Lovesweeping the Titles

Now that more of the old Loveswept romances are being re-released, I think it's time I spoke up with my one request for the Loveswept line.

If we're bringing back old Loveswept, we have to bring back the best Loveswept titles.

Angels on Zebras. Really, that's the title.

First, she's not actually ON the zebra. 

Second, join me in having this stuck in your head: Angels on zebras and weasels on ponies…dude on the carousel's likely a brony.

A Prince for Jenny. She's wearing orange and he's behind her while she sits on a swing.

 

Oh, yeah. He's a swinger. And she's totally looking at him like, “I don't care if you are a prince, this flower is lame.”

 

 

Ok, this title isn't SO bad, except for replacing the Angels on Zebras song with the Tina Turner Private Dancer, but dude. That illustration. That guy is creepy. I bet he throws her in a hole in the basement and turns the hose on her so she dances for him. 

 

 

Well, one of them is horny. 

But this, THIS one is my favorite: 

 

Ivan Takes a wife! Ivan Takes a Wife! Hi ho the dairy-o, Ivan Takes a Wife! 

Just wait for the sequel The Cheese Stands Alone.

Seriously, old Loveswept titles are awesome! How are they not being used in the re-releases?!

Do you remember any other excellent examples? (Never tell me the cheese actually did stand alone.) 

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    bookstorecat says:

    I must read _Ivan Takes a Wife_. I could almost believe this title to be the beginning of a beaucoup book series because it IS Janet Evanovich. But I was thinking more along the lines of _Ivan Takes a Wife to Church_, _Ivan Takes a Wife to Work_, _Ivan Takes a Wife to the Dentist_, _Ivan Takes a Wife to Pick Up Her Car at the Shop_…

  2. 2
    Inez Kelley says:

    The guy in Private Dancer is playing grab ass. And dresses like a white-washed street thug.

  3. 3

    …is that Stockard Channing getting her ass grabbed on the Private Dancer cover?  And why does she have that red wig on?  Well, there are worse things she could do.

  4. 4
    FairyKat says:

    Is the guy (or unicorn?) on the cover of The Lady and the Unicorn emerging out of a black mass, or is his bottom half a thundercloud?  And what’s with the hook-shaped white swoosh of light? 
    It’s nearly as good as the cape that is clearly billowing out from Ivan’s collar.

  5. 5
    Clbevill says:

    The woman on the cover of Private Dancer looks like she’s about to beeyotch slap the guy for touching her ass and she’s considering best how to hide the body.  So many choices, you know.  Behind the old abandoned church, in the ravine outside town, in granny’s backyard.

    And as for the Lady and the Unicorn, well, is that the blob from outer space under them?  (The blob with Steve McQueen or the crappy remake blob from the 90s?)

    As for titles, you can’t beat the trend with Harlequin and some of their stupid ones.  “The Billionaire’s Slutty, Pregnant, Virgin Mistress.”  Who knew?

  6. 6
    amythompson172 says:

    I started reading this book not knowing what to expect. What I got was a wonderful tear jerker and a great love story.

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/produ…

  7. 7
    Elise Logan says:

    the swishy thing is the Loveswept emblem – all the covers had this…. tsunami thing on the cover for the first couple of years of the line. Only later did some marketing genius look at that and say… WTF?!

    Okay, as far as titles I want re-released….well. I have the originals, so I dunno about re-releases, but if I had to pick, I might go with Iris Johansen’s An Unexpected Song. I have a visual: Flashmob!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…

  8. 8
    SB Sarah says:

    I have also just noticed that the sash on the heroine’s nightgown on the cover of ‘Ivan Takes a Wife’ is in a Very Suggestive Place, but alas it does not Suggest Turgid Things.

  9. 9
    Janice Maynard says:

    These would have made me spew my coffee if I had been drinking any!

  10. 10
    cleo says:

    OMG. I read Ivan Takes a Wife – it was re-released a few years ago as Love Overboard.  I don’t remember much about it, except that it was fun – and silly.  The new cover and new title are not nearly as much fun as the original.

  11. 11
    cleo says:

    Thanks Elise.  Now I have MC Hammer singing in my head, instead of Tina Turner.

  12. 12
    Jen says:

    Thought going through “Private Dancer’s” head. “If you do not remove your hand from my ass, I will remove it from your body.” Seriously, she looks murderous.

    Thought going through Jenny’s head: “Really? You’re a prince? And all you brought me was this lousy flower? No nookie for you.”

  13. 13
    Shilohwalker says:

    Throw her in the hole…great. Now I have… “it puts the lotion on its skin…” going through my head.  Great image when I’m diving into writing.  O.o

    Er… what’s going on with that Lady and the Unicorn one?  I can’t tell.

  14. 14
    Brenda Gayle says:

    Don’t forget The Lightening that Lingers by Sharon and Tom Curtis. You can’t help but love a hero who strips to save the owls.

  15. 15
    Nomie says:

    Angels on zebras and weasels on ponies
    Dude on the carousel’s likely a brony
    Ladies in prom dresses waiting for rings
    These are a few of my Loveswepty things!

  16. 16

    Forget the angels and zebras, I want that dress – well, not exactly like it. I’d want it in a much darker purple and with sleeves to hide my ugly upper arms and that stupid tattoo I have, plus enough material on the shoulders so my bra straps won’t show. (They just don’t make strapless ones that can keep mine up.) But still, love the dress.

    The cover of Private Dancer looks like a scene out of Criminal Minds or Law & Order: Special Victims unit. (Which lately should be renamed The Benson & Stabler Prime Time Whining Hour. Man, I miss the days when it was an ensemble cast and we’d get episodes that were strictly a lot of sexy Munch action.)

    Jenny doesn’t need a prince. She either needs a plastic surgeon or a spanking because either she’s seriously deformed or she’s a whiny teenager. It’s kind of hard to tell which without seeing it in person.

    Ivan looks just a little like Alan Rickman. *drools*

  17. 17
    kzoet says:

    Oh, come on! The Private Dancer dude is clearly The Fonz. It’s like Happy Days After Dark. Aaaaaaaaaaay.

  18. 18
    Joannef425 says:

    Don’t forget my favorite Loveswept, “Date with the Devil” by Olivia Rupprecht.  A librarian and a commando shipwrecked on a deserted island.  Full of rapey wtf-ery and a sanitary belt made of grass.  Sigh!  Good times!

    Here’s the cover in all it’s lurid, purple glory.  http://www.amazon.com/DATE-DEV…

  19. 19
    Flo_over says:

    I just choked on my toast I was laughing so hard.  And it was bad enough that I had the Caillou theme song in there now it has it’s new friend… Angels on zebras and weasels on ponies…dude on the carousel’s likely a brony.  LALALALALA…

  20. 20
    M Burton says:

    I, too, was baffled by this. At times it appears to be a cover for The Lady and the Centaur.

  21. 21
    Ken Houghton says:

    Sadly, Amazon doesn’t list that title.  But it’s definitely a book that someone needs to write.

  22. 22
    riwally says:

    Private Dancer????  Seriously???? Should be called “Copping a Feel” Is this a prequel to the Monica Lewinsky/President Clinton debacle that should have been called “Can You Feel My Wood?” He’s close enough to be getting a cheap thrill and a stain.

  23. 23
    kkw says:

    So it seems that Private Dancer book came out after the song, and I don’t think there was any way not to be aware of the existence of that song if you were around at the time.  It also came out after Dirty Dancing – am I the only one who thinks they’re trying to evoke the movie?  She looks more terrified than angry, alas, but at least she isn’t offering her neck in insipid surrender, like a puppy showing its belly.  The angel is having difficulty staying away, unicorn lady and Ivan’s wife both look comatose, and Jenny…Jenny looks so passive she might wet herself rather than take the initiative to find a bathroom.

    Date with the Devil looks hilarious (although the devil dater is also about to pass out [I’m assuming the devil is a man].  Why does the prospect of sex make heroines so sleepy?).

  24. 24
    Ruthie Knox says:

    The first romance I ever read was a Loveswept—Joan Elliott Pickart’s WARM FUZZIES. Heroine owns a stuffed animal shop of that name. Hero is named Patrick “Acer” Mullaney, and heroine (Lux Sherwood) thinks of him as “Patrick ‘Acer’ Mullaney” even in her own head. She meets him by delivering a six-foot-tall blue teddy bear to his house, which he eventually starts talking to. It is made of awesome.

  25. 25

    I loved Loveswepts when I was tired of the same-old/same-old Harlequins back in the 1980s. The voices were so different and fresh. I discovered Iris Johansen, Janet Evanovich, Judy Gill, Peggy Webb, and so many others. Haven’t read them for a couple decades, though. Hope they hold up with time!

    Kally

  26. 26
    Lily says:

    The Lady and the Unicorn?  Is that what he named it?

  27. 27
    Lily says:

    Also, The Lady and the Unicorn man looks like he’s checking her hair for nits.

  28. 28
    Kate4queen says:

    I love these, they all sound like lame nursery rhymes or song titles and the covers are just awesome…

  29. 29
    ECSpurlock says:

    It looks like the guy has the woman trapped between his huge honking black velvet thighs and she’s comatose from lack of circulation.

  30. 30
    Darlynne says:

    … [a]nd a sanitary belt made of grass.

    Because, what? She had the sanitary pads, but needed something to hold them up? Sweet baby Jesus. I have no words.

    I can’t decide what rattles me the most: the image of a grass belt (Seriously? What did she use for clips?), that the heroine felt the need to make one, or my own memories of them, lo, these many years ago. We’ve come a long way, bitchery, but look how easily the Wayback Machine can snap us back to the bad old days.

    Sarah, I’m guessing that when books like this are re-released, they are not updated for content, so we get them in all their original, blinding WTF glory, right? I may have to buy this one.

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