Caption This Cover: Carpet Edition

Jan Oda sent me this cover, and all the possible jokes ran to the front of my brain and pushed each other like the doors just opened at Target and everything was 65% off.I'm not sure if there's been a better candidate for “Caption That Cover” – well, of course there have, but not this week!

 He's holding a rug. Only it's really his wang.

I mean, from jokes about munching carpet to whether the rug matches the drapes to what REALLY goes on in NJ, there's no shortage (heh) of opportunities here. So here we go! It's Caption That Cover time! 

Leave your caption in the comments, and I'll pick the best one. The champion captioner will win a $25 gift certificate to the bookstore of his or her choosing. 

Standard disclaimers apply. I'm not being compensated for this giveaway. Void where prohibited. Open to those 18 years of age and older. Slippery When Wet. You Give Love a Bad Name. Janie, Don't Take Your Love to Town. We Gotta Get out of This Place. 

You've got 24 hours – and feel free to use that “like” button to signal which comments you think ought to win.

Ready, set, caption that giant rug!

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Aurora says:

    “Ashamed of the size of your dick?”
    “Yes.”
    “Your wife or girlfriend wont’ sleep with you?”
    “Yes.”
    “Then have no fear! Enlarge towel is here to save your day!”
    “Thank you!”
    “For a price of 99 dollars, the Enlarge towel will turn your wimpy dick into a dick of strength. Limited offer.”

    (This is my first time doing something like this; please go easy on me.)

  2. 2
    nurcat says:

    ” Making a willy warmer is much harder than it looks ” thought Cyril ……

  3. 3
    Reneesance says:

    Six months after opening shop, Brenden’s nude interior decorating business was really looking up…

  4. 4

    Never mind the quality, feel the length!

  5. 5

    Linus grew up into a fine figure of a man, but he never did manage to get rid of his blanket.

  6. 6

    Giving hand-weave a whole new meaning.

  7. 7
    Faellie says:

    He’s the ideal member for your male harem, and he can cut a rug, too.

  8. 8
    Carolyn says:

    I’m gonna kill that damn George, him and his damn superglue!

  9. 9
    Dede says:

    “Is that a cannon in your carpet or are you just happy to see me?”

  10. 10
    Kaetrin says:

    Cold winter nights causing shrinkage? Worry no more!

    New from the makers of the Snuggie comes the Woodie.

    Protect your package with the all new Woodie and the disparaging gossip will be a thing of the past.

    Your special someone won’t be able to resist you when you:

    “Keep it warm with a Woodie!!”

  11. 11
    Maggie Robinson/Margaret Rowe says:

    (With thanks to the World Floor Covering Association)

    Warrior Cut Pile proved his versatility with his well-defined tuft tip until a plush Saxony Princess walked all over him. Now his honor is as stained as a cheap rug. Will Cut rise again, or be crushed forever beneath the princess’s dainty booted foot?

  12. 12
    megsan says:

    not even the invisibility cloak could hide his err…excitement

  13. 13
    Carin says:

    Ann Somerville’s Linus comment!  (5th comment)  I love it.  I’m not even going to try to make up my own after that.

  14. 14

    It’s going to be hard to beat Kaetrin.  All I’ve got is, “That gives new meaning to rug burn.”

  15. 15
    JenniferP says:

    (While leering) “Hey, baby; my magic carpet can take you more places than Aladdin… hop on & I’ll take you for a ride!”

  16. 16
    Randy says:

    Not even a sassy scarf could camouflage his problem, no matter how many ways he tied it.

  17. 17
    Toni B says:

    I don’t have a sassy caption – I just wanted to say that, at first glance, it looked like he was wrestling an alligator….or making sweet, sweet love to one.

  18. 18
    Patty H. says:

    How to wrap the perfect gift?  Windsor Knot?  Four In Hand? Nevermind, I’ll just tie it in a bow.

  19. 19
    LeslieB says:

    Wangs-R-Us might have sent Lance the wrong size, but he sure liked the wrapping.

  20. 20
    Fiona Shin says:

    I can’t tell jokes for beans, but I just wanted to say the minute I saw that picture, I gasped out loud. O___O Looked like he was holding a piece of unwrapped pork tenderloin in front of his you-know-what.

  21. 21

    If you want to be well laid, carry a carpet!

  22. 22
    Honey says:

    Darling… I’m unveiling the manscaping you requested…

  23. 23
    Sarah V. says:

    Uhhh, Good evening Mrs. Smith… you’re daughter and I were just studying, uhh, anatomy.

  24. 24
    JennyB says:

    Carpeted for her pleasure…

  25. 25
    JosieM says:

    No ordinary boxers or briefs were fit to enrobe his Mighty Wang.

  26. 26
    morwen says:

    Sarah V. based on the other man in the back ground I think that should go something like…

    Oh, hello Mr. Smith, you’re son and I were just practicing our Greco-Roman wrestling.

    (Also, no matter how many times I look at it, I still see a bloody wolf skin and that just brings up some hygiene issues)

  27. 27

    Craig liked to do embroidery in a different manner.

  28. 28
    Laura (in PA) says:

    OMG, Toni! I totally thought it was an alligator too…

  29. 29
    Maya says:

    Never go anywhere without your towel.

  30. 30
    Appomattoxco says:

    Don’t try to save money by installing your own carpet. Hire Expert Layers: Getting the rug burn so you don’t have to since 1990.

Comments are closed.

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