Happy gratuitous candy day! I hope, if you celebrate Halloween, that you get all the best kinds of candy that you like, and none of those Necco wafers, unless you like them, in which case, give me your address and I'll send you mine.
I received this email from Heather, who said, “Yes, I was shelving books in the romance section again. I found these treasures that simply demanded to be shared. This cover from “The Hawk and the Dove” is a fine example (from 1988!!!) of the heroine not laying in the hero's arms like a limp noodle.”
WHY YES. Yes, it is a fine example both of 1988 and of non-limp-noodle-heroines. Have a look!
This cover just has so much going for it: copious use of a color I'd describe as “vaguely dusty salmon.” Absolutely enormous nipples on the hero! And somehow they are both at sea and on top of some roses. It's amazing.
But the part I really, truly don't get, is what the hero is… clutching there. Here's a closeup:
First, I have no idea why his forearm on the right is melting. Maybe it's the heat?
But what is UP WITH THE BIRD? What's in his hand, and why is a bird on it?! Is that bird meant to be…suggestive?! What's going on with the wee birdy??
That's where you come in. Caption that cover! You can make it birdly or not so birdly, you can make his nipples sentient, whatever. All you have to do is caption that madness! The creator of the best caption will win a $25 gift card to the bookstore of his or her choice.
Standard disclaimers apply: open to anyone age 18 or older wearing blue pearls and a corset. International entries welcome. Void where prohibited. Mind the gap. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. No birds were harmed in the making of this contest.
You have 48 hours to go mad with the captioning – and please feel free to “like” your favorites to try to sway my voting. I'll be soliticing the opinions of any random Australian I can grab to help me judge – if I can explain what I'm talking about before they run away quickly from the crazy American. I'll pick winners on Friday, 2 November.
Ready, set, go caption that cover! Or, dress as either of them or the bird tonight for Halloween!