Romance Sex in Weird Places: Where and How?

Advice So here’s a question for you, as part of my continued research for “Everything I Know About Love, I Learned from Romance Novels:” Where is the strangest place you’ve seen a couple in a romance novel have sex?

I’m not picky as to the specific sexual act (wow, could that get me into some fun trouble if taken out of context!), but I am curious which crazy or bizarre locations you’ve read about when the happy stiffy meets the eager recipient of said happy stiffy. Could be a lava-hot cavern of love, or another happy stiffy that’s tangling with the first happy stiffy – whatever. Like I said, I’m curious about location location location.

If I recall, and I still haven’t found this book so I’m not 100% sure it was a Susan Johnson novel, the strangest location I’ve read about a couple putting the love monkey in the love glove, was in a lake in England in WINTER. It had to be cold and slimy, and slimy, and COLD, but no, orgasms for all! Yeesh.

I’ve read sex in stairwells in space and on Earth, and often while the bad guys were after them (and you know when you absolutely cannot wait another moment to get your freak on, the bad guys will lose their sense of direction until you’re done), and I’ve read sex in carriages and wagons, in barns, underneath trees and, great shock of my life, in BED, but I’ve also read some very adventurous places.

What about you? Is there in your reading memory a sex location that, ha ha, sticks out?

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Random Musings

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  1. 1
    Jinx says:

    I remember one near Buckingham Palace in an alley with a bunch of people nearby.

  2. 2
    Carolanne says:

    Bad Girl Bridesmaids…. Sex on a ladder!!

  3. 3
    Natalie L. says:

    I have a vague recollection about a Johanna Lindsay novel from the late 80’s or early 90’s where the hero and heroine have sex while riding a galloping horse.

  4. 4
    Jessica says:

    Passion in Lisa Valdez’s “Passion” had sex in a chuch.

  5. 5
    Jessica says:

    Church. Sigh.

  6. 6
    bungluna says:

    I remember a catergory way back in the late ‘80s;  the couple are stranded on a mountain top while climbing and have to make their way down during a blizard but pause half-way down the mountain to get it on under a sheltering tree.  I never figured out just how they reached connection with all the gear they were supposedly wearing!

  7. 7
    Aimee says:

    After escaping from an English estate where the Lady’s virtue was going to be sold to the highest bidder, there is a rockslide in the tunnel she and the Hero were traveling through. They are cut off from the rest of the other escapees an a small tomb like cave big enough for two people to lie down spoon style. While the other escapees promise to run up ahead to find help (and not be seen by the people that are chasing them), the Lady is suddenly incredibly turned on…blah blah blah. It’s a cold tunnel with rocks for a ground, it’s a man she doesn’t know and she’s just escaped from being kidnapped and auctioned off as a sex slave. And she’s horny. WHAT?!?

  8. 8
    Kerensa says:

    I believe Cherry Adair has one where they do it on a camel. Not sure if the hump(s) hindered or… helped. (Ha, ha – humping!!)

  9. 9
    Joy says:

    In one of Stephanie Laurens’s books, the couple does it in the ocean or Irish Sea or North Sea—some oceanlike location, anyway. With waves, salt, and sand.  STANDING UP.  I’m not sure this is even possible, unless English waves are significantly more wimpy than South Carolina waves.

    Also in Judith Ivory’s _Untie My Heart_ the h/h do it on a chair.  While she is tied to it.  While the scene is hot, and the actual location (hotel room) fairly mundane, I still haven’t worked out the physics/anatomy of that one at all. 

    ISTR hot-air balloon sex in a Nicole Jordan book.  I forget whether the balloon was airborne at the time or not.

    The rockslide cave-in tunnel sex, btw, was in Karen Robards _Shameless_, I just read that book a few weeks ago and I’m pretty sure that was it.

  10. 10
    sugar says:

    this just makes me realize.. I need to read MORE! :)

  11. 11
    Caroline says:

    Didn’t Jill Shalvis write a sex scene between a real estate agent and a fire man, where they were stuck under a desk in a building that was about to collapse, couldn’t see one another for the darkness, and had hot, “we’re gonna die” sex right there, all messy and dusty?

    I cannot remember the name of the book though…

  12. 12
    LEW says:

    Ahhh, @Kerensa beat me with Adair’s Sex-on-a-camel scene. It was WTFtastic!

  13. 13
    Jennifer Armintrout says:

    I read a historical back when I was a teenager where the hero went down on the heroine while she was sitting on the front seat of a Conestoga wagon, breastfeeding her baby, which wasn’t the hero’s.  It was so weird.  She had a hoop skirt on, and it was flipped way up in the air.  I remember at the time I didn’t have as big a problem with the breast feeding/oral sex combo as I did with someone wearing a hoop skirt whilst manifesting destiny.

  14. 14
    Vicki says:

    Ah, church, been there, done that. Felt guilty for a while (I was much younger then). It’s not so much the place that’s strange in some romances as the circumstances. We are being chased, we are trapped, we are thinking about going shopping, we have just met and are in the middle of a huge argument….

  15. 15
    Milena says:

    I’m blanking on the name of the book, but the hotness took place in a graveyard. In winter. In an English winter. I remember thinking that it can’t have been too comfortable. Or maybe I’m just wimpy.

    there38: yes, there must have been 38 better places.

  16. 16
    Maggie P. says:

    I remember that Johanna Lindsey, I believe it was Savage Thunder.  That book also stuck out to me as a “how is this possible?” moment.
    The ones that really puzzle me are the sexy moments in the snow, I kinda remember a trapped in a snow storm moment that made no sense because if it really is that cold you want to keep your extremities covered and warm rather then frolicking completely nekkid in frost-bite inducing weather/snow.

  17. 17
    Sally says:

    Well. I’ve just finished an enjoyably bonkers Regency romance where the hero and heroine go at it like knives on top of St. Paul’s Cathedral. Oh, and she’s invisible.

    (If you’re interested, it’s ‘Tempted by the Night’ by Elizabeth Boyle. And although it’s utterly bonkers (demons, secret identities and magical wish-casting rings, as well as invisibilisex) it’s definitely worth a read.)

  18. 18
    Kirsten says:

    While trapped in a cave by the tides, in a hot spring… Shattered Rainbows by Mary Jo Putney.

  19. 19
    Amanda S. (ManaChelle) says:

    I never really got the sex in the carriages thingie…I mean the driver always hits a bump and the virgin “accidently” falls on the mans lap and “ohhh no!” she isn’t a vrgin anymore but “its really quite pleasant”…Lol. Those ones always make me laugh and I know I’ve read more then a few in this situation.
    But really, is there ever really a wronge place to have sex when it comes to fiction? :)

  20. 20
    Lauren says:

    I loved when Rupert and Daphne from Mr. Impossible have sex during a sandstorm. I always enjoy those set-ups where the hero and heroine are stuck somewhere together and think “might as well have sex!” It’s clearly the logical thing to do.
    My favourite real life story was when a boyfriend told me about the time he and an ex had sex on a subway. It was the last trip of the night and the car was empty. My reaction: hilarious. . . but I hope I’ve never sat in that seat.

    north79 – if only it had been 69, it would have applied wonderfully to that “northbound, going down” tale.

  21. 21
    Amanda Blair says:

    The Johanna Lindsey Natalie L. is talking about is The Prince of Midnight. 

    Don’t Dain and Jessica have sex against a wall in a graveyard in Lord of Scoundrels?  or at least against a public building or something?  I remember he dragged her out of a boxing match so it was somewhere potentially public.

  22. 22
    darlynne says:

    This isn’t an unusual location as such, but when two of Suzanne Brockmann’s characters had sex for the first time in the back of a moving limousine, my WTF factor went off the charts. It’s difficult enough to stay seated in one of those puppies at corners, stops, etc. To have these two beloved characters wait for just that moment, for that should-have-been incredibly romantic, private and hot moment, to finally consummate their relationship in the back of a limousine? My outrage, it is boundless.

    Touched a nerve there, I guess.

    So I would posit that, in some situations, the location itself isn’t weird or unusual; the context of the where and when is perhaps also a contributing factor.

  23. 23
    Liz says:

    there are 2 that stick out for me.  The first is more the situation than the where (although the where was…different too).  It was in Candace Camp’s Promise Me Tomorrow.  The heroine has just been hit over the head and shoved into a mine when the hero finds her lying there.  He goes into the mine to get her out and after she comes to there is a rock slide and they’re trapped.  All of a sudden they start going at it.  Seriously?  In a mine?  That might collapse on you?  O-kay.

    The second was Three Nights with a Scoundrel by Tessa Dare.  The hero and heroine are out looking for a new house (since hers in entailed and his is out of the question).  The 19th century version of a real estate agent leaves them with the key with the promise that they’ll lock up after they leave.  They find a piano and the heroine tells the hero she likes watching him play, even though she cannot hear the notes (she’s deaf).  He sets her atop the piano as he plays, and he realizes that she likes the vibrations created by the music, giving him the crazy idea that they should have sex on the piano.

  24. 24
    Overquoted says:

    Sex with a dragon in a cave! I suppose, though, that’s really the only proper place to have sex with a dragon. *hums* Trapped in an elevator? – let’s knock boots! Sex in zero gravity (many times). I think only one of those, however, addressed the problems of fluids in zero gravity. Luckily, it was written to be very amusing instead of gross. Ok, maybe a little gross.

    Sex in giant trees seems to happen in damn near every book with a jungle. As someone who climbed almost every tree in the neighborhood as a child, I still don’t know how they manage that. I’m pretty certain I’ve read a sex scene that occurred during a Mardi Gras parade in N’awlins. Beads for all!

  25. 25
    Mikie J says:

    So…these characters don’t necessarily have S.E.X, but there’s this scene of sexual tension during Juliana Stone’s “The Darkest Hunger” where during the middle of an ATTACK… t minus a few minutes to get out of a soon to be exploding- in- flames building with a whole army of men waiting to capture and kill them, they are busy…wait for it!…feeling each other up!

    I mean come on. Worst moment ever to strip the girl and say, “hey, you have quite the delectable bosom!” Seriously? You are going to DIE. This is no time for copping a feel and sneaking a peek!!

    It bothered me, as you can tell.  Note:  The “Oh, hey- handsome-you’re-sexiness-just-saved-me” should come AFTER you are safe. Sheesh!

  26. 26
    Jody W. says:

    I think the H/h had sex at the bottom of a filled swimming pool in MJD’s first Betsy book. They were vampires who didn’t need to breathe so nobody died (again).

  27. 27
    AnnB says:

    I just finished a catagory romance in which the couple have sex in a tent in the middle of a shopping mall. His family owns the mall and he told her that some of his best memories are of the times he and his brother spent camping at the mall when they were kids. Cute in a weird sort of way!

  28. 28
    DreadPirateRachel says:

    The first e-book I ever read was a truly hideous novella set in way-back-when Scandinavia or something. I’m still not sure, because the author implied that it was Scandinavia but was using ancient Celtic mythology (WTF). I don’t remember the author, and I don’t remember the title, but I remember a truly bizarre sex scene.

    The sex in question was ON A HORSE. BAREBACK. I actually had to stop reading and think about the logistics for a good ten minutes. I’ve ridden horses. There’s not that much room up there. And without stirrups, how can you generate thrust? Do you just kind of bounce around and hope for the best? What about protecting the family jewels? They’d get smooshed!

    So, yeah. Still haven’t figured it out.

  29. 29
    sara says:

    I recently copyedited a book in which the hero and heroine have sex while he’s sitting in a wheelchair. (He has two broken legs.) I cringed the entire time I was putting the commas in the right places. It was…not a good book.

  30. 30
    Crystal says:

    Born In Shame by Nora Roberts, where Murphy and Shannon get it on propped against a standing stone.  It was hot, sure, but really, how many people really have the option of doing it in a mini-Stonehenge?

    (It was also one of the first sex scenes I ever read, and DAMN.)

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