Far be it from me to EVER say that romances are all about sex, and that we read them for the sex scenes. I definitely don’t. Sometimes the sex scenes are so redundant I skip them. But sometimes the writing is so different, so utterly unlike anything you’ve read before, you, ok, *I* am curious how the sex would be described, especially if the main characters have big poufs and hornyhotpants.
Such is the case with Snooki’s book, A Shore Thing, which I live-blogged this week. There’s incredibly bizarre descriptions of farting, wardrobe, shoes, poogasms, pouf construction, gentlemen referred to as “juiceheads” “gorillas” and “guidos” and what physical characteristics manifest themselves to form a fine specimen thereof, and even this timeless bit of prose: “They were hiddled together like a family of Ellis Island immigrants just off the Mayflower.”
So how can there NOT be a sex scene when the noble heroines, Gia and Bella, finally hook up with the gorillas of their dreams?! I and all the people reading with me were looking forward to the possibilities of what words, phrases or alliteratertive wonderment Snooki and her ghostwriter, Valerie Frankel, would use to describe The Deed. But no, it was fade to black, next scene with naked sweaty people. There’s one mention of a nipple. What is this, Sweet Valley High with poufs?
Thankfully, Laurel suggested on Twitter that it might be a good idea to fill in the blank (ha) with the Write the Missing Sex Scene contest. Oh, Laurel is SO RIGHT. Here’s the deal:
You write a sex scene for Snooki’s book of 200 words or less and whichever one best captures the tone and utterly WTFtastic style of the book wins. You can write first base all the way to a home run, but keep to the word limit, please.
What do you win? $25 gift certificate to the bookstore of your choice, and a copy of A Shore Thing, of course! One runner up will also receive a copy of the Snookibook.
Please email your entry to sarahATsmartbitchestrashybooksDOTcom with “Snooki Snex” in the subject line, and I’ll post the entries for discussion and voting. If, however, there are too many entries for me to post, I will select the finalists and post them. Who knows, Snooki Snex could inspire Snookalicious commentary.
Standard disclaimers apply. I’m not being compensated for this contest, except to experience Snooki-style prose all over again. Aqua-net is not included. Always wear sunscreen. Shirt and shoes required for service. Pants optional.
You have until 8am EST tomorrow, 8 January 2011 to send in your entries, so get on it.