Based on this collection of linktastic fantasticness, I came up with a contest, and oh, my stars and undergarments, did you deliver.
First, the honorable mentions: to the following people I extend laudatory high-fives!
Kaetrin for La Douche’s Ninja Bride’s Secret Baby.
Everything’s better with a secret baby.
Emily for Victor Cantrell and the Dancing Ninjas.
Ben P for “combining a western remake of Drunken Master with the most artistic autobiography since Being John Malkovic.” Key line: “Pattinson once again wows us with his somnambulant expressiveness.” When does he not!?
and to Snidley Whiplash for Teenage Baywatch Ninja Girls. How do you not love a “Hasselhoff Wrassle-Off”?
Second Runner Up goes to Typ0 for “Buffy-fueld nonsense” that cracked me up like whoa.
First Runner Up goes to The Duchess for Dancing Ninja, Peeping Tom.
But the winner of the gift card and the mad props from all the land goes to Lucy Woodhull for “Putting the “Men” Back in “Menses”: The Ansel LaDouche Story”
Ansel LaDouche has a dream. Not an ordinary dream—like being David Hasselhoff, or commanding lifeboats filled with monkeys—no. His dream is to eradicate periods. Every man hates the red tide of death—heck, even baggy headed condoms are no match for that shit. It makes the chicks bitchy and stains your Ed Hardy sheets. The Furiously Sexy ™ ones. With the Amulet of the Flying Rodent, and his trusty gun “Shooty,” LaDouche learns to love… and finally makes the world safe for men.
Lucy, email me at sarahATsmartbitchestrashybooksDOTcom with your bookstore of choice so tasty winnings can be yours!
Thank you for playing – and thanks be to David Hasselhoff for being so unquestionably Hofftastic.