Hoff Dancing Ninjas: the Winner!

Based on this collection of linktastic fantasticness, I came up with a contest, and oh, my stars and undergarments, did you deliver.

First, the honorable mentions: to the following people I extend laudatory high-fives!

Kaetrin for La Douche’s Ninja Bride’s Secret Baby.

Everything’s better with a secret baby.

Emily for Victor Cantrell and the Dancing Ninjas.

Ben P for “combining a western remake of Drunken Master with the most artistic autobiography since Being John Malkovic.” Key line: “Pattinson once again wows us with his somnambulant expressiveness.” When does he not!?

and to Snidley Whiplash for Teenage Baywatch Ninja Girls. How do you not love a “Hasselhoff Wrassle-Off”?

Second Runner Up goes to Typ0 for “Buffy-fueld nonsense” that cracked me up like whoa.

First Runner Up goes to The Duchess for Dancing Ninja, Peeping Tom.

But the winner of the gift card and the mad props from all the land goes to Lucy Woodhull for “Putting the “Men” Back in “Menses”: The Ansel LaDouche Story”

Ansel LaDouche has a dream. Not an ordinary dream—like being David Hasselhoff, or commanding lifeboats filled with monkeys—no.  His dream is to eradicate periods.  Every man hates the red tide of death—heck, even baggy headed condoms are no match for that shit.  It makes the chicks bitchy and stains your Ed Hardy sheets.  The Furiously Sexy ™ ones.  With the Amulet of the Flying Rodent, and his trusty gun “Shooty,” LaDouche learns to love… and finally makes the world safe for men.

Lucy, email me at sarahATsmartbitchestrashybooksDOTcom with your bookstore of choice so tasty winnings can be yours!

Thank you for playing – and thanks be to David Hasselhoff for being so unquestionably Hofftastic.

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Leone says:

    Hi, I’ve removed my url so Akismet won’t trash this comment.

    You are obviously a very smart person.

    Therefore, I’d like to bring your attention to the fact that the ACLU is investigating Akismet for Civil Rights abuses.

    Akismet bans women owned businesses, ethnic minorities, persons with political and/or religious positions different from their own, or just because they can.

    Great article about Akismet abuses at:


    Knowing how open minded you are, it’s hard to believe that you have authorized Akismet to ban the hundreds of people who would like to participate on this site (including me).

    If you do approve my comment wherever it went, I would appreciate it.

    Also, if you do go to a new spam filter, I would like to know that. That way I can return here and know that I will be treated well.

    Please come on over to our site for a backlink. We will welcome you like a member of the family.


  2. 2
    JamiSings says:

    @Leone – What the heck does the ACLU have to do with The Hoff and dancing ninjas? Besides, considering that the ALCU says it’s okay for NAMBLA to preach that grown men should be allowed to legally rape three year old boys I couldn’t give a flying fig what the ACLU is doing. They can take a flying leap.

  3. 3
    Tina C. says:

    Frankly, I don’t think the comments section for this post are the appropriate place for either of the above comments. 

    That said, let me be the first of three comments to actually send congratulations to the winner, Lucy Woodhull.  Kudos to your brilliant entry and to all of the honorable mentions for such creative, funny titles and synopses!

  4. 4
    Zoe Archer says:

    I feel proud to call Lucy one of my buddies.  Y’all, she’s smart, cute and funny as hell.  Check out her website:


    YAAAAAAY, Lucy!

  5. 5

    ZOMG!  I’d like to thank the Academy (of Ninjas), and my family (of Ninjas)!  And of course, the Hoff, without whom we would… um… well, I’m sure lots of things might be different without him.

    THANKS!  All the entries were rockin’!

    PS: I just read this to my husband and he said “That’s really weird. Did you have to write about periods?”

    Yes, apparently I did.

  6. 6
    Typ0 says:

    Congrats, Lucy Woodhull!!!  :) :) That was brilliant!! :)

    And if i may say, being 2nd runner up totally and utterly made my day!!!  I even squee’d outloud in public.  *grin*  Thanks.  :D :D

  7. 7
    TheDuchess says:

    Congratulations Lucy! Your entry was amazing!

  8. 8
    Lurkella says:

    I think the comment by “Leone” is a scam.  Google “Akismet Blocking Your Blog? No Way, Just a SPAM Trick!” and “Linda Christas Tutoring Services….noble cause or elaborate scam?”

  9. 9
    Emily says:

    My first time entering a contest here, and I got an honorable mention!  Squee!

    Congratulations to everyone.  You were all really funny.

  10. 10
    Kaetrin says:

    Congratulations to all – especially to Lucy – that was hilarious!

    I’m so stoked to get an honourable mention – what a lovely way to start my week!

Comments are closed.

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