Caption That Cover: Duck Shack Edition

You know, when I saw the Blue Flames of Naked Man Ass cover, I didn’t think anything could top it for sheer transfixing silliness. Then there was Crop Circles and the Mystery Stare. And I didn’t think that a more bizarre collection of images could be found. Then, while hunting (huh) for Duck!, one of the DABWAHA reader nominees, I found this piece of excellent:

Balloony Tunes!

WOW. The ‘stache! The hair! The sweatshirt! The perm! THE NAME ON HER SWEATSHIRT. I love all thing Balloony.

So you guessed it: time to Caption That Cover. What’s the blurb? What are they saying? What’s with the slightly unimpressive yet suggestive lighthouse? Why are there glowing children emerging from her mom jeans riding a bicycle in an unsafe manner? What in the name of home perms is going on here?!

Best caption in the comments will win $25 to the bookstore of your choice – and as usual you have 24 hours. Standard disclaimers apply: I’m not being compensated for this giveaway. Void where prohibited. Perm at your own risk. Hey, where’s Perry?

Bring it on, y’all – what’s going on up there?!


General Bitching...

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  1. 1
    Andee says:

    Oh, I’ll think of a caption in a moment but attention must be paid to this cover RIGHT NOW.  This cover makes me want to go find my Chic jeans…

  2. 2
    Deadline Hell says:

    One ‘stash to rule them all
    One ‘stash to find them
    One ‘stash to bring them all and in the mom jeans bind them
    In the land of the Duck Shack, where giant yellow sperm fly

  3. 3
    Andee says:

    For Michael, it started out like all his other abduction/ritual killings.  But once he got Pam to the lighthouse, the rest of his plan went up in hot air.  Her curly hair, her full…balloons.  Could a serial killer turn in his date rapey mustache and take a chance on love?

  4. 4
    Notsurewho says:

    I….want to say something about ‘hot air’ but I don’t know what….

    “Caught in the trade winds, their love was soaring to new heights. But, would it be strong enough to survive the altitude of ….their duck shack agreement.”

    And someone… ‘needs’ to combine mustache rides and the ‘ballooney tune’ of a deflating balloon… please ^^

    Works76… That is probably an accurate assessment of how much work I have to do.

  5. 5
    Sarah W says:

    You’re a Phineas and Ferb fan, too?!  It’s one of the few shows our entire family likes.  “Whatcha doing?” has become a family thing, though my MIL prefers, “Oh, there you are, Perry!”

    “Farrah released the ballon, where it would take flight to the ultimate heights before exploding from the cold lack of oxygen and plummeting, shriveled and trailing its broken cord, to the unforgiving ground—just like their love.”

    Wow.  Sorry.  Maybe it’s the mustache . . .

  6. 6

    I got me a bike that seats about twenty, so hurry up and bring your jukebox money.
    The Duck Shack is a little old place where we can get together. Duck Shack, bay-bee!

  7. 7
    Ellie says:

    “You stay classy, Duck Shack.”

  8. 8
    Andee says:

    David was pretty sure he loved Misty, but knowing that her dyslexia manifested into her writing “D”s in place of “F”s could have saved them from a LOT of frustrating misunderstandings…

  9. 9
    Tin CC-Ong says:

    Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
    gonna grab some afternoon delight.

  10. 10
    Chelsea says:

    The Duck Shack is a little old place
    where we can get together
    Duck Shack baby! Duck Shack bay-bee!
    (Duck Shack…Duck Shack…)
    Duck Shack, that’s where it’s at!

  11. 11
    Notsurewho says:

    Due to a freak balloon hunting accident, and a night that he will never remember in the Duck Shack, Jim has finally been reunited with his childhood sweetheart.
    He remembered the joy Sarah once got from riding his bike… now he hoped to give Sarah a new type of joy and to show her just what mustaches were really for…

  12. 12

    @Chelsea—you beat me to it.  Now I have a new earworm to replace Katy Perry’s “ET” as I’m trying to write.

  13. 13
    rebeccaj says:

    With a ‘stache like that, he’s GOT to be a cop!

  14. 14
    Kerry Allen says:

    I vote for Andee.

    *mops up Pepsi spew*

  15. 15
    Jennifer Armintrout says:

    Nope.  Can’t do it.  Too many things to snark.  Brain overheating.

    All I can think is that they’re releasing that balloon as an act of saying goodbye to their children, who were tragically killed when out riding their bike.

  16. 16
    CupK8 says:

    As Hank inhaled deeply the lush, chemical scent of her hair, the world around them exploded into vibrant color. Misty’s peal of girlish laughter led him forward onto a rainbow of light and sound where she waited for him, her eyes expectant, large and glassy. Together they rode on their Bicycle of Love up, up with the balloons into the sky.


    Seriously, perm chemicals are surely the next gateway drug. Also, I have the Willy Wonka song stuck in my head. “Come with me…. and you’ll be.. in a world of pure imagination…”

  17. 17
    Gemma says:

    I have to know… what on Earth is this book about?!

  18. 18
    Andee says:

    I think I know what the Duck Shack Agreement is:  I won’t touch your Aqua Net if you leave my Brylcreem alone.  We share the Gee!  Your Hair Smells Terrific.

  19. 19

    Randy had convinced Cassidy to let go of the misshapen yellow balloon…but could he ever convince her to let go of the ghostly, miniature memory-children who haunted her nether region?

  20. 20
    Mama Nice says:

    I totally want to see this as one of those real life re-creations of romance novel covers:

    Props to Andee – that was ducking awesome.

    In all honesty I’m fairly creeped out by this cover. The ghostly spectre of the Dick&Jane;-esque kids on the bike make me think the Duck Shack agreement will one day show up on an episode of Criminal Minds: couple uses balloon business as a way to lure unsuspecting children to their doom at their hidden shack. It’s their ritual of commemorating each murder by releasing a yellow balloon to float out across the water that ultimately gets them caught.

  21. 21
    Abby says:

    As two perfect miniature children rode forth from Debbie’s womb, she and Carl gazed longingly at The Golden Sperm, wondering when it would return and grant them more miniature children for their circus act.

  22. 22
    Cathy says:

    As Nick embraced Cara, he realized that he’d forgotten to bring condoms on their weekend getaway.  Good thing he was dating a woman with a balloon fetish!

  23. 23
    Jennifer P says:

    I keep trying to come up with a clever caption, but I just can’t seem to get past that effing title!

    When Vernon built his floating bicycle and invited Mindy for a ride, they had no way of knowing they would end up trapped for decades on the Isle of Bad ‘80s Fashion.  Now they only have one chance of escape: a message Mindy had hidden in a balloon.  As Vernon watched it float away he smiled for he knew the balloon was empty – no way was he giving up his ‘stache and mock turtleneck sweater!

  24. 24
    Lynn M says:

    Double win to Andee. Geez, my eyes are watering.

  25. 25
    MarieC says:

    I nearly fell off my chair, laughing at the dude’s porn ‘stache, then at ‘Deadline Hell’s’ Caption!

    @ Deadline: Kudos to you!

  26. 26
    Cheryl says:

    The Duck Shack Agreement, covering everything from bike rides to moustache rides.

  27. 27
    JenD says:

    He has to be so calm inside. There is only phrase that could possibly counteract the sheer holycrapballs craziness that is this scene:

    That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.

  28. 28
    Kelriia Frettlar says:

    “As ninety-nine yellow balloons go by…”

  29. 29
    jennifer says:

    Dorothy Zbornak knew it was time to let go Stan, just like one of his stupid novelty balloons, but first, they had to work together to find their son Michael who ran off with the slutty neighbor girl.

  30. 30
    Jeannie says:

    Pam: “See, Rick. I knew you were full of hot air when you said this sweatshirt was a good idea.”

    Rick: “Oh, Pam, that was my last condom and the fumes wafting off your new perm is making me hallucinate our unwanted children bicycling out of your vagina.”

    Pam: “Now worries, hon. Since I work at Balloony Tunes, I have a whole pocket full. Now let’s go explore that lighthouse and you can make that mustache useful!”

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