Oh, the funny funny that can be inspired by the epic and frightening man titty. Behold the winner of the Nip Suck Caption Contest.
Honorable Mention goes to:
Linsalot for “Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world’s first bionic man. Rio will be that man; better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster and most importantly with bigger man-titty, long blue hair and a meticulously manscaped underarm”
For some reason, the word “manscaped” always makes me giggle.
Mari for “…In just 7 days, I can make you a maaa…nnn…”
or was that a jump to the left?
and Kathlyn for And for his third wish, he asked the beautiful Genie for a little head.
But so many of you laughed as hard as I did at the winning entry. And so, I proclaim Pam the Winner of a $25 gift card to the bookstore of her choice for this entry of fantasmic excellence in song lyric rewriting:
His name is Rio and he dances in the sand—
His head is tiny though he’s such a manly man—
Oh, Rio, Rio, is the problem in your glands?
Your abs are melting and your manly bits, unmanned…..
Good luck getting that out of your head.
Congrats! Please email me at sarahATsmartbitchestrashybooksDOTcom to claim your winnings, and let me know which bookstore rocks your boat, and possibly your inflatable man-titty life jacket.
I mean, that’s what he’s wearing, right? A man-titty life jacket? They can’t be REAL, can they?
Yay, Pam! I hoped she would win. Congrats, you funny talented bitch! (I mean that as a compliment, ya know.)
I just can’t compare to the brilliance of these winners.
I hardly noticed how small his head is because I’m fixated on how short his upper body is. And do his hips really come out that far from his waist or is he standing with his leg turned out? No matter how I try to explain it, all I come up with is a science experiment (Dr. Moreau, we’re calling you) gone terribly, terribly wrong.
I am just so tickled by this. Thank you for the kind words, ladies. I’m just really happy that you laughed.
I’m still trying to figure out why he is wearing the official urban fantasy belt on his arm?!!???
when73: when 73 plastic surgeons collaborate on a total body makeover, the results ain’t pretty.
OH – I saw the Urban Fantasy Belt in action last week! My angsty teenage server at Wagamama’s in Boston (Quincy Market) was wearing it under his server apron. I almost spewed iced tea through my nose when I spotted it peeking out! Tried to snap a pic with my phone but couldn’t get the right angle.
Of course I thought of all the bitches and then had to share the whole story with hubby.
than24: no, there’s no way that server was more than 24 years old, but he did look like he could have used 24 more visits with his dermatologist…
D’Oh! AND – Congrats Pam – no way will I get that version of Rio out of my head!