Reader Shaming

Another day, another article about genre fiction, including romance, selling quite happily in digital format. And the reason?

Wait for it….

Reader embarrassment!

Kindle-owning bibliophiles are furtive beasts. Their shelves still boast classics and Booker winners. But inside that plastic case, other things lurk. Sci-fi and self-help. Even paranormal romance, where vampires seduce virgins and elves bonk trolls.

The ebook world is driven by so-called genre fiction, categories such as horror or romance. It's not future classics that push digital sales, but more downmarket fare.

Lovely. 

Here's the thing:

I hear from many readers weekly that they do feel embarrassment about their love of romance. Sometimes they are conflicted about finding that their feelings of loving what they read are at cross-purposes with their feelings of dislike or even revulsion when they identify problematic elements within it. Others say they feel shame and embarrassment about what other people say or think about the romance genre, or better yet, the people who read it.

The people who write to me about these subjects do not ever, and I mean EVER, include a statement that they are embarrassed because they are reading books that aren't any good.

They usually go on and on about the books they did find incredible, the ones that made their brains fire up and made them stay up all night long, and how they love finding new books to enjoy.

Never once do they say they are embarrassed because the romances they read aren't any good.

It's the opposite: they know romances that are high quality narrative stories, and they can identify books that made them think and consider abstract conflicts and emotional tangles as much as any other lauded piece of fiction.

They are embarrassed and ashamed by the reputation of the genre among those people who care about what it is you're reading. They feel awkward about the packaging, the covers and the descriptions, the bare chests and the o-face heroines depicted in lurid colors.

They may not want to defend the genre to anyone, and thus hide it and keep it an intimate secret.

I personally don't feel any shame about what I read, even though I'm still asked by people whether I read “other things,” (so my brain doesn't atrophy, I am guessing). I have romance everywhere in my home, and I'll recommend a romance to anyone who asks me.

So when someone sends me an email, begging me not to publish it (which I wouldn't) but wanting to share their conflicted love and shame about the romance they read, I don't yell at them that they should stand up and defend themselves. Often they are thanking me for running this site where so many romance-reading book addicts hang out (my response: Just wait until you see how many romance communities there are online now. We're freaking everywhere.) There is often a sense of relief and comfort in finding people with whom they can talk about their romances.

Thus every time one of these articles comes out that reinforces all the negatives that romance readers face when they select the reading material they love, it makes me want to yell louder because the key fallacy is the repeated supposition that romance isn't any good and that's why people are embarrassed about it.

No one should be ashamed of what they read – and no one should be made to feel ashamed about what they read. But look, here's another article that rests an argument on exactly that kind of reader shaming. This article today does it: Ebooks sell because people are embarrassed that they love crap. Digital readers proliferate because they allow privacy. (NB: this isn't actually true because buying a digital book ties your name and credit card transaction to the title purchased, a data point that can be shared with bloody anyone).

Articles like these imply that everyone is ashamed of their reading when they read romance or any genre fiction for that matter. Terms like “boundless idiocy” and “God help us” and “reading public in private is lazy and smutty.”

I am not an idiot, I am not lazy, and neither are you. None of this is true. 

But there are many readers who do judge themselves harshly for liking romance, and these are the types of articles that make me infuriated on their behalf, which is why I don't shut up about them, and ignore them. Some readers internalize these messages, feeding their own shame with the reinforced idea that they should be embarrassed. And that is why I yell.

Julia, who reviewed Everything I Know About Love, I Learned From Romance Novels recently, said at the end of her reviewNever feel guilty for reading something. A book can mean anything to anyone. 

Romance means a lot to people who love it, even those readers who harbor shame and embarrassment for loving the genre so much. Articles like this one infuriate me because they are saying someone should feel bad for loving romance, that readers should feel ashamed that they enjoy books that this writer thinks are dross.

No. No, you should not. Read what you like, then read more of it, and go on with your badass self. 

Categorized:

Ranty McRant

Comments are Closed

  1. Rij says:

    I made a conscious decision to not get ashamed about anything I read a while back. I wasn’t exactly ashamed before but I did tend to hide certain books or not mention that I read them in company. Then I realized how often in discussions about reading it was the women who were ashamed or dismissive about their choises and almost always those choises were “women’s books”. Men didn’t apologize for their cheap pulpy fiction, so why should women?

    Despite my decision, I still get twitchy sometimes. Reading Yaoi manga (that’s basically m/m erotic comics for those unfamiliar with the genre) in public requires some stiffening of my spine.

  2. Heather Shipman says:

    Like Emily@71, I’m stuck on “elves bonk trolls”. I can’t decide if it ought to be a Romeo and Juliet re-telling, or a comedy. I kind of want to read it now.

  3. henofthewoods says:

    I went through a security checkpoint one day with a briefcase that contained a paperback. The guard felt compelled to comment on the title to all of the other guards and the building reception desk. It was a Lilian Braun “The Cat Who…” novel, and it was one of the later ones that I regretted reading since it wasn’t that good. But I was definitely humiliated by this group of people (in uniforms, with guns) telling me my book wasn’t grown-up enough because it had a silly title. (Somehow, I think this woman would have forgiven me for being a weirdo reader if only the book had had naked people on the cover.)
    I’m still pissed off. And I never take paperbacks in my briefcase. If they only knew what was on my iPod.

  4. Rij says:

    I think Merry Gentry boinked a few goblins, but they were really pretty goblins. I think she commented in the first book that trolls are just too big and even she would be hurt…

    Yeah, if anyone comes up with a book with actual elf/troll sex, please share.

  5. Susan says:

    henofthewoods:  I’m pissed off FOR you.  That’s worse than when the checkout clerks at the grocery comment on the food you’re buying.  (“Yes, I AM buying tampons, ice cream, potato chips, and M&Ms.  It’s that time of the month.  Wanna make something of it?  And I only have one cat; he just eats a lot Grrr.”)

    Rij (and others):  Lisa Shearin’s books have elf/goblin/human stuff going, but no trolls in the mix.  Never heard any elf/troll stuff.  I’m. . . intrigued.

  6. BenP says:

    I love being a man in a somewhat rural community who makes no bones about his love of romance novels.
    Just watching their faces slide through all those painful contortions of disbelief as their brains try to figure out why a man would read that… that… tripe…, seeing that looming aneurysm as their minds fail to deal with that yawning rift in their reality.
    Maybe it’s small of me, but I derive a certain amusement from that.

    …Then I get right up in their face and start in on technical aspects of romance writing in comparison to other genres. Once their eyes start to glaze over I throw in some Shakespeare for good measure, add a smattering of Boccacio and season with by extoling the virtues of m/m romance or erotica before finishing up by casting aspersions on their sexual prowess by pointing out that a smart man can actually learn a whole lot about how to please a woman by reading romances.

    I’ve encountered scorn and derision from both men and women for my passion for romance novels.

    But y’know what? Water of a duck’s back, darlins.

    I am so over being embarassed about any of my choices about how I live my life.

  7. Alyssa Day says:

    So okay. This superior attitude burns my ass.  When I quit my job as a trial lawyer to write full time, I got so many condescending remarks from other attorneys that you would not believe it.  Seriously.  One went so far to say, “Romance novel? What would that take you, a lunch hour to write?”  Another said something along the lines of “only uneducated single mothers on welfare read that trash, don’t they?”

    I finally got so fed up that I quit responding to the questions and just pointed to my law school diploma on the wall.  The one that said Summa Cum Laude.  And I said, “Smart people read—and write—whatever the hell they want to.”

    Another thing that makes me angry is to see another genre fiction writer put down romances in their novels.  I recently quit reading a mystery author I’d rather enjoyed when she had her main character denigrate “trashy, formulaic romance novels.” 

    REALLY, mystery author? Because there’s no formula there . . .

    Wow.  Guess this has been building up in me for a while.  🙂

  8. BenP says:

    W00T (Manly fanboy sound) Alyssa Day posted after me! You books were some of the first romances that read after happily going over to the dark side (to my wife’s eternal amusement) so I have fond memories of them.

  9. PamG says:

    Completely agree.  Skimming the Guardian comments, I had my aha! moment at the one that referred to the article as “click-baiting.”  It certainly explained the extremely insulting tone, but I think it’s necessary to respond as long as people in subways and workplaces reflect the same basic attitudes about what other people read.  So, for the record, I love genre fiction. And I think SB Sarah’s post is dead on.

  10. PamG says:

    Well, we only read Jane for the social commentary, dontchaknow.  Much like reading Playboy for the interviews.

  11. PamG says:

    When you’re old enough to figure out how to steal them?  Just kidding.  In our community, young people can sign up for an adult library card at 14.  They then havpe access to everything in the adult side of the library.  At that point, it becomes a matter between that young reader and their parents.  So much depends on the maturity of the individual and the graphic nature of the book’s content.  Some romance stops at the bedroom door and some individuals still have a problem with this because they are offended by the implication that naughtiness is going on off-page.  Some romance contains detailed descriptions of acts that would make a randy ninety year old blush.  I know this doesn’t really answer your question, but I don’t know if there is an answer.  The high school library where I work contains stuff that creeps me out, yet is still popular with students.  We have to walk a fine line between providing books that kids enjoy and content that parents and administrators can live with.  Our primary focus is on getting kids to read.  Nevertheless, there is still a lot to be said for reading under the covers with a flashlight.

  12. TRC says:

    Great article, Sarah.  I personally do not care what people think about what i read.  It’s my life, don’t you forget, it’s my life……  🙂
    I get weird looks if its Romance, Fantasy, Paranormal.  So what do they read. lol
    I am an ebook reader for the convenience, ease, comfort, saving storage space, and the speed it takes to get the books fast.  What more would anyone want. 

  13. PamG says:

    “Elves bonk troll” fantasy?
    Me too, but only if written by Terry Pratchett.

  14. Sherri says:

    When I was researching e-readers embarassment of what I was reading never crossed my mind.  I was more enthralled with the idea of being able to carry hundreds of books in my pocket.  It’s still one of the things I love best about e-reading.  Stuck in a line or doctor’s office and finish a book?  No problem, I’ve got dozens of TBRs on my reader just waiting.  No more trying to find room in my purse for books, no more worrying about the bookmark falling out.

    Nope, embarrassment wasn’t even on the list.  Though I do admit one of the perks is not having to worry about cover art.  It’s unfortunate that something that doesn’t always depict what a book is about can cast a swath of shame across an entire genre.  Thanks Fabio.

  15. PamG says:

    I’ve got to admit to many years of disliking most of what I perceived to be romance novels. Never went to far as to be snotty about anyone else’s choices though.  I have to give SBTB full credit for making me a born again romance reader.  Like most in this community, I read a lot, and most of it is genre fiction.  And I am most definitely not ashamed of any of it.  My e-reader is just another way of accessing and transporting my recreation of choice.  I think Angie’s just trying to stir up a shit storm and insult the widest possible readership by misinterpreting information that’s been published elsewhere.

    I really think that scorn for someone’s reading choices is, in the U.S. at least, thinly disguised scorn for reading itself.  After all this is the country where our chief executive rared up on his hind legs before the graduates of one of our premier universities and bragged about being a C student there. Where students, when asked to pass through a library security gate, roar with laughter and say “Who’d steal a book?”  So depressing.  Someone ought to write some literary fiction about that.  We could all put it on our display shelf and loudly lament the death of intellect.  So there, Angie!

  16. The Other Susan says:

    I love to play “Why are they buying what they’re buying?”  But *only* mentally.  I would never comment out loud in public!

  17. Aurora85 says:

    Besides insulting the public with the words “The reading public in private is lazy and smutty. E-readers hide the material. ” I’m not sure what others find offensive. Wherever I go, I always end up having a number of books with me, and if they happen to be romance, I feel the need to cover them up. (What if a guy sees me reading it and thinks I’m stupid, is my main thought.) I also read a number of classics and found out that just because something is a classic, it doesn’t mean I’ll like it. (I HATE SHAKESPEARE AND DICKENS!) what I find enjoyable would most likely be considered “trash” so to speak. (Not in my eyes, probably by others.) Unfortunately there’s a hierarchy and perceptions no matter what genre one writes for. My opinion of romance long ago used to be negative before discovering this site and somehow finding peace in myself to enjoy this genre. I was honestly surprised by how many romances I’ve enjoyed reading in the past and how often I return to them.

    http://sveta-randomblog.blogsp…

  18. Heather says:

    Just reading a couple of the romances you ladies recommended disabused me of the notion that romances are all smutty fluff with buxom, brainless heroines and shirtless men galore. Okay, maybe there are a FEW shirtless men roaming about…

  19. Amy says:

    Romance novels, and sensational books written for women have always been looked down on. Just think about all the mentions about “horrid” novels and “gothic” novels in modern historicals! Actually, its really awesome the way so many authors subtly address this issue in their own stories. Heroines retreat to read racy novels when they need a little time to themselves, and authoresses must hide behind pen names lest society find out that they are the famous shocking writer everyone is guiltily reading!

    Like the fictional and hilarious “Miss Butterworth and the Mad Baron” read by a dozen of Julia Quinn’s characters, (featuring a vapid, tragedy-prone heroine whose mother is pecked to death by pigeons), or the trope of the secret authoress which you see in “With this Ring” by Amanda Quick, “See Jane Score” by Rachel Gibson, or … isn’t there a Lisa Kleypas novel with this plot…? “Suddenly You”! Haha, I am sure there are tons more too!

  20. I used to be very ashamed of the fact the I read romance novels, especially historical romance novels.  When I was in high school, one of my guy friends started making fun of one of my other friends because she was reading “smut.”  The poor girl ended up crying (because the guy was someone she really liked), so I just took the book I was reading out of my bag and left it on my desk when I went to use the bathroom, and when I came out that same guy had my book in his hand so he could read the cover copy.  He was like, “This sounds really cool!  Serial killers!  Bombs!  Awesome!.”  He then told my friend that she should read the types of books that I read.  She looked at it and said she read that last week.  It took him a couple of minutes to realize that the “awesome” book was a romance novel.

    The thing that always gets me is that the person who criticizes my reading material rarely ever reads.  My dad used to roll his eyes whenever he saw me reading a romance novel—that was until I asked him when was the last time he read something longer than the sports section of the newspaper.

    Then there are the people who see me reading romance novels and are surprised that I can speak in a coherent sentence.  They like to think that because I read “smut” that I am not smart enough to intelligently converse with them about most subjects.  It makes me so angry.  Last year, my mom decided to read “Pride and Prejudice” and she was flabbergasted that young British women could only wear white if they weren’t married.  She was convinced that that couldn’t have been true despite the fact that it was written in a literary classic.  I had to explain to her that it was indeed true and that I had learned about this by reading those smutty historical romances that she frowns on.

  21. Valerie Bowman says:

    ROCK. ON.

  22. Shell C says:

    @Amy – Don’t forget Sylvester by Georgette Heyer – The heroine uses the hero as the visual basis of the villain in her book.

  23. De says:

    “I’ve read some dreck over the years that some people consider classics.”

    coughDickenscough

  24. Amy says:

    Huzzah for romance pride! We should organize our own parade! Lol.

    Public disdain, and private enjoyment of books written for women is nothing new. Think about all the references to “horrid”, “French” and “gothic” novels in historicals! Actually, I think it is really awesome the way so many authors tackle this issue in their own stories. Romance heroines and their friends have their own stashes of novels to furtively read. Or what about the trope of the secret-identity authoress, an ordinary spinster by day, famous sensational novelist by night? It’s a cute way to poke a little fun at their own genre, but also shows how some things just never change!

    For example, how many of Julia Quinn’s characters are secret…or not so secret fans of “Miss Butterworth and the Mad Baron”? A novel featuring a very tragedy-prone romantic heroine (plagues, cliffs and her mother being pecked to death by pigeons). Or the secret sensational author plot? Let’s see that shows up in “See Jane Score” by Rachel Gibson, “Suddenly You” by Lisa Kleypas and “With This Ring” by Amanda Quick! And that’s just off the top of my head.

  25. JamieMF says:

    Honestly, I feel more bad for these kinds of people than anything else. How many great stories they are depriving themselves of by snootily refusing to read anything that isn’t “literary” fiction! I like to read on my tablet because I can carry 40+ books on it, not because I’m ashamed of what I read. Jane Austen, J.R.R. Tolkien, Mary Shelley, and Charlotte Bronte all wrote “genre fiction” too, so her snobbery is absolutely unwarranted. Guess what, lady? I read Dostoevsky and Dickens-and I read Stephen King and Lisa Kleypas. You don’t get to act like I’m a less worthy person for enjoying the latter two, so take your elitist twitbaggery and kindly deposit it where the sun doesn’t shine.

  26. JamieMF says:

    It’s ok-your meaning came through fine, and you sounded about a thousand times more coherent than the woman who wrote that article! 🙂

  27. After reading this I kind of want to dip my toes in reading romance. I write in other genres but what would you say the “best of the best to show someone with an open mind everything the romance genre has to offer” what would you say?

  28. I have been publicly shamed for reading romance. Last summer I traveled outside of the country with a class to study ecology. While it was a lovely class, and an experience I treasure, there was one fellow who took it upon himself to reveal my reading habits. One evening I had some free time and took my copy of Nine Rules to Break… by Sarah MacLean to lay in a hammock and read. Later that night the chap in question grabbed the book and proceeded to read the salacious bits aloud. It was shaming and uncomfortable. I felt that I needed to defend my reading habits, or explain why I would read such a thing. I have no issue telling people that I read romance, but in the moment I felt utterly embarrassed.

  29. Lu says:

    oh wow…. what an obnoxious sounding article!  (No, I didn’t follow the link, from the discussion here I’m sure it would do little more than aggravate me.)

    1.  For many readers, the appeal of an e-reader is capacity – ‘You mean, in that one little thing the size of a little notebook, I can fit a few hundred books?  Cool!’  ‘And I can have them ALL with me at the SAME TIME?  Even better!’  You won’t have to worry about just finished my book, but I’ve got another hour to go on this plane ride/bus trip/waiting in the doctor’s office/whatever.

    2.  Yes, there ARE cringe-worthy covers.  An e-reader (of whatever brand) eliminates those.  For all the ‘don’t judge a book by it’s cover’s (and doesn’t that saying suggest that cover-dismay is nothing new?), people often DO judge by the cover, and there are some covers that are pretty out there.  Some of them are great books, or at least fun books, but the covers can still be very, very corny/provocative/weird/baffling/dated.

    3. Refer back to point 1 -> Now that I’m here with a bit of time to read, I don’t actually feel like reading *this one*, I think I want *that one*. wait, with an e-reader, I’ve got them both!  And a few other ones if I finish/decide the characters are irritating me/don’t feel like *that one* either…

    4.  Project Gutenberg – free e-books!  I repeat, FREE BOOKS!!!  Think about all those older books that you may have thought sounded interesting, or read when you were younger, or could never find when you had the spare cash – now free on e-book!  FREE BOOKS!!! (insert maniacal laughter here)

    5.  Collections – remember that series that you found a few books from ye-odd many years ago?  It may be offered as a complete set in e-format!  The whole set, in one place, can’t loose book # the middle, don’t have to guess what order it goes in, don’t have to feel that deep frustration of but why didn’t the bookstore get in anything past book # when the author wrote more of them?!?

    6.  Granted this works for on-line ordering of hard-copy as well, but you can just click on the author’s name to see what else they’ve written, you don’t have to hope that there’s more in the store (and so many had limited space, and if it was an older book that hadn’t (kept) selling well you might be out of luck.

    7.  Too often, the people who give you funny looks for reading romance or science-fiction or fantasy (or probably horror, or mystery, or any other genre) – if you ask them what they like to read, you get some variation of ‘well, I don’t read that much’.  So, because you don’t read, that means you can complain about my reading tastes?  Does that mean that since I don’t like to watch football or reality TV or American Idol that I can look down my nose at you for liking them?

    8.  Yeah, a lot of ‘genre fiction’ doesn’t qualify for literary high-brow status.  It has ‘awful things’ like likable characters, understandable language, clear plot-lines, and happy endings.  Heroes triumph and get to live happily after, and villains get unhappy and often fatal ends.  Grand adventures and the world made better.  Who wants to read stuff like that? (this point written in sarcasm font)

    Yes, I am a voracious reader, and I read across genres.  (and I do admit that some of the romance covers scared me away when I was younger.  Others tempted me.)  Reading is one of my entertainments of choice – it’s legal, it doesn’t inconvenience anyone else (unlike loud music, smoking where the smoke can go to non-smokers, speeding down the road, and so forth), requires no expensive exotic equipment (well, do e-readers count?), and isn’t weather-dependent.

    Reading also encourages thinking.  Maybe that’s the problem… if we read things that are FUN, then we might start thinking for ourselves instead of letting other people do it for us.

  30. yatz says:

    I am a voracious reader – I have been forever.  I have issues putting books down, and read and reread a lot.  Just as I have Loretta Chase and Julia Quinn on my bookshelf proudly standing by Joyce and Flaubert, I have Victoria Dahl and Jennifer Crusie on my kindle next to Ayn Rand and Hemingway.  Whatever medium is available to me, I will gladly use.  Whatever book I enjoy reading, I will read.  I thank you for minding your own business, and do not feel the slightest need to impress you with my intelligence.  I know I’m smart without you validating me.
    This way, I don’t need to bring a backpack filled with books to the beach…

  31. T.K. Marnell says:

    I’m a new author, trying to make my way in the literary world, and I’ve been struggling with the “trashy” label recently. I write socially sanctioned “clean” pieces, but I also love to write romances. Not just any romances; full-on bodice rippers with explicit descriptions of unmentionable acts. I don’t put any less effort and thought into these stories as my “serious” ones, and I actually believe they can be higher quality because I can address topics on relationships and sexuality honestly, instead of skirting around emotions and natural urges with euphemisms and suggestive fade-to-blackout scenes.

    Still, I feel hesitant to put my real name on them because of the potential backlash. My first novel was for young adults; what if the preteens pick up my “smut” and their parents come after me with torches and pitchforks? If I had a spine, I would say I don’t care what people think and claim my work as my own. But if readers are shamed just for standing in the Romance section of B&N, imagine plastering your name on every copy distributed!

    Seeing the courage of the 100+ commenters here makes me feel ashamed of my cowardice. I really need to stop letting decades of Puritan conditioning hold me down, or worries about hoity-toity reviewers stop me from writing and publishing what I want.

  32. That’s a good idea. I’ll try to put it into a more concrete request and send it to her. Thanks!

  33. Maliha Aqeel says:

    Majority of my fiction collection (OK, all of it bar 2) consists of romance novels that I pull out and re-read whenever I remember a scene that I loved. I’m not ashamed of reading romance novels or writing them.

    Books should make your laugh, cry, wish,, do… to me that means romance. To others it might mean something else. But there’s no reason to bring down millions of readers who prefer a different choice than yours.

  34. People who sneer at other whom read should just get themselves bent!

    For as long as I can remember people have always looked down on me, not just for reading romance novels but anything that wasn’t a magazine. Through out my public school career as a student I would read, nearly three thick books a week and my classmates would give me funny looks. They could never understand why I did, or what was so interesting. All they cared about was what was on tv, who did what that weekend, etc.

    Its sad how our society is going down the drain. People read less and less, at least from what I have seen and if they do their just embarrassed. It doesn’t have to be Romance or and other Subgenre. I roll my eyes at their ignorance.

    To this day I you can find me, waiting for class to start or just chilling on campus, reading a romance novel. No one bugs me, but I see their looks. And it makes me laugh! fuck people who think any readying of any drama is weird. I applaud you Sarah. ~Claps.~

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