Wicked Delights of a Bridal Bed: A Crazy Avon Giveaway

Book CoverTo celebrate the release of Wicked Delights of a Bridal Bed by Tracy Anne Warren, Avon has come up with an absolutely honking enormo-gigundous awesome contest. Tell us your favorite wedding night story – touching, funny, silly, sexy, bizarre, whatever – in the comments, whether it’s your story or the story of someone you know, and we’ll pick one winner.

What does that winner receive?

A bed.

No, really. A Bed. The winner will receive a $2000.00 US gift certificate to Tempurpedic, for use in buying your own squishy-comfy bed. Wicked delights are optional, but I trust you can work that out on your own.

I will say, I own a memory foam bed of a different brand. I call it “the Huggy Bed.” It’s so freaking comfortable, and I love love love it.

Second prize is a complete set of the Byrons of Braebourne series, thus far: Tempted By His Kiss, Seduced By His Touch, At the Duke’s Pleasure, and Wicked Delights of a Bridal Bed.

The nitty-gritty beddy-details:

– Contest is open to US residents only (I’m sorry, all you awesome people outside the border).

– The comments will close Thursday 2 September at 11:00 pm EDT.

– Winner will be chosen by random drawing using random.org.

– Winner will be announced on Friday 3 September 2010.

– Disclaimer: The prize may be subject to federal and/or state income tax for the winner. Neither I, nor Smart Bitches Trashy Book LLC, make any representation with respect to the tax status of the prize. Participants are encouraged to consult with their accountants or other tax advisors.

– More Disclaimer: I’m not being compensated for this giveaway. (Really, are you kidding? You think if I had a shot at two grand for a memory foam mattress I wouldn’t hit the edge of the internet and keep running with my ill gotten, foamy gains? Bitch, please.) Your mileage may vary. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Avoid publicists armed with minigolf clubs. Do not get in eyes or mouth. For bedroom use only.

Comments are Closed

  1. Dayle says:

    This isn’t about our wedding night, but the night before our wedding.

    My then-fiance had gotten a job in Wales for a year, so off we went. Except the British government decided that because we weren’t married, I couldn’t stay. Hence our decision to elope properly in Gretna Green, Scotland. (As you do.)

    The night before our wedding, the newly married couple in another room in our B&B had a fight. He was drunk, so she locked him out of the B&B. He managed to wake up the proprietress to let him in, whereupon he stood outside his new bride’s door and proceeded to (a) wheele, (b) sing to her in a nearly unintelligible drunken Scottish accent (something along the lines of “Janie, I love you, Janie, you’re my new wife, Janie, you’re my bride…”, and then (c) shout, swear, and pound angrily on the door.

    Their room was between our and the stairs. We finally managed to get ahold of the proprietress on the phone. She was terrified because it as the very first time since they’d started running the B&B that her husband and son were out of town. She’d called the police, but the Gretna Green police had already closed for the night (typical small British town!) and so they were coming from the next town over, which would take longer.

    So my fiance went to our doorway and did everything he could to distract Janie’s new husband, who was bleeding from a head would from pounding his head on the door. He’d also kicked a hole in the bottom of the door. My fiance is a very mild-mannered, anti-violence man unless there’s an emergency, and he told me later that he was just going to keep the guy talking until the police came—unless the guy managed to get into Janie’s room, in which case, the guy was going down. (I don’t doubt this for a second.)

    Thankfully, the police arrived soon thereafter. The first one up the stairs? A wee blonde lass. I suppose I shouldn’t’ve doubted her abilities, but I was truly relieved when her partner, larger and maler, appeared behind her.

    So Janie’s new husband was carted off to spend his wedding night in jail. The next morning we asked the B&B proprietress if there was anything we could do to help Janie out (train fair home?) and she said no, the worst part was that Janie was too embarrassed to call her family and tell them what happened. Seems she and the guy had been dating for seven years (what, and she never got a hint that he was a rotten drunk?) and they’d snuck off to elope without telling anyone.

    I’m happy to report that this ended up having no negative effect on my marriage (just passed the 12-year mark), and on the plus side it gives us a great story to tell!

  2. Joshua Keith says:

    Man, we could use a new bed-

  3. Jacqueline L. says:

    My girlfriend’s new husband drank a lil’ too much and ended up puking upon arriving at the hotel room. Let’s just say that was the most action that occurred that night. Poor thing..lol

  4. SeaGrace says:

    My wedding night was 29 years ago and I can’t remember much about it to tell the truth.  We eloped in Las Vegas, drove to Park City, Utah (before it was resort town.) The thing I remember most was that every person, adult and child, we saw on the streets had blond hair.  We couldn’t find a brunette anywhere, not to mention someone of a different ethnic background. It was actually spooky after a while. I though we were in The Twilight Zone or something.

    Since that 29 year marriage crashed and burned this spring, I sure could use a new bed.  Would love a “huggy bed”.

  5. kaetchen says:

    I’ll play…

    My story involves two weddings. My mom is ten years older than her younger sister, and so was a teenager at my mom’s wedding. At the reception, my great-uncles (all seven of them) took my auntie’s brand-spankin’ new boyfriend aside, pulled a knife on him, and gave him the, “now, you’re not going to do anything to hurt our little girl, are you?” speech.

    Years later, when my aunt got married (to that same young man), the uncles all got together again, and gave him the knife as a wedding present.

    Gotta love those old-fashioned weddings, no? 🙂

  6. Joan says:

    My husband and I eloped while we were still in college—at different colleges. I had gone up to his school for homecoming weekend and we decided then to get married. What with the blood test and all, we had to wait until the following Tuesday to get married at the courthouse.

    I had midterms coming up, so had to hop a plane and get back to school almost as soon as the ceremony was over. I spent my wedding night in my bed at the sorority house where my roommate kept saying “I can’t believe it’s your wedding night.” Neither could I.

    Another thing that’s hard to believe is that it happened 40 years ago and we are still together.

  7. Christy says:

    When we walked out of the church we discovered his co-workers had wrote on the car with white shoe polish! When we arrived back at my mom’s to get my car we discovered one of my future brother n law’s had put stink bait in it. We rolled down the windows and took his car to the car wash and spent over an hour trying to get shoe polish off. We were finally on the road to Sea Side, Fl., we stopped for the night in AL the hotel had one room left and it was right by the coke and ice machine.  All night we heard the ice dropping and people getting cokes. I’ve told him I’ll kill him before I divorce him because I won’t go thru that again! I won’t even go into him stepping in a hole on the beach the 2nd day and hurting his back ugh!

  8. Bren says:

    When I was married over twenty years ago I was quite zaftig (picture Christine Hendricks) and none of the dresses I tried on were flattering. Instead of fooling around with alterations, I had mine made so I could incorporate all the details I wanted and leave out the ones that were popular at the time that were just so not me.  Given that “the girls” were one of my better attributes, the dress was cut so that my decolletage was respectably but attractively displayed.

    Of course every bride knows that the dress is only as good as the undergarment (from this point on, read in large, dramatic voice) and the one I selected was, of course, industrial strength control throughout the midsection and provided an impressive foundation for my cantilevered chest!  It sucked in, lifted and smoothed and trimmed just perfectly!  I was READY!

    Fast forward to the morning of the wedding.  Sexy hose.  Check.  Undergarment. Check.  Dress……..over the head, the sighing of silk as it flows down over my shoulders, skimming my newly trim hips, down in a swirl of spun sugar and just a tiny dusting of diamond-like beading.  Ohhhhhhh…..beautif………

    WHAT????  The bra portion of the UNDERGARMENT is showing at the corners of the top of the dress!  Pull.  Tug.  YANK.  Yank down, dress up.  Yank out, dress in.  Nothing.  Three inch wide “flesh” colored elastic, peeking out at the edge just enough to look RIDICULOUS.  What to do, what to DO????

    Dressmaker to the rescue!  A couple of scraps of extra lace, a quick baste, little wings of lovely lace sewn onto the corners of the neckline, sewn as if by fairies with tiny, invisibly dainty stitches!  No one can tell!  It looks PERFECT!  Nothing is moving, the bra doesn’t reappear!  Hurray! 

    Off to the church, to the country club, all is well!  No one knows!  Hurray!

    Get to the hotel.  Sexy time!  Take off the thigh high hose. New HUBBY unbuttons all the tiny buttons.  I begin to slide the dress of my shoulders.  Sexy, a little shy – we are MARRIED now, after all – coyly getting ready to slide one shoulder down………….

    Dress.  Won’t. Move.  Huh?  Try again, keeping smile and expression of anticipation on face.  Sliiiii.

    What is………  OH!  The DRESS IS SEWN TO THE UNDERGARMENT.  All the way through.  I can’t take off one without the other and I can’t take of both at the same time!  Am I really and truly STUCK in my wedding dress until the morning?

    Hubby proves he is useful at least in one regard and pulls out his version of the fancy shmancy Swiss Army Knives that were the groomsman’s gifts.  Pulls out the scissors and proceeds to snip each tiny stitch – remember, the fairies? – attaching the dress to the undergarment.  Over forty minutes later, I am free!

    Twenty years later, he relishes the tale of how he had to “cut me out of my dress” on our wedding night.

  9. robinjn says:

    Not my own wedding story, but when my sister got married back in the mid ‘70s, my Mom, a control freak at the best of times, was a total and complete wreck. To heap punishment on her own head, she decided to do the reception at our house, in our backyard. Which involved months of cleaning and grooming and in those days, lots of prayer for good weather since we didn’t have giant tents.

    The weather was great and everything went smoothly until the caterer who was supposed to be making a non alcoholic punch and a lightly alcoholic punch … got drunk. He forgot the whole concept of fruit juice or non-alcoholic. Everyone got completely trashed. That wedding is still a legend in our small town (in a dry county in KY). The photographer lost the film from all the pictures at the reception. My Mom walked smack into a sliding glass door, broke her nose, then kept insisting it was FINE as her face puffed up like a balloon. 

    One of the groomsmen, owner of a local bait shop, dumped an entire box of crickets into the getaway car, and my sister and new BIL had to drive to Florida with crickets chirping every time they turned on the AC.

    And somehow we ended up with something like 40 cases of sauterne that were supposed to go into one of the punch bowls in lieu of champagne, while all of the expensive champagne was completely gone.

    But more than 30 years later, they’re still married!

  10. Anisette says:

    After all of the stress of planning a wedding, the wedding night was really fun. Right after the wedding we headed to Bar Harbor, Maine for our honeymoon and it was awesome.

  11. Sparrow says:

    Well, we haven’t had our wedding night yet, but we’re inviting a half dozen of our closest friends to come and spend the weekend partying with us in Las Vegas.

    On the special day, we’re going to dress in our finest Rat Pack era fashions and have a martini reception, before getting married by Elvis.  Neither of us is a particularly huge Elvis fan, but it just seems appropriate, you know? 

    As we’re both movie buffs, and both of our favorite films were originally planned to end with pie fights, (mine is Dr. Strangelove, his is Wings of Desire) the wedding will end with a pie fight. 

    We’re considering just asking forgiveness from the place that’s hosting our wedding, as permission seems a bit hard to come by, but even if we can’t make it happen though, we’re not going to feel so bad, because after all, neither Wings of Desire nor Dr Strangelove *actually* ended with a pie fight…

    After that it’s complimentary dry cleaning for our guests, and a night of casual gaming and maybe even a show!

  12. Katrina says:

    Damn. Didn’t read the rules. I’m not a U.S. resident, so you get my wedding night story for free.

  13. Anony Miss says:

    Best friend spent two hours in the wedding hall on the floor of the bride’s room, nauseous and weak and having ripped off her dress to get in pajamas. Finally they left, limo to the hotel – and at 1 AM, call me and my dad (who’s a doc) to ask if they should go to the ER. She did, got two bags of fluids, went back to the hotel in time to check out – and the hotel wouldn’t even give them a refund!

    Limo + hotel + ER bill = very, very expensive, non-consummated wedding night (and they had been waiting until after the wedding too!)

  14. Undisclosed says:

    I’ve never actually had a wedding night of my own, but I have been invited to join one. At the time, I laughed it off as a joke and the couple is still married today, so there you go. I do try to avoid being alone with the husband though. Just in case.

  15. Big Bonnie says:

    Due to some technicalities of Jewish marital purity laws (a whole separate long post!), wedding night consisting of going upstairs to our posh hotel room – and my parents room adjoining it. DH and I weren’t allowed to be, ahem, “together,” so he passed out while my mother was undoing my billion buttons and taking out the equal number of hair pins.

    Real “wedding night” came later, after a trip to the mikvah (google it). With $200 in traveler’s checks in hand, we’re sent off with my mother’s teary “you won’t be my little girl anymore” (retch) to drive somewhere (NJ?) to find a hotel. It must have been conference season, because the only thing we can find is a room in the Holiday Inn with the caveat that the hotel is undergoing renovations. We stayed until noon the next day, having been awoken at 7 AM by jackhammers in the next room (!).

    And the consummation? We didn’t achieve it, but not for lack of trying! Both of us had no experience, and I was so – um – um – well, tight – that every time we came close to, um, consummation, I was whimpering in pain. It took four more nights of ‘trying’ – but boy oh boy, did we have fun trying!

    (And it wasn’t comfortable for about two more months, but sigh, happily married still 11 years later!)

  16. Buffy says:

    Our wedding was held at an old resturant and they had a time limit on the entire thing. It was unfortunate because everyone, including us, were having a blast when the night came to an end.

    My husband and I booked a room at the Brown Palace in Denver, CO for the wedding night. When we checked in, we were informed that we were upgraded to the Eisenhower Suite. This room was HUGE! It had a sitting room, a full size dining room, a bedroom and two bathrooms. We called some friends from the room and invited them all up to party some more. We ordered room service and had some drinks. The husband and I did manage to get in sexy times as well.

    It was pretty great!

  17. quichepup says:

    I think Erin L. wins so far.

    One of my bridesmaids didn’t show up, so we had to pull one of the groomsmen. They fought for the honor of being pulled out of the wedding. At the reception my cousin’s fiance (now her ex-husband) landed on and crashed a table trying to catch the garter.

    It snowed as we made out getaway but that wasn’t so bad. We learned we made a big mistake soon after—neither one of us had reserved a room for the night. We could have gone to our new house but there was no furniture and no heat and it was November. We learned something else—don’t get married when there’s a horse show in town, because there are no available hotel rooms.

    We did manage to find a room at one hotel and things seemed to be going well. Until my new husband turned on the TV and we ended up watching Vanna White in “Goddess of Love” at the same time we were supposed to be consummating our wedding night. It’s been 22 years so far.

  18. Lynn M says:

    In an effort to save some money, my then-fiance arranged for us to take the earliest possible flight to our honeymoon destination of St. Thomas – at 6 a.m. from an airport that was an hour away! So after our wedding reception when ended somewhere around midnight, I changed out of my dress into jeans and a tee shirt, and my new hubby and I drove to the gas station to fill up the car in preparation for the trip we’d be taking at 4:00 am. Unfortunately my hair had been hairsprayed into a solid mass of pure, gigantic mall hair, so I looked fabulous pumping gas, no doubt with the bits of birdseed and rice adding that nice lice-infested touch. We stopped by Pizza Express which had been our favorite haunt back in our college days (we got married in our college town), grabbed an order of breadsticks and went back to our hotel room and had a picnic.

    The next day, by the time we finally got to St. Thomas, we were both so exhausted we could barely see. Our rental car had manual transmission and my husband couldn’t drive stick shift. So I was driving – on the left side of the road, no less – we couldn’t figure out how to get to our condo which we could see at the top of this mountain, and we couldn’t understand any of the directions from the locals because their accents were so thick. So the first day of our honeymoon we’re driving in circles, I’m crying and saying “I want to go home!”

    It turned out pretty great in the end, though.

  19. Sarah L says:

    Not my wedding night story, but still:

    A good friend of my husband and I (the best man at OUR wedding, in fact) was getting married. He and his new bride were in a not-so-great financial situation and weren’t going to have a honeymoon, so hubby and I got them three nights at a nice hotel and some restaurant gift cards.

    They told us, rather shamefacedly, after their honeymoon was over, that they would make sure we weren’t charged for the broken headboard.

  20. Stacey P. says:

    In the hours leading up to my wedding, my husband took it upon himself to hide our car 30 minutes away in the parking lot of a local hospital, to minimize the chances of it getting, ahem, decorated. Unfortunately, he needed someone to drive him back after dropping it off, and the groomsmen got to him. He squealed with minimal persuading, and if I had been paying any attention to that sort of thing, I would have seen him slip into the wedding ceremony a few minutes late—because he was promptly sent out to decorate the car for us, and was a little late making it back.

    After our reception, we took the limo back to the beach house we’d been staying at, changed clothes, and then took a decoy car out to where our own car was parked. When we got there, we discovered not only had the car been decorated, but the entire bridal party had beat us there. They were all sitting in a couple of empty parking spaces outside of the hospital, still in tuxes and dresses, waiting for us to arrive. Apparently they got quite a few odd looks from passersby—one of the groomsmen decided to have a bit of fun, and solemnly told anyone who looked at them oddly that they were just waiting for the bride to get out of delivery.

    Incidentally, that particular groomsman is now an OB/GYN, 🙂

  21. Chas says:

    Our wedding took place on the lawn of our local courthouse. Our wedding “song” came from/with a ‘87 Trans Am blasting Freebird sitting at the red light next door.  (Romantic huh?!) 

    For our honeymoon my dad sent us to a nearby tourist town, the only catch was our daughter (who was 3) had to tag along.  We drove 3 hours to the town with the kiddo in the back screaming her head off, to arrive at this crappy little haunted hotel.  (Straight out of The Shining I tell ya!)  Where the kiddo proceeded to scream her head off all night.  When she finally fell asleep and we attempted to have some sexy time, kiddo woke up screaming “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY MOMMY??!!??”.  She then decided she had to protect me from her Daddy and slept between us in the bed for the duration of our honeymoon.

  22. Flo says:

    Mr. Flo and I got hitched via Justice of the Peace in Las Vegas because he was being sent to Korea for a year and wanted to be able to take care of me.  I had agreed it would be better.  Instead of telling anyone (parents friends etc.) we snuck over, said the “I Do’s” and told friends to meet us at Outback Steakhouse (hey… we were young… and cheap!).  We told our friends there, ate some steak, had some margaritas and went back to our apartment.

    Once there we proceeded to have a food fight with left over potatoes and steak.  I don’t even recall how it started.  But I recall laughing hysterically while trying to shove a piece of steak up my new husband and best friend’s nose.  The final conclusion was that the sheets most DEFINITELY had to be washed the next day.

    But it was worth it! 🙂

  23. JC says:

    No wedding night stories, but I’ll tell my friend’s wedding mishaps.  They’re a young couple and she works for weight watchers.  Well, three days before the wedding she tries on her wedding dress to realize that it no longer fits!  It’s so large that it’s falling off when she raises her arms.  She had been a bit too enthusiastic about her weightlifting and things had totally rearranged in the bust area.  So she and I and her sister are desperately calling up seamstresses to fix the dress.

    Then, on the day of the wedding she realizes that she had no “Naughty Nightie” for the wedding night, so we have to go run out to get one before we get our hair done.

    The pastor that was presiding over the wedding was a friend of her’s… and it was his first wedding.  He ended up being more nervous than the bride and groom about the ceremony.  So nervous that he left the reception without signing the marriage certificate, which we had to call them back for.  Thank god for cell phones!

    The wedding was beautiful though.

    Mine is problems97

  24. Jess says:

    No wedding night story for me. Though I have plenty funny/embarrassing stories I could share. Upon my first visit to my dad’s place with my college boyfriend, he awkwardly gave us the entire upstairs loft so we could have our “privacy.”

    My favorite wedding night story is of two Christian friends from traditional Chinese families who chose to save sex for marriage. After a beautiful ceremony, many tender words and bawdy jokes, they went to their hotel room… adjoining the bride’s parents’ room. They started fooling around, but once they heard the TV and conversation coming from next door, the bride went to bed and the groom played video games. Their honeymoon in St. Lucia proved more successful.

  25. Kathy C says:

    My hubby and I had a short three day honeymoon. We got a very expensive, tiny room with a jacuzzi tub at a local resort. When we got there we ordered room service. 1 1/2 later we got burnt cheeseburgers. Then we tried the tub only to find out it leaked.
    I went to the front desk and informed them we were on our honeymoon and were ready to check out and go stay with my parents. They upgraded us to the presidential suite for the same price and brought us free champagne and a fruit and cheese tray and took the burnt food off our bill. It was awesome but we ate out the rest of the time we were there. We weren’t going to risk it.

  26. Anony Miss says:

    I am enjoying reading these so much! Fodder for a book we have! (Actually, some of these remind me of The Virgin Project comic book)

  27. Suzie B. says:

    My “wedding” day was any other day. Same routine, same plans with a quick stop at the court house for a quick nuptial with the soon-to-be hubby.

    Since we ended up with the World’s fastest speaking judge alive, when it came time for hubby to say “I do”, he stared blankly at the judge, shocked by the sudden silence inside the small chambers. I speak rather fast myself, but all I understood was “Do you…” followed by a ton of gibberish. I assumed the pause was “I Do” related so I jammed my hubby in the ribs to prompt an answer.

    Dear hubby responded with, “I do??”

    The judge smiled, “That’s right, Suzie. Train him now.”

    Yes! A judge actual said that to me! More gibberish followed, I said “I do” and we left the building together. Which lead to the “wedding night”.

    We raced back home (forty plus miles from the court house) where my husband showered and dressed for work and rushed out the door. I spent the evening curled on the couch reading a romance novel and dreaming of the honeymoon we’d have “soon”.

    Eleven years later, I’m still waiting on the “soon” honeymoon, but I guess the judge was right. I got my hubby trained early. I nudge and he agrees. I guess that makes up for a quick wedding and never-had honeymoon. 🙂

  28. Ah, I remember it well. Wish it were a romantic tale, but alas…

    A few months before the wedding, I sent my fiance (we were living in different states at the time) a check for the honeymoon and instructions for where to book the trip. He spent the money on a down payment for a house. I’m not complaining. But I’m still waiting for the trip.

    So….with no honeymoon planned, we spent the night at his house (not the new one) with his family. The next morning we watched football.

    The honeymoon may have never happened, but the marriage has been divine. And that’s all that matters in the long run.

  29. LEW says:

    I’ve never been a bride, but I am a semi-professional bridesmaid (I’ve take a two-year hiatus from the wedding scene, but should be back in action next spring), and I finally got a chance for some action on the wedding night during the last wedding I was in.  All of the bridesmaids (there were 4 of us) were sharing a room at the hotel and I ended up bedded down with a bridesmaid who was hitting on me whenever she was drinking.  At first I thought she was just really friendly, until she kept assuming the position of the big spoon as I was trying to fall asleep.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t consider myself homophobic, and I generally enjoy being the little spoon, but she really wasn’t getting the hint that I had been flirting with guys all night.  Sorry, ladies, but the only girl that gets to enjoy my cleavage hands-on is me. So I spent the first half of the night running away from her in bed, and the second half trying to sleep curled up in an arm chair in the corner.  I did wake up sore, but not from typical wedding night activities.

  30. hannah says:

    I am not married yet, but I have witnessed many a happy union and have heard some stories.  My favorite is when my cousin got married.  He and his wife invited all of the other cousins, aunts, uncle, grandparents, ect to go bowling after the reception. 
    well there was some confusion about which specific bowling alley to go to, so he and some relatives ended up at one, while she and other relatives ended up at another.  We all reunited at the correct bowling alley and had a splendid time.  The bride and groom had fun, but then they spent the night at the crowded home of his father, and as one who was sleeping in the room next door and I can say there was not much boinking going on.

  31. orangehands says:

    Stacey P: I had a friend whose mom did end up in the delivery room for her wedding night. Apparently she spent the day talking sweetly to her new husband as they got married and cursing him that night as she had the baby. She had the baby that night, so for most of my friend’s older sister’s life the mom liked to joke she and the husband would celebrate the day by recreating what lead to her birthday. Friend and sister would then make gagging motions.

  32. Heidi says:

    I cannot top any of these but can only add a word of caution. Watching a porno flick in your hotel room on your wedding night is boring and does nothing to enhance the mood. 😉 We turned it off and wasted the $9.99 or whatever we paid. We were just so darn tired that we didn’t care!

  33. Zumie says:

    Hmm, this is technically a “right BEFORE the wedding night” story, but maybe it’ll count (aaa, the bed, I want it)! If not, maybe people will get a laugh out of it.

    My parents were getting married, my mother for the second time, my father for the first, and they don’t want to do a big ceremony, so they just get a judge. Problem is, this judge has a drinking problem. He’s actually hiding a bottle of liquor under his robe while he conducts the ceremony and taking swigs when he thinks no one notices.

    He manages to get through most of the ceremony, but at the crucial moment, pronounces them…

    “Wife and wife!”

    Apparently my dad was laughing too much the rest of the night for them to have much fun. They’re still happily each other’s “wife,” thirty-one years later. 🙂

  34. Our wedding night we got a room at a historic hotel just off 6th Street in Austin (a big party street full of clubs).  After we spent an hour trying to fill the mammoth jacuzzi tub in our room we fell into bed exhausted.  Just as I was falling asleep I heard my name being yelled over and over again.  I sat up and realized it was coming from outside.  I went out on the balcony to find two of my bridesmaids and their significant others on the street drunkenly shouting up to our room.  I thought it was hilarious.  My hubby didn’t even wake up.  I think my bridesmaids had a more exciting evening than we did.

  35. Melissandre says:

    I don’t have any cool real-life wedding night stories.  So, to throw my hat into the ring, I’m going to vote for the wedding night from Lord of Scoundrels.  It was nice to have a wedding night scene where the groom is the one with the jitters.

  36. Anon76 says:

    Oy, it took reading some of the comments to really spark my memory.

    I was sixteen-years-old and my mom had fallen for what I considered a decent man. Not like her last schmo who stuck around for 4-6 years and lost all my respect when I found him passed out drunk on the floor and her bloodied and beaten in her bed. Nor like some of the other good men she dated but never really wanted to marry. More the pity.

    Anyhoo, this is a good story, not a sad one. My new “Dad” came with two children, a boy and a girl, ages seven and eight to go along with my nine-year-old brother. Being the eldest, I was of course, in charge of the troops.

    Problem is, I was never raised around girly type stuff, so this whole marraige thing was foreign to me. What I did know is that after their marraige at the Justice Of the Peace, we were going to send them off on their honeymoon as traditionally as possible. That including tossing rice at the couple, but…

    we didn’t have any rice.

    So what did my pea-brain come up with? Toss instant mashed potatos flakes. (A staple in our house.)

    Picture this: My mom with poofy top hair that was always done at a salon once a week rather than her doing it on her own, mash flakes falling through the pockets of said hair mass and then…a sudden downpour of rain that turned her into Mr’s Potato Head and the driveway to a slushy ski-slope of spuds.

    Poor Mom’s spent her wedding night and honeymoon with personally styled, flat hair. Bwahahaha

  37. Bert says:

    I’m sure that this isn’t the craziest story out there for a wedding night, but it’s certainly something that I won’t forget. My husband and I live in South-Eastern Wyoming, and our honeymoon was in Yellowstone. For the night of our wedding, I splurged on a pricey hotel in Jackson Hole. I figured that we deserved something really special for our first evening as a married couple. We left our wedding in the early afternoon and leisurely made our way north. There are several ways to Yellowstone, and we took the Togwotee Trail way because it is scenic. That was a mistake. At 10:15pm we came to a construction road block where we were informed that the road is closed from 10:00pm to 3:00am for blasting with dynamite. No amount of begging and gesturing to my veil was gonna get us through. The other ways to Jackson from where we were involved driving hundreds of miles or using sketchy Forest Service roads (ok if you have a Jeep, not ok in our Prius, damn environmental conciousness). So the first night of my marriage was spent sleeping in our car for 5 hours holding hands. By the time we got to our lovely room neither of us cared about the fireplace or balcony.

    The following night turned out to be just as frustrating. When we got to The Old Faithful Inn, reservation confirmation in hand, we were told that we did not have reservations. The next two hours were spent on the phone with my in-laws (they made the reservations in Yellowstone for us as a wedding gift) and arguing with the manager. After finally agreeing that a mistake was made on their part, we were told that the were absolutely no rooms remaining in the entire park. Eventually, at midnight, they found us a bus driver room at another hotel. The best part of the whole thing was hearing the manager talk to his boss after speaking with my father in law. “We’ve gotta find these kids a room or the parents are going to be up here in the morning!”

    All in all, everything was great in the end. The folks at Old Faithful felt really bad about messing up our honeymoon, so they took us out to the roof of the Inn the next day, which is an amazing experience. And I was just happy to be married anyway. What’s life without little “surprises?”

  38. NameWithheld says:

    So, we were afraid of practical jokes and made sure that no one knew where we were staying on our wedding night.  Clever kids that we were, we’d actually booked a room at the same hotel everyone else was staying at.  We didn’t want them to know, so when we left the reception, we decided to drive around a little bit to give them all a chance to settle in. 

    Problem.  The driver seat in the car had gotten stuck scooted forward that morning.  Not a problem for 5’3” me, but my 6’3” husband literally couldn’t fit into it.  So I squeezed in and my puffy dress… puffed.  Everywhere.  All around the steering wheel and almost up to the dash.  Cue giggles. 

    Then we decide that we should change clothes – our bags are in the back, so we’re set.  But where to change?  We didn’t want to be seen at the hotel yet.  The church!  We’ve got keys to the church (regular volunteers that we are!).  So we let ourselves in to the empty church and head to the bathrooms to change.  But I can’t get out of my dress by myself, so I invite him in…  and I’m pretty sure the women’s restroom at our church hasn’t seen the likes of that before or since.  We still go to church there and the bathroom still makes me smile.

  39. scarletti says:

    Well, my engagement story is a great one, but this is about weddings.

    My husband to be was 32 when we married, I was 28 and had owned my own home and been self-supporting for quite some time, but my mother wanted us to be married at my parents’ home.  Instead of putting the money into a rental hall, I put it in new carpet and paint to get it ready to sell.  My parents are frugal that way, getting me to buy their new carpet/paint.

    Anyway, it is late January in GA and 75 degrees this particular weekend.  My parents are huge believers in attic fans.  We have always had them.

    So even though it is 75 degree and there are 50 people in the house, my mom doesn’t want a dead fireplace in the shots.  We had the ceremony before their large stone fireplace.  So she sets up a nice ROARING fire.  It does look good in the pics.

    Needless to say, the joint heats up.  All the doors and windows are tightly shut and the AC is turned down to 60.  My mom decides to turn on the attic fan.  Well, with the fantastic vacuum she created, all the soot gets sucked out of the fireplace and everybody and everything, including the newly painted walls and the new white carpet, are covered in soot and ash.
    Wasn’t a total loss.  One of DH’s friends had just bought a dry cleaner and he was able to hand out cards.

    Then during the ceremony, just as I was saying “I do,” my 15-month-old nephew burped long and loud, and that is all you hear in the wedding video.  For all I know, I am not even married.

    In attendance at this wedding were my grandparents, who had just gotten a divorce after 51 years of marriage hell (they were staying together for the great grandkids), my grandfather’s new wife (they got married on what would have been my granparents’ 52nd wedding anniversary.  I liked her until I found out my grandfather wanted to give cash as a gift and she said it wasn’t meaningful enough and gave us salad tongs), my lesbian aunt and her partner and their turkey baster baby and the sperm donor of said turkey baster baby who flew in from San Francisco with his boyfriend for the wedding. Doesn’t matter that he wasn’t invited.  It it easier to get to Atlanta than it is to Portland, ME, where my aunt lives, so he and the boyfriend came on down to see the baby. 
    Needless to say, my friends in the know were much more interested in the byplay between my family members than in my getting married.

    Oh, my grandfather and his new wife picked up my grandmother to bring her to the wedding (from Jacksonville, FL, six-hour drive from the wedding venue) and both the women proceeded to compare notes on how inconsiderate my grandfather was.  Being the great guy he is (seriously), he contributed to the conversation about how hard he is to be married to.  They apparently had a grand time and traveled together after that a few more times.  He was married to her for another 16 years before they divorced.

  40. Pam Noonan says:

    Well my story is more of a wedding story- I had been diagnosed with these super rare tumors and it was looking like I was going to need a double mastectomy, my then living-in sin boyfriend took me to Reno proposed in the motel and we got married the next morning. We both cried like babies, the lady who married us cried along with us. It was the greatest day ever but we were so pooped from weeping that it was a very uneventful wedding night.

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