This cover was sent to me in the email by an anonymous source. I tweeted about it last night before I had to sign off for the evening, but I had to share it with you here, too.
Why is the ass crack the most objectionable part of that image such that it had to be airbrushed shut? WHY does she have no crack?!
He was in the dark. She was in the dark. They were in the dark.
Nothing like erotic verb conjugations.
This ass of mystery doesn’t look any better going the other direction, either.
I think we need to caption this cover. Best caption in the comments wins $25 to the bookstore of the winner’s choice. Weeping Cock is ahead of us by a bit so have a look at the comments for inspiration if you need it.
Standard disclaimers apply. I’m not being compensated for this giveaway except for the epic laughter. Void where prohibited. Open to individuals 18 years of age and older. This entry was manufactured in a facility that also contains nuts. Not recommended for children. For external use only. Silica Gel: do not eat.
You have 24 hours, and of course you may pimp and promote your favorites in the comments. So bring on your best caption – ready, set, go!
I thought it was a shoulder but then I couldn’t figure out the clothes. Is anyone else reminded of Mitchell and Webb’s boy with an arse for a face?
All I can think is flesh colored spac filler.
Well her butt can’t be the crack of any jokes. lol The airlines won’t be able to find any crack in her butt. Oh i know, she got her a new butt because her previous one had a crack in it.
Erotica not all it’s cracked up to be 🙂
“She had closed herself off for far too long….” I swear, I thought it was a bulbous nose decoratively wrapped in schoolgirl plaid.
Buh? I had to stare at this for a full minute before I even figured out what I was looking at. I thought it was one rather curvaceous leg, but then wondered why the skirt was only around one leg?
Her hand clenched, her nails growing long and sharp as she turned into a werewolf for the full moon.
Sorry, the creepy hand bothered me.
Also if you vag smells like BURNT anything, get ye to a doctor.
No More Brown-Nosing!
These posts are “craking” me up! Ya’ll are too funny.
And, yes, Barbara—I recall that old Star Trek episode—but I thought it was a young, weedy boy (who was actually an alien of some kind) rather than a girl. But my memory ain’t what it used to be.
Sheesh. It sort of looks like she’s wearing tights that are flesh-colored, but not quite.
Talk about half-assed covers….
Male Protag on his first view of the Goods : “Well I guess that means Anal is out of the question… I mean, I’m not into that stuff anyway, baby”
😉
I *knew* watching all that porn would come in handy one day! Anyway, here are my captions. Please forgive me in advance:
“Smoother than a baby’s bottom. Literally.”
“She doesn’t just *say* she doesn’t do anal…”
“All non-anal action!”
“Butt: Not for thee!”
“That’s no moon…”
“She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing… left behind…”
“The most surprising celebrity sex tape ever”
“The Roman Catholic guide to anal sex.” (Yup, 12 years of R-C school.)
“Redefining ‘getting cheeky…’”
“Unprobed!”
She was a crack shot lacking a crack…
The Curious Case of Felicity Jone’s Ass Crack
The Surveyor
“He literally could not find her @$$hole with two hands and a flashlight.”
Instead of K-Y, Bob accidentally grabbed the bottle of Loctite. Accident or Freudian slip about the state of her ass?
Or…
What happens when you go to get a back alley vaginoplasty.
“I am so much better than you my shit does not, in fact, stink. Because I make no shit at all. I do not even have anything so low and common as an anus, you disgusting plebian!”
“People do not excrete! That’s a lie spread by the hippies in the 60’s. What else are you teaching my daughter, how to smack herself with heroine? The going rate for streetwalkers in different parts of town! And no everyone does NOT have an anus, and she can prove it!”
Credit goes to:
Okay, this is wonderful. We’ve had some very sad things going on in my family lately, and this is the first time I’ve laughed in about a month.
When the mermaid transformation goes terribly, terribly wrong.
You only thought she was human!
The Case of the Missing Crack
(In the spirit of Longmire). Um, Honey? There’s something missing!
The first of the mutant, albino Plant-Women!
Never tick off your plastic surgeon.
OK, while she was relieved to not be part of the Human Centipede, THIS was ridiculous.
“When aspiring dental students Devon and Adam met Felicity Jones at their university health clinic, she assured them she hadn’t had a cavity in ten years. It wouldn’t be until late that night that the two of them found out she wasn’t talking about her teeth at all.”
Are we *really* sure that is an ass? Because not only is it missing a crack, it’s pretty flat too. Poor girl.
Perhaps it’s really an advertisement for some sort of support hose girdle type chastity belt?
Doctor: “Miss Jones, I think I’ve found the cause of your constipation.”
A crack whore to tempt me, a back door that’s empty…
He has a fetish for middleaged cougars with bad hands who like to pretend they’re school girls. She has a fetish for using rubber cement on her own ass. Can these two prison escapees find a love together?
The first Bride of Frankenstein: “Oops, I knew I was forgetting something!” The doctor said, chagrined.
As an ad for a plastic surgeon:
We’ll split the cost into two easy payments.
(Procedures completed when payments have been made.)
Or a warning:
What happens when you don’t pay the plastic surgeon.
Crack whores gone missing…
An expose on why human/alien couplings are not quite what you’d expect.
Talk about anal retentive.
The portal to her womanly lair was closed for remodeling…Well, all her portals were closed for remodeling.
This caption goes out with thanks to all the other commenters making hardware store references.
“Rendevousless: The Hidden Dangers of D.I.Y. Addiction.”
bill52: And the bill for fixing this particular misadventure came to way way more than $52.00.
I think I was wrong. The portal to her womanly lair was closed for cleaning. There was a rather unpleasant burnt almond smell that she couldn’t seem to get rid of. So, she called in the pros. The other portals were obviously closed for remodeling.