Haterz!

On the Contact Us page, we have a pretty obvious disclaimer about hate mail. To quote ourselves:

If we choose to, any hate mail we receive can be mercilessly mocked in public. In Smart Bitch legalese, this translates to: “We hereby reserve the right to publish your ranty asshattery as an example of fine ranty asshattery and protect therein our opportunity to mock the ever livin’ shit out of your ass.”

We will mock you for an email that says, “u suck and ur ugly i bet ur bad in bed so why dont u just get laid and stfu.”

We will not necessarily mock you for an email that says, “I am so upset at you and here is why.”

There’s a big difference. Those of you who don’t know it, e-mail us at your own peril.

Yes, we get hate mail here at Smart Bitches HQ. Like the one I received tonight in response to this review. From 2005. About the Carpathian series by Christine Feehan. I’ve read a few of the early ones. I really liked the first one, especially the psychic connection in the beginning where Emo Vampire McMiserable is all about to off himself and this psychic human starts chatting to him over their telepathic love connection – it surprised me, how much emotional pain was packed into the opening pages. But, as I said in the review, the series became predictable in a way that I couldn’t maintain my interest, especially with the Sees in Color and Maybe Can Tell the Twins Apart Presto Insta-Love Thing going on. But enough about me. How about some HATERZ!

From the inbox o’ me:

I’m very upset (im trying really hard to to cuss you out) at you and here
is why. You obviously didn’t read hte whole carpathian serie s(or if you
“did” you must be a really bad reader to have not one not two but three
different mistakes in your review of the series) let me clarrifie a few
things that you obviously can’t or wouldn’t understand (and one fact that
i laughed when i read you got it SO wrong)

also i don’t mean this as hate mail (too much) (ok so a little) (alright a
lot but read below and you’ll see that im JUSTIFIED)

1.)Lets start with my laughing fact.

“Males lose their ability to see color at about age 21” uh sorry but your
off, WAAAAY off. They lose teh ability to see in color AND FEEL EMOTION at
about age 200!!!! this is so laughably mistaken that i seriously have to
wonder if you read the series at all.

2.) on that last fact more or less no where did i find mention about losing
there emotions. YOu didn’t even includ all facts.

3.) “They can only drink fruit juice” eh hem you really didn’t pay
attention. tehy can MAKE themselfs drink it but it can’t stay down, they
have to get rid of it soon.

4.) (wait there’s more than three??? you really might want to read the
book’s, ALL OF THEM) ” The leader of the Carpathians is going to kill
himself because one of only two female Carpathians has been murdered and
he’s distraught ” tehr eare MORE THAN TWO CARPAHTIAN WOMEN! did you even
finish the book ellanor, celest, and Diedra are all in this book as well and
that’s three aside from Noelle. also he is not distraught he can’t feel
emotions.

5.) (while this is not exactly something that you got wrong i am like WTF)
Whats wrong with ehr throwign in Doggy style?? really?? if it was all
missonary it would get boring. the style that they have sex oin should not
reflect anything about how good the novel isf.

6.) “some weird dance involved with casting and uncasting a spell” its not
a spell idiots, or at least not exactly they dance to draw power from motehr
earth (kinda wiccan or whatever) also which book is this in referance to im
wracking my brain and im thinking Dark Slayer btu teh review was in 05 and
DS jsut came out last year.

7.)So there you have it. You don’t have to read them now, because every
single book follows this formula. *deep breath* you obviously didn’t read
Dark Melody, Dark Dreamer, Dark Guardian, Dark Ledgend, Dark Prince, Dark
Celebration or – you know what i don’t feel like typing out the 20 book
titles.

IDK if you can fix your mistakes or not, also if you want to make a public
mockary of me have the decencie to Email me first. “smart” bitches?? i
think thee not, you can’t even get the age of losing colros AND EMOTIONS
right. Well im a bitch too so
STFU
AND
FUCK YOU!

I swear on doggy style that I cut and pasted that exactly as it appeared in the gmail. At first I thought it was a joke and someone was pulling my leg. Hell, they might be. I’m still SO AMUSED. I mean, WOW. Can’t you just hear the desk chair tapping on the floor with the shimmering incandescent rage? That’s just amazing.

So I tweeted about it, and received a FREAKING MARVELOUS idea from Maya Banks: Share Yer Haterz! In the comments, or via email, share your hate mail, your least favorite or your most suffused with WTFery. Blogger, Writer, Customer service professional, I don’t care. Bring on the Haterz! I’d totally offer a prize, but I think most people would want to submit anonymously, so you win the thrilling catharsis of laughing out loud at the truly barking bugfuck barmy people.

Bring on the Haterz!