The ever-awesome LadyRhian did some scanning, and then Candy and I did some screaming and some rushing and some eyewashing, and now it’s your turn to feast your eyes on the retro majesty.
Don’t say we didn’t warn you. As usual, these covers are NSFW in the fuchsia sense. I mean, there is NO way you can pass off that you’re doing work if you’re caught having a look-see at these.
Candy: Candy: I’ve encountered a lot of goofy names for schmeckies, but this is the first time I’ve heard it being called a Venus. Unless the title’s referring to the razor? I mean, this happy couple are kind of preternaturally shiny.
And speaking of preternatural: Holy Brylcreem bouffant, Batman! What did the stylist do, like, make the male model dive headfirst into a vat before posing for the shot?
Sarah: If the quality of a romance can be determined by the percentage of the cover that is turquoise and fuchsia, this book must be an absolute keeper of all keepers.
Also, why are there pink and purple bubbles emerging from her backside? She farts in colors, like the night?
Candy: Not only do they dare to kiss a cowboy, they dare to wear buckskin fringe. A LOT of buckskin fringe. The gayest (and I use that word with a lot of affection, because I loves me some gay) buckskin fringe that ever fringed. My only question is: where’s the cowboy? Is he hiding? Is he hiding (wait for it…) IN THE FRINGES?
Sarah: What do you think his tribal name is? “Rides with Jingle Knees?” “Armbands Do Not Make Him Gay?” “Stole the Vitalis?”
And more importantly, if this book was published in 1994, and that’s the “cowboy” there on the left, was Harlequin publishing M/M cross-dressing romance over 15 years ago and not telling anyone!?
Candy: Not so much vixen as corpse shot through a lens generously smeared with Vaseline to hide the fact that she’s, y’know, taxidermied. But “My Lady Rigor Mortis” just wouldn’t sell as many copies.
Sarah: On the turquoise-and-fuchsia scale, this book would give “Venus Rising” a run for its money, especially in the eyeshadow category. But what’s the quality indicated by a cover featuring Almost-Getting-to-Second-Base with a side order of Possible-Buttsecks?