Romance Novel Reader Workout III

A very large bicep-equipped man lifting a stack of hardbacks.How's your new year's resolution to get fit and read more going? We're back with more Romance Novel Workouts! Are you still reading and breathing? It's probably about time for some hot and steamy scenes in your novel, so this workout is perfect. 

You can do all these exercises with a mat and your own body. No handweights are needed unless you want to use some. Grab a novel and get ready! 

Standard disclaimers apply: dude, I'm not a physician. I can recommend books to read but I can't discern your state of health or your physical limitations so by all means work hard but be kind to yourself. To put it another way, ask your doctor before beginning any exercise regimen. However, I am confident in my ability to offer the following advice: drink plenty of water and read plenty of books. Both are good for you.

And now, Romance Novel Reader Workout, Part III, in graphic form suitable for pinning, sharing, printing, and pointing at!

It’s time for the hot scenes in your romance novel! Let’s make it count. When the following things happen, do the corresponding exercise. Then, when you finish the chapter, do that activity again.</p>
<p>He’s going to get her out of his system:    15 front leg<br />
										lifts, each leg<br />
The hero’s dick twitches:		 		     15 side leg<br />
										lifts, each leg</p>
<p>It’s described with the words “velvet,”<br />
	“silk,” or “steel:”	   				     20 V-ups</p>
<p>She’s never given a blowjob, but<br />
	“she’s a natural:”  		 		    40 donkey kicks</p>
<p>Her fingers can barely circle it: 		     15 inside thigh<br />
										leg lifts<br />
She thinks there’s no way it will fit: 	     1 min plank</p>
<p>Someone’s nipples are “pouting,”<br />
	“neglected,” “hard,” or “ruched:”     25 squats</p>
<p>Any comparison of nipples to fruit:	     25 crunches<br />

Be warned: more workouts are coming (hur) because you KNOW these are not the only possible cliches to be found in romance novel sex scenes. If you have questions or suggestions for future workouts, please share, either in the comments or via email. And if you have pics of yourself doing the workouts, please share them with me. 

If you've made a resolution to get in better shape or to take better care of yourself, I hope this is helpful and fun. Remember: KEEP READING! AND BREATHING! 

Thank you to BigStock for the booklifting image!
Categorized:

Fun And Games

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  1. 1
    Tam B. says:

    The last work out edition I was in the clear until you mentioned the secret underwear stash – then I was got.

    I’ve just finished a book where the heroine is a novice BJ natural but at least it’s due to her knowing how to swallow swords! (She is a circus performer.)  So I didn’t roll my eyes quite so much. 

    It’s a pity that you can’t lose calories just by rolling eyes.

  2. 2
    GHN says:

    the her’s dick “weeping” with lust, or otherwise described as leaking fluids. Am I the only one who thinks STDs here?

  3. 3
    Judy says:

    Each time the heroine is described as/called feisty, vixen, or minx.

  4. 4

    I’ve got a TBR pile of historicals so I’m going to be doing a lot of donkey kicks.

  5. 5
    Beccah W. says:

    I’ve never heard that one, but it made me laugh. My favorite is either the “pouting nipples” or the magic “lifting/straining breasts”. Yes, the hero’s presence can be felt by her breasts, which defy gravity by levitating. 

  6. 6

    Still say this is a better drinking game than workout. Kind of like the “carrot & stick” approach to romance reading, though with mojitos and swizzle sticks instead.

  7. 7
    Jaelwye says:

    Historical (mostly)—when the hero explains how having sex with lots of prostitutes (trollops, tarts, mistresses, etc.) has made him a wonderful, sensitive lover and is not at all degrading or exploitative or otherwise unacceptable behavior for a decent man—handstand against the wall. Or, just bang your head against it.

  8. 8
    Holly Gault says:

    You should give prizes for the best workout books!

  9. 9
    Sarah Morgan says:

    Sigh. If we can’t have fruit I suppose I’ll have to delete the line in my current book where I compared her nipples to bananas. Does it count if we use vegetables? ‘Her nipples were like zucchini.’ (and if her fingers can hardly circle it she’d definitely need to do those thigh lifts)

  10. 10
    Sandypo says:

    I love this workout! Here’s a couple more:

    The heroine has an orgasm the very first time she has intercourse.

    The heroine thinks or says it “won’t fit”.

  11. 11
    Sandypo says:

    Whoops! You already had my suggestion #2 in this workout—my bad!

  12. 12
    Katehewitt says:

    Nipples that ‘pebble’. Sounds painful to me!

  13. 13
    larissa says:

    On the fruit topic, I’ve read more than one book where the author described the woman’s hard nipples as cherries. To which I say, Jezooks Ouch!! Maybe I just don’t know much about female nipples. It sounds…unusual…to get that big.

  14. 14
    MissB2U says:

    I’m sticking with yoga.  Just sayn’.

  15. 15
    UlrikeDG says:

    I don’t see Workout #2 on your Pinterest board.

  16. 16
    Betty Fokker says:

    I was re-reading a favorite romance from the 90’s and now I may need hospitalization.

  17. 17
    SB Sarah says:

    Oops! I thought it had posted! Here it is:

    http://pinterest.com/pin/13454&#8230;

  18. 18
    Shawny Jean says:

    Any reference to jeans or zippers that are about to split. Also, any reference to erections so hard they could be used for basic home carpentry tasks.

  19. 19
    Mckenzie42 Vl says:

    Hi there Sarah! I just finished reading The Enchanted Chocolate Pot and loved it i’ve never read a book like that before!The letters were very interesting and had me where i didn’t want to put it down. So i thank you for your live chat on it!

  20. 20
    Donnamaie says:

    I think any use of the word “need” should require 50 pull-ups.  Maybe that’s wokout IV!  LOVE THESE! 

  21. 21
    SB Sarah says:

    You are very welcome! I’m so happy you enjoyed it!

  22. 22
    Lyra Archer says:

    Ok I’m seriously curious. How in the blazes do nipples “pout”? Cause yeah, apparently the gods gave me boring ones. They don’t pout, simper, protest, purr or do anything like the books say they should.

  23. 23
    cleo says:

    Ha!  Neither do mine.  And they don’t magically point the way to my one true love, either (I assume it’s like a compass pointing to true north)

  24. 24
    Lyra Archer says:

    Or maybe like a dousing rod but with boobs! Aaand there goes the rest of my day.

  25. 25
    Jaelwye says:

    Just finished the latest Loretta Chase, and I warn you, my wall had a serious dent in it after the very first sentence.

  26. 26
    farmerEstes says:

    oh, Loretta Chase.  How many push ups do we do if “she doesn’t kiss like a virgin”?

  27. 27
    LizzieBee says:

    OMG what is a donkey kicks?? (I’m going through all these just.. so I can make notes for my new exercise routine, which now includes StarWarsYOGA too :D)

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