Romance Sex in Weird Places: Where and How?

Advice So here’s a question for you, as part of my continued research for “Everything I Know About Love, I Learned from Romance Novels:” Where is the strangest place you’ve seen a couple in a romance novel have sex?

I’m not picky as to the specific sexual act (wow, could that get me into some fun trouble if taken out of context!), but I am curious which crazy or bizarre locations you’ve read about when the happy stiffy meets the eager recipient of said happy stiffy. Could be a lava-hot cavern of love, or another happy stiffy that’s tangling with the first happy stiffy – whatever. Like I said, I’m curious about location location location.

If I recall, and I still haven’t found this book so I’m not 100% sure it was a Susan Johnson novel, the strangest location I’ve read about a couple putting the love monkey in the love glove, was in a lake in England in WINTER. It had to be cold and slimy, and slimy, and COLD, but no, orgasms for all! Yeesh.

I’ve read sex in stairwells in space and on Earth, and often while the bad guys were after them (and you know when you absolutely cannot wait another moment to get your freak on, the bad guys will lose their sense of direction until you’re done), and I’ve read sex in carriages and wagons, in barns, underneath trees and, great shock of my life, in BED, but I’ve also read some very adventurous places.

What about you? Is there in your reading memory a sex location that, ha ha, sticks out?

Categorized:

Random Musings

Comments are Closed

  1. Phlox says:

    Neither are actually from a romance (one is a fanfic and the other is a Carl Hiaasen Novel), but I still think they deserve a mention:

    In a corner booth of a fancy restaurant while waiting for the waiter to come take their orders.  The hero fingers the heroine’s naughty bits under the table, only to be interrupted by the waiter returning right before her big finish.  It was actually rather hot, except for the last bit.

    The other is standing up in a stream or river (I seem to remember flowing water) in the middle of the Florida everglades.  He’s a semi-crazy hermit person, and she’s a reporter(?) that he sort-of kidnapped(?).  All I really remember of the scene is that he does it reeeeeeeeally slooooooooowly, so that she’s totally caught off guard when she comes.

    Oh!  And I think this was from a parody of bad sex scenes, so probably doesn’t count, but in a walk-in freezer that they’ve somehow got trapped in.  I think it ended with her lady bits getting frozen to the table they were doing it on >.<

  2. Ikkin says:

    So this is not a novel or personal experience, rather a TMI thing I learned about my family but my grandparents had a goal to have sex in every single state. Apparently, the only state they hadn’t had sex in was Washington when they were 60 something or so and were on a trip where they were flying through Washington on a private plane owned by my great uncle. So my grandpa convinces my great uncle to stop in Washington for the night because they’d never “been” there which was a lie, my grandma and grandpa just had never had sex there (apparently doing it while flying over them didn’t count). So the deed was completed that night and now my grandparents have the honor of bragging that they’ve done it in all 50 states of good old United States.

  3. Janet says:

    Some ridiculous book that I can’t even remember right now. It’s the middle of winter, and they have sex in a gazebo in the town square. Other people are around. This is like the first scene in the novel WTF?

  4. Janet says:

    And the reason I stopped reading John Updike (not romance, I know) was a scene in one of the Rabbit books where he’s in the bathroom with his married, pregnant lover, I think at a dinner party or something, and she’s so turned on by watching him take a piss that I think they have sex right there. Eww.

  5. Lori says:

    So the deed was completed that night and now my grandparents have the honor of bragging that they’ve done it in all 50 states of good old United States.

    I adore your grandparents.

  6. Pam says:

    One of the authors I’ve encountered through SBTB is Loretta Chase. I’ve enjoyed her novels though I haven’t gone out and read every single one obsessively as I did a couple of other authors I’ve run across on this site.  In both Lord of Scoundrels and—I think—Miss Wonderful, there are close encounters of the nookie kind in graveyards.  In the latter, I believe the hero and heroine are soulfully contemplating her mother’s grave when the urge strikes.  Aside from the discomfort of humping up against cold mossy gravestones, there’s an element of crassness in this setting that just doesn’t do it for me

  7. Eileen says:

    In one of Jo Beverley’s books they get it on in a coffin.  The hero does call her on how strange that is, after the fact.  “Sex on a coffin.  Sex *in* the coffin, for god’s sake!”  Or at least that’s how I remember it.

    The book is not a paranormal, either!

  8. kkw says:

    Sex is totally possible on horseback.  I’m not saying it’s comfortable, advisable, or sexy.  Just because a thing can be done doesn’t mean it should be.  But for what it’s worth: possible.  Also in a tree, on the subway, in the northern Atlantic ocean, in the snow, in public bathrooms, while driving, in limos, in taxis even, in a graveyard, church…there may be high ick factors involved, but none of this strains credibility.  A motorcycle I have neither first nor second hand accounts of, but according to Manswers, and who doesn’t believe Manswers, the best way to have sex on a motorcycle is essentially missionary position with her legs wrapped around his waist because otherwise her dangling legs are liable to get burned.  Just so’s you know.  In Romancelandia, the strangest sex scene locale I can think of is probably in mid-air, a favorite paranormal trope.

  9. JamiSings says:

    @Mortaine – That’s why I stopped reading Piers Anthony. I noticed he seemed really stuck on the idea that it’s okay for adults to have sex with kids. It really disgusted me.

  10. Cherry Adair says:

    OMG, laughing my ass off (if only that were possible!) I’ve added all of the above books to my TBR pile. I am very proud of my camel sex scene I’ll have you all know. Written tongue in cheek after countless years reading about couples in historical romances who had sex on a wild, black (always black) stallion as they raced across the moors, in the dead of night, in a rain storm, with the bad guys hot on their trail. I used to try and picture exactly how sex on a galloping horse, and dressed as they were (the couple, not the horse)  was logistically possible given the dozens petticoats, and of course the angle of it all….. Vastly entertaining. The Camel Union was not pleased with my use of camels in the scene in OUT OF SIGHT, and complained bitterly. Here’s their letter to me, should you care to read it. http://cherryadair.com/userFiles/pageGraphics/file/WORLDWIDECAMELUNION.pdf and just because I’m here, and talking about it – I’ll give away 3 copies to the first 3 people to e mail me via my website and ask for a copy of OUT OF SIGHT.  Cherry

  11. MorriganC says:

    Kathyn Caskie’s New Series Seven Deadly Sin’s first book To Sin With a Stranger had the couple doing it on a Panteon Marble statue that the Lord Elgin had stolen(?) it was hot and sassy but I’m still trying to wrap my head around the HOW of it.

    Victoria Dahl also has a fun contemporary psuedo series and the last book has the stars having some fun on the hood of the hero’s truck overlooking a blasting sight. I can’t remember if they actually got it on, but let just say that whole book was fulfilling one of my own little personal fantasies.

    Nora Roberts Montana Skies in the cab of the truck, feet on the ceiling was very inlightening ( I was 13 when I read it) and still makes me smile when I think of it.

  12. Shannon H says:

    On the back on a horse. In Tsarist Russia. In the winter. Fun. Times.

  13. Cat Marsters says:

    [quoteA group of friends had a pact to abstain from sex and would moniter each others’ GPS to make sure no sex happened (because they could also see if the underwear was removed for any length of time). ]

    Say what?? Don’t these people bathe? This has to be one of the maddest setups I’ve ever heard of. Are they expected to wear the same underwear, day after day? What sort of period of time can they be without it? Long enough to shower? Long enough to complete a laundry cycle? Have to say, both of those are long enough to do the naughty!

    Maybe I’m just reading this wrong, but the whole premise sounds utterly insane to me.

  14. Mary G says:

    I had heard about the breastfeeding during sex scenes from a fellow reader and all I could say was, “I know women are great at multitasking but… NO

  15. Merry says:

    Sex in a tree also has a long pedigree in literature. Goes back to at least to the Canterbury Tales. (When I read Chaucer in Grad School, a fellow student protested to the professor that we were being forced to read porn.)

    And I didn’t know anyone else had read John Boyd. Didn’t he write the scene where the heroine lies back passively while a giant flower (space alien flower) puts its stamen to good use?

    The most unbelievable romance scene I’ve read seems tame compared to the others in this list. Still remember it for being so unbelievable. The h/h are caught in a blizzard after being through harrowing times. They set up a tent and huddle together. And, of course, have sex. What was so hard to believe about that was that the author had just finished describing how the heroine had gotten a concussion an hour or so earlier and now had a terrible headache. And she still couldn’t resist the hero? Honey, sometimes it’s All Right to say “I have a headache.”

    days69—gosh, Mr. Word Verification, through me a challenging one, would you?

  16. Merry says:

    Sigh. Don’t mock Mr. Word Verification—he will have his revenge in typos.

  17. Karlie says:

    I never could picture how having sex in a rocking chair is suppose to work, however

    It works really really well

  18. Diana says:

    Johanna Linsey’s famous horseback scene in Savage Thunder came to my mind, too. I remember thinking that it just didn’t seem like a good idea – in a fall-off-the-horse-and-get-trampled sort of way.

  19. Muse of Ire says:

    @lizzie(greeneyedfem), that’s in another Kinsale, Midsummer Moon. In addition to the possibility of being observed by guests/servants, I always wonder how it is they don’t drown, the water being in full spate as they do it. Nevertheless, the scene is very, very hot.

    captcha: the69. No, I’m pretty sure there’s no oral sex involved. I should read it again to make sure . . .

  20. megsan says:

    I think the H/h had sex at the bottom of a filled swimming pool in MJD’s first Betsy book.

    the squicky thing about this scene was that all the other vampires, who only moments before been fighting the hero and heroine, were all standing around watching H/H consumate in the pool – water being somewhat see-through and all.

    On a horse?  On a camel?  With her pet dog in the room?  Ew.  Think of the poor animal forced to witness that.

    lolz this reminded me of my first boyfriend’s (thankfully small) dog, who would insist on jumping on top of us whenever we started making out in the lounge room. It was funny but a definite mood killer… at least until we moved to a more private, dog-less area.

  21. Kathleen says:

    OK I have a M/M one to share. Last night I was reading Marie Sexton’s The Letter Z. The two heroes (who are a couple) are at a gay bar and one gets turned on watching the other one dance with other men. They head to the bathroom with one stall and bribe the couple in front to let them go first. Inside the stall one of them ends laying his head on the back of the toilet, and they go at it while others are using the facilities and the other couple wait for their turn. TIM for me!

  22. Jacqui says:

    Coming out of lurkdom to say that I finished a book this morning where the hero and heroine have sex at a deserted gate at an airport.  Hero reassures the heroine that it is private enough because the airline that formerly operated the gate went belly-up.

    Book was Hot Under Pressure by Kathleen O’Reilly.

    This thread has made me laugh out loud at work on numerous occasions!

  23. V says:

    Am currently reading Lisa Kleypas’ Somewhere I’ll Find You. Sex in public bath, but the couple is alone. Great stuff. ;P

  24. JamiSings says:

    Karlie

    I never could picture how having sex in a rocking chair is suppose to work, however

    It works really really well

    You sound like you have experience in the operations of rocking chair sex. Do tell. How the f**k does it work?

  25. Mortaine says:

    @JamiSings: Me too. That was not the *last* Piers Anthony book I ever read, but it was damned close. At the time, I was not much older than the female character, and I kept thinking “wait… this author is, like, 60 years old…. what the heck is he thinking?!?” I mean, even then I knew the difference between a kid writing smutty stories (please tell me I’m not the only one….) about kids and an adult writing smutty stories about them.

  26. s'rah says:

    For the life of me, i can’t remember the name of the book or anthology it came from, but I recall one notable scene where the hero and heroine are on a zip line in the jungle and, at the moment of happy, there is a shower of light and sparks. I never actually finished the book (too painful) but pawned it off on my friend, directing her to that particular scene for her own enjoyment.

  27. JamiSings says:

    @Mortaine – I finally gave up after a Xanth book where it finally became painfully obvious he was into adult/child sexual relations. I thought with Firefly he just wanted a character who was sexually abused to bring drama. Then there was his series of books – I think it had Immortals in the name – where each book was about people taking over various roles such as Death, the Fates, etc. In the final book they replace God Himself. First though they rescue a 15 year old girl from a serial killer and she spends so much time with this nearly 50 year old balding man that a relationship develops but they don’t have sex because she doesn’t want him in jail. All the Immortals think if God says it’s okay for adults to have sex with kids “If they’re really in love” then the world will follow suit.

    It was just really disgusting. Like Anne Rice’s Belinda – about the pedophile who ends up married to a 16 year old girl. That whole book was icky. Like how he talked about cruising for child prostitutes, both female and male. Ug.

  28. Maria says:

    A Dangerous Love has the hero and heroine participating in some oral on a swing. He pushes the swing way up, and she puts her legs over his shoulders. I’m still confused on how she doesn’t fall. Luckily he has them move to the picnic blanket for the rest of the fun, although I think the rest of it might have been easier with the swing at a much lower height.

    Yeah the Sookie/Bill Sex in the graveyard with him completely covered in dirt, ewww, all I could think was that I really wouldn’t want any dirt down there.

  29. Sandra says:

    Nora Roberts Montana Skies in the cab of the truck, feet on the ceiling was very inlightening ( I was 13 when I read it) and still makes me smile when I think of it.

    This reminded me that I’ve had Montana Sky in my TBR pile for quite a while, so I dug it out. Not only do these two MCs have sex in a truck (with NR throwing in all the awkward positions and gyrations THAT involves), they consider sex on a horse. She comes up with the idea; he gets excited thinking about it. But then, being an experienced horseman, he realizes they’re likely to spook the horse, and end up in the dirt with broken necks. So, his reluctant response is “later, baby”.

  30. h311ybean says:

    Susan Elizabeth Phillips’ “It Had to Be You” – on the 50-yard line of a football stadium. Except the heroine doesn’t realize it until after hero removes her blindfold.

    She also goes down on him in an airplane restroom. I still can’t figure out how that worked.

  31. Sandra says:

    She also goes down on him in an airplane restroom. I still can’t figure out how that worked.

    IIRC, that was a chartered jet for the football team. Maybe the restrooms were football player sized, rather than the standard shoe box?

    wall47: The circumference in inches of your normal garden-variety airplane restroom.

  32. Carmie says:

    Johanna Lindsey also wrote a scene with a horse but I can’t remember the name of the book…but she was from a different planet that was all advanced and no sex, lands on his primitive planet and he shows her all about the sex she has been missing on her own planet…and she gets pregnant, which no one did anymore, test-tube babies and all on her crappy planet.

    Warriors Woman and it is by Johanna Lindsey. but i don’t think it was a horse(a similar animal but not a horse). i love that book! Martha the super computer Rocks! It was just re-printed & it’s sort of a trilogy, there are books about their kids. Keeper of the Heart & Heart of a Warrior.

  33. Carmie says:

    there was one in an Emma Holly book were they have sex up-right in a cramped closet at a movie theater. It mentions her not being able move much b/c he was worried she might knock down mops & brooms & making noise (he didn’t want his -adopted- kids to find them)  she’s one of his grown daughter’s friends (his kids also dont know he’s a vampire,lol)

  34. Megaera says:

    Another one I’d completely forgotten.  In Maggie Shayne’s Miranda’s Viking, the hero and heroine have at it in a rowboat, after they’ve been abandoned out in the middle of the north Atlantic Ocean by the bad guys.  The hero, who’s a time-traveled Viking warrior, builds a mast and sail out of an emergency blanket and a paddle, and gets them back to safety, but while they’re skimming the waves, hungry, thirsty, cold, and damp, and the heroine, at least, is wondering if they’re even going to survive, well…

  35. bounababe says:

    I think in the first of the Iris Johansen Wind Dancer series, the heroine, who is all of 16, and hero, who is married, have sex up against the side of a horse. Not ON the horse, or in the vicinity of the horse, but up against the side of the horse, in daylight out in the open. But no one would dare to watch the master have sex so it was ok. It was ok that she was only 16 because that’s historically accurate. Yeah I know it actually is accurate for Renaissance Florence, but still, blech. And it was also ok that he was married because that was historically accurate, his wife was actually mentally disabled, and she died of the plague a few days later anyway. Through the whole book I kept wondering how big that horse was and why it would have just stood still for human boinking up against it’s flank.

  36. Carmie says:

    Yeah the Sookie/Bill Sex in the graveyard with him completely covered in dirt, ewww, all I could think was that I really wouldn’t want any dirt down there.

    Yeah that one got me too. wasn’t it raining too?

  37. Philippa says:

    Sex in a glass elevator [Going up].  One of the ones that go on the outside of the building.
    (Can’t remember the book)

  38. Mayweed says:

    The scene that I remember most – I don’t remember the name of the book but it was a Christmas story and while the kids are watching “It’s A Wonderful Life” on the living room floor, the h/h are having it away spoon style on the couch.

    I know there was a blanket covering them and all but what if Lil’ Timmy starts choking on an M&M?  Quick withdrawal, ickiness and an explanation to the two traumatized kids?

  39. It’s not from a romance really, but so long as dragons have been mentioned… how about in a cave but also flying in the air because two dragon riders are telepathically linked to their dragons? Does two locations and two couples count as one in this case? (I’m thinking the Anne McCaffrey books)

Comments are closed.

By posting a comment, you consent to have your personally identifiable information collected and used in accordance with our privacy policy.

↑ Back to Top