I'm feeling very sad, and not much like being silly, but I so appreciate the humor that other people have created today. It is much needed, and I am thankful.
Specifically, I am thankful for Jim C. Hines and his bear. Jim emailed me asking for suggestions from romance cover art for his poses for charity, and I sent a few. The Pull My Finger Viking, for example, and a few others, but he went with my absolute favorite: nude Fabio Johanna Lindsey.
And he posed both as the male and the female in the cover art image. Oh, my.
Well played, Jim. Well played.
…
And speaking of silly, I have more than my share of 50-Shades-referenced pitches in my inbox, but Francesca sent me this link to a Tumblr collection of excerpts from “Fifty Shades of Mr. Darcy,” a 50-Shades-parody rewrite of Pride and Prejudice, which, judging from the clips, seems to be rather faithful to both.
My favorite: “'Come now, let's move the plot along!' shouted Elizabeth's Subsconscious.”
And the bad reviews are the kind that make me want to buy it even more. “Buffoonery?” Egads. I like buffoonery. A lot.
…
This made me go “Huh,” when it arrived in the mail: Celeste Bradley and Susan Donovan's novel The Courtesan's Guide to Getting Your Man, pictured below:
…has been re-released, re-titled, and re-cover-arted in 50-shades-style to look like this:
First, where are her knees? Does she not have knees? I'm not sure if those are thighs or arms or what.
Second, isn't it interesting that the focus of the cover art so clearly switches from historical to erotic with the image change?
…
And finally, a few books on sale.
Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver is $2.99 digitally.
Prodigal Summer weaves together three stories of human love within a larger tapestry of lives inhabiting the forested mountains and struggling small farms of southern Appalachia. At the heart of these intertwined narratives is a den of coyotes that have recently migrated into the region. Deanna Wolfe, a reclusive wildlife biologist, watches the forest from her outpost in an isolated mountain cabin where she is caught off-guard by Eddie Bondo, a young hunter who comes to invade her most private spaces and confound her self-assured, solitary life. On a farm several miles down the mountain, another web of lives unfolds as Lusa Maluf Landowski, a bookish city girl turned farmer's wife, finds herself unexpectedly marooned in a strange place where she must declare or lose her attachment to the land. And a few more miles down the road, a pair of elderly, feuding neighbors tend their respective farms and wrangle about God, pesticides, and the complexities of a world neither of them expected. Over the course of one humid summer, as the urge to procreate overtakes a green and profligate countryside, these characters find connections to one another and to the flora and fauna with which they necessarily share a place. Their discoveries are embedded inside countless intimate lessons of biology, the realities of small farming, and the final, urgent truth that humans are only one part of life on earth.
Goodreads | Amazon | BN | Sony | Kobo | iBooks
Eternal Kiss of Darkness by Jeaniene Frost is $1.99.
Chicago private investigator Kira Graceling should have just kept on walking. But her sense of duty refused to let her ignore the moans of pain coming from inside a warehouse just before dawn. Suddenly she finds herself in a world she's only imagined in her worst nightmares. At the center is Mencheres, a breathtaking Master vampire who thought he'd seen it all. Then Kira appears—this fearless, beautiful . . . human who braved death to rescue him. Though he burns for her, keeping Kira in his world means risking her life. Yet sending her away is unthinkable. But with danger closing in, Mencheres must choose either the woman he craves, or embracing the darkest magic to defeat an enemy bent on his eternal destruction.
Goodreads | Amazon | BN | Sony | Kobo | iBooks
An Outlaw's Christmas by Linda Lael Miller is $1.99 digitally.
With his wild heart, Sawyer McKettrick isn't ready to settle down on the Triple M family ranch in Arizona. So he heads to Blue River, Texas, to seek a job as marshal. But in a blinding snowstorm he's injured—and collapses into the arms of a prim and proper lady in calico. The shirtless, bandaged stranger recuperating in teacher Piper St. James's room behind the schoolhouse says he's a McKettrick, but he looks like an outlaw. As they wait out the storm, the handsome loner has Piper remembering long-ago dreams of marriage and motherhood. But for how long is Sawyer willing to call Blue River home? As the gray skies clear, Piper's one holiday wish just might bring two lonely hearts together forever.
Goodreads | Amazon | BN | Sony | Kobo | iBooks
Darker Still by Leanna Renee Hieber is $1.99 digitally.
I was obssessed. It was as if he called to me, demanding I reach out and touch the brushstrokes of color swirled onto the canvas. It was the most exquisite portrait I'd ever seen—everything about Lord Denbury was unbelievable…utterly breathtaking and eerily lifelike. There was a reason for that. Because despite what everyone said, Denbury never had committed suicide. He was alive. Trapped within his golden frame. I've crossed over into his world within the painting, and I've seen what dreams haunt him. They haunt me too. He and I are inextricably linked—bound together to watch the darkness seeping through the gas-lit cobblestone strets of Manhattan. And unless I can free him soon, things will only get Darker Still.
Maybe it’s the holidays but “Darker Still” looks like FUN.
Looks like fun to me too. Might buy that one.
Hilarius! He and the bear seem to have some funky chemistry
I prefer the first cover for ‘The Courtesan’s Guide to Getting Your Man’. I find women’s backs very sexy. And the whole corset with her upper back bare? HOT. The second one looks badly photoshopped. Plus the whole Fifty Shades vibe would put me off.
I would be willing to read ‘50 Shades of Mr. Darcy’. That sounds like it could be amusing and fun.
I really loved ‘Prodigal Summer’, and when I began it, I really didn’t think I would.
I slipped past the romance section for 5 minutes last week at B&N and every cover looked like 50. every one!
Love Barbara Kingsolver! And thanks so much to Jim – he really knows how to cheer us up! The re-titled book leaves me scratching my head as well…I much preferred the questionably historical dress of the original cover.
Generally not interested in anything that even remotely smells of 50 Shades, and I hate the new cover for “Unbound”, but the 50 Shades of Darcy looks like it could be a fun read.
The Pull My Finger Viking comment combined with the photo on the book had me laughing so hard, I cried.
I really enjoyed A Courtesan’s Guide when I read it last year. I would NEVER read it in its new title/cover. It is a great steamy story of a modern museum historian who finds a diary of a courtesan and puts the knowledge she gleans to good use.
Where are the knees in the new cover???
Great recommendations, as always. Thanks SB Sarah. And that sexy beast, Jim C. Hines. Sigh. He can pose on my cover any day!
Considering that I’m the one who infected my mother with the Pride & Prejudice mania (which she passed onto my cousins), I wonder what fresh hell I can unleash if I can manage to trick her into 50 Shades of Mr Darcy.
I’m disturbed, deeply, by that new cover. It’s the fact that I can’t figure out what darn body part that is! For all we know those are some super lucious arms or possibly a close up of an ear! Yee gads.
I just read some of those excerpts from ‘Fifty Shades of Mr. Darcy’ and I have to purchase a copy. Hilarious!
This mania for 50 Shades like marketing reminds me of the old Apple ad with lemmings going off the cliff. What’s happened to originality? I am so turned off by all this “just like” stuff, it is so devoid of any creativity.
There is this great story in Kurt Vonnegut’s Welcome to the Monkey House, Harrison Bergeron, it raises many questions on creativity and medocrity and artistic societal equality. I haven’t read it in years, but it made an impact on me when I read it in college.
Do authors like Donovan and Bradley have any cover control or are the publishers just running amok? I mean WTF, the cover with the shins is so unappealing, but I bet it was cheap to produce. I first picked up Lauren Willig’s Pink Carnation because I was attracted to the beauty of the cover art. The “shin” book would not even get a glance from me, it’s so bland.
“I thought it best to wear shorts for this one. Just because, you know, I’ve traumatized my kids enough, and I didn’t want them thinking of … that … every time they saw the bear.”
This made me guffaw before I even clicked the link. Thanks, Sarah, for the awesome suggestion and thanks, Jim, for being brave enough to try it!
50 Shades of Darcy might just keep me occupied while hubby’s busy selling skis to the Boxing Day masses next week. And yay for Barbara Kingsolver! Prodigal Summer is on my all-time top 10!
The Jim C. Hines covers are hysterical – I loved the ones with the bear. One of these days, I’m going to have to read some of his writing, to see if it’s as awesome as he is.
Holy Crap. If Jim C. Hines was willling to shave one leg for the “Taste of Night” pose off just THINK what he’d do with “Unbound”. The mind boggles at the amount of manscaping that he and Scalzi would have to undergo… Gentlemen, the challenge has been issued.
I’ve read The Courtesan’s Guide to Getting Your Man and loved it. It had a beautiful blend of two love stories, one that was a contemporary romance and the other a historical romance. While bright colors and dresses are typical in historical romance covers, I find the first cover and title very suitable to the novel. The second cover is such a mismatch and is very uninteresting and bland. I would never pick it up if it had that cover. It’s clear to me that the publishers (I’m assuming they’re the ones responsible for this cover change.) are trying to cash into the 50 Shades hype. It’s annoying.
I, too, enjoyed “The Courtesan’s Guide to Getting Your Man” when I read it last year. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I kept it and I never keep books with just women on the cover! I have limited space so there’s got to be a good-looking man to end up on my shelf. Like Lorraine and Sam, I wouldn’t pick up the new book. I’m so tired of the “50 Shades” redoing of covers but it reminds me of a couple of years ago when the Twilight single apple with hands look was so popular that way too many books (including one of Jane Austen’s) were given new Twilight ripoff covers. I don’t know who is making these decisions, but if they’re really generating more sales from this total lack of creativity, then America’s in worse shape than I thought (and I’m a pessimist).
And Jim Hines rocks!
the kobo version is 6.99 🙁
First, did you ever do a contest to title the picture you sent to Jim Hines? All I could think of was “Hold still, I’m twisted in your corset ties!”
Second, my opinion about the retitling/new cover art is that it’s really deceptive. When you think about how many people who “never read romance” got hooked on the crap that was “50-shades”, they’re likely to think they’re going to get more of the same with books of similar covers.
OMG Jim and that bear! That man is a hero.
Why oh why isn’t it 50 Shades of Mr. Knightly? Of all the Austen novels, I always thought it was Emma that just cried out for a BDSM sequel.
“Badly done, Emma. Badly done.” smack
Just me?
Probably just me.
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I am so dang sick of P&P rewrites, but that 50 Shades looks hilarious! Laughed my ass off at “Memberly” estate. And Mister Bennett reading his magazine and waiting for the invention of television. I think I need to grab this for my holiday travel reading list!
Unbound…The powerful story of how one woman turned plain brown wrapping paper into an erotic journey of discovery and passion by adding a sultry red ribbon. 🙂
First cover had more personality and Jim C. Hines is just full of awesomeness.
I’m with the majority here. I wouldn’t pick up “Unbound” except to puzzle out the WTF is on the cover – at first glance, thighs? but too long & no knees. arms? Shins? Mannequin? The first cover is way more interesting and appealing.
Loving Jim & his pics!
Yeah, to me that cover of Unbound looks like a photo of two loaves of French bread caught in a compromising position. Not sexy!
“From the Best-selling author of Fifty Shades of Winnie the Pooh”… lol Jim is awesome.
I can see why the bad reviews of 50 Shades of Mr. Darcy intrigued you. That first reviewer whose “curiosity was peaked” was a revelation to me. I didn’t realize curiosity had nipples….
She probably had really ugly knees, so they photoshopped them out.