Caption This Cover: HORROR EDITION Winners!

Should I infict the clown cover upon you another time? Yes, I think I shall: 

She's got pigtails and a considering expression on her face.

He's, well, if you have a clown phobia, he's the most terrifying ever. If you don't have a clown phobia, he's still kind of terrifying.

So who wins the caption that cover HORROR EDITION?



Honorable Mention goes to:

Maureen: “I think when you put “Every Woman's Fantasy” on your internet profile, Mr. Pennywise you were slightly misleading.”

Flo_Over for an entire rewrite of “Send in the Clowns.” *applause*

Jules: “Vagina. It's Not a Clown Car.”

MeghanPA: “There's still room in the backseat of the VW with me and the boys, all 16 of us…”

AztecLady1: “Wanna make balloon shapes with me?”

Jason: “How about “Pancake Makeup and Sausage Gravy”?”

Ciar Cullen: “He was…The most interesting man in the world. It was such a tragedy that Sally was blind and couldn't appreciate all he had to offer her.”

Mary Stella: “A little song, a little dance, a little Chuckles in your pants.”

Arloa: (Imagine soulful Ryan Gosling here) “Hey girl, sorry about this costume, but it's the only way we can be together in public without my being mobbed. Your skin is so soft.”

LauraN: “Did Sarah have the courage, the faith, the . . . humor to trust her heart to a wereclown?” (Thanks for creeping me out, there, LauraN. shudder Wereclowns.)


And the Cover Captioning Runners Up are: 


KarenF: “No. I said I wanted to be a cover model FOR Harlequin.”

Hannah: “I said, “Why don't you try going down,” not “Why don't you try going clown!””

and Oaxavamama: “Jane knew she shouldn't have made that last wish while still nursing her head cold. What she'd really said was, “I want someone to go down on me.”

Emily A: “When Katniss saw the District 2 contestants, she knew by their clothes she could take 'em.”


Winner, for making me snort-laugh:

Jennifer, for “Fortunately, Snowqueens Icedragon's fanfic regarding John Wayne Gacy was not as popular.”

Congratulations Jennifer, and thank you to everyone who entered – and to artist Elaine Duillo for painting that fantasticness. Jennifer, please email me at sarahATsmartbitchestrashybooksDOTcom to claim your $25 bookstore gift card. Everyone, have a lovely weekend, full of all the funny things you like best (and fear least)! 

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Beccah W. says:

    I found a cover in need of explaining…and this one is MUCH less scarring than the clown!

  2. 2
    Darlynne says:

    The winning entry is brilliant. Congratulations.

  3. 3
    Faye says:

    I clicked the Elaine Duillo link and found this fantasticness: “Elaine helped to make the model Fabio famous. He posed for 19 of her covers”…

  4. 4
    Jules says:

    Those are awesome! Thanks for the mention! I love caption contest except for the pain in my side that persists from loling so much!

  5. 5
    CK says:

    Wereclowns. Bahwahahahahahahaha. The winning entry is all kinds of scary awesomeness.

  6. 6
    LauraN says:

    Thanks for the honorable mention.  At first, I tried doing a caption in the style of a regency: “Her mom jeans had beckoned to him across Almack’s crowded dance floor . . .” but the rest of it just didn’t gel for me.  I did, however, spend an absurd amount of time trying to imagine what a Clownduke would be named.  I decided to go paranormal instead. 

    Wereclowns:  When the moon is full, they crowd into their tiny cars, spread joy, laughter, and balloon animals . . . and maybe eat your soul.  They are the hungry ones, after all.

  7. 7
    azteclady1 says:

    Oh my thank you for the mention—the others are so much better! Ciar Cullan and LauraN are particularly inspired.

  8. 8
    DreadPirateRachel says:

    Goddammit Sarah! That’s the third time you’ve freaked me the hell out with that cover. The only thing that exceeds my coulrophobia is my arachnophobia. Are you going to start posting pictures of tarantulas next? Because if that happens I’m out of here.

  9. 9
    LauraN says:

    So wild my heart, so broken my spine.

  10. 10

    Someone in the comments of the link the image above goes to (could that sound more vague? It was an anonymous poster) said that this actually wasn’t a romance novel – it was written as porn for men. Here’s another link, provided by the anonymous poster. (It doesn’t go anywhere bad. Just showing the “vintage” book for sale for $75.)…

    I find that even more fascinating. What would make a man pick up this book?

  11. 11

    Oh, and because I’m supposed to be writing my next chapter right now, it seemed imperative that I waste time doing a little more research, and came upon this fascinating article(?) about some more covers from the sixties. I had no idea that books like this were once popular. Can you guess what a book called “Horizontal Secretary” was about?

    An excerpt:
    “I wanted to call you so bad,” he said.
    “Badly, badly, badly, not bad,” I thought. I didn’t want him to go on anymore, but I was afraid he’d stop holding me…I wondered why his grammar was suddenly so important.

    There’s more here:…

    Was there a whole market for porn novels in the sixties that I’ve never heard of? I’m not really shocked, just kind of … well, yeah, I’m shocked. Not in a scandalous way, just … yeah. Speechless.

  12. 12
    Laurie Evans says:

    Dear GOD, this is a real book cover??

    I need eye bleach!

  13. 13
    Ciar Cullen says:

    I think I’m going take a few words out here, and put a few in: Azteclady1 raves: Ciar Cullen’s writing is particularly inspiring. haha

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