This email comes from Rebekka:
I don't know if you can help me, but I would really appreciate some recommendations of romances to read that address infertility. As you know, most books that even mention it barely do, and it's usually more a case of, “Oh! My dead husband was sterile!” or it's some other problem easily fixed by the Mighty Wang.
The only romance I have read that actually deals with the emotional aspects of infertility – and which isn't magically fixed – is the Julia Quinn “Bridgerton” book When He Was Wicked (Francesca's story). My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a year now and are about to start our first round of IVF. Even though I am only 27, our doctors say that we have less than a 5% chance of having a baby without it. Reading about other couples supporting and loving each other through such an emotional and difficult issue would really help me feel more hopeful that things can turn out all right, and that you can get through all this hard stuff together.
I remember being where Rebekka is, and it can be terribly isolating. I know that AAR has a list of romances like this (I love those lists, holy smokes), but it was last updated in 2009, and I wanted to see what romances published since then you'd recommend that featured infertility. What do you suggest?
I do not wish to offend any one, that is not my intent at all, but as someone who went through the IVF process with no result and who decided not to adopt my perspective is valid. I really, really, really did not find it helpful to be told of others who had gone through IVF and then miraculousy conceived. We do not know the precise nature of Rebekahs infertility (and I wish her the very best with the IVF) but there are some who will not miraculously conceive if the IVF fails, because it just ain’t possible. It is galling in the extreme to be told of others success by someone who is clearly trying to be kind, to give you hope but who has not got a fucking clue about the reality of your situation. You do may not wish to give them the gory details of why their story is irrelevant to you. You probably do not want to tell them to STFU. But they are hurting you not helping you.
I know that you all mean well, but please think about whether the stories of your successful friends you are telling will really cheer someone in this position or whether the stories will just make them want to howl ‘NO! WHY NOT ME!’
On which note anyone know of tales of couples who made it despite not having the kids?
@Jazzlet, there’s Cal & Min in Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie, but they never went through infertility; they didn’t want to have children. I think the same is true for Agatha & Shane in Crusie/Mayers’ Agatha & The Hitman, as well as several other Crusie books, but those are two titles that jumped to mind.
There’s also Deanna Raybourne’s Lady Julia Grey series, which isn’t romance, it’s a Victorian-era detective series, although it does have a very strong romantic storyline running through the series, as it follows the relationship of Julia Grey and Nicholas Brisbane as well as the crime-solving.
{SPOILERS AHEAD}
In the latest book, Julia has an accident which is part of the climax of the storyline. It leaves her injured in a non-specific way that means she can’t have children. Nicholas is far more concerned with her health and wellbeing and while I’m still waiting for the next book, I really don’t think it’s going to become an issue for them.
I’ve read a few (although the titles escape me right at this minute) where infertile couples chose to foster children who weren’t easily placeable, i.e. children with disabilities or attitude problems. The redemptive powers of fostering trope as part of a romance or HEA are a whole other bag of doughnuts, though. Life is rarely, if ever, as simple as it is inside a book and fostering should not be entered into lightly.
Rebekka, I wish you and your husband all the best in your IVF journey.
I understand that in many J. Crusie novels the h & h don’t want kids. But in Agnes and the Hitman it was not exactly touched upon and the couple never discusses but Shane talks about having kids.
@ Jazzlet
I know several couples in real life who didn’t have kids for reasons as you describe and made. One was a teacher friend of my mom’s. Never could have kids of her own was a devoted aunt and had a successful marriage and career. Two was an old friend of my grandmother’s who had an arranged marriage and was very happy and very in love.
I wish you the best.
“There is a heartbreaking part where she describes herself as something broken down by the side of the motorway while all the other women were cars who were working and zooming past.”
Damn, that resonates.
I haven’t found a good ivf romance yet, and I am looking. I will say I liked Erin McCarthy’s handling of male infertility in the first book of her racing series, but am anticipating that something will happen as part of the ongoing series.
Julia Quinn is on my do not read list until there are children, due to miscarriage and immediate pregnancy despite “infertility” storylines. I would also strongly advise the avoidance of time travelers wife- multiple miscarriages and desperation to conceive mean that it brings up way too much angst.
There is an old Jayne Ann Krentz, when she writing as stephanie James that features an Italian village where their fertility icons were stolen, and no one has been able to conceive in the village for 5 years. The villagers resort to various tactics to fall pregnant. Very light though.
Doesn’t Lisa Kleypas’s “Love in the Afternoon” deal with infertility (not the focus of the novel, but I think it’s there)? Correct me if I’m wrong – it’s the fifth book in the Hathaway series. And a good read, anyway.
Not sure if this is what you’re looking for but When You Least Expect It by Whitney Gaskell is about a couple who decide to adopt after two years of failed fertility treatments. Also, if you’re in the mood for a cute movie try Maybe Baby starring the sublime Hugh Laurie and Joely Richardson.
His, Unexpectedly by Susan Fox dealt with infertility that was decidedly the heroine, and did not end in any sort of wish-fulfillment manner. But it didn’t go so far as to deal with IVF.