Extreme Jacuzzi: A Writing Contest!

The Kirkus review for EIKAL disliked my descent into occasional silliness, prompting me to realize THERE HAS NOT BEEN ENOUGH SILLY.

Fortunately, Switzerland is always ready to help. I mean, come on. When you think “silly” you immediately think of the Swiss, right? Of course you do.

I mean, have a look at this photo from the Guardian Eyewitness.

There is a platform thousands of feet up in the air hanging off a bridge with a jacuzzi on it. People are in the jacuzzi. I am not making this shit up. Seriously. WTF?

The caption is just magical: A group of 25 extreme jacuzzi enthusiasts have a soak suspended 150 metres above the ground from the New Gueuroz bridge in Switzerland. The event took about 2,500 hours to plan and a further six hours to assemble – all for 2.5 hours in the tub.

My first thought: OH HELL NO. But I’m afraid of heights. Just looking at that picture made me a bit woozy.

But my second though: WHY are there no Extreme Jacuzzi Enthusiast Romance Characters?!

REALLY, now. Harlequin should have been ALL OVER THAT, back before the titles changed (Thank you). “The Billionaire Extreme Jacuzzi Enthusiast’s Waterlogged Bride?”

IMAGINE the GLORY.

Hell, let’s MAKE the glory.

Your task! Write a title and cover copy, up to 250 words, for an Extreme Jacuzzi Enthusiast romance. BRING IT ON. Winner gets a $25 gift certificate to the bookstore of his or her choice. Open to clever writers 18 years of age and older. Void where prohibited. Your monkey may vary. Open to international winners unless you don’t have bookstores. Hell, that’s half the US, so scratch that. Open to international winners, regardless of local bookstore status.

Entries are due VIA EMAIL to SarahATsmartbitchestrashybooksDOTcom by Wednesday 12 October, 8pm Eastern Time. Winner will be decided by votes cast on Thursday 13 October.

REMINDER: PLEASE EMAIL ME YOUR ENTRY. Don’t put it in the comments. Thanks!

Here’s a sample, based on my sample title:

Bertram Von Jigglepaunch, international playboy and extreme jacuzzi enthusiast, finds himself sidelined the week before the Z Games – only the most important event in Jacuzzi Enthusiasm! The culprit? An unknown skin ailment that resists even the power of Blue Star Ointment. Clearly it’s not jock itch, ringworm, psoriasis, or teter.

Dermatologist Maria Troutwaffle is his only hope. With an experimental treatment, Maria’s efforts could cure Bertram of his itch. But when he wants to show her the passion of his jacuzzi, will her life-long fear of water drown the festering passion growing in their loins?

I know someone at Harlequin right now is thinking, “WHY does she not work here? And HOW is she not Canadian?” I ask myself that question often. I also ponder extreme jacuzzi enthusiasm a little more than I should.

So, you ready? Who can resist the passion of extreme jacuzzi?

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    snarkhunter says:

    Oy. That looks absolutely terrifying.

    ::shudder::

  2. 2
    Joanne says:

    Okay, now I’m woozy from the height.

    Really, and I wish all witty entries luck,  but Extreme Jacuzzi Enthusiast as a cover title or blurb would send me back to reading biographies.

    Now where the hell is my Dramamine?

  3. 3
    SB Sarah says:

    I know! Looking at that picture made me grab the arms of my chair. And I made a weird noise I can’t really transcribe here. *shudder*

  4. 4

    Not a chance in Hell. That’s way too high up for me. There is no hot bath worth that sort of heights.

  5. 5
    Kristen A. says:

    I just want to say that the Kirkus review of EIKAL was probably the first they ever published that included the word “rapetastic,” and that has to count for something.

  6. 6

    I actually felt my stomach drop when I scrolled down to look at the picture. Shudder. I’m the type of person who can’t stand too near the windows of a high-rise hotel. Those Swiss, who knew? And here I thought they were only good for knives and yodeling.

  7. 7
    snarkhunter says:

    And here I thought they were only good for knives and yodeling.

    Well, let’s face it. Knives and yodeling are a truly terrifying combination. Clearly the Swiss are covert badasses.

  8. 8
    rebeccaj says:

    I have a very strict rule—NO VACATIONS hanging over the side of a bridge!!!

    I’m with everybody else—that pic makes me ill just looking at it..ugh:( Too many traumatic ferris wheel rides in my lifetime.

  9. 9
    DreadPirateRachel says:

    I might be the only person who looked at that picture and thought, “Wow, imagine the awesome view!”

    It’s funny that Kirkus liked your book “despite occasional lapses into silliness” (emphasis mine). I love this blog because of its frequent lapses into silliness. Rock on with your silly self, Sarah!

  10. 10
    Karenmc says:

    Oh, and after the winner is announced, there might be a letter from the attorneys for the Jacuzzi company. They sent one to Ellen DeGeneres a few years ago when she used their name instead of “hot tub” or “spa”. There were a couple of rounds of letters IIRC, and I think the company eventually provided one of their hot water motion making devises. It was loads of fun.

  11. 11
    SB Sarah says:

    I would be most remiss if there weren’t several frequent lapses into silliness in my day, here and everywhere. Including in the hot water motion making device, if I had one.

  12. 12
    Lynn S. says:

    … and let’s not forget the watches.  Apparently the Swiss like things complicated.  If only I were good at the silly, I’d be all over writing a hot tub (thanks for the warning, Karen) Alternequin intro.  I’m looking forward to reading the entries although I think it will be hard to top the Jigglepaunch/Troutwaffle union.  Maybe I’ll catch the silly between now and the deadline.  If not, please somebody make their heroine the extremist.

    feed46:  you could probably feed 46 families for a year on what that stunt cost.

  13. 13
    Karenmc says:

    Lynn, it was more of a “hey, someone might score a great product” than a warning, but take it any way you like. You’re welcome.

    captcha: morning43: If I were really only 43 this morning, I wouldn’t have felt compelled to go to bed at old lady time last night.

  14. 14
    library addict says:

    I think the picture is rather cool. But not something I would ever do.

    And when I think Switzerland, I think Roger Federer. But maybe that’s just me.

  15. 15
    librerrywumman says:

    It would be tons more fun if the hot tub was on bungy ropes….

  16. 16
    glh says:

    I am suddenly reminded of the worst-graduation-speech-ever in which the speaker discussed the “jacuzzi of the mind” and asked the students to imagine dropping one’s sunglasses and car keys into it. Sometimes, she said, when you just can’t find them through the bubbles, you must turn off the bubbles of life and let the waters calm down and then you can find them. We had no doubts about the inspiration for her speech, just wondered exactly how wasted she had been when she wrote it. Yes, this was given at a respected university.

  17. 17
    SB Sarah says:

    @glh please tell me you are kidding. 0_o

  18. 18
    Daisy says:

    Yeah, it’s all fun and games until those yodels of joy summon the roaming swarms of Swiss mountain rope-gnawing spa-loving lemmings.

    I hate driving on bridges like that, much less hanging from them.

  19. 19
    Shan says:

    “Yeah, it’s all fun and games until those yodels of joy summon the roaming swarms of Swiss mountain rope-gnawing spa-loving lemmings.” Sounds like a great blurb for the tale of the Lady and the Lemmings – an alpine love tale cut short by vengeful rodents and a falling Jacuzzi

    wish52…. she wished at least 52 times that she had never set foor in that cursed jacuzzi!

  20. 20
    glh says:

    @ SB Sarah

    Alas not kidding—but it was clearly memorable (in that traumatic sort of watching-a-car-accident way)

  21. 21

    I’m a mountain climber, so I have no problem with heights. That pic looks very inviting, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t mind hanging around in a jacuzzi suspended in open space for an hour or two….

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