I think there's a missed opportunity in romance land, particulary in paranormal romance land, particularly in the lucrative gifting market.
I'm talking about anniversary gifts. You know how there's a chart of what gifts are symbolic of each year of marriage, and people can get downright goofy adhering to the suggested gifts? Like, say, my husband, who, for our tenth anniversary, wrapped my present in tin foil because the traditional gift was tin/aluminum. I should be thankful I didn't also get a tube of Reynolds wrap, too.
Some of the traditional lists I've seen stop usually at the 60th anniversary, known in some charts as the “diamond anniversary,” while the 75th is also the diamond anniversary. I myself am partial to the 48th US Modern anniversary, which is “Optical goods,” or the 44th, which is the ever-so-romantic “Groceries.” Nothing tops the 41st and 42nd anniversaries, though, which are “Land” followed by “Improved real estate,” because clearly, whoever bought the land last year did not know what they were doing, and they need another shot at that gift.
Also, how does one wrap groceries? Stick a bow on the bag?
Anyway, aside from wondering what possible gifts one might receive when the theme is “original poetry tribute,” and how many times the word “Nantucket” might be involved, I realized that these lists, the US traditional, UK traditional and US modern, are terribly inadequate.
What about the immortal couples?
I mean, come on. All these paranormal creatures living forever, having curtain-shredding orgasms and amassing pots of money, surely they run out of gift ideas after the 156th anniversary. What about them?
I think there should be a chart for the immortal anniversaries, for all those creatures who have neverending lifespans, and a lot of time to shop when they're not having orgasms, saving the world, and doing whatever else they do for eternity. I'm going to guess that they'd only count decades after the first century or so, so my chart just counts by tens.
| 100th | 10 Carat Diamond |
| 110th | Diamond mine preferably conflict-free |
| 120th | Country (not music, an actual country, preferably conflict-free) |
| 130th | A monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?) |
| 140th | 60 Minutes, the complete series on DVD |
| 150th | Beanie Babies. All of them. With tags! |
| 160th | The shroud of Turin, or a Dead Sea Scroll, your choice |
| 170th | Snow globe |
| 180th | Plutonium (Uranium is also acceptable) |
| 190th | Swiffer |
| 200th | A planet (Pluto doesn't count. It's not a planet anymore.) |
There, doesn't that just make the neverending future seem even more wonderful? What gifts would you suggest for the perpetual anniversary? I mean, it's eternity. There's always room for more stuff.
2001th :mad space station
600th- A Dragon.
MIssed this one before I posted mine. LOL
OMG! ‘Rampant Rabbit’ and the ‘Love Toilet’! I nearly fell of my chair with laughter!
I think we’d eat more.
750th: Your own urban fantasy series with that damned werewolf you got for anniversary 465 as the third in your triangle. At least until you kill him off and eat him (anniversiary 501, werewolf steaks, rare, with a peppery red wine).
My husband and I actually did the traditional gifts until our tenth anniversary (for iron I got a wall candelabre). Then we decided to go out to dinner each year and for the big ones (each decade) have a long weekend getaway.
So my suggestion is to try the best restaurants and hotels in a selected city each year. Broken up by getaways to your private island (because of course you have one) where you import the best chefs to prepare meals.
Then I think you should have a “crash” list. Like to crash a party hosted by celebs, the rich and famous and to out party those there. With specific objectives to do things like tug on Donald Trumps hair to see if it moves, plant one on George Clooney, spill a drink on someone etc.
I figure after all the centuries it won’t be the things but the memories that keep you going.
Couple of things – why would the country and the diamonds be conflict free? Aren’t they supposed to be saving the world and looking for conflicts. Also I thought Elvis was an immortal…
400th – Reading from Nix the Ever Knowing
Elvis is a vampire who is not quite right and he likes to be called Bubba (in Sookie Stackhouse’s world). Ya gotta love Bubba. 🙂
No monkeys. Monkeys are a category violation. Not quite people, not quite not people. They creep me out, and are just not OK. Look, no one seems to think it’s strange when someone is scared of spiders. Or snakes. Cut me some slack. I’m fine with everything except monkeys. And slugs. Slugs are gross. Sea slugs are fine. Just so you know.
Although one of my core hard-earned life lessons: no live presents. There was a bad, mortifying chicken incident. Hordes of dead plants. Some betta fish that are currently ruining my life (how the hell can you tell if a fish is happy? I cannot handle this responsibility). For anyone who is interested in learning from my mistakes, it turns out that presents should not be alive.
I’m currently trying to figure out 10th anniversary (aluminum is not doing it for me), and am having difficulty looking past that, but I greatly appreciate all the suggestions.
957th: Sea Monkeys!
2017th: spouse creates a new color, just for you
9154th: couples knitting lessons
“Ya gotta love Bubba.” Unless you love cats.
Art is always appropriate, so…
1000th: A thousand Clown paintings (dead clowns if you’re phobic)
1960th: Big eyed children in mod garb: http://fromabbatozoom.blogspot…
2000th: His & hers Zombie Smurf tattoos
Goodness gracious Batman this is a long review and filled with so much fervor and emotion to the point it looks personal. By the way I bought this book after reading the review and there are only two instances of “milky”;/
In lieu of a time machine … how about a Tardis??
2489th – A macramé love toilet
Which is the Unobtanium anniversary?
PSH There are times when I would KILL for a roll of Reynolds wrap!
What about “evil” immortal couples? We need some of those. They could give things like miniature head collections. Or perhaps Free Range Orphan Hunting. If there are supernatural powers maybe “Zap People Wearing Ties From High Up” games. I mean if you’re diabolical you still have to have some fun.
Evil Immortal Couples would enjoy FLOODING the love toilet. They would take delight in bringing down countries, or perhaps setting off a volcano. You know, small things that say “I love you and I love to kill with you!”
But we will eat Kraft dinner, with gourmet ketchup in the treefort….:)
333- A chia pet
591- A space ship
Every 100 years, you each get a week to go off and boff other people.
Lasers. I think all the anniversaries after 75 are just lasers of various sizes and power.
what’s up with Oklahoma? The Oklahoma state senate wants to pass a DADT like bill.
They don’t call it the buckle of the bible belt for nothin’. OK was the only state where not one single county had a democratic majority in the last presidential election.
Yikes. It is things like this that make me not want to leave the coasts.
Oh my eyes! I just Googled the Johanna Lindsey covers and went… 0_o
Another place indeed.
What place *is* that and does it hurt?
(Picture via http://www.goodreads.com/topic….
I just found this, so a little late to the party. I’ve picked up some recs for new authors which is always great!
I know Karin Kallmaker was mentioned a few times. She’s known as the Queen of Lesbian Romance, so not a bad place to start for those just now looking. My favorites are In Every Port, Unforgettable, Touchwood, and Substitute for Love. Though I like several of her others also. (Stepping Stone was a massive disappointment though, so don’t start there!)
Not a romance author, but Tanya Huff was mentioned. She has two urban fantasy novels in which the main characters are bi and polyamorous: The Enchantment Emporium and The Wild Ways.
I don’t think Gerri Hill was mentioned yet. I’ve really liked several of her novels. Some are strictly romances and others are detective/mystery novels with romance.
A couple other books worth mentioning are Waltzing at Midnight by Robbi McCoy and Hard Times by Blayne Cooper.
Oh my this is so funny.
two observations:
1. Why would women in the future be wearing old-time gowns.
2. And in Prisoner of Passion it looks like he is a horny tailor fitting her bodice by hand when he has obviously forgotten she is smaller in the shoulders than the original wearer of the gown.
one more
In the future: in all sci fi, women and men are never wearing clothing that is related to contemporary clothing unless it’s a time travel thing. It’s either all tron-like or gowns ad robes.
OMG, he’s dry humping her spine! And she’s pretending it’s the best sex she’s ever had!
According to the Futurama episode “The Farnsworth Parabox,” the rainbow sky is from a parallel universe. This would also explain the emphasis on hair color in romance novels.
I’m pretty sure the reason genre readers have flocked to ereaders is because it makes bulk reading easier. Genre (all genres) readers tend to be high-volume readers. I know a lot of people who go through a minimum of a book a week, and often several hundred a year. They chain-smoke books. Ebooks save them the problems of storage space and “I just finished reading this and now I need another book.”
This volume reading might also be part of why genre books are considered lesser—apparently, if you can snarf down a book like popcorn, it must not be very thoughtful and nutritious. You’re not taking time to linger over the author’s lyrical prose or something.
To which I say, “get stuffed.” (Hmmm. That pun was entirely unintended.) The qualities of deliciousness and nutritiousness are orthogonal—that is, one has no bearing on the other. I loves me my gourmet meals in high-end restaurants, but the bulk of the higher price is paying for presentation, environment, and service. (Also, high-end chefs like to play and serve unusual things in unusual ways. But here is clearly where the metaphor breaks down, since lots of genre books deliberately play with ideas and presentation.)
The vituperation level on this thread makes me wonder why I ever thought the world of romance was kinder and gentler than the world of brutal crime fiction.
No, I don’t want to be made uncomfortable when I read a romance. I want to be made happy.
Should all RWA chapters be forced to run contests including all possible types of romances? Obviously not, but any decision that appears to reverse progress against discrimination is viewed with alarm and, clearly from comments above, with unbridled antagonism.
So now we know where we all stand. We hate each other. Lovely.
Time to retreat to a romance written many years ago that features offensive racist, classist, and sexist stereotypes: The Grand Sophy.
Obviously the fashion designers of the future are all devious women and gay men and all the men (regardless of orientation) are hot. As such all clothing is designed for men to be way to girly (see Pegasus guy) and as such the guys go without shirts (all the other covers).
Not that I’m against a future with totally hot men flashing muscles but if you’re not in a clinch with them and are trying to do say, office work – wouldn’t it get a little distracting? I’m picturing trying to do taxes with a hot accountant flashing muscles and talking about deductions… Or does this mean in the future women run things and men are only play things???
And whilst I’m sure I could enjoy the medieval style gown on occasion, I’m not sure I really want to make it my entire wardrobe. I like jeans, trousers, shorts – I need these in my future or I’m not going! I also love the zipped but not button jeans with bare chest look on sexy men too, so I need jeans!
On reflection – I’m with Patricia E, I’ll stick with JD Robb’s future and hope there’s a Roarke there waiting for me (bare chested of course).
From the annals of “wtf is Elise hiding in her library now?!” I have pulled out from my magic shelves an old Loveswept by Tami Hoag. The book is “Rumor Has It” and features a heroine who is infertile due to an accident – and is not magically fixed or healed. It deals a lot with her feelings about not having children of her own and being ambivalent about adoption, about how they deal with it and her wanting him to “do better” than her – it is from the ‘80s, after all – but then deciding that she does deserve to be happy.
I have no idea if anyone could even find another copy – aside from the one hiding in my magic shelves. But it’s an interesting one because there’s a lot of role-reversal and interesting character stuff.
@Flemmily – some of the lasers should have sharks attached. Or is that the other way ‘round?
I love this. Officially the most bland comment ever. But still, Love this 😉
“150th Beanie Babies. All of them. With tags!”—SB Sarah
Well, now I know what I can do w/ all those @!#%*! Beanie Babies I have in storage.
Personally, I’d want talking animals. It just sounds cool and I always loved those kinds of books/movies when I was a kid. Of course, my cat has no problem whatsoever expressing all of his opinions without having to resort to the English language. On second thought, maybe it’s not such a good idea after all.
We do not hate each other. The point is not that every chapter has to have a category for every type of romance. The point is that this particular chapter HAD a category for same sex romances but decided to get rid of it because a select few didn’t want to read them. Would it be nice if every chapter welcomed same sex romances? Of course, but will this happen now? Probably not.
We may be able to change the law, but changing the hearts and minds of those who do not want to change is the hardest challenge facing the gay rights movement.
I just wanted to say good luck with your ivf…like a lot of women I did it (twice). I know nothing about your diagnosis but your age is a big positive and I think your chances would be much higher than 5%. Just be careful how many you put in there. I got pg from ivf and it was twins. Good luck!