Oh Geez. At RT, even, people came up to tell me how funny that comment thread was. You're ridiculous good, people. Choosing a winner is seriously difficult.
So, here, have a last look at Fire's Tender What Now:
The Honorable Mentions go to:
If Linus had known The Great Pumpkin could do this, he would have dyed his blanket orange years ago…
“Relax, my proud beauty,” breathed Reginald. “The only relief from Fire's Tender Kiss is Penicillin's Sharp Sting.”
“Fire's Tender Kiss” must be an old-fashioned term for anal sex without lube.
As her body shifted into a palomino, he made a mental note to be clearer next time he said he wanted to ride her all night.
“Milk, milk, lemonade,” Horatio murmured during their foreplay. Turning her over, he whispered, “The other side's where fudge is made.”
First Runners Up:
There was a young man from Gorse
Who was madly in love with his horse
'Til a filly all in yellow
Showed HER tail to the fellow
Crowed he, “A gallup! Without the remorse!”
She's 34, 24, 68. She hoped he wouldn't find out.
Marcus gently prepared Fiona to feel fire's tender kiss on her chocolate starfish.
“Yes, with Fire's Tender Kiss ®™© tanning lotion, you too can have that healthy glow of the jaundiced sun-worshipper! And with the purchase of every three bottles, we give you a free case of melanoma, so you miss nothing of the fun of a healthy tan, except for those painful sunburns!*
*may cause chemical burns. Do not let Fire's Tender Kiss ®™© tanning lotion stay in direct contact with the skin for longer than two-minutes-seventeen-seconds. Do not allow undiluted Fire's Tender Kiss ®™© to come into direct contact with sunlight. Fire's Tender Kiss ®™© may indelibly stain clothing saffron yellow. Should this happen, do not say “Hastur” while wearing affected clothing unless you're extremely fond of tentacles. Do not use Fire's Tender Kiss ®™© if you are pregnant or may become pregnant. In fact, try not to think too hard about it if you have a uterus or think you know someone who does. If the syllables pass your lips, spit thrice, turn around twice, and make the sign of the cross while waving your left hand (with fingers crossed) in a 360-degree circle above your head. While applying Fire's Tender Kiss ®™©, avoid the electromagnetic fields made by television and computer monitors, radios, and cell phones, as these may cause key ingredients in Fire's Tender Kiss ®™© to ignite with a heat similar to that found in sparklers. If it should ignite, keep the flame away from aluminum, as this may combine with the ambient oxygen to catalyze an exothermic reaction of spectacular swiftness and force. These occurred in less than three percent of cases. Fire's Tender Kiss ®™©, available wherever health and beauty products are sold.”
And the winner is: Sofia Harper!
This is the character Deke's (from Decadent) ancestor. And he whispers softly in her ear. “I'll be in ye arse soon. Saving thy life.”
Sofia, please email me at sarahATsmartbitchestrashybooksDOTcom, and tell me which bookstore you'd like snazzy gifty credits to! Thank you to everyone who entered, and who wondered what the hell she was hiding under that gown.
And really, would that color look good on anyone?!