Snooki Snex: the Winner!

Book Cover It was a landslide voting victory for the Snooki Snex Scene winner!

The winner, with over 200 votes: Crochet Leopard Print!

Entry #1: Crochet Leopard Print

“This is my room, baby,” Tony said proudly as he held the door for her. He was super classy. “Like it?”

Wow. Gia would shit herself. Animal print everywhere. The crochet bedspread had a leopard print pattern. And it didn’t even smell like Axe in here. More like…Drakkar Noir.

“It musta taken your grandmother forever to make that bedspread.”

Tony closed the door.

“Nah. I did it. I used finger weight yarn, merino/silk blend, and designed the pattern myself. If feels so good on your skin. Go on. Try it.”

She’d promised herself a hookup and dammit, it was time to follow through.

“Okay.” Bella stripped and moved to the bed. It wasn’t scratchy or anything.

“I love how your boobs stay just right even lying down.” Tony took off his shirt. His eight pack reminded her of the underside of a lobster. She wondered if it would be good covered in melted butter. He unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them off, revealing a gorgeous package stretching his shiny black banana hammock. When that came off, he was totally bald.

“I want you to suck my bald eagle, baby. Then we’ll get the wax and I’ll do yours.“

Laurel, congratulations on your winning entry. Please email me at sarahATsmartbitchestrashybooksDOTcom with your address and the bookstore of your choosing for your gift card – and your copy of the Snooki book! I hope it makes you crazy-laugh like it did me.

Thank you to all who entered, and to those who enjoyed the liveblog and the entries!

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Donna says:

    Gargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. 2
    Laurel says:

    Yay! Yay! I NEVER win stuff. Thanks, and thanks again for the most fun week I’ve had in a loooong time. The live blog kept me giggling for days and I met some cool tweeps.

  3. 3
    Carin says:

    “I love how your boobs stay just right even lying down.”

    There were SO many good lines in your snex scene, but this one made such a picture for me and I still laugh every time I read it!  Congrats, Laurel!

  4. 4
    bookstorecat says:

    I loved it. VERY funny. Imagining this scene in my head totally gave me the creeps, though.

  5. 5
    Laurel says:

    @ Carin: Thanks!

    @ bookstorecat: I know, right? I kind of needed clorox for my brain when I finished.

  6. 6

    Congrats, Laurel!

  7. 7
    beggar1015 says:

    I saw that Snooki was on David Letterman, giving ten reasons why we should buy her book. By all rights she should have mentioned Smart Bitches, as the liveblog and this snex scene is probably responsible for the book flying off the shelves.

  8. 8
    Liz says:

    Congrats, Laurel!

    I don’t watch Jersey Shore (I saw one episode and was appalled at how Italian-Americans were depicted), so I was wondering why Snooki calls herself Snooki.  Nicole is such a nice name. Why would she want to call herself something as stupid as “Snooki”.

  9. 9

    Snooki is a cute name, like a little puppy.

  10. 10
    Laura Xixi says:

    Yay! Congratulations, Laurel! I am glad that your suffering through two days of a liveblog reading of this book were able to be condensed and distilled into the glory that is this snex scene. Even if it means that I now snort every time I think about the US’s national bird. On the other hand, I am more motivated to improve my crocheting skills so…it averages out?

    I am sad, though, that the prize of a copy of A Shore Thing to the runner-up was dropped from the contest. Was there some problem with FTC/ARC rules?

    made37: I have made at least 37 people aware of how ridiculous the SnookiBook is.

  11. 11
    Gail M says:

    When I was a little girl, my neighbors had a male dachshund named Snooky.  A perfect dachshund name. Horny little dog.

    age28:  yes, when George Michael was in Wham!

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