Help A Bitch Out

HaBO: He Named his Horse What?

From my inbox comes yet another HaBO of WTFery, this time from Ellid:

My friend Red-Headed Girl directed me here because I need your help: I’m
trying to find one of the silliest, most unforgettably absurd books I’ve
ever read. It’s a romance, I read it about ten years ago, and about all I
remember is the two main characters:

- A prostitute (possibly reformed) who, thanks to a childhood injury, can’t
have children. I’m pretty sure she’d been molested as a child, too. She
has a pet cat.

- A dashing Mexican bandit (who is of course a Robin Hood type) with a horse
named Quetzalcoatl.

I’m pretty sure this was set in the 19th century, but beyond that, I don’t
have the slightest idea as to the author, the plot, or even the character
names (except the horse).

Can any of you help me? If any book deserves to mocked in public, it’s this
– I mean, a 19th century bandit naming his horse Quetzalcoatl? I’d be more
than happy to cross post the diary here, and of course will give you good
ladies public acknowledgment.

Thanks so much in advance. If anyone can help, it’s you!

Heh heh. Well, actually, no. It is definitely not ME who can help – it’s you guys, because my brain is one big HaBO. You should hear me describing romances to people. I can remember incredible lists of detail and cover art of all types, but titles? Forget it. That said, I think I would very likely remember this amazing piece of WUTNOW? Anyone remember this book?



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  1. 1
    Molly says:

    And by “horse”, you mean…oh, horse.  Dang it. ;)

    Sorry I can’t be of help.  Good luck!

  2. 2
    Karen says:

    “She comes down from Yellow Mountain
    On a dark flat land she rides
    On a pony she named Quetzalcoatl….”

    Wait, what?  Sorry.  Earworm.

    makes28 = changing Wildfire to Quetzalcoatl makes 28 extra syllables you have to cram into that song somehow.

  3. 3
    Johanna Jochum says:

    OH, my stars! I know this one!!!!!!! RAINBOWS AND RAPTURE BY REBECCA PAISLEY (1992)

    The heroine is Russia Valentine. She is a naive “soiled dove” with a heart of gold ( think Pretty Woman) The hero is Satiago Zamora a professional gun for hire, gambler and a expert horsemen. (hates prostitutes and cats) She hires him to track and capture a man who is after her. They end up falling for each other while having a grand adventure through the wild west in pursuit of the bad guy!

  4. 4
    Rebecca Paisley says:

    This is RAINBOWS AND RAPTURE.  With Russia Valentine and Santiago Zamora.  Cat was Nehemiah, but Russia NEVER called him by his real name.  Only by 78,230 nicknames.  I am the author of this book and not 100% sure how to make this comment here.  Well, here goes…  Am now going to mash the buttons I see below this square. — Beckie

  5. 5
    DebStover says:

    Rainbows and Rapture—and all of Rebecca Paisley’s books—are among my all-time favorites! 

    Wonderful, warm, funny, and keepers—every one!


  6. 6

    78,230 nicknames??? The HaBO peeked my curiosity but the nicknames have pushed me to add the book to my shopping cart. Plus the story blurb reminds me a little bit—and in a good way!—of the movie with Shirley McClain and Clint Eastwood, Two Mules for Sister Sara, which is one of my all time favorite westerns. =)

  7. 7

    I knew you guys would be ALL OVER THIS.

  8. 8
    Anony Miss says:

    Hey, awesome, did we ever have an author answer her own HaBO before? (Granted, Johanna chimed in before the author did, but STILL!)

  9. 9
    Rose May says:

    Quetzalcoatl – OMG, I remember hearing that name in my AP Global class in high school – it’s the name of some ancient God of the Incans/Aztecs? What a strange thing to name your horse…

  10. 10
    Rebecca Paisley says:

    Quetzalcoatl was the main deity of the Toltecs and Aztecs.  He was a very benevolent and beloved god.  My hero, being Mexican, would have heard stories about Quetzalcoatl for most of his life.

  11. 11
    SB Sarah says:

    did we ever have an author answer her own HaBO before?

    I don’t think so. I’m howling at the awesomeness. That was So excellent! Welcome Ms. Paisley!

  12. 12
    Jane says:

    Man, Rebecca Paisley commented at Smart Bitches.  I loved A Basket of Wishes back when I loved me some innocent, clumsy witches who melted the heart of the stone cold non believer.  Eh, what am I talking about. I still love that trope.

  13. 13
    Maman Nice says:

    If anything proves SBTB is where it’s at…the author responding to the HABO? Pretty darn sweet. AND she wasn’t a harpy about the fact someone felt it was snark worthy – bonus points.

    Reminds me of the time the Pregnesia author replied with such awesomeness that despite the WTFery of her book – readers were inspired to buy simply because the author was so classy.

    I do admit to liking books where the hero can’t stand X.Y.Z about the heroine but ends up falling in love with her despite (or even in some ways because) of those things.

  14. 14
    Mama Nice says:

    OK, totally OT – just realized I mistyped my handle, and had to Google Maman…wow, the Wiki entry on that word is, um interesting.

  15. 15
    Susan D says:

    Being a language major (French & Spanish), I got Quetzalcoatl (and it’s not as hard to pronounce as it looks). But I have to say, Russia Valentine is a FABULOUS romance heroine name, in a so bad it’s good kind of way. I’ll be adding this to my TBR list – and love that the author has chimed in!

  16. 16
    Kristi Lea says:

    Quetzalcoatl is a “plumed serpent” (think dragon with feathers). Big in Mayan/Aztec godliness.  And, as I’ve learned from reading books to my 3-year old, the name of a type of dinosaur (I think it was “Quetzalcoatlus” or something Latin-ish in the Dinosaur ABC book).

    Its not hard to say at all. Like Tlaloc and Teotihuacan and Cacao (which is made into, you now, cocoa). 

    Perfectly reasonable name for the horse of a Mexican gunslinger. Or the “horse” of a Mexican gunslinger.

  17. 17
    ellid says:

    Good heavens, that’s it!!!!!  Thank you SO much!  I remember reading it and thinking “What????” a lot of the time, but I’m willing to give it another chance.  Thank you all SO MUCH!!!!

    Peace, Ellid

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