poochie is never going to get his walk. Look, both of zee poochies with zee sad eyes are trying to get ME to do zee walking. As if.
Sarah: That is a SERIOUSLY talented dog, holding the flower with half the stem missing. Perhaps it is under his tongue?
Gracie: Forget zee flower – WHY is the GRASS eating the DOGGIE? Ah swear, it is a good thing that AH am an Indoor Cat, because Ah would never go outside after seeing that.
Sarah: Grass doesn't really do that… except that mutant zombie grass has already partially devoured her big toe. OMG. I am never going outside again.
Gracie: See? You should stay inside. Yell at zee people to feed you. Lick your own buttocks.
Sarah: I have to go metal shoe shopping before spring. Forget shoes, we are going to live in a bunker. Far away from TOE EATING MUTANT GRASS.
Gracie: Told you. Outside is bad. Let's go to ze bunker. Leave ze doggies. Bring ze Pounce.