Covers That Make You Go, “Hey! That Looks Like…”

There have been a number of prominent cover models who are so famous within or even outside of the romance reading community that they're instantly recognizable. I can spot Ewa da Cruz from ten paces at this point, and Jed Hill's abdominals are also quite recognizable as well. 

I recently came across some older category romances, and I've been playing, “Wait, that looks like…” for a few days now. Come tell me who you think these folks look like, please?

Tears of a Renegade by Linda Howard - Bearded Dude caressing some woman in a shrubbery

Seriously, you guys, it's driving me crazy. Who is that guy? Is that Stone Phillips? No, Brian Williams? A perfect meld of Sean Connery and George Clooney? It's making me a little nuts. I keep staring at the cover with this expression of “Durrrrrrr” on my face, and it has NOTHING to do with the fact that he's groping some woman in a shrubbery while she dries his shoulder with a towel. 

 

Bargain with the Devil by Jayne Castle - there is some HOT HAWAIIAN SHIRT ACTION on the heroine, and he's grabbing her muffin top.

 

Chest hair! Grey forelock! A variation on the shirt-unbuttoned-but-still-tucked-in: now available in DENIM! The midriff bearing Hawaiian shirt action is fascinating, as is the part where she's thrust her hand into some spindly potted plant (“Does this need water?”). 

But the real mystery, aside from WHY IS HE EATING HER FACE?! is… who does she look like? He looks like a guy in great gastrointestinal distress (I don't think human flesh is good for that, but what do I know?) but she looks like… someone. Nicole Eggert from Charles in Charge?

Right of Possession by Jayne Castle - he's grabbing her from behind in the jungle, and... her skirt is pulled up to her ribcage.

 

Every last thing about this cover is disconcerting. Where is her right breast hiding? Why are her pants pulled up to her ribcage? How is her hair so perfect in the jungle? Why does he look so bored?

And why does he look eerily like THE HOFF?! (You're seeing it, too, right, the wisps of Hoffness on his face? I mean, it looks like it was Photoshopped on, but sometimes, so does The Hoff's.)

Now, I don't think the folks on this cover look like anyone in particular, but I had to share with you anyway: 

 

Ghost of a Chance by Jayne Ann Krentz - purple crewneck on the hillside, and she's being lifted into the air. It's bizarre.

 

Grandad Goes Wild!

Check that lavender crewneck. You know how all these ladies are buying grey ties for their husbands after reading that book? Yeah, to hell with that. Lavender crewneck sweaters are The Hotness now. Act now while supplies last! 

I love the look on the face of the lady coming out of the rocks: 'Excuse me, Charles, but I –  AGAIN? You have to do this NOW? On the rocks? In your new sweater? I… I can't even.'

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Bibliophile says:

    I don’t know about the guy, but the woman in the first cover has a resemblance to actress Ali MacGraw. The guy in the second one reminds me of a well-known actor, but I can’t remember his name. Maybe after I’ve had my morning coffee.

  2. 2
    dahlia6 says:

    The top guy is totally Chartlon Heston.

  3. 3
    Aislinn says:

    The second guy down looks like Scott Bakula to me…

  4. 4
    Ren says:

    In the second one, that’s Natalie Wood having her face eaten by Antonio Banderas.

  5. 5
    Dawn says:

    The first one looks like Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise

  6. 6
    Aziza says:

    There’s a bit of that in Romance Comic Book land too.

    Elizabeth Banks?

    (Click link above or thumbnail below.)

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  9. 9
    Aziza says:

    (once more, with “Cybill?” image)

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  13. 13
    Sasha says:

    I see Warren Beaty in the Right of Possession.  And the last, well, what a train wreck.  They must each have their own personal micro-climates where she can be wearing capris (with a very weird waistline) and a sleeveless top, and he’s in a wool pullover. 

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    Sarah W says:

    James Brolin in his Hotel years for the top cover, I think.

  16. 16
    Sasha says:

    Oh, and in the last one, that’s Wynnona Judd looking pissed off!

  17. 17
    Millsboons774 says:

    I love the 2 guy how passionate he is in the cover !!!!!!! 

  18. 18

    The Hoff one is so scary. That should be a horror novel. Just the look on his face. I kept expecting him to lean down and whisper in her ear “once we’ve finished I’m going to eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”

  19. 19
    Jeanne says:

    The second one looks like Peter Gallagher, circa Sex, Lies, and Videotape.

  20. 20
    Bibliophile says:

    Jeanne, that’s the one I couldn’t remember the name of. Totally Peter Gallagher.

  21. 21
    DelDryden says:

    You beat me to it, that is exactly what I was going to say. Right down to the “in the Hotel years” part.

  22. 22
    bjvl says:

    The moment I saw Tears of the Renegade, I thought “Hey, it’s Remington Steele!”

  23. 23
    SB Sarah says:

    Man I WISH I had dimples that deep. :-)

  24. 24
    Tamara Hogan says:

    Can I just say, yay, chest hair! I’m kinda tired of our heroes looking like they wax more than our heroines might.

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    KellyC says:

    On “Bargain With the Devil” the guy looks like Lou Ferrigno to me, and the woman reminds me of Lauren Cohan, who plays Maggie on The Walking Dead.

  26. 26
    Ginger says:

    The girl on the 3rd cover looks like Isabella Rossellini to me.  The last one is just plain creepy.  ha!

  27. 27
    Lenorej says:

    Right of Possession looks like Jacquelyn (sp?)  Smith in her trendy 1988ish “paperbag-waist” pants….I remember wanting a pair of those, back when I had a waist.

  28. 28
    HappyPiranha says:

    Ooh, this was fun!

    #1 – either Burt Reynolds or the Dos Equis guy
    #2 – Dr. Sanjay Gupta from CNN or Benicio del Toro
    #3 – Alan Thicke

  29. 29
    Steph says:

    When I saw the third one, I thought Ricardo Montelban with Hoff hair. Scary right?

  30. 30

    the 80’s were a difficult time for us all. 

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