Extreme Jacuzzi Enthusiasm: The Entries!

Are you ready for EXTREME JACUZZI? Of course you are. Because let me tell you, these entries are HILARIOUS. And AWESOME. It’s going to be a tough call. You might need to think about it… you know… hanging off a bridge on a platform a few thousand feet in the air in a jacuzzi with a few of your closest extreme jacuzzi friends.

(Am I the only one who twitches a little bit thinking about that? Seriously. Extreme Jacuzzi Enthusiasm is clearly not in my future).

Now, creating a title was not part of the contest, but some had titles. If an entry didn’t have a title, I added one (probably a really boring one) so please – don’t count the titles, but feel free to snortlaugh with me.

Without further ado, here are the entries!

ETA: We have

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2 late-breaking entries that were caught in the spam filter—so scroll down. :)

ETA II: Voting! Voting ends Friday night at midnight Eastern time!

Lord of the Springs

A seasoned warrior in search of relief…

An impetuous beauty left unsatisfied by traditional hipbaths…

A scorching secret deep in the mountains of Scotland…

Laird Ferguson MacFilibuster had two passions, the sett of his plaid and the hot springs that boiled in the rocky fastness of his highland domain.  But one woman was destined to raise his kilt and share his not-so-tiny bubbles. His hidden mountain retreat soothes her tired muscles and pushes her to the heights of bubbling ecstasy…but can she wash away her doubts and find love with the Lord of the Springs?

 

 

STEEP ME IN YOUR LOVE

Extreme Jacuzzi therapist Bubbly Fontana has used her unusual methods to massage tens of hardened men back to a more relaxed emotional state. Her new client however is threatening to unravel the tightly held chains of her own heart and plunge her into a freefall of whirling emotions. Can she let go enough to finally fall in love?
 
A drunken dare means playboy Lucky Fishgig has to subject himself to the unnerving ministrations of a sexy therapist. Will sinking himself into the depths of this hot frothy temptation finally give him the release he so badly needs? And is he willing to put his heart – and body – in her hands in the supreme test of love and trust – the Extreme Jacuzzi Action’s Challenge Ultimate Lover’s Adventure – Thirty-day Extravaganza? 

 

 

 

The Last Thrill

Adelheid Doerfinger had been in love with Ingo Effinger since the first time he saved her from drowning in her kiddie pool at the age of six.   She was also harboring a secret that would tear their love apart; a fear of wet, wrinkly skin also known as Sharpei Syndrome.

Ingo Effinger is world renowned as the ultimate super-hot tub soaker.  Jacuzzi skiing, hot tubbing in shark infested waters off the coast of Australia, white water soaking down the Nile; nothing was too far out for Ingo.  With his entire life spent in hot water, his skin always resembles a sun-dried fruit.  A promise to Adelheid has Ingo seeking his final thrill as he prepares to dangle his favorite Jacuzzi 250 feet below the New Gueuroz bridge in Switzerland. 

Adelheid hates  water.  He craves it.  Can Ingo forego a lifetime of watery excitement for a woman afraid of water? Is it true that love conquers all?  Will their diversities cause their relationship to falter?  Or will Ingo and Adelheid seek and find their final lifetime adventure?

 

 

 

Tiamat and Jazz: Olympic Jacuzzi Love

Tiamat had literally been conceived and born in the warm undulating waters of a natural spa.  Her new age mother had scoured all mythology to come up with a suitable name.  Her swinging single father floated away before she was born: his preference for Jacuzzis dooming the relationship.
 
Tia had likewise grown up in the water, swimming 2 miles each way to school from her island home in the middle of the San Francisco Bay.  She warmed up after every school day commute with a dip in the natural hot spring which flourished on her island. It was no wonder that she joined the Olympic team at 14. 
 
When she retired, adorned with her Olympic medals in diving, 500 meter butterfly and synchronized swimming, Tia was ready to leave the water behind and begin her career as a chef at a luxury resort. 
 
Little did she know, the owner of the new resort, extreme jacuzzi enthusiast, Walter “Jazz” Jones planned to use her image to expand his chain of hot tub temples. Would Tia be able to resist the hot water?  Was her uncanny resemblance to the hot tub king a coincidence?  And who was the strange resort manager Apsu?  His future and his past would percolate with Tia’s in ways that would spill like a waterfall through the ages.  Whether emerging from the tumult of the resort hot tub or nurtured in the local native springs, when Apsu and Taimat soak together the bubbles are certain to rise.

 

 

 

In the Arms of the International Arbitrageur

J’Accuz…
 
Swiss billionaire and Extreme Jacuzzi Enthusiast Jacques-Offe Petitemort has always played fast and loose with ladies’ hearts, indoor plumbing and the IMF. But when Interpol assigns Virginie Croque-Monsieur to investigate the suspicious drowning death of one of Jacques’s VIP guests at his secluded—and some say Satanic—St.  Moritz chalet, she knows more is at stake than jet-set investors and faulty water jets. The international monetary markets are at risk, and Jacques is either the master manipulator behind it all or the only financier who can fix them. Naughty nights spent in his heated watery depths lead her no closer to the truth. Can a girl from Gstaad resist the allure of the gold ingots lining his hot tub, or will her carefully-constructed career fall victim to his liquid assets?
 
J’am Innocent…
 
Jacques knows vixen Virginie is out to trap him like a fox and ferret out his financial secrets. This Swiss miss may appear sweet, but beneath her stretchy Speedo is a mind that rivals the intricate locking mechanism of a Berne bank vault. It’s not just her mind and bodacious body that jaded Jacques j’adores—he’s believes he’s finally found the femme to fill the pothole of his private agony. Can he convince her before she cuffs him, or will he steal her heart and be free to love at last?  

 

 

Calcium Hardness
 
A sudden outbreak of hot tub corrosion throughout Los Angeles has Dr. Sunshine “Sunny” Valley tasked with testing the water of Hollywood’s elite. But when she meets billionaire Aindreas Donovan, who takes his hot tubbing to extremes, will Sunny be able overcome not only her aversion to heights but her fear of having her heart broken again?

 

 

RIDGE OVER CITRINE WATERS

Serenity Daws runs the premier resort for Jacuzzi enthusiasts. Whirlpool Skies features sixteen unique hot tub installations connected by heated runways for the optimum tub-hopping experience. There’s only one problem – someone is peeing in the water. Not just a piddle, the normally sparkling blue water has darkened to a faint shade of murky yellow. After the restaurant serves Asparagus & Beat Salad, even the most hardcore Jacuzzi enthusiasts are diving for clearer waters.

Luckily, world-famous chemist and eccentric jetsetter Jason Brookes is currently in residence for a week-long Replenishing the Hot in Your Tub™ retreat. Moved by the distraught and beautiful Serenity, he offers to perform water analysis testing. Together, Serenity and Jason follow the clues and pH levels to identify the culprit and find steamy passion amid the massage jets. But before their happily ever after can be cemented, they must expose the acrid villainy that would break the seal on all Serenity holds dear.

 

 

 

Long About a Saturday Night

An unfortunate drop-the-soap-whoa-Nellie accident forces the American Extreme Jacuzzi team to turn to alternates MarySue Honeytwat and Dudley Dipthong to save their country’s Olympic pride. But MarySue’s been stewing since she caught Dudley doing a Wet Willie Wiggle with a Lithuanian Jacuzziest. Only national pride can make her oil up and slip into the bubbly with him now but nothing can thaw her broken, icy heart.

 Secret Special Ops agent Dudley Dipthong— Code-name “Rubber Ducky”— has been undercover as an extreme Jacuzziest for nearly two years. He’s close to breaking an international tub-ring of scummy criminals and needs all his wits to stay afloat. All Dudley can think about is the hurt he put in MarySue’s eyes. The risks turn deadly when the locale is announced: Cannibal Island.

 Twenty-four hours in a roiling caldron, alone on an exotic island and only one towel between them. Can they trust each other long enough to survive or are they destined to be the soup course? And why are there carrots and onions floating in the water?

 

 

 

Skinny Dip in the Saddle

Steed Bronco had never before felt this strong a need to overcome his fear of bubbles. After winning first prize in the Texas State Rodeo, he receives as part of his prize package the ultimate luxury item for any cowboy – the jacuzzi saddle.

Haunted by the memory of the birthday party clown who blew bubbles into his eyes at his fifth birthday party, Steed goes through life trying to put on a brave face and be the best cowboy he can be. But he can’t help but notice his wranglers tighten every time Grace Nightwind looks at his jacuzzisaddle, then looks at him, and smiles. His brothers want him to sell the saddle and get enough money to start their own ranch, but maybe what his life is missing is a skinny dip in the saddle…

 

 

 

Jacuzzi Lust at the Tradeshow

Tristan Puddleshorts, playboy and head of his family’s wildly successful swimwear company meets and marries Kiki Weatherwax after a lust-filled week at a trade show. Kiki is the spokesmodel for a jacuzzi and hot tub chain and suggests they “merge” companies. Overnight Tristan becomes an extreme jacuzzi enthusiast and they merge the first time on the showroom floor. That night they are secretly married by a hot tub loving Justice of the Peace.  

When Kiki tells her lecherous boss Warren Snotworthy she loves Tristan he tries to kidnap her and in the struggle Kiki hits her head and loses her memory. Evil Warren tells her she’s his wife and poor Kiki believes him.

Now Tristan has to find his Kiki and convince her he not Warren is her one true love. Unfortunately he forgot to ask her last name.  

 

 

Playboy Jacuzzi Enthusiast, Sparkling Bridesmaid
 

Champagne Days, Jacuzzi Nights
 
International playboy Jacques U. Zee was born to hot tub.  Son of legendary Jacuzzi Enthusiasts, Jacq has long had a love for all things hot and dangerous.  A horrible fall from an ill-advised hot tub soak hanging from a bridge put Jacq on ice.  After a year of physical recovery he’s finally facing facts…  he’s afraid of the heat!
 
Cristal Brut has struggled with her fear of bubbles since the awful champagne accident that took her fiancé’s  life 8 months ago.  Despite her anxiety she’s committed to be the maid of honor at her sister’s wedding to Aquarius Zee.  She finds herself trembling in the arms of Aq’s brother, Jacq as they face their ultimate fears – a Jacuzzi Wedding with a champagne toast!
 
With his fear of hot water and her fear of bubbles, the wedding appears doomed.  But soon they find their love runs hotter than any Jacuzzi and more effervescent than the best champagne.  Can love overcome these turbulent waters?

 

‘Gelo’s Shaft, Blue Water Swirleigh Ripple

Twenty-five years ago, Jaquie d’Uzi was conceived during a one night wash with a stranger. Determined not to curse another child with secret babyhood or a stupid name, she has sworn never to give herself to any man, wet or dry. Now, on a pilgrimage to fulfill her dying mother’s final request, she finds herself touring all the hot, wet, pulsating tubs of Europe in search of the bubble-blowing sperm donor who abandoned her as a darling little embryo.

Angelo Plotzd is in flight from his past as Drevonian freedom fighter. Still grieving for his tiny country, long since sucked down the drain of Balkan political posturing, ‘Gelo spends his days and nights guiding gum-chewing tourists from one extreme jacuzzi experience to another. Fortunately, his extensive commando training has prepared him well for the strenuous yet mind-numbing routine of riding the Fitcher-Pryce Sunshiney bus from hot tub to hot tub.

Neither Jaquie nor ‘Gelo is prepared for the immediate incendiary attraction that can only be quenched in the jets of ultimate extreme jacuzzi enthusiasm. From the heights of New Gueuroz Bridge to the depths of a plunging alpine gorge, from ropes burning between avid thighs to the hot blue sway of the tub, will Jaquie and ‘Gelo find steamy passion or a damp spot on the forest floor?

“…like all great romance writers, Ms. Ripple gives her readers 2500 words of foreplay for every 2.5 of climax…”—J.D. Norr, NY Times bestselling author

 

 

 

The Russian Billionaire Extreme Jacuzzi Enthusiastist’s Bubble Trouble Baby 

The extremely handsome and virile Splasha Soakov is usually buoyant over business deals, but after a deal almost sinks he decides to time to relax. After hiring a company which specializes in catering and introducing people to the hobby of Extreme Jacuzziing , he enjoys soaking in Jacuzzi—and the beautiful hostess who helps him relax and experience pleasure. 
Elsa Tubhölt lives for thrills and adventure. Her latest job is as an Extreme Jacuzzi  hostess for Soaring Bubbles. Elsa is passionate about her job as it helps people conquer their fears and allows her to lather in the lap of luxury. After meeting a Russian billionaire business who resembles her favorite soap star, Elsa does something even more extreme than her job—she has sex with a client! In the Jacuzzi!
Since having sex in the jetted set tub with one of their jet set clients is forbidden, Elsa is forced to take time off work and try to keep the baby they conceived secret—let alone who the father is. Back at work she determined to wash her past and keep everything from now on professional.
Splasha remembers their steamy session and is determined to make it more than a one soak stand. Their romance is wild, wet and passionate; yet how will Splasha react when he finds out about their Cosauna? Will Splasha and Elsa lives spashingly ever after or will they let romance out with the Jacuzzi  water?

 

 

Jacuzzi Enthusiasts and the Summer Summit

A spa weekend sounds like a dream
Brianna Harris needed a break; a break from her PhD studies, a break from worrying about her program losing funding, a break from everyone she knows asking about her non-existent love life. So when she sees a request for a date to a spa retreat weekend while browsing a local dating site she figures what’s the worse that can happen?  She might not normally be the adventurous sort, but she could use some time to loosen up.
 
He needs a savior
After finding his fiancé in bed with his business partner three weeks before the Extreme Jacuzzi Enthusiasts Summer Summit, an event he’s spent over a year planning, Grant MacCabe needs a trophy date not just for his ego, or to deflect his ex-fiance’s rekindled interest, but to keep his position as Executive Director of the association. So when he desperately posts an ad on a dating site, he might not have been entirely honest about what the weekend would hold. And with only one response he can only hope that when he peels back the layers he’ll reveal Brianna’s wild side.
 
After five minutes with the fascinating Brianna, Grant knows he’ll not only want her on his arm, he’ll be desperate to get her in his bed and into his life forever. But now that he’s found the woman of his dreams will one weekend be enough for Grant to convince Brianna to take the most daring plunge of all, into love?

 

Wet and Wild Woolies

Suzi ‘Red Serge’ McCathry is fed up. If she has to rescue one more Extreme Jacuzzi Enthusiast from the wilds of Northern Canada she is done.  She took the oath to protect her fellow citizens, willing to put her self in harms way.  But not like this.  Not anymore.  But when a 911 call is traced back to a deserted, lonely stretch of wilderness Suzi is duty bound to respond.

Brett ‘Speedo’ Bigalow just can’t help himself.  The lure of the hum.  The silkiness of the bubbles.  The hidden treasure buried in the depths. He promises himself this is the last time.  The Extreme Jacuzzi Enthusiast swears he is hanging up his portable tub and bungies for good. But is he ready?  Or will nature decide as he finds himself stranded with no generator, no bubbles and with the cold, little for hidden treasure.

Can Suzi find him in time? And will they find love hidden in the depths?

 

 

In a world where water is scarce and passions run dry, tempestuous teen Hapliss finds herself chosen for the most dangerous war of all…

Extreme Jacuzzi Wars

The citizens of the Seventeen Dry Counties will do anything for water…even send their firstborn teens to compete in a bloody game that ends in a descent to the most dangerous hot tub on earth. Hapliss, a passionate troublemaker in a world run dry, isn’t afraid of the climb down. She isn’t afraid of the bubbling battle that goes on for seventeen days. She isn’t even afraid of the test for the best wrinkles—she knows she prunes better than anyone else. 

But when she winds up fighting the final battle against Ham o’n Rye, of the famous house of sandwich makers, she knows it will be the toughest fight of her life. She will not only have to fight to win her County the precious water, she will have to fight her growing passion for the dashing sandwich-maker…or this soak will be her last.

The Hot Tub Billionaire’s Virgin Plumbing Specialist

A man with a past…

Ever since an unfortunate mud masque accident put him out of the Black Ops game, retired Navy S.E.A.L Jack Uzi has made a living running an exclusive protection service for vacationing executives. But when he’s confidentially hired by a leading spa company’s board of directors for an undercover bodyguarding mission as a hot-tub repair specialist, he has no idea how much hot water he’s going to get into.

A woman with a passion…

Caldera Hohtspryhnge has a mission— to use an upcoming cross-country balloon race to personally promote her company’s new line of lightweight portable hot tubs. Her savvy business instincts have never let her down, and she knows that the Balloon-O-Tub 5000 is a sure-fire hit. But when she’s persuaded to hire a fresh-faced new mechanic to take care of her plumbing on the trip, she has no idea how steamy the journey will become.

Higher, faster, hotter, and wetter than ever…

As passions bubble and the altitude rises, Jack and Caldera find themselves facing hardware problems, unscrupulous hot-tub enthusiasts, and the tricky issue of how to hide a gun in a Speedo.

 

 

Stranded in the Jacuzzi

Journalist Kate Darlington has spent the past five years working up
the money and guts to take revenge on reckless adventurer Dominic
DiDomenico. As a boy, Dominic stole her pride, her honor – and her
heart. Now, Kate follows him into the hot, steamy jungles of South
America, determined to wreak her revenge by destroying Dominic’s good
name in the illustrious circles of extreme Jacuzzi enthusiasts.

Architectural millionaire Dominic DiDomenico left behind the world of
dangling Jacuzzis off cliffs and rafting them down rivers years ago,
but he never forgot the enchanting redhead who nearly swept the Hot
Tub Travel Scholarship away from him. Yet now, drawn to the Amazon by
the promise of the last great Jacuzzi adventure, he finds himself once
against confronted by the maddening young woman – and more fascinated
than ever before. But Kate’s persistence in painting Dominic as a
villain in her newspaper could bring about the downfall of his
architectural empire, and no matter how captivating she is, Dominic
will never allow that to happen.

When everything that can go wrong does, Kate and Dominic find
themselves stranded in a gold-gilded Jacuzzi, hovering thousands of
feet above the jungle underbrush. Can two scantily clad, good-looking
souls settle their past and get out of the hot water? Can they resist
their own desire, as steamy as the air that surrounds them? And how
will they stay hydrated, when the Jacuzzi is filled with chlorine?

 

 

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Ros says:

    You had me at J’Accuz.  Genius.

  2. 2
    JaneDrew says:

    Ack! My entry appears to have gone missing….

  3. 3
    Beans says:

    Can I just say how much that reminded me of this: 

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cRPH4lb8UI

    Because really, the only thing that can improve on this hilarity is a ridiculous music video and rapping in Chiac…

  4. 4
    Sierra says:

    I choked on my cough drop when I read the names for Long About a Saturday Night. Now everyone else in the quiet classroom I’m in is looking at me funny…so much for studying between classes. ;)

  5. 5
    EbonyMcKenna says:

    I’m gonna have to come back later – I’m laughing so hard I’m crying and I can’t see properly.
    oh man . . .

  6. 6
    Lori says:

    @JaneDrew At least I’m not alone! My entry didn’t make it either. ::shaking with sobs, not laughter::

    Okay, enough dramapants. Gonna read the other entries and vote now.

  7. 7
    Abby says:

    Y’all, these are AMAZEBALLS.

    I picked The Russian Billionaire Extreme Jacuzzi Enthusiastist’s Bubble Trouble Baby , but only because it totally sounds like it could be a legit book.  Also, that title, OMG.

    I would like all of the writers to complete their books and send them to me, since I am myself a poor PhD student!

  8. 8
    SB Sarah says:

    Hey @JaneDrew and @Lori – I’m sorry! I found JD’s in the spam filter (AND I CHECKED IT WTF) but Lori, can you resend? I will add to the entry, no problem. Jacuzzi Enthusiasm must be allowed its expression!

  9. 9
    darlynne says:

    Can they trust each other long enough to survive or are they destined to be the soup course? And why are there carrots and onions floating in the water?

    Bwahahahaha! Loved it.

  10. 10
    Vicki says:

    retired Navy SEAL Jack Uzi – perfect on so many levels.  And where did they hide the gun in the Speedo?

  11. 11
    RebeccaJ says:

    I just HAD to pick the Russian Billionaire one because it sounded sooo much like it could actually be an HP title:)

  12. 12
    cbackson says:

    Oh Lord.  As a finance lawyer, I had to pick In the Arms of the International Arbitrageur, even though The Hot Tub Billionaire’s Virgin Plumbing Specialist actually could be a real HP title…

  13. 13
    JaneDrew says:

    Um… is the voting disabled? (sorry; finally got to read all of the entries…)

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