So thanks to many people on Twitter and in my email inbox who helped me with my lost cover image of blue flames from naked man ass. It’s honestly surprising that I would misplace such an epic piece of WTFery. But you know what’s even more surprising? How many flames emerge from various asses on book covers! There are a lot of combustible backsides in romance cover land, y’all. I’m not sure what that says about us, other than we like Hot Ass.
There’s regular flame:
And blue smoke:
Blue and green smoke in the front, but not the back:
And swirly gas that’s sort of greenish (I think when you can see your own farts, it’s time to see a doctor):
But alas, none of these were the blue flaming naked man ass that I was looking for. It was blue! It was flaming! And it was most definitely naked man ass. Then, thanks to @quellthesparkle and @lauren_fraser, I have FOUND the cover now permanently known in my brain as The Last Airbiscuit. You ready?
Feast your eyes on this!
There are blue flames shooting out of a naked man ass! I am so glad my memory didn’t do me wrong, though my eyeballs are really quite put out with me. So, what is there left to do but have a contest!
It’s time for Caption That Cover! In the comments, leave your best caption for the Blue Flames of Naked Man Ass (aka The Last Airbiscuit) and I’ll pick the winner. Winner will get $25 gift credit at the book store of her choice, and, of course, the people’s ovation and fame forever.
Comments will close in 24 hours. You’re welcome to pimp your favorite in the comments and yes, you can enter the contest more than once. What, with blue flaming ass gas, I would limit you to one entry per person? Puh-leez. Standard disclaimers apply: I am not being compensated for this giveaway. Rode hard, put away wet. If there was a problem, yo, I solved it – or Twitter did. Contest open to international entries. Void where prohibited by law. Void where inhibited by raw.
Have at it – and thank you to everyone who pitched in to help me find the flaming blue naked man ass. You have my eternal flaming gratitude.
No woman (or beast) can resist my Aurora Boreal-Ass.
Vin sneered at the wolf. “Pull my finger? Look what happens when I *flex*.”
Narcissus in Flames.
Unfortunately, the sex machine was burning oil. More unfortunately, the engine seized up, and Vin had to see both a doctor and a mechanic. Most unfortunately, Eliza, the sexy redheaded nurse, bathed Vin’s brow, gave him comfort while he regained his formidable strength, tempted him with her air of knowing innocence… and then ran off with Moon Eyes.
A woman had finally come between the cyborg and his werewolf brother.
I am sad to say I struggled with this one…not my best work. I apologize for “stinking up the place.”
“The Fire Down Below:
Knowing he did not have a match to dispel the haze of his foul ass-wind, he kindled it with his smoldering gaze, inadvertently setting the woodland creatures ablaze with it.”
“Man-Daddy’s problem used to frighten me, but now I like it. Keeps den warm!”
spam word ball23: there may have been 23 hairs on his balls, but not after that burnout!!
Greek Fire; The Man Ass that Blows Back
Um, yeah, what is he looking at? “You’ve got me so hot my blue balls are bursting into flame.” She will be a virgin at the altar, by damn. The Flaming A@@h@les Virgin Bride. It’s a romance for beginners.
Don’t it make his brown eye blue…
Please, please, please tell me I’m not the only one who initially misread Jewels of Ursus as Jewels of Uranus!
Baby, that ain’t no wolf breath you’re sniffin’
dead64-I’ll be dead 64 years before that cover is erased from my brain
Okay, so this doesn’t really count because I’m totally ripping it off from this site, but…
“It only burns when I pee.”
1) Stephan found that thanks to his Mexican food diet, no matter how much a woman enjoyed his company, the first romantic spark was instantly fatal.
2) “Hey, you spend 10,000 years in a tiny lamp, and you’re gonna have a little something built up.”
3) Joan’s experience with the Create-Your-Own-Genie kit failed to meet her expectations; in addition to the noxious fumes he emitted, her djinn came with a mismatched head and torso.
4) “I know that was a bad one, honey, but… Honey?
Man: “Um… The wolf did it.”
Wolf: “Awroo??”
5) You see what I have to put up with? Get out while you can.
“toasted buns, anyone?”
“Only YOU can prevent farts fires.”
“Y’know, I don’t like it any more than you do, Fenris, but it’s called ‘The Mating’ and we should both be good for animal husbandry badges after this one. Still bros?”
I wish I could take credit for this, but my friend, Dusty, came up with this caption and told me to use it when I gigglesnorted Diet Coke on my monitor.
And my entry…which almost sucks as much as the Buns of Blue Fire:
Wolf: What has been seen cannot be unseen…and not even the blue fires of Assland will burn away the sight.
After that one, Elwood, you can find your OWN damn eyebrows.
wolf: don’t look at me!
looks like he is contemplating his penis
.
Is this the prurient sequel to ‘Feet of Flame’?
Or, “Goodness gracious! Great… oh, wait.”
“Do you have explosive blue flatulence or are you just happy to see me?” the wolf said to the naked guy.
Wolf: I told her not to pull his finger, but does anyone listen to the talking wolf? Noooooooo…
I need to stop looking at screens. I read the green on as The Last Uranus…
@CHH thank god, I thought I was alone.
larger 79… The blue assflame is larger than 79 crown fires.
Yes, this is Silver’s Dusty, with one more, because this one’s just too awful for only one caption.
“The wolf knew of the volatile, incendiary passions she inspired in Don Vesuvio. She had, however, hoped for them to find another course of egress from his young, supple body. This would be a difficult Mating, indeed.”
From the song “Eternal Flame”.
“And is this burning An Eternal Flame?”
Ate the wrong Chili. Waaaaaaaay Wrong.
“Damn, my wife overdid the spices on the chili again!”
“Your love is deep inside me, burning, burning… Like an unquenchable fire, burning, burning…”
“Why you shouldn’t flame people over the internet when you have gas…”
“Dave decided to give up on fire-eating when the problems started to manifest…”
Ass-powered rocket!
Oh Lord, that first cover makes me giggle. Lol. Bring a whole new meaning to lighting a fire under someone’s butt. That’s sure to get him the girl!
Or to quote a song with some of my own adlibbing:
Good God, those hot ballz of fire!
😛
Hey, this blue stuff totally makes my junk look big!
Any Arrested Development fans out there?
How about: The Newest Look for NeverNudes!
Attack of the werefart!
How about
Fanny by Gaslight?
Oh man, this is such a fun comp. Laughing myself silly over the comments, and the covers. This is a whole new genre. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Or the heart of my bottom?
OK, I’ll stop now.
Oooh, how ‘bout “Rocket Man” or “Loves Enduring Flame” or “Burning Love” or “Light of My Life” or “I’m Burning for You”
1. “Come on baby, light my fire.”
2. Wolf, looking at camera. “Do you suffer from erectile dysfunction?”
“Burning sulfur, hot and stinky – signs of a REAL MAN ™ fart”
Kieron didn’t realize that when Marlena said she used Blue Flame for her tramp stamp she was talking about a tattoo parlor…
‘The Whiff of Caribou Stew’
The funniest thing about that cover is the look on the wolf’s face: total disdain. Hilarious. That and the fact that the guy is either looking down in embarrassment or is staring at his junk.
Caption:
“When bad gas happens to good people.”
“Pft.”
“Woof.”
“Pffffft.”
“Wooofff!”
“Pfffffffffffttttttt!”
“Grrrrrrr….woof!”
“PTHBBBBBBFFFFT!”
” *yipe*! “
OMG did anyone look at these covers before they became public?
Giving new meaning to the term “so gay he’s flaming…”
Oh man, that cover is full of LOLness.
Wolf- “So THAT’s where the Aurora borealis comes from?!”
Man- “Well, hot air rises…”
or
The Blue Flames of Assiniboine
or
The Mating: They were so hot, they went blue.
or
His Flatulence was only the Beginning of the [Rear]End.
Must. Stop. Giggling.