BONJOUR! Are you awake?! You should be! Ah am here, and Ah Am Zee Bucket!
Ah know you have missed me. Today, Ah report to you zee horrible horribleness of mah second cousin once removed but not quite removed enough, MS PAINT. She ees, Ah am sad to say, quite sloppy.
Fear not, Harlequin, zees is not about you! You are safe from ZEE BUCKET OF TRIUMPH today! Zut Alors! Ah know you have zee relief, oui? N’est pas? Ah know you all speak zee French, so you know how to read between zee lines!
Anyway, Mah shoddy cousine, Ms. Paint, was spotted in Dutch. Ah do not speak zee Dutch but perhaps Ah must learn because only AH can prevent ZEES MADNESS!
Many gracious mercis to Jan Oda, who spotted Ms. Paint’s dastardly crimes!
First, we have zee cover for Miss Dakota Cassidy’s You Dropped a Blonde on Me:
Not bad! Ah see nothing to change here. But no, Ms. Paint, she sticks her shoddy nose where her shoddy nose, it does NOT belong, and look at the travesty Jan Oda found in her native language of Dutch. This is zee translation of Jennifer Crusie’s Fast Women. That Ms. Paint, she is not fast. She is zee disgrace. She is cruel to zee animals.
WOULD YOU LOOK AT ZAT! What ZEE HELL is ZAT CRAP on ZEE DOG?
And here Ah must correct zee lovely Jan Oda, who wrote, “I thought that was lame, because that image doesn’t fit Nell at all, and it’s the wrong kind of dog, and I never like it when people reuse cover art.
But then I looked more closely at the paperback in my hands, and noticed that the dog was dressed, where it wasn’t in the original. And it was dressed in a drawn on sweatshirt. Or rather, a blodge of paint from the Photoshop Paintbucket. I mean, one of the yellow circles actually crosses the border of the sweatshirt. Seriously, it’s the worst (and most silly), photoshop fuck up I’ve encountered to date.”
Ms. Jan Oda, we at Zee Photoshop DO NOT DO ZAT CRAP. It is not AH, ZEE BUCKET who would do such a thing! It is zee dastardly plot of Ms. Paint, determined to make us all look ZEE BADNESS.
Ah must tell you now, between you and AH, that every time you use zee Ms. Paint, a puppy gets a fantastic bad sweater made of merde.
Oh, Ms. Paint. Won’t you please think of zee puppies?!