The ever-awesome LadyRhian did some scanning, and then Candy and I did some screaming and some rushing and some eyewashing, and now it’s your turn to feast your eyes on the retro majesty.
Don’t say we didn’t warn you. As usual, these covers are NSFW in the fuchsia sense. I mean, there is NO way you can pass off that you’re doing work if you’re caught having a look-see at these.
Candy: Candy: I’ve encountered a lot of goofy names for schmeckies, but this is the first time I’ve heard it being called a Venus. Unless the title’s referring to the razor? I mean, this happy couple are kind of preternaturally shiny.
And speaking of preternatural: Holy Brylcreem bouffant, Batman! What did the stylist do, like, make the male model dive headfirst into a vat before posing for the shot?
Sarah: If the quality of a romance can be determined by the percentage of the cover that is turquoise and fuchsia, this book must be an absolute keeper of all keepers.
Also, why are there pink and purple bubbles emerging from her backside? She farts in colors, like the night?
Candy: Not only do they dare to kiss a cowboy, they dare to wear buckskin fringe. A LOT of buckskin fringe. The gayest (and I use that word with a lot of affection, because I loves me some gay) buckskin fringe that ever fringed. My only question is: where’s the cowboy? Is he hiding? Is he hiding (wait for it…) IN THE FRINGES?
Sarah: What do you think his tribal name is? “Rides with Jingle Knees?” “Armbands Do Not Make Him Gay?” “Stole the Vitalis?”
And more importantly, if this book was published in 1994, and that’s the “cowboy” there on the left, was Harlequin publishing M/M cross-dressing romance over 15 years ago and not telling anyone!?
Candy: Not so much vixen as corpse shot through a lens generously smeared with Vaseline to hide the fact that she’s, y’know, taxidermied. But “My Lady Rigor Mortis” just wouldn’t sell as many copies.
Sarah: On the turquoise-and-fuchsia scale, this book would give “Venus Rising” a run for its money, especially in the eyeshadow category. But what’s the quality indicated by a cover featuring Almost-Getting-to-Second-Base with a side order of Possible-Buttsecks?
@Morwen, I think you’re on to something. I think they just might be the same guy!
LOL!! They also got the nipples off the chick on the first book.
and after much bitterness he takes her to a pow wow and seduces the chaps off her
So she’s just his snag? Kind of a letdown but,
Ain’t that how it always goes, though?
Usually. He’s obviously from the Chippendale tribe.
Were the artists apprentices of Robert Kincaid? if I am remembering his name correctly? He’s the painter who does the irridescent landscapes and such. Not a favorite of mine.
Nope! Nope! Sorry! It’s Thomas Kincaid I’m thinking of!
@sweetsiouxsie
That would be *Thomas* Kincaid, and now that you mention it . . .
Whatever happened to Honor anyway?
Cover #3 shows the set up for the plot in plenty of detail. We can see from the angle of the masts on that ship that it is tilted to the side, and has obviously run aground. We even know precisely where, because that’s a the Rock of Gibraltar, looking at it from the east, on the left-hand side. They are both blushing and have their eyes closed, so this is a “stranded gentleman came upon stranded lady unexpectedly while she was partially undressed” scenario, and he is gallantly trying to stop her dress from falling off.
I’m convinced that it’s a several-generations-earlier prequel to Jane Austen’s Persuasion, with the ancestors of Captain Wentworth and Anne Elliot.
No, really.
I rescued a beat up copy of My Lady Vixen from a dusty tourist shop in Aswan, Egypt in December 2004. I then asked Connie Mason to sign it at RT/Daytona in 2006!
Well, I was going to say Johnny Weissmuller, which would date me even older than you, except I grew up watching old Tarzan movies on Saturday afternoon tv. Or Patrick Warburton. I think the girl looks like Hilary Swank, though.
OMFG! These are hysterical and so sad at the same time.
Cover #1 – What is up with the guy’s hand? His pinkie and thumb are the same size.
Cover #2 – No self-respecting indian would be caught dead in that get-up! Besides how would you sneak up on something/someone with bells around your knees? And her sweater-y top thingy totally clashes with her chaps. Maybe the gay dude playing dress up next to her can give her some fashion advice?
Cover #3 – Did anyone notice the orchids on the cover? Is that some kind of subliminal message trick since they look like … well, you know, lady parts. And what is up with that line across her eyelids?
I’ve been looking and looking at #1. Both her legs are in front of her, one crossed over the other. If that’s his right leg on the little wall, then she’s sitting on . . .oh noes! If what they say is true about the correlation between thumb size and man parts, no wonder her nipples fell off.
#2: The guy does look like a pow wow dancer taking a break. I wonder how he manages not to have headdress hair, though, but the costume looks a lot like what I see in Tucson during pow wow. The bells are for dancing, not sneaking. He looks like a Yaqui suited up for the deer dance without the horns.
I checked Amazon to see whether it mentions the setting – not too many feathers in desert southwest garb. Found out the hero’s name is – Dusty Dare! That’s Anna on the left, and the other ranch hands are Hunky (!), Ben, and Flint.
How can I be the only person who sees a mullett in #1? And what’s with the floating orb?
Thanks for posting these!
ps: my spam word is “larger17.” I’ll let you ladies make your own jokes.
Yeah, that’s not a cowboy. The attempt at Native American clothing does not say “This is a cowboy!” to anyone. Now, if he was wearing a hat—or if the title was “Dare to Kiss a Cowgirl”—it might have worked. Though they would’ve been better off just making it a gay cowboy romance anyway.
I’m emailing this link to the 4 Poufs & a Piano fan club –
if they don’t go for cover 2 as new stage costumes,they’re not the boys I think they are !. (Also—I’ve still got my copy of Venus Rising. AND all the rest of my hidden stash of Flora Speer guilty pleasure 80’s romances !!!)
……Is that because of his bow- fronted chest, & his wooden legs ???? –
#2 is a cowboy?!!? I have never seen a cowboy in a semi utilikilt with Roman armband accessories!
Omg ROFL I just love your cover takes!
The last one sorta looks like he is performing the Heimlich Maneuver to me?
OMG. Dusty Dare???
#1 “ooh please, let me scratch that itch on your wool pants, ooh yeah, right there, ahhhhhhhh” “madame, you really should keep out of the poison ivy.”
#2 Is that a slinky on his right arm? And is he wearing a towel? And isn’t it wonderful how the color ochre is not just for mustard anymore? They really ought to get away from the whomping willow before it pounds them, too!
#3 I think that woman might be Charisma Carpenter, you know, Cordelia from Buffy? I think he’s blushing from having his zipper caught in her corset stays. (yes, I know zippers hadn’t been invented yet!)