I did a lot of vacation reading last week, and one thing that jumped out at me (not literally but if it had been it would have been awesome) is the relentless pursuit of cliches when describing nipples.
I'm sure you know what I'm talking about here: there's a sexy scene, and the characters undress. The sex scene – which is, it seems to me, more often from the male point of view than the female – includes a catalog description of the heroine's body.
First, I don't know why there's a need for a list of descriptions for each part, particularly the breasts. There are times when I see the catalog of naked parts and skim right over it, because it seems necessary only because the reader might need to be reminded THEY ARE NAKED NOW SEE THE NIPPLES?
Lately, the nipple descriptions are the ones that catch my attention… because they're all the same. The female nipples are pert, rosy, ruches, puckered, taut, and most often compared to fruit, like cherries, strawberries, or berries in general (no use of kumquat that I've found).
The monotony and sameness of these nipples is starting to bug me. It reminds me of recipes that suggest a dish might be great with a “crisp salad” or a “loaf of crusty bread.” No, thanks, I'll have a salad that's three days old and limp, possibly slimy, and I prefer my bread inside out, no crust.
Overstating the obvious is one thing, but I keep running into these nipples of monotony. Here, a handful of cherrypicked (snrk) examples.
Cool air kissed her skin, and Lucy was mortified to discover her breast bared, a small little apple cupped in his hand, with a dark berry for a nipple.
“Cherries,” he murmured as his thumb and forefinger gently pinched….
Pride & Passion
Charlotte Featherstone
December 2011
Pink nipples. Like ripe cherries. He'd always liked cherries.
Eternal Flame
Cynthia Eden
November 2010
If anything, her nipples were harder – ripe cherries begging to be plucked.
Fire Wolf
Anh Leod
He bent to take one nipple in his mouth. She tasted sweet, like ripe cherries, like a ripe pomegranate he'd tasted once in Mexico.
Lady Lavender
Lynna Banning
February 2011
Luc's eyes glittered darkly as he looked down at her breasts, the areolae surrounding the nipples a deep dusky pink, those nipples dark and swollen, like two ripe berries waiting to be tasted. Eaten.
His head lowered so that he might taste one of those berries.
Annie and the Red-Hot Italian
Carole Mortimer
January 2011
Her nipples felt like ripe berries rolling between his fingers, and suddenly he was overwhelmed by the need dot taste her, to draw her nipple deep into his mouth.
The Touch of Fire
Linda Howard
September 1997
He tore the fragile lace, but her breasts were released to him, her hard little nipples like ripe berries. A delicate, fragile pink. Hard, stiff.
Coyote's Mate, Book 2
Lora Leigh
February 2009
I do have to give a few props to Karen Anders, who worked actual cherries into the nipple scene:
Her nipples puckered, tightening into hard beads that looked as delicious as two cherries.
She curled her hand around the nape of his neck and drew his head downward….
Reaching into the colander, he grabbed a few cherries and crushed them, releasing the juices locked inside. Then he smeared his fingers over each of her nipples and heard her suck in a breath.
Deliciously Dangerous
Karen Anders
April 2010
While many of the women in romance have berry nipples (which sounds like the name of one of Strawberry Shortcake's less savory friends) men are not execpt from nipple cliche, either.
One flat male nipple came into view and she circled the areola with a fingertip.
Beyond Lust
Mary White
August 2005
Leaning forward, she braced her hands on the mattress next to him and licked first one flat male nipple, then the other.
Primal Male
Sasha White
November 2008
She found his flat, male nipples and teased them.
Still Mine
Mary Wine
May 2008
She looked down at her breasts, then over to Eirik's flat male nipples.
The Tarnished Lady
Sandra Hill
June 2011
I'm personally not a fan of the “flat male nipple” because if it were not a “male” nipple, WHAT THE HELL ELSE WOULD IT BE?
Copper pennies, that's what. Duh.
His skin gleamed like brown satin, the small flat nipples like dark copper pennies.
Somebody Killed His Editor
Josh Lanyon
April 2010
She toyed with his male nipples that were flat as copper pennies and felt delight when they became erect.
The Dark Earl
Virginia Henley
September 2011
His chest was wide and smooth, the muscles defined and his nipples as dusky as two copper pennies.
Secrets & Seductions
Pamela Toth
Do yourself a favor, and do not search for “nipples ripe berries” or any other variation of nipple monotony on Google:Books. It's worse than excerpts from Longarm, let me tell you.
So what to do with all these nipples, all this nipple monotony?
We need MORE NIPPLE DESCRIPTIONS!
Ergo, it is Nipple Contest Time. Your task: come up with a description for nipples, male, female or both, that can stand in place of the cliched description. You don't have to reference fruit, flatness, or currency. You can compare them to whatever you want. Your job is to describe them as best you can.
I will be judging the entries in 48 hours, but you can “like” the ones you like best to try to sway my voting.
The winner shall receive the people's ovation and fame forever, and a $25 gift card to the bookstore of their choice. Whee!
Standard disclaimers apply: I'm not being compensated for this giveaway. Must be over 18 to win, while wearing flat cherries. Your nipples may and should vary. Sometimes they even look like thumbs.
Now: go forth and describe nipples with better descriptions!
Her breasts were like two gym socks stuffed with golf balls at the ends. If she turned too quickly, he was like to catch one in the eye. Her nipples peeked out in opposite directions – wall-eyed and disconcerting. He couldn’t fathom in which direction her interest lay.
—-
His chest and nipples were likely male, at any rate. The breasts he had were soft, rounded, slightly bigger than her own, with nipples like two slabs of pepperoni. Wiry hairs sprung up and encircled each nipple, as if protecting a treasure at the center of a sparse forest. Perhaps wildlife lurked in there. One thing was certain: they would exfoliate her tongue.
As Dederick stripped her shirt off, he found himself entranced. Beneath the moonlight, Brighid’s fair skin shone like pearls. His eyes swept possessively over her shoulders, down over her breasts—round and firm like two baseballs in the but without the stitching because that would have been weird—to her nipples, which had contracted due to increased blood flow to the area caused by either to sexual arousal or else possibly as a result of the chilly night air, were a dusky pinkish color that reminded him of neither berries nor pebbles, but in fact resembled nothing so much as slightly lumpy and blood-filled flesh. Well, romance novels can’t be perfect in everything, he supposed, drawing his eyes back to her face.
“Jesus Tapdancing Christ, Dederick.” She gasped, her breath misting in the cold night air, “it’s colder than a witch’s vagoo out here.”
And then they had sex.
Her nipples were upside down baskets on the hot air balloons that were her breasts.
His mouth ached to cup her breast, and ring the peak of her breast like a bell. *Rrring.*
Her strawberry blonde nipples were inverted; deep pitted craters in her breasts, like the meteor scars of the moon.
or
Her destroyed bodice exposed her sinewy seaweed nipples atop the Sargasso seas of her breasts.
I’ve never been so thankful to not be eating anything. OMG the laughing. Just got my ab workout for the day.
I’ve used the ‘erasers from brand new No. 2 pencils’ before. No berries (thankfully!). My new favorite is something like this: “She really should consider wearing more clothes in this weather as it looked like she was trying to smuggle peanuts.”
And I desperately hope no one ever compares any part of me to mole rats. Or hot dog asses. Though the elevator buttons would work for me; I’m all for going down. 😉
I am increasingly bothered by the taste descriptions. Nobody tastes like fruit unless they’re rubbing it on their bodies and then they’d be unpleasantly sticky. No one tastes like honey either. If you’re lucky they taste like soap.
“His hot gaze swept over her body which she had all but surrendered to him. Her nipples stood proud like two mighty siege towers. She tasted like Irish Spring Deodorant Soap. He vowed then and there to have all of her. Like a mighty warlord, he would lay siege to her like a castle…in Ireland…in the Spring.”
I’ve had a bad couple of weeks but this post is making it all go away. Thanks for the laughs!
As Tristan looked eagerly at Daphne’s warheads on her torpedo-like breasts, all he could think was “Bombs away!” and went down on the warheads like the Cowboy in “Dr Strangelove”.
In my current manuscript:
He rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. “Would you please cover up those twin mounds of destruction so I can think properly?”
She giggled, but promptly complied.
As Craig hauled Sally into the copy room, he thought her breasts looked like beautiful sweater puppies under her snug ..sweater. He promptly ripped of her sweater and behold, they weren’t puppies but beautiful, bountiful breasts! As she was braless, Craig gasped as he realized even though they weren’t actual puppies, the nipples were more like little dog snouts. Sweater puppies indeed! Bow wow!
He stripped off his shirt, and the cool sea breeze blew over his bared white chest, making his nipples tighten and rise into a startling imitation of the brightly-colored thumbtacks that she used to pin schedules to the bland institutional walls of her office.
****
Against his palms, her erect nipples felt like the raised rounds on a hobnailed glass.
Apparently Percy Shelley had a nightmare about Mary in which she had eyes for nipples…
Her nipples poked out like those little joysticks on a Nintendo game controller.
“Come here, baby,” he growled, “it’s time to level up.”
Her nipples resembled the crunchy-berries from that kids’ cereal with the seafarer on the box. Thankfully, they weren’t as nauseatingly sweet when he nibbled on them.
I just forwarded this post to all my girlfriends – it’s too damn awesome. The hot dogs win though. HOT DOG ANUSES
That is truly disgusting. And I’m laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes.
I think I may have seen them described somewhere as being similar to pencil erasers. Yes/No? Has anyone else seen this?
Only because I’m feeling ultra stupid today:
Her nipples were like green peas, hard and frozen. =)
Okay, okay . . .
“Who said men had unresponsive, flat nipples? Jason’s were as firm and sweet to her tongue as those bits that would never melt in her hand.
Lordy, you’ve hit my absolute favorite. Kind of like those old native village mounds—all velvety, fluffy and stuff.
This post made me cry laughing. Thanks for making my Spring Break a little brighter.
—-
He slid his fingers up over her nipples. They were shiny, little nubs, just like the positive end of a AA battery. He felt their electric current shoot through his fingertips, zapping him with their nippleness.
I love the elevator analogy!
Here’s my try:
Pebbles atop marble boulders…Thank god he was a climber…
Her breasts swung about like a dog’s ears in a heavy breeze and he drooled at the sight of her crinkled nipples, reminding him of the brown pine cones that littered the forest behind his home.
Damn, now I have to go shower!
As he slowly slipped the thin straps of her chemise down her café-au-lait colored shoulders, his palm brushed lightly over her nipples, causing them to protrude like chocolate chips nestled on top of two frosted covered cupcakes.
This is from a book I read recently “I knew how sweet your pretty nipples would be.” He kissed one peak then the other. “Hard against my tongue. Like sugar candy.”
Her nipples were hypnotic, like teeny, tiny ufos, beaming him up like the Hottie he was.
His were like teeny, tiny brown sou’westers, protecting him from the rain of her tearful emotion.
(That’s my effort, but it doesn’t beat one I once read, where he thought her nipples were like pink eyes staring up at him. So creepy. And possibly infectious.)
Situation comedies and SNL maybe will make me smile, but this post and all its comments have me weak from laughter. Wonderful!
Nipples, like two sun-dried pencil erasers, were hard enough to scrape a blackboard
I’m a dermatology nurse, so I found this hilarious!
As he kissed her brown inverted nipples he was instantly reminded of a squid’s suckers. He ate them regularly for sexual stamina and they, still squirming, would fasten themselves to his lips. He liked to think that they were kissing him as he tasted each salty bite. Hers felt the same; and, like the squid, he wanted to eat her alive.
Her nipples perked to attention like dual buttons, the kind you find on a nuclear submarine capable to taking out North America. Tweak one and his eager rocket stood to ready attention; engage the other, and it was bye, bye New York City. Feeling lucky, he pressed both, and in that moment unleashed a million tiny missiles across her verdant parks and peaked skyscrapers.
Props to everyone who was able to come up with serious and lovely descriptions of nipples while I immediately headed off the deep end…
Check out the wide world of nipples from just a few days ago on Jezebel.
http://jezebel.com/breasts/
“The dame took off her bra, revealing breasts as pert and rounded as two jiggling, bouncing mounds of Spam. Her nipples were pimento-stuffed olives, stuck into the spam with toothpicks. I wanted to belly up to the buffet with a sleeve of Ritz crackers and feast on those whore d’oeuvres all night.”
BWAHHH. This is hilarious reading. Back in the late 1990s/early 2000s, I bought a book called The Romance Writer’s Handbook because I was thinking about a career change. However, there was a whole section dedicated to describing breasts and nipples. Most of the adjectives I remember where turgid AND dusty rose pebbles. Being a Black woman who wanted to write about black women, I felt my creativity stunted for my nipples were never dusty rose in color. *snark*
“Hairless mole rat”…OMG…LMFAO!
ROFLMAO!!!! Almost all of these would qualify for the Bulwer-Lytton contest if you turned them into single-sentence offerings. Kudos to you all!
He cupped her soft breasts in his hands, admiring the way they gave to his touch. They made him think of his parents’ old water bed, the way you could feel the ebb and flow of the water beneath you with every movement. His fingers stroked the wide perimeter of her areola, and her skin perked like ripples in a pond. In the center of it all, her nipple rose like the periscope of a submarine, scouting out a new world of pleasure.
“What?” he asked, “What’s wrong?” She just swallowed a little, gave a tight smile and said “Nothing. You look great!” instead of a more honest “Good GOD, your nipples are so big they look like the filters of snubbed out cigarettes!”
-G.