Friday Videos Want to Write a Novel

From zuleika: So you want to write a novel?

I bet this dude has queried Colleen Lindsay.


Friday Videos

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  1. 1
    ReganB says:

    You have to wonder how many authors, agents and editors have actually had this conversation….. and is it really that funny then??  Oh that agony….


  2. 2
    Literary Slut Kilian says:

    Too true to be funny. I’ve had this conversation, and I’m not even close to being famous. As soon as people find out I’m a writer, they offer to share their wonderful idea for me to write up for them. Sometimes they even offer to split the profits with me. Lucky me.

  3. 3
    Elise Logan says:

    I think the writer(s) of this bit have been reading slushpile hell. lol

    But…yeah. That’s a disturbingly accurate portrayal of people I’ve met.

  4. 4
    Campbell says:

    LOL! “I wish I could kill you. And get away with it.”

    I get the feeling that whoever made this has had this conversation way too many times.

    The sad thing is, I think there are people out there like the light brown puppy/hamster/thing who actually get published. At least, that’s the way it feels sometimes!

  5. 5
    Nan says:

    I have actually had very close versions of this conversation with multiple patrons at the library, who for some reason believe librarians are fascinated to hear about their works in progress.

  6. 6
    Meggrs says:

    OMG @Campbell, that’s exactly where I lost it! Effing brilliant.

    “I have a gun in my car. I’m going to go get it now.”

  7. 7
    dwkazzie says:


    I wrote this video, and I thank you for posting it on your site! So glad you and the other commenters enjoyed it.

    Thanks again!
    David Kazzie

  8. 8
    Chelsea says:

    Win! This was exactly how the people in my creative writing classes thought…

  9. 9
    Jewel D says:

    OMG this is hysterical – thank you David Kazzie for putting this together!!

  10. 10
    Ann Stephens says:

    @David Kazzie—thank you for making this. Thank you. Thank you.

  11. 11
    Campbell says:

    @Meggrs – Lol! I know! The computerized voices have remarkable comic timing.

  12. 12

    Love this!  I also recommend the “So you want to get a PhD in the humanities” one for anyone who’s spent time in academia.

  13. 13
    dwkazzie says:

    Hi again,

    I did not write the Humanities one, but it is pretty funny.

    However, I did write the “So You Want to Go to Law School” video that went around around a couple months ago. So those have been my exciting claims to fame.


  14. 14
    RebeccaJ says:

    I *hate* those sorts of videos. The speech is so monotone, it’s downright annoying.

  15. 15
    SonomaLass says:

    I laughed just as hard this time as the first time, I think. And I agree that the Humanities (me) and Law School (several good friends) videos are also pretty damn funny.

  16. 16

    “I have a gun in my car.? I’m going to get it now.”

    Brilliant. Just… brilliant.

  17. 17

    You are absolutely correct. I read SM? midnight sun draft. Her writing really sucks before it is edited. And this is after she finished the Host. The truth is, like any craft or art, it is the creativity and “talent” of the writer, not the mechanics. I think of writers as entertainers and artists. It’s not really a professional. You can “hon” your writing craft for years, but if you can’t create a story the audience falls in love with, all you have an well written piece of crap.

  18. 18
    emily says:

    So I have watched a few of these videos, and they have their points, but I find them somewhat depressing, and demeaning. Yes do things like going to law school is tough so is a being a doctor/attending medical school, and being writer, etc. The problem is many people are unsure what to do with their lives.
    I think the real solution is rather than to crush people’s dreams and discourage them from going after jobs they know exist; it would be more constructive to help people learn more about other types of jobs that are out there. I think its easier to make fun of people who want to be writers and lawyers, than it is to help them find jobs at which they could be successful
    Finally despite all this if there is an education one (So You want to Be A Teacher?) I would probably enjoy it more.

  19. 19
    Broke Baroque says:

    @emily:  But the videos are targeting a specific demographic.  No one is saying that it’s utterly downright hopeless to be a Humanities professor, and that you should never do it—but, go into the field the realistically.  Know that it’s not all writing about “death and Emerson” fun times and your partner will follow you wherever you go and there’s endless money funding your research.  It’s a hard, extremely competitive field to break into, with a dwindling job openings and support from academia.  These are the realities that people going into the writing or liberal arts careers will have to face in the coming decades.

    The videos are humor—they don’t exist to be mini-career modules.  They’re lampooning people with unrealistic career expectations (which, working with college students, I can tell you that is a LOT of people).

  20. 20
    dwkazzie says:


    funny you should mention a teacher video—I actually did one about teachers called just that… (my mom and sister are teachers, so it was really a little joke for them). 

    and remember, what Brooke said is right—they’re meant to be humor, poking fun at uninformed expectations about law, becoming a professorship etc.

  21. 21

    I am only looking at the ‘water’, thinking about dipping a toe in, and cannot believe people really do this, but I heard about the mad spammer.  I guess he has even gotten print on this site.  This is a cute vid, but actually discouraging.  That the story about the guy with two penises (peni?) that hatched out of an egg got published is even more discouraging.  Actually, though, I might have to read it to find out if they are side by side or up and down.  The crocodile’s is actually one divided into two I think.  Don’t do much penis research anymore. Got sidetracked a little here, huh?

  22. 22
    Diva says:

    This was priceless. I’m with @Campbell…that’s where I started guffawing enough to scare my dogs.

  23. 23
    TL says:

    I have no idea why this is what caught me, but the number of editors being a quick return reply of “minus thirteen” made me crack up. Well played, @dwkazzie!

  24. 24
    Jen B. says:

    Oooooo….  I love it.  My daughter loves it.  I plan to share it with many people! (This should be read in the monotone computer voice).

  25. 25
    beggar1015 says:

    I just watched another one of these videos called So You Want To Write A Romance Novel. There are four short clips. I thought they were worth a chuckle.;=&p=B710489BCF9CFF5F&index=0&playnext=1

    It’s about a beautiful young woman with a terrible problem and a devestatingly handsome and incredibly rich bachelor.

  26. 26

    No matter how many times I watch this I always LOL…

  27. 27
    Pickle says:

    Guess I am easy… had me at the “For the love of all that is holy, why?”  LOL

  28. 28
    Daniela says:

    haha I love this! I write, but I don’t even dare to hope to ever be published, I just do it for fun and for competitions like the National Novel Writing Month aka. the big write. and stuff like that but I loved so much the part where the brown one said
    “Are you ready to find yourself at page 50, and then think of an even better idea for a novel?”
    Because that’s what happened to me but mostly because my story just went all BLAH. So I couldn’t go anywhere else with it.
    But, I really loved this! I found my self “lol”ing on and off through the whole thing!

  29. 29
    Nicole North says:

    LOL! How witty and hilarious this is. I don’t think it is meant to be discouraging. It is meant to open people’s eyes so they realize getting their work published is a lot of hard work. Not an easy million in a few weeks. Thanks for sharing!

  30. 30
    LizW65 says:

    ” I don’t think it is meant to be discouraging. It is meant to open people’s eyes so they realize getting their work published is a lot of hard work.”

    This was the impression I got as well.  It’s meant as not-so-gentle irony, a bit like the old Dire Straits song Money for Nothing, in which the warehouse worker speculates on how “easy” it is to break into the music business, and how anyone can do it…

    spamword:  wrote68
    Don’t tell me that thing doesn’t have a sense of humor.

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