Covers That Speak for Themselves

One of the best parts of Ye Olde Inboxe is all the email I receive with covers attached. Covers that make you go, WTF – or, in most cases, DON'T LOOK WAIT NO YOU HAVE TO.

Here are a few of the best from the past few months of my inbox. Don't thank me – thank the folks who send them in!

Donna Fletcher's

 

Nikii wrote, “This cover may need captioning….”

I replied: “What the hell is going on there? Where is her other leg?!”

Nikii: “I know, right?  And what is she doing with that raised hand?”

Me: “Is it too much to hope that she's doing the full rendition of “Single Ladies” and he's trying to stop her by pulling her legs off one at a time?”

How Not to Date a Bear - a computer generated nude dude with many muscles, a very goofy smile and a purple teddy bear in his crotch.

Submitted without comment by A.

I suppose he could insist they are not dating, but to me, it looks like they are more than friends.

 

Escape with a Rogue - a couple posed in the sky above a field, and the dude has his shirt open, and tucked in, and simply the largest man boobs I have ever seen.

 

Maya wrote, “Saw a cover with some excellent mantitty. As my friend described it, 'It looks like Tommy Wiseau with moobs.'”

Wow! I say, If it's a Regency Prison Break, I have a pretty good guess under whose eaves she'll be hiding.

What excellent covers have you spotted recently? 

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Oaxacamama says:

    The redhead is missing the nipples on her daring twins, especially since that top looks transparent enough to show them. Also, how is that top even staying up? Nineteenth century double-sided tape?

    In the second one I’m most disturbed by the neck and neck muscles on that terrible illustration.

    And considering the ‘erect nubs’ that man is sporting in the third, I’m thinking it was either very cold in that studio or she was helping his rogue escape beneath the frame.

  2. 2

    ” Also, how is that top even staying up? Nineteenth century double-sided tape?”

    Sheer virginal pertness.

    No.2 is designed to remove all sexual desire from every sighted person for all time. Just saying…

    No.3’s hero has bigger breasts than the heroine. Her somewhat disappointed look is understandable.

  3. 3
    Bamaclm says:

    I think sheer tension is keeping that blouse up. She’s really got ‘em thrust out. And you know, any real man would not have his face tilted up … ;-)

    Cover #2 – 0.o   What the heck … who the heck … that is one butt ugly cover!!

    #3? Agree with Ann, lol

  4. 4
    Dede says:

    In the second one, it looks like they took some over-muscled guy and stuck someone else’s head on. Look at his chin. That twist in his neck is unnatural. (Of course, we are talking about a naked guy with a purple bear condom.

  5. 5
    Sandra says:

    Changeling Press always has the most god-awful covers. Along with everything else, he’s got an awfully patchy insta-tan. Ia that a sock line on his right leg?

  6. 6
    Eileen says:

    I’ve been reading romance for a very long time (40 now and started in my early teens), and I can honestly say that the How Not to Date a Bear is the worst cover I have ever seen.  It is just hideous!

  7. 7
    dee. says:

    WHAT THE WHAT? WHAT is that second cover? HOW WHY NO.

    That dude looks like a really creepy Sims character who has a fetish for stuffed bears. In stores now, The Sims 3 Fetish Expansion Pack!

  8. 8

    I totally agree re. the fetish expansion pack. That bear looks like it’s wearing a corset, too.

  9. 9

    I’ll never look at a teddy bear the same way again.

  10. 10
    Penny says:

    Ok, which one is the daring twin?!  The guy who is looking at his twin sister like that or the twin sister that just jumped on her brother’s lap and stuck her boobs in his face?
    !  Either way….yuck!!!

  11. 11
    J.K. Hogan says:

    One thing I miss since the advent of the eReader is cover shopping in a bookstore (even though they’ll have to pry my kindle from my cold dead hands). Keep ‘em coming!

  12. 12
    Emily A. says:

    The first two are as bad as I have ever seen. Especially the second one. Squick, Squick, Squick! It does remind of the cow cover from not too long ago.
    The third one however has promise. If I had an e-reader, I would totally read it. Like many others I may be on regency burnout. However a Regency Prison Break sounds so original. I would try it. Maybe someone else can and report back. Has anyone read any of these books?

  13. 13
    harthad says:

    Where did the guy in cover #2 get that itty bitty pinhead? Photoshop, one hopes. And yes, the bear is totally wearing a corset. [shudder]

  14. 14
    Darlynne says:

    “How Not to Date a Bear” should be “How Not to Date a Guy Who Looks Like a Sausage Casing.” Honestly, that’s a sheep’s intestine—with a head and appendages!—if I’ve ever seen one.

  15. 15
    Jimthered says:

    Shouldn’t a cover mentioning a twin show, y’know, twins?  Unless the title refers to the woman’s “twins” that look like they’re about to pop out of her shirt…

  16. 16
    CK says:

    I now totally sympathize with a deer caught in headlights >.<  Is it just me or does the guy in the bear book look like he had a partial wax on the back of his leg?

  17. 17
    Eleanordew says:

    The Fletcher cover (#1) is an illustration of a new Olympic gymnastic event: Apache dancing.

  18. 18
    LaraAmber says:

    I was completely thinking Sims Character!

  19. 19
    Jane says:

    Doing some extrapolating here: my husband was 6’3” and I am 5’5.5” tall. In roughly the same pose as #3, his chin rested comfortably on top of my head. He must be about 6’7” and she can be no more than 5 feet tall, since she barely reaches his collar bone. And the shirts were pull overs, not button-ups. Also, why didn’t he dis arrange her bodice the least little bit?

  20. 20
    PamG says:

    Cover #1 make me think Och, mon! Nobody puts baby in the corner!  But cover #2 totally takes the cake for wtf-ery.  Oil + body hair + purple bear puppet = Ewww.  So here’s a link for your edification & it even includes a cover, though not a romance cover.
    http://awfullibrarybooks.net/?…

  21. 21
    cleo says:

    OMG – that made me laugh.  I love the back cover pic with Burt’s butt cheeks peaking out.

  22. 22
    hapax says:

    Looking at the TWINS cover, all I can think is that’s one impressive, er, caber the heroine is balancing on.

  23. 23
    sweetsiouxsie says:

    A hairy guy on the cover of a romance novel? I thought all hair-not-on-a-head was not allowed on romance covers! Cover #2 should be a reject!

  24. 24
    Ellielu says:

    Remind me never to check in with the Bitches before bedtime again! I’m going to have nightmares about bear-daddies and plushies tonight….

  25. 25
    Shal says:

    #1- did anyone notice the guy’s socks? Looks like he stole them from Tigger. Doubt he would be bouncing 2 that.
    #2- Ewwwwwwwwwwww! Patchy body hair/ partial tan, small head, tumor in neck that causes forced lateral flexion, corset wearing purple teddy bear fetish…forget the bear, i doubt he ever had a date.
    #3-Mantiti perfected! He can probably cut glass with those nipples. I can’t stop staring at it from different angles…Help!

  26. 26
    Sandra says:

    I’m going to date myself here and say I remember when that issue of Cosmo was released, and the uproar it caused. Burt and his buns, oh my…

  27. 27
    LG says:

    I was going to say that only applied to m/f romance…and then I looked up Changeling Press’ page for this and realized it *is* m/f. At least the description mentions that the lady likes ‘em hairy. Although I’m not sure how she’d feel about his partial waxing.

  28. 28

    That bear book cover is just… wrong on so many levels.

  29. 29
    Liz says:

    Forget the cringe-worthy cover art – what’s going on with this Regency Prison Break series?!?  Is that a sign of a bigger trend?  Are we really a step away from reading escapist literature about sexy heroic prisoners?  There are just so many choices in romance these days… from those bodice ripping historicals, shadowy vampire lovers, and now ex-cons that run amok in regency England!  Be still my heart.

  30. 30
    ToppysMom says:

    But … why? WHY is the bear wearing a corset??

    I know, I know, that’s probably the least of that squicky cover’s worries, but still I wonder … WHY??

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