Rachel sent in a HaBO that made me LOL like AOL.
Okay so I’ve been an avid reader of Ye Intelligente Women of Snarkery for a
long time, and never once did it occur to me to actually write in to you
lovely ladies to ask for help from you and The Bitchery in my long time
quest to find The First Romance Novel. So, here I am. I also have an epic
title for it because I cannot, for the life of me, remember the actual
The First Romance Novel I Ever Read But I Was Like Twelve at the Time and
Did Not Even Realize It Was a Romance (until the la-dee-da started
happening, a hurr durr).
I was a rather derpy child, but I digress.
It stars Some Fairy Lady Chick Who May Have Been a Princess (henceforth
SFLC) and some knight dude who was blind For Whatever Reason. I think it was
from war, or a freak accident doing something stupid. But anyway, since
she’s a fairy, she’s in the human realm For Whatever Reason and she spies
him while he’s out and about doing… whatever he was doing. I seem to
recall her thinking he’s very bizarre looking because of the scarring on
his face or whatever. Of course there’s some legend saying that if a human
touches a fairy, they suddenly become like a genie and you rubbed their lamp
(but not like that) and they have to be your slave or something. I don’t
know why, that struck me as very odd.
So despite this legend and whatnot, SFLC wants to get closer cuz
OoOOOooOoooo he’s a HOOMAN and whatnot and he can either smell her, or hear
her or whatever but then he tried to touch her and she gave him some piece
of cloth (like a shawl, or something, I dunno. It could have been a blanket
or her panties for all I know) and he’s all snarfin’ it up because it
Then she goes to see him again and he’s all nekkid in bed with the
bra/panties/whateverthehellshegavehim and she sees his dingaling and her
comment was something along the lines of O_o;
Then stuff happens, like she takes him to Thee Fairye Realme or something
and she’s like, “Oh I live here.”
And he’s like, “That’s neat.”
And then they leave.
The only other thing I remember is that he gets Unblind somehow and gets in
trouble with SFLC’s dad. I don’t remember what on earth he did, but it was
Bad Stuff Baby This Evening and the dad is like BITCH GIT IN THE CONVENIENTLY
THERE SNOWSTORM THAT I MADE *punt* and he wails and flails around in the
snowstorm and is all emo and comes upon this magically delicious snow cabin
gizmo she made and she’s like, “Oh now I’m human and I have the Magic Hoo
Hoo.” and they get it on.
That’s the point at which I, being the derpy child I was, was like OMG THIS
IS ROMANCE THESE PEOPLE ARE *NAKED* and I don’t remember what else happens.
I don’t even remember wtf the conflict was, or who the baddie bad was. I do
recall that the knight guy had a one-syllable name like Dirk or Burt or Bob
…if anything, I hope I provided you lovely ladies with a good story.
Nothing better than fairies with magic hoo-hoos in the snow, y’all. Anyone remember this book?