I have a few links of entertaining things to share. Because, hey, why not, right?
First: get your travel plans ready, paranormal romance writers, because Melissa has the perfect tax-deductible vacation for you: SERBIA.
There are news reports in the Daily Mail (I heard that snort all the way over here! Wow!) of a vampire on the loose in Serbia:
Sales of garlic are booming in western Serbia today after the local council issued a public health warning that a vampire was on the loose.
The official announcement came after an old ruined mill said to once have been the home of the country's most famous vampire collapsed.
Sava Savanovic was believed to have lived in the shack on the Rogacica river in Zarozje village in the municipality of Bajina Basta.
It is said he drank the blood of anybody that came to mill their grain.
Local mayor Miodrag Vujetic admitted: 'People are worried, everybody knows the legend of this vampire and the thought that he is now homeless and looking for somewhere else and possibly other victims is terrifying people. We are all frightened.'
He added that it was all very well for people who didn't live in the area to laugh at their fears but he said nobody in the region was in any doubt that vampires do exist.
He confirmed that the local council had advised all villagers to put garlic on their doors and windows to protect them from the vampire as it was well known they can't stand the smell.
Villagers who cashed in catering to tourists fascinated by the legend of Savanovic say they now wish they had left the place well alone.
On one hand, the article is kinda gruesome and condescending. On the other hand, if you're a paranormal romance author who has wanted to go to Serbia, this might be a good oppportunity to do research. I'd love to go to Serbia – maybe not in winter, but I hear it's a beautiful country to explore.
And doesn't that sound like a hell of a plot idea? Contemporary vampire hunters in rural Serbia? Thank you to Melissa for the link!
I wrote about the Hot Guy Alarm Clock, a free iPhone app that features romance heroes. I don't have an i-Thing, so I couldn't download it, but Fran is here for us!
My roommate Cat has an iPhone and we tried out all the different Wake-Up Experiences. She bought all of them! They’re pretty hilarious and tropey. Her favorites are Enchanted Castle and Fancy Metropolitan Penthouse.
I loved Cabin in the Woods—“I brought you this fox stole. No, it’s not dead. It’s holding still out of fear and respect.” I died laughing.
Vampire Castle was pretty ridiculous—especially because he had a Transylvanian accent. Secret Superhero Boyfriend was great, and I think he had the best voice. Sort of like a less raspy Christian Bale as Batman. The worst, which we agreed on, was Clumsy Boyfriend. It was just a bunch of stuff breaking, and him saying “OH NO” various ways.
We figured out later that it works on Ipod Touch as well. I was going to get a few when I realized Cabin in the Woods, Tropical Paradise, and Enchanted Castle were free! In our initial purchasing frenzy we thought we'd bought them all.
Anyway, it was a lot of fun! Cat and I will be waking up with some interesting men from now on 😉
I hope this comes to Android because oh, man, a fox stole holding still out of fear and respect is EXACTLY how I want to wake up in the morning. To say nothing of Fancy Metropolitan Penthouse.
Oh man, can't you just hear a hero saying that in a future novel? “How do you like my fancy metropolitan penthouse,” he asked. Huskily.
ETA: I am crushed by the irony, here. CRUSHED. Like, seriously, I can't get up. Can you help me?
EL James sues over porn version 50 Shades of Grey A XXX Adaptation:
Fifty Shades Limited, which owns the copyright to E L James' “Fifty Shades” book trilogy, and Universal City Studios, which is producing a film adaptation of the trilogy, filed suit in U.S. District Court in Central California on Tuesday over the porn knockoff, claiming that it follows James' books way too closely.
The suit, filed against Smash Pictures, Luv Moves, and the film's director, James Lane (who goes by the nom de porn Jim Powers), claims copyright infringement, false designation of origin, false advertising, trademark dilution and common law unfair competition, among other alleged offenses….
“Beginning with the First XXX Adaptation's opening scene and continuing throughout the next two and a half hours of the film, Smash Pictures copies without reservation from the unique expressive elements of the Fifty Shades Trilogy, progressing through the events of 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and into the second book, 'Fifty Shades Darker,'” the suit reads. “The First XXX Adaptation is not a parody, and it does not comment on, criticize, or ridicule the originals. It is a rip-off, plain and simple.”
I'm one of the few romance bloggers who isn't a lawyer, and I don't know very much at all about the claims in this suit, but the entire idea has me laughing so hard. Well, as hard as I can under all this irony that is crushing me.
After you mentioned the Hot Guy Alarm Clock, I ran and got my work phone (of the iThing variety) to try out the free ones. I was really hoping that on Snooze they had a different saying, but alas! I do remember loling at the line quoted about the fox.
The Enchanted Castle was my favorite for just the fact that the first line is a beautiful British accent saying “Good morning, Princess” *swoon*
I also freaked out my sister Thanksgiving morning by sneaking into her room and waking her up with the Hot Guy Alarm Clock. She got as still as a frightened deer… I guess I should have been playing the Cabin in the Woods one. 🙂
Here you go. I tried doing just the ones I liked, but, well, I liked them ALL. LOLOL. I think Tropical Paradise, Enchanted Castle & Cave Behind a Waterfall are my faves. BTW, on the app you can listen to them all, but the only ones you can use for free are Tropical Paradise, Enchanted Castle, and Cabin in the Woods. The rest are .99 each.
Tropical Paradise (Vague Australian accent)
Good morning, seashell. I hope you slept well. The waves are perfect. The beach is sparkling, and a pod of dolphins just swam up on the shore. Well, how charming. They spelled out your name. Oh, I bought you a smoothie. In a coconut. With a garnish of pearls and orchids. It’s nearly as smooth as I am. You probably shouldn’t eat the pearls. The orchids are fine, though.
Enchanted Castle
Wake up, Princess. Today is the spring festival. You know, the one the pixie queen throws every year. I spent the morning surveying the kingdom with the Griffin scouts. Seems there is a bit of unrest by the mountain pass, something about an ogre, so I’ll be suiting up to take care of that right after the festival. Would you prefer I dedicate this battle to you while I’m charging? Or should I wait until I’ve won?
Cabin in the Woods
It started raining. Got all the firewood stored just in time. Took longer than I expected with that bear showing up. I wrestled it into submission, but it’s weird a bunch of other bears showed up to watch. I think it might be some sort of new bear right of passage. That explains the last few weeks anyway. Oh, I also brought you this fox stole. No, it’s not dead. It’s just holding still out of fear and respect.
Vampire Castle
[Thunder] Oh, did that wake you? Here, let me close the window. I wouldn’t want you to get…a chill. It’s so fortunate you were able to find your way here. The forest can be quite…dangerous…at night. [Shouting] Oh, don’t worry. That’s just the peasant storming the gate again. Look. [Laughs] One just fell in the moat…Peasants.
Cave behind a waterfall
Psst. Are you awake? I was just checking outside, and I think we’re safe. Who’d have thought that group of international smugglers was also looking for the Sapphire of Times Dawn. Small world, huh? Too bad about our canoe, but it’s a good thing there happened to be a cave back here. I think there’s a whole nest of crocodiles just down the river. Here, grab this vine. We’ve got to keep moving.
Pirate King
Time to get up. The sea is shinin’. The skies are clear, and we’ve taken one of her majesty’s ships. Most of the crew decided to join me fleet, but there were a few extra casualties this time. One-eyed Pete decided to try out his new flamin’ monkey attack which, as it turns out, is overkill. Are you feelin’ stiff? Maybe tonight you should sleep in the bed instead of on the giant pile of treasure.
Secretly a Superhero Boyfriend
[Door opens] Oh, I didn’t know you were awake. I was just…um…putting away…some exercise equipment. Oh, this outfit? Uh, you know what they say about spandex being good for the circulation. Yeah, I’ve already had this secret door behind my bookshelf. It’s where I keep my extra suits. You can never have too many suits, you know? [laughs nervously] [klaxon] Oh, gotta run. And it has nothing to do with that siren. That’s just a coincidence.
Fancy Metropolitan Penthouse
Good morning. Pierre’s prepared a full breakfast. I believe he’s in a chanterelle phase, so get ready for some quiche. Have you decided where you want to go now we’ve picked out the right yacht? I was thinking the Bahamas, but I know you were interested in French Polynesia. It is the longer trip, but I’ll be fine with that since we got the model with the built-in tennis court, ballroom, and a staff of 7 trained in the arts of fine dining and hand-to-hand combat.
Chateau in France (but you’re spies)
Mon amore, wake up. We can’t stay here long. I sense the Duke is on to us. Quick take this briefcase. It has the microfiche. I’ll help you climb down from the window. If you head towards those spires, there are some friendly monks in the next village who are sympathetic to the underground. I’ll stall the Duke’s men long enough for you to get lost in the marketplace below. Don’t forget: We meet in Grenada.
Clumsy Boyfriend
[Wood bangs]
Oh, hey babe.
[Bang]
Sorry. That’s just—
[glass breaks]
Oh, man. I thought that was firmly attached to the wall.
[dishes break]
Jesus Christ. This is a—
[crashes]
What the—
[bird squawks]
Honey, I have some baaaaad news about your parakeet.
I tried the HGAC (on a Sunday so I could listen to his whole spiel without bothering the neighbors—thin walls, yo!) but I resented 1) being woken up 2) being woken up by a dude 3) being woken up by a dude who wouldn’t shut up… So I deleted the app. Before I did violence to my iTouch.
I would normally love to help you get out from under the crushing irony, but the same boulder seems to have trapped me. E L James suing for copyright violation. I can’t even with that.
My Law, Politics, and Society Professor always asks us if we’d like to share any news at the start of class. He has a sense of humor, so I think I’ll go for sharing the vampire and 50 shades stories. 🙂
Re: the porn movie – I’m not a lawyer, but maybe if they changed the names of the characters in the movie and made the hero a vampire, it would be okay.
E.L. James: thank you for giving me something I enjoyed reading. Finally.
E.L. JAMES is suing because someone followed HER books too closely? Uh, lady, in case you haven’t noticed – the only appropriate genre for your books to be made into films is porn. As “Fifty Shades” has no plot (unless you count spineless-chick-with-no-self-esteem-meets-hunky-rich-guy-with-bondage-kink as a plot), I don’t see how they could make it into a film for general distribution.
Tina wins. We can close the Internet now.