It is a total freaking shame that I was at the Costco all afternoon waiting on my tires, which were being changed, rotated, massaged with hot stones and eucalyptus oil, and then waxed in intimate places, or at least I assume so because it took a long ass time, during which I contemplated the possible need for a 48 gallon drum of ketchup. I missed the Old Spice Guy vs. Fabio showdown – but fear not. Red Headed Girl was there to watch the whole thing:
Look guys, it’s no secret that I have a soft spot for Fabio. Maybe you didn’t know that, but I didn’t keep a secret, I just didn’t mention it. Which is totally not the same thing as a secret.
However, I adore the Old Spice Guy. He gives me tickets to that thing I like! And diamonds (which I could totally sell and pay for my stupid legal education, or at least get a decent pair of boots)! So this whole duel thing- Fabio as the New Old Spice Guy? I’m concerned, in a Tin Gunn kind of way. I’m not entirely sure Fabio can pull off a swan dive without breaking a hip or something.
Besides, I distrust men that think they have better hair than me. And my hair is GREAT. So as far as I am concerned, Isaiah Mustafa is the One True Old Spice Guy and Fabio is That Guy.
So first we have a video from Isaiah saying that yes, this is potentially the greatest internet duel of the 21st century, and given the pathetic showings of duels from the 17th, 18th, 20th, 19th, 16th and 13th-15th centuries, this could be the Greatest Internet Duel of All Time (or GIDOAT). And Fabio gets props for being the only person to EVER challenge the Old Spice Guy to anything. So there’s that.
(The Old Spice Guy doesn’t sleep, he waits.)
Old Spice Guy sets the rules here:
You vote by clicking on buttons on that video, and/or by “liking, sharing, commenting, tweeting, posting, or other things all smart internet people do.” AND THEN THERE IS A NIGHT VISION TOP HAT which is something I didn’t know I needed, but now I clearly cannot live without one.
(Also the Old Spice Guy’s towel looks so soft and fluffy. IT’S SO FLUFFY I CAN’T STAND IT.)
….And then Fabio calls the Old Spice Guy gross (…). And welcomes the Old Old Spice Guy to “your nightmare. Starring Fabio. Written by Fabio. Directed by Fabio. Stunts done by Fabio, and catering of homemade treats and sliced fruits done by, of course, Fabio.”
So there you have it. Not quite an Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, but I’ll take it. MAY THE BEST TOWEL WIN.
(And to cut the Team Bruce people off at the pass, I have nothing against Bruce Campbell. I just adore him where he is- blowing shit up and chewing scenery on Burn Notice, as God intended. Plus he never got me tickets to that thing I like, or presented me with puppies, or was ever, as far as I know, on a horse. (moo.) Or cow.)
Sarah adds: Ok, now that I’ve watched both videos, can we discuss how PERFECTLY ROUND and ALARMINGLY SHINY Fabio’s mantitty is? It’s only 2:29pm EDT and Fabio has 2045 dislikes vs. 330 likes, while Old Spice Guy Isaiah Mustafa has 4106 likes vs 21 dislikes. Looks like Fabio is having his hair, chest and ass handed to him.
ETA: And now Fabio and Isaiah are doing fan response videos one after another. Fabio empties a cup of ice over a model of a city.
So let me ask you this: are you in any way more likely to buy Old Spice anything at this point? I confess, I may go sniff it in the grocery store, but if memory serves, I don’t think it’ll be a good scent for Hubby. Or me.